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@toremembermeby

I made this a place to post photos, videos, poems or songs I've made. I made this a place to document my doings and write through my fears and worries. This is a place to write out my feelings without fear of annoying my regular followers. If you are at all interested in my little thoughts and creations then by all means click follow and say ello. This is purely documentation. always with love, Laurence.

208 posts

Posts

hedwigisalive

Working on many things; trying not to be scared, depressed and empty. -says everyone ever

I’m a big believer in growth. I believe that stagnation is shit for the soul. Although this way of thinking guilts me into things rather than helping me grow as a person.  Some people find comfort in others and that’s ok. But that’s hard for me. I think one day I’ll grow. I keep trying but I insist on growing inward; trusting only the people who’ve been through it all with me before. Thanks to my friends so are so beautifully gracious with me and my bullshit.

Once I went on a trip to New Orleans with my church when I was 15. My parents wrote little notes for everyday I was gone and gave them to me to open along the way. The other day I found a few in one of my special boxes.. These two made me especially happy.

music-and-other-vices

I feel like I look like such a mom sometimes.

#I dig it #I also wear that tank a lot

I’ve detached myself from you because I am not interested in being in a codependent relationship. There is such a thing as independence. I possess independence in ways you don’t, you posses it in ways that I don’t. Its not that I don’t understand or sympathize with this, because I do. But I have decided not to spend my time on people who are only interested in what can be offered to them, completely disinterested or concerned about what they can offer. I’ve offered a lot, because you’ve needed a lot and I never thought twice about it. It wasn't until I gained relationships that were give and take that I woke up. Most of the relationships you find yourself in are one side give, one side take; and that’s where we stand and have stood for 8 years.

I’m not sure you realize this, because I know you’d never try to hurt me or ignore me. But the moment I pulled back and decided to let you stand on your own, I was effortlessly replaced by someone else who helped you stand. Thus another one sided relationship begun. I watched that fail very quickly.

This all sounds very critical, which is weird for me because I am never critical of anything you do. I assume you are right, that you need help and someone to cradle your being, but I’m not doing that anymore. The fact that you made sure to keep me around when I was invested, and never really felt an absence when I backed away is very telling.

Maybe its not a bad thing our relationship dissolved. I’m sad. And I feel like I’ve lost something really important. I don’t know if this is a good thing.

The gulf ocean is an animal. She's an animal most people don’t revere wholeheartedly as her own species. Its a shame because the sand that stretches before her is almost always littered with people dancing for her but they are distracted by a sweltering cohort: the unforgiving Floridan sun. I live in a town where the tides pull in those who have been sadly deprived of the sea air for far too long. The thought of her holds and hugs them warmly from afar, she pulls them in from the farthest corners of the country and beyond the farthest sea. She pulls them in by the thousands and welcomes them with a hallow laugh; while UV rays beam through leaden skin, tourist bare a true souvenir. Where the sun might overwhelm, the moon quietly enchants. The sea in the day is a different creature by nightfall. She is thoughtful at night, a poet who asks first before kissing you. She's sometimes gloomy, littered with shadow, but her crashing tides could deafen even the most worry hungry introspection. She is powerful and unforgiving at times. She has the type of presence that makes me feel apologetic in the way I may apologize to my grandmother whom I haven't called since Christmas. “I'm sorry we haven't spoken in so long.” Once you spend a few moments with her its easily recalled the kind of robust, brawny lingering presence she leaves you with. Its surprising but you suspected her all the while; its like witnessing your Grandmother as a young woman with resilience boiling in her blood. How accurate, she is unalterable and contained. She is an animal most people don’t revere wholeheartedly as her own species.

LJ

#personal

sockserenades

Sufjan Stevens - Blue Bucket of Gold (Remix)

I have been feeling like a better person in my bones lately. Still have a lot of growing to do but, I've successfully grown forward so that's cause for celebration. I have plans and goals that I'm excited to work toward. I have chosen myself and my happiness many times over, saying no to worn out obligation. I feel like I'm recovering from a bad breakup. Working on many things; trying not to be scared, depressed and empty. -says everyone ever

#Sufjan Stevens was a highlight of my year #personal