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I'm Rowan/Salem/thing, welcome to my corner of the hellsite!
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@topoceankitty
Hi!! welcome to my blog!
I'm Rowan/Salem/thing, welcome to my corner of the hellsite!
Pronouns- Any! call me whatever you thing fits!
feel free to send me asks! please do, infact!
*Bruce in a meeting repeatedly tapping his pen on the table out of stress.*
Hal on his last straw : Oh my god! Can you stop that?! That's super annoying! How would you feel if I banged you repeatedly on the table?
Bruce : Better than now actually.
Hal : What?
Bruce : What?
Oliver : What.
Barry : What?!
Diana : He said "better than now actually".
Clark : Diana!
Diana : What? They asked.
Hal : I heard the first time I just- wait where is Bruce?
Dinah : He ran away in the confusion.
Hal : Oh no he won't. BRUCE COME BACK HERE LET'S TALK!
*He runs off after Bruce*
Dinah : This is going to be interesting.
Oliver: This is going to be disgusting!
J'onn : Well, this was a productive meeting.
Clark : *Slamming his head on the table* Oh my Rao...
Batlantren is such a Knight for Knight ship and I'm surprised how no one wrote a medieval au for it yet
How I imagine BatLantern:
Hal: Fuck you Bruce!
Bruce: Fuck me yourself, you coward
The rest of the league:
doodle
BatLantern Selkie au
Hal is Just A Guy who has just gotten royally dumped by the Love of His Life (Carol) and is just flippin Depressed man
Hal who happens to have a best friend named Oliver Queen who had an old friend from grade school sell him a property on the cliffside in Gotham and offers Hal the place as a sort of Getting-Over-It "beach" side resort
Hal who reluctantly goes and starts meeting a bunch of fuckin seals and omfg Ollie you have a seal problem
Ollie, who comes to visit him and is like '?? wdym?" and now suddenly there are no more seals around
Until Ollie leaves again, and then they reappear five seconds later, barking at Hal and swimming in circles and pretending like nothing happened.
Hal shakes his head at them, says a simple hello, and goes to make sandcastles on the beach
Halfway through, a little boy comes up to him and asks what he's doing. Hal is like 'where tf did this child come from' but shows him while trying to figure out how to find this kids parents
Then a very attractive man comes stumbling along the beach, apologizing and trying to drag the kid back, but Hal is endeared and kinda likes the freaky kid so he invites them to stay, invites them to use the beach at their leisure, and offers to teach the kid- Damian, his father introduces- how to build Sand Animals and not just buildings, too
Damian looks at his father- "Bruce," The man says, flashing a smile that makes something flip in Hal's stomach- and they agree to meet on the beach the next day
Anyway Plot Happens and eventually Hal discovers- just as his Vacation is coming to an end, obviously- that the clothes Bruce was wearing in a hidden alcove of the Manor he's staying at. Gasp drama plot. Stuff. Y'know. :)
(We can also add classic Ariel stuff, Hal hears him singing and tries desperately to figure out who it was who's voice he heard and what song it was and then eventually Bruce sings something stupid and small and Hal is like... you!)
will always be obsessed with selkie bruhal AUs
"Did you just get stabbed?" "No." Bruce grunted, with a four inch blade poking out of his back. Hal lowered what he'd started calling his Swingy-Hitting-Stick. "Dude."
Sometimes I have lil dialogue ideas and even Situations and otherwise Zero Plot to apply them to... so you guys get to see it as it is!
It has been a hard year trying to spread "Bruce Wayne is a hopeless romantic" propaganda (which is true) in the BatLantern corner of the internet for me
brucie wayne and hal trying to convince the public that hal gave birth to all the kids even though none of them look like hal
I can't tell if you meant this in regards to the a/b/o au or just in general, but I think both are equally hilarious.
Brucie, to a reporter: When my husband gave birth to our eldest —
Reporter: Dick? Dick Grayson, of the Flying Grayson's?
Hal, sidling up behind Bruce to wrap an arm around his waist: The very same! His birth was the easiest. Between my water breaking and us making it to the ER half an hour later, I was already ten centimeters dilated! He practically popped right out!
The reporter, short-circuiting because Bruce and Dick are only, like, 14 years apart, which would've made Hal 17 when he gave birth to Dick: Um...
Hal, scowling: How about a congratulations? How about a "wow your body looks fantastic after pushing out five children?" How about a round of applause?
Brucie, ushering Hal away with a nasty glare to the reporter: Congratulations, baby. Thank you so much for gifting me five perfect children. I'm so thankful for you~
They're fucking insufferable at every event they go to. The public thought Brucie was bad. Now he's married and his himbo husband is matching his energy.
Hal, watching Bruce fight the last of the attackers in civvies: I could take him Clark, bandaging Hal's wounds: Batman? Sure, Hal. Ollie, eyes narrowing because he knows what Hal meant: In a fight, right Hal? Hal, watching Bruce with increasing lust: *muttering more to himself than them* I could take him Clark, done bandaging and feeling a little ill: In a fight, right Hal? Hal, moving towards Bruce who has finished fighting and is using his shirt to wipe away sweat: I could take you Bruce, squinting at him: *opens mouth* Clark: IN A FIGHT, RIGHT HAL???? Bruce: *closes mouth* Hal: No. Bruce: I bet you couldn't. Hal: Oh, wanna bet? Bruce: I just did. Clark and Ollie: *gag*
listen there's like hundreds of reasons to like BatLantern but I think by far one of the funniest is that they fulfill the trope of Bad Boy and Goody Two Shoes/Jock and Nerd and it is not at all in the way you expect
Bruce is wanted in four different countries. He's an illegal vigilante. Yes, he works with the cops- but that doesn't change the fact that what he's doing is illegal. He's the sporty guy who is constantly in the gym, he was picked first in every sport, he's breaking the rules and he doesn't much care about it because its a means to an end.
Hal is a Space Cop. He's literally a cop. He's the military. He's razor sharp and wicked smart and has gone to college and has a bachelors degree. This man stands on the Right Side of the law and has a satchel filled with his textbooks, he's following the rules and going to class and being Good
like. its just too funny to me
Batlantern goes public only when there's a ring on someone's finger and the house has been drilled thoroughly on how to survive whatever interrogation that Gotham believed they were entitled to
Well, Bruce Wayne has been vocally taken (happily, might he add) for years now. The only difference was that there's a name and face for this elusive partner
Hal was prepared for an onslaught of privacy infringement and maybe some cruel comments from Gotham's more conservative blocs
What he doesn't anticipate is Gotham's people... liking him??????
The first time he goes out with the kids in broad daylight since his identity came out, street vendors are flocking to him, all mesmerized by him. Someone is pushing free food into his hands and snaps at him for trying to take out his wallet. ("Bah! I'll take it out of your husband's pocket. He's paying for all my girls' colleges anyways.")
He makes polite talk to old grannies in Damian's school, and they make a point to just gush about how Hal is everything the late Thomas and Martha would love for their boy, and absolutely thrilled about the equally unhinged glint in his eyes, reminiscent of their late lady darling's unhinged passion for the arts and the family
Dropping by Wayne Enterprises is a whole new thing. Lucius drags him down to Engineering, letting him take over, talking about the transport tech and efficiency. Hal is always looking over his shoulder to make sure people didn't think of him like a know-it-all, because he knew how much Bruce cared about his co-workers. But no, everyone in the room, interns and senior managers, were all lighting up at the prospect of meeting this incredibly brilliant and seemingly mundane-looking Mr. Jordan-Wayne to be
Hal is about 93% confused and sure that common people with half a brain were just being nice to make up for the slander that he and Bruce must be getting from the elite class.
But nope! Even the high class of Gotham are keeping their comments on the surface of decency.
Hal brings it up to Alfred at some point when the suspense becomes too much, and god knows the kids won't tell him anything.
"They're... relieved. The city is relieved by your identity, sir," the butler patiently explained.
"Relieved?"
"Well, the last two times Master Bruce appeared on the verge of marriage, it was to the heiress of Gotham's criminal underbelly, and the leading lady of an entire death cult organization. Knowing that their prince is marrying, well, a test pilot from across the country, is remarkably tame."
"...well, they're in for a ride then if they find out I'm a Green Lantern!"
[narrows eyes at him]
"Sorry."
pre identity reveal Bruce and Hal at a gala or in public and they are flirting so they go somewhere pribate to makeout then both their watches go off because its the JL notifications and now they are just staring at each other
-🧜♂️
WHAT A WAY TO FIND OUT
Hal, actually so genuinely excited he's about to get down and dirty with THE Bruce Thomas Wayne, he can't fucking wait to brag to Barry about this, his mouth is so soft and warm and divine and — MOTHERFUCKER NOT THE WATCH BEEPING. Justice League more like Cuckstice League!!! Leave Hal alone, DAMN!!!
Meanwhile Bruce, who spotted this cocky little test pilot across the room, canNOT leave here today without knowing what he sounds like in the throes of ecstasy. His body is so firm and slim in all the right places, and — aww FUCK. Not right now, JL!!!! For once, he does NOT want an excuse to ditch this gala!!!
Both men pull back with equal sour expressions and glance at their watches, preparing to apologize and pardon themselves from this little tryst. Only for Bruce to recognize the subtle League designs on the band of Hal's wristwatch, and for Hal to spot the same exact thing.
They look at their watches. They look at each other. The cogs are turning. The tension is crazy-thick.
"I'm, uh. Gonna assume you know that I gotta rush to the closest inoperable phone booth," says Hal.
Bruce sighs. "I'm gonna assume you know that I'm going to follow suit immediately after."
"....cool. Cool cool coolcoolcoolcool...I'm on the League with Brucie fucking Wayne. Cool. Great. Cool... Um, please don't be Superman."
Bruce scoffs, leans down, and pulls a batarang out of his pant leg. Hal almost passes out.
BatLantern 'domestic' where their flirting genuinely makes them sound like Villains even tho they're heroes
Bruce: *flirting* Is that a knife? Hal: *flirting back* Yeah want a closer look? Bruce: *flirting intensifies* I can help you sharpen it ~ Hal: *flirting* Baby there's this ache in my chest every time I see you but can't touch you Bruce: *completely serious* oh, yeah that's because the last time you got hurt I was the person who gave you pain medication so your body associates me with pain relief. Hal: *still turned on* ... right ~ Bruce: You weren't supposed to catch the batarang with your chest. Hal: Hey man, a hickey is temporary but scars are forever. Clark: Serious what the fuck is wrong with you two
I think Hal would actually adjust faster to being in the Batfamily (in the context of getting with Bruce) because he grew up with brothers, and did just about everything Mom Jessica Jordan did when her boys got rowdy
Dick and Tim are arguing over who messed up what during a recon mission while Hal is nearby, clearly nursing space-lag? Hal stomps over, slams a knife between them and glares at them hard, daring them to say something, and they meekly apologize to each other before stalking off
Cass whining "JASON CALLED ME A DUMBASS 😡" and instead of asking Jason to apologize, Hall tells her "Okay???? Do you want suggestions on what to call him back? Call him a motherfucker then" without even looking up from what he's doing, and it stuns both Jason and Cass that they both forget what they were fighting about
Damian whining about not being able to go out with his older siblings on a mission to a bar despite having had a few sips of bear and age restrictions are a fascist invention!!, and Hal just tells him "And why would you want to go to a cave full of stds?" and Damian actually goes "you know what? I never thought of it that way"
A few months with Hal living in the manor, the family had never been more amicable and (relatively) more behaved
Bruce has started calling Hal a divine blessing, a gift from heaven, an angel of light.
But the kids know.
They are afraid (and begrudgingly respectful) of Mom Hal Jordan.
Based on that (this) by them ( @bruce-wayne-enjoyer )
Dick lifts his head from the bars of his cage, squinting at the door as the screeching sound of tearing metal ricochets through the hull, and the ship they're captive on trembles with the might of the attack.
"Please tell me we aren't about to get kidnapped from our kidnapper," Tim groans.
"Great."
"Get ready, guys," Dick warns, standing. "This'll be our best shot at escape."
Or it would be, if anything happened. Instead, they're just left standing there like fools as the ship trembles and distant yelling gradually gets less distant.
Dick doesn't relax out of his stance, but he's tempted. Only, as soon as you do that, it always—
The doors burst open, and two aliens scurry in, antenna pressed low to their heads in obvious fear. Based on the panels on their robes Dick is fairly sure these are the captains, so what the hell is out there to send two of space's most respected pirates running?
"We ransom them," one suggests, using Damian's cage like a shield. "Sell them to buy our freedom."
"Threaten to kill them if he doesn't comply," the other suggests. Dick's translator croaks out it's last words, then dies as they keep arguing. His was the last one standing, after they shorted out the others trying to hotwire a beacon to Bruce a few hours ago, arguing all the while about who has to tell Bruce they were stupid enough for space pirates to get ahold of them and all of the League tech they also had on board.
It wasn't Dick's fault, that's all that matters, no matter what Cass says.
The pirates are still arguing, high, panicked, buzzing words rushing out by them both, until they go suddenly, damningly silent.
Dick glances at the door and slips back into that battle-ready pose.
The lights flicker overhead.
The walls tremble.
Someone whispers a prayer.
The door blows off its hinges, and the glass rains down on them as the bulbs overhead explode, plunging them into darkness.
A sickly, glowing green creeps around the corner, and Dick falls out of his stance in shock. Hal Jordan steps into the room, face set firmly into an expression Dick has never seen before on his face as he glowers at the aliens cowering behind their cages.
The whites of his domino crawl over them all, and eventually land at the galaxy-feared pirates reduced to snivelling messes. One of them points their sword at Cass through the bars, which she stares at impassively, and more buzzing words are hissed at Hal.
He stares back.
A construct snaps out, grabbing the sword, snapping it in two. More shoot out, grabbing that alien, and the other as it raised its weapon at Damian. Hal lifts them both into the air, and starts lecturing them in their own language, buzzes and clicks spat in a furious snarl, surpassing was Dick seemingly mistaked for the limits of human vocal cords to speak the alien tongue.
The constructs tighten, Dick wonders if the bug-like creatures are supposed to turn that colour, and are suddenly released, falling to the ground in a heap. Hal snarls one last thing, then crosses his arms and waits.
He's floating off the floor slightly, toes tipped down to it as if on pointe, arms crossed over his chest. His costume thrums with energy, a blinding green illuminating the room as he supervises the aliens move to their cages, face severe and unforgiving as he watches over them.
Dick has seen Hal Jordan in action before.
Seemingly, he's never seen Green Lantern in action before.
Dick warily steps past the alien as his cage door swings open. Cass pulls up beside him, a smirk on her face, and now they're free Dick knows it's a race to get to Bruce and blame this fiasco on someone else first.
It was not Dick's fault.
"We apologise," one simpers in English, a hand shuggling Damian out of his cage. "We did not know you were the children of Green Lantern Hal Jordan."
Dick glances at Hal, expecting a terse denial, a reassertion of his role as a space cop. He does not expect his eyes to darken, narrowing at the alien.
"And what?" He asks carefully. "If they weren't my children, that would be okay? They are kids, you think you can just snatch them from their home? They're not some commodity you stole from a Hub, you want to take them from home? To keep them away from family?"
"Apologies, Lantern Jordan," the other says, unlocking Tim's cage. Hal seems to settle, barely, watching over everything with a stern gaze.
Tim steps past his alien, and seemingly breathes in a bit of the dust that sits on this species' hard shell. He goes red, his cheeks puff, Dick grins, Jason snorts, and Tim gives up on his dignity, allowing a singular massive cough to tear out of his chest.
Dick muffles a laugh. Damian does not.
The room seems to darken even more, and he realises maybe it's not funny. Hal looks apopleptic, and starts tearing into the aliens all over again, leaving them out of the loop this time as they return to that hissing, buzzing, clicking language that is surely making the lecture sound more threatening than it is...right? Hal's not that stressed about them.
The aliens scurry out of the room, and Hal turns to them, feet finally touching down on the floor, the furrow in his brow smoothing out as he looks at them.
"Sorry it took me so long to get here," he says, and Dick's own brow dips. They haven't even been captive for five hours. Considering they're in space, it is a pretty quick rescue. "You kids are okay, right?"
"We're fine, Harold," Damian sniffs, pride bruised.
Hal's eyes don't leave them, and Cass suddenly slips forward, moving to him. Over her shoulder, she calls to them, and then they're all moving.
"Huh? What is a Code-FN? Do I— oh..." Hal trails off as Cass tucks herself under his arm, wrapping her arms around him. Damian takes his other side, pressing in close, and the rest of them fill in around.
Dick invented the code for Bruce.
If Hal needs it, Hal needs it.
That's all there is too it.
"Was so worried," he breathes, sagging, and lips find their way to Tim's head, ghosting over his hair. Dick smiles as he flushes bright red.
"We're safe," he assures, rather than tease his brother. "No harm done."
"The hell there wasn't." Hal's voice sharpens again, cutting. "The Lanterns next sector are in so much shit for letting these guys through the markers, making them my problem." He devolves into venemous mutterings, and Dick presses his lips together to not smile.
Three hours later, those same threats are being shouted at the big screen in the Watchtower, three very sheepish Green Lanterns getting the lecture of a lifetime from Hal. Off to the side, Dick chows down on the Batburger order Hal rattled off to a very concerned Bruce, who met them on the Watchtower with it and a plethora of hugs.
Now he's sat next to Dick, his milkshake hanging loosely from his hand as he watches Hal rant. Dick does not like that expression. Yuck. Yuck yuck yuck, he—
"Bruce, your milkshake is melting," he says, hoping to draw his attention away. "Bruce? Bruce."
"Dick," Bruce hums, tone uncomfortably breathy. "How do you feel about another sibling?"
Dick baulks.
Hal turns around from the monitors and throws Bruce a smirk and a wink before going back to shouting.
Bruce sighs into his milkshake, a blush settling onto his cheeks.
Dick wants to go back to space.
I like to think that, in the batlantern/batfamily, Hal was only ever "Bruce's boyfriend" at first
Sure, he's funny and the old man is a little more tolerable because Hal is around to tamper down his temper on everyone's behalf, but the kids, for the most part, had only ever seen Hal as a fifo roommate who kisses their dad and has clearance just a level below their own
...until they got kidnapped in space.
They forgot who started it; but somehow with each person who got kidnapped in a rogue airship within the solar system, another two followed in an attempt to "rescue" them.
Now Dick, Jason, Damian, Tim and Cass were all comically suspended in cages, bickering about who gets to execute the rescue protocol and have to explain to Bruce why they're on an off-planet mission that he specifically blacklisted any heroes of their level to go on
Mid-bickering, the ship experiences trouble. The aliens are panicking, and they're all but ready to leverage the lives of their 5 young Earthling hostages to get out of the solar system aliev
And then there stood Hal Jordan, Greatest Green Lantern that Ever Lived, the Man Without Fear in all his furious glory
He starts speaking in tongues at the aliens, but the aura was very much giving "Give me back those kids and then FUCK OFF from MY solar system!"
The aliens are simpering apologies as they carefully free the kids under the discerning gaze of a clearly pissed off looking Green Lantern
Dick at least thought there would be a fight, but the aliens digressed.
"We apologize sincerely, Lantern Jordan. We did not know these were your children!"
"And if they weren't? Kidnapping them is fine? 😠 They're literally babies! It is not safe for them to be away from home for so long! 😤"
"Yes sir, we are so sorry now please do not make us all explode internally..."
Tim makes the mistake of coughing. COUGHING. It's just dust, he swears, but Hal goes livid and the cussing starts all over again because "THESE BABIES ARE CHRONICALLY ILL 🤬 HOW DARE YOU NOT EVEN SCAN YOUR HOSTAGES YOU GALACTIC AMATEURS"
And the kids are just... babies? We're Hal's babies? When did that happen?
Cut to them being inside of the Watchtower, guiltily eating Batburgers while Hal is on a call with the Lanterns of the next sector about how "MY BOYFRIEND'S KIDS GOT KIDNAPPED BECAUSE A PIRATE ENTITY TRESPASSED YOUR SECTOR INTO MINE 😰😠"
Bruce isn't doing anything.
Matter of fact, that man is figuring out how to give Hal a baby.