candra

23 she/her

[torturedromantics]

What if I spend my days comparing strangers I meet to you?

Then spend my nights searching for your face in crowded rooms?

What if I never find the right shade of blue?

What if colours are lost in the losing hand I drew?

If I had two lives I’d choose you in both,

Can you say the same?

What a shame that you probably won’t.

[torturedromantics]

nicotine stains on my fingertips

he loves me, he loves me not

salt over wounds he left me with

he loves me, he loves me not

whispered from a maiden’s lips

he loves me, he loves me not

break my back slipping over cracks

i’ll pick petals and watch them fall,

blowing kisses on pennies;

burning bridges to keep us warm

but he’ll still love me not

he loves me not

[torturedromantics]

Abbey in Saint Lucia. 35 mm Kodak gold 200. Dec 2024.

[rareswifts]

[havingapoemwithyou]

probably it will be summer again by Catherine Pierce

[bigtimebecks]

i love this album because for the first time in maybe her entire career she's not apologising for a single thing. the album is angry and raw and she's like "here's this chapter of my life, the sad, the bad, the terrible and it's all raw and fucking angry for you all to see and i don't need absolution for a single thing" like she's not asking forgiveness for a single thing from anyone and that's what makes the album so fucking heartbreaking

[bigtimebecks]

it's like she's so angry she doesn't give a fuck about biting her tongue or double guessing her words. she doesn't care if she comes out embarrassing, or naive, or angry, or pathetic, or whatever. she had to get this off her chest and she wasn't gonna ask for either permission nor forgiveness from her muses but also not from herself either. she said what she had to said how she had to say it and called it a day, hurt feelings be damned

[becomingvecna]

— David Cronenberg, Consumed

[nessa007]

Taylor Swift being in awe of the crowd during her tours

[campmiasmas]

Juvie was insane. Once, a girl tried to kill me with rat poison, so I took her outside and I punched her 'til she died.

[torturedromantics]

My Oscar Best Picture Winner

[aficionadoenthusiast]

annabeth: i bet he's thinking about the prophecy foretelling his death

percy: *thinking about how he's finally taller than annabeth*

[torturedromantics]

taylor dancing-bare-feet-in-the-forest-sea-nymph-fairy-princess-greek-goddess-fleetwood mac-ethereal-moon-witch swift

[torturedromantics]

Soft lulls of ocean swells sweeping across sand

The scattered beat of the blues that flow in my veins,

Slowing its steps in time with your breaths

Blue half lid gaze wearied and full of woe,

Wrapped in the warmth of wanting

Of comfort and soft hums in the car under the shifting sun

To the melody of an obscure eighties band you like

I memorise the words,

Holding onto every inch you offer,

Leaving pieces of myself,

Until there was nothing left of me to leave behind

[obsessing-over-fictionn]

yeah yeah you can talk about reid's character development and the difference in the way that he talks about witches from s&d to g&d, but the real character development is the way that some of reid's thoughts are just curse words

[flanaganfilm]

hi mike, saw someone say your ask box was open and i came running! have you ever had any ideas as to how the crain family would be getting on now a few years later/what they're doing? it's always in the back of my mind wondering if creators also wonder about those sort of things themselves once their project has ended. thanks so much & hope you have a great day!

I do think about that. Quite a lot, actually.

The Crains took on lives of their own for me. I'd never written long form before, so it was the first time I lived with the same characters for that long, and for such extended arcs. Here's where I think they are, a few years later:

Shirley: I think that Shirley and her husband overcame her disclosure of infidelity. She'd been closed off for so long, after the series ended I think she found some peace in her life and opened herself up to her marriage. I think she also began to find kindness again. They ran the funeral home together, but Shirley found purpose in helping people handle grief and loss with empathy and kindness. Her oldest would be just about ready to start college now, and I think that would have her looking back and realizing that she always remembered her childhood as seemingly endless... but now she sees just how fast it truly goes by.

Luke: Luke stayed sober. He's six years into it now, and it's gone so well that he's also become a sponsor. That doesn't mean he's immune to the struggle, far from it. He still walks up to that edge sometimes. Oddly, it's in those moments that the "Twin Thing" kicks in... and he feels an inexplicable and complete sense of love. He knows that's Nell's, and that always pulls him back from the brink. He never did find Joey, or find out what happened to her. And sometimes he still wakes up with nightmares that he's on the floor of the Red Room, or that Joey visits him with her runny-egg eyes. But no matter how hard it gets, he feels what Nell feels for him... and that always pulls him through.

Theo: Theo and Trish got married, and moved far away from New England. They currently live in Portland. She still works with children, but enjoys a much smaller patient pool. She specializes in the kids who are hardest to reach, and she's sought after for her unique and uncanny ability to connect with them. She doesn't wear gloves anymore, but she still avoids the very crowded places. She and Trish take long hikes, grow their own pot, and travel frequently and spontaneously. They're considering a surrogate... and if it's a girl, they're going to name her Eleanor.

Steven: Steve and Leigh have two kids, and are thinking they might stop there. He never wrote about what happened at Hill House, but he still writes. Science fiction. Leigh recommended the genre as a way for him to focus on the future, not the past. He likes it a lot. It's pulpy, but it's earnest. He maintains Hill House, as it is his responsibility, but he doesn't enter the property beyond the gates. He has a rotating collection of people service the property itself, always during the day, and only for a few hours at a time.

Hill House stands quietly and silently in the hills. There is something different about it. Still the same energy, but without the malice. Steve assumes this is because of Hugh, Nellie and Olivia, who maybe curb the most malicious energies of the house from within. While shadows still walk in the windows at night, there are no living souls there to see them. Mostly, Steven imagines the spirits inside spend most of their days sleeping. And if they cannot sleep, he imagines Mrs. Dudley singing softly to them on the wind.

There is grief, for all of them. There are nightmares. Horrible dreams of moldy rooms and phantom hands. They meet twice a year, usually without spouses, to catch up and raise a glass to Nell, and their parents. There is a lot of healing still to do, a lot of therapy, a lot of introspection. But there is peace, too. There is love. There is forgiveness.

[the-lakess]

take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die.

[torturedromantics]

this song is every highschool english teacher’s wet dream

[torturedromantics]

the 2022 taylor swift and the 1975 renaissance on the internet has refuelled my tumblr days

[torturedromantics]

our feet are tangled into the wrinkled sheets on my velvet duvet with a fortress of pillows caging us in. your eyebrows are furrowed at the crossword in your hand and your eyes look bluer under the slither of sun that shines upon your cheeks. you like to argue for the fun of it and tell me they’re green.

i’m trying not to stare but i can’t help myself. you’re beautiful. a delicate balance of sharp edges and soft curves that hinders me breathless. sometimes i wonder if you’re real or rather just a figment of my imagination that i’ve weaved together from the wool of my wants and desires.

i’m not a liar but i feel the fire spreading from my head to my toes. my ribs tighten and my heart aches, and i’m terrified because in this moment, i tasted a sliver of an eternity in heaven with you.

i’m not religious but i’m praying for the words to escape your lips. say it, tell me you love me first. just so i can etch it into my memories, with the picture of you in my bed like a baroque painting.

i can hear the lilt of the words already echoing in my head, sweeter than any sound that floats through the peeling walls of this apartment. the static of traffic; my betty davis records in the kitchen; the movie from last night still playing on the television. the telephone ringing; your mother is calling. you have to leave.

tell me you love me before you have to go. i’m sorry i’m not brave enough to dive into the deep end first without you there to hold my hand. tell me you love me, then i can learn to lay afloat on my own. so i can let myself want forever with you.