"valentina says we can't look like sewage turtles if we want people to like us," yelena walked in carrying a rectangular box with a bow on it.
"so apparently this is her 'gift' to us," her russian accent was heavy.
"what do you think it is?" bob asked nervously.
ava, who was standing against the wall with her arms crossed, says, "hopefully a new toaster since walker blew up the other one."
john pointed his finger in her direction, "hey! the instruction manual never said not to put forks in there!"
"you should've known," yelena said, voice laced with disappointment.
"everybody knows," bucky chimed in.
"it's too small to be a toaster, but maybe it's one of those- um, fluffy brushes, for the toilet," alexei struggled to explain.
"why would she give us a toilet brush?" ava asked, dumbfounded.
alexei threw his hands in the air defensively, "how should i know? i'm giving ideas! trying to be helpful!"
bob, who'd practically disappeared in the background, spoke up, "we could just open the box."
"what a lovely idea bob. now will everyone please shut up," yelena said as she pulled out a switch blade, cutting the tape off.
she then lifted the lid to reveal another box.
"well this is just great, isn't it?" walker rolled his eyes.
"shh!" yelena examined the pictures and writing on the box. "it says dyson."
alexei's face contorted with horror, "whose son is dying? why would they threaten him like that?"
"no, not 'die son'. dyson. it's a brand name," bucky explained, pinching the bridge of his nose. he's gotten too damn old for this shit.
"how do you know that, barnes?" ava asked.
he turned to her, pausing before responding, "i watch commercials."
"what does it do?" bob asked, inching closer.
yelena turned the box over, flipping it every which way to read more, "it's for your hair. to give volume."
walker scrunched his nose, "that's ridiculous. don't you think if we're going to be fighting avenger level threats, hair is the least of our problems?"
though he had a point, everyone decided to ignore him.
"who wants to go first?" yelena asked with a smirk.
alexei raised his hand, "ME! CHOOSE ME!"
everyone stared at him with varying expressions.
"you don't have hair," yelena said, trying not to lose it.
he frowned, "so now I just can't be included. what happened to team bonding?"
they ignored his tantrum.
ava shrugged, "what the hell. i'll be the guinea pig."
yelena pulled up a barstool for ava to sit on as everyone else found a spot to watch the process as she flipped through the directions. "there are eighteen fucking pages," she groaned.
"well, how hard can it be?" bucky asked.
yelena looked at him sideways before deciding he was right. how hard could it possibly be?
she took the tool and fiddled with the settings before exhaling and twisting it through ava's hair.
everything seemed to be going well, until she got near the ends. the tool was blowing air, causing ava's hair to flip and flop.
yelena, not knowing what she was doing, attempted to yank it out of the brunette's hair, but only made it worse.
"дрисня," yelena cursed.
"what? what did you do?" ava asked nervously, trying to turn her head and get a look at the disaster.
"um, it's...stuck," yelena said casually.
"stuck!?" ava shouted with wide eyes.
"don't panic! we'll get it out," the blonde reassured her. but not before muttering under her breath, "one way or another."
she motioned to bob with her fingers for a pair of scissors. he understood immediately and brought them to her.
the first snip was loud and ava almost stood up, "yelena! what are you doing to my hair?"
"relax, it's just a little trim. besides, i'm sure you'll look great with a bob," yelena tried to deescalate the situation.
bob turned to her, "huh?"
"not you, милый," she waved him away.
he smiled at the endearing name, "oh."
after yelena chopped the tool out of ava's hair, she tried to line up the rest of it.
"what do you think?" she asked bucky.
he arched a brow, "why would i know anything about cutting hair?"
"well, with the winter soldier you had that..." she waved her hands as she spoke but his expression stayed the same. "nevermind."
though the first attempt ended in disaster, yelena got the hang of it and managed to make ava's new hairstyle look pretty good.
"who's next?" she asked confidently, holding up the airwrap as if it were her new weapon of choice.
bucky begrudgingly agreed, but not before warning her, "if you ruin my hair, i'm putting your hamster in the vents."
yelena's mouth formed an o shape as she took offense, "first of all, she's a guinea pig. not hamster. second of all, that is rude!"
but the guinea pig ended up being safe because bucky's hair turned out amazing. alexie gave him a wolf whistle.
by the end of the day the whole team- minus alexei- was sporting new, fluffy hairstyles. even john couldn't escape yelena.
bob took a look in the mirror and shook his head to watch his curls fall. "you're really good at this. maybe if you ever stop beating up bad guys, you could be a hairdresser."
"yeah. but we're not going to forget what you did to my hair," ava said, still adjusting to the look.
yelena shrugged, "i don't know what you're talking about. it turned out great!"
"besides. i never make the same mistake twice. i am way too talented than that," she declared.
ppl pointed out that val probably required the thunderbolts to get makeovers for their image sake and thats why they all have such nice hair at the post credits scene … and now all i see is them being treated like kpop idols
like imagine val just makes them to get up at 5 am and get on the glam chair since they’re always on the news and being photographed so they need to be camera ready according to her
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