I fucking hate it out here
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@touchingdaisies
I fucking hate it out here
And if they ask tell them I am doing good, tell them I’m happy. Let them know they didn’t break me and I’m doing just fine. Even if I’m not
...
I don’t think I have it in me to put people back together anymore. They ripped me a part. They gave me so many reasons to feel like nothing and because I think so little of myself, I listened. I can’t help but feel like I need to let go. They lied for so long and I can’t help but relive it all, over and over. Yet, just as I was ready to let go of what I wanted, to let go of the hope that we’d be together, they chose me. I did something that I never should’ve, I asked them to choose. It doesn’t matter that it was a while ago and they didn’t make a decision then. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t just let go then or that I finally made the decision for them. What matters is that they chose. They broke up with their significant other. I guess it also doesn’t matter that they lied about dating them in the first place or that I believed them when they said it. I guess it doesn’t matter that I was hurt countless times or that I felt used or worth less more times than I care to count. I guess none of what I have felt matters, none of what I went through matters because they chose. They made the decision and it’s breaking them apart. But it does matter. The history, what I have gone through, matters. It matters that they’re blaming me and it matters that all of this is killing me too. Maybe I’m selfish. I just don’t know if I have it in me to do what it takes to be everything they expect. To hear them tell me how they did this for me and how they quite possibly might regret it for the rest of their life. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
What I am going to do is chain this cigarette, stare at the stars and try figure this out.
Such is life
One day you’ll meet them. The one who makes the sky a little bluer, the stars a little brighter and all those burdens a little easier to bear. Wait for them. They’re on their way.
That’s the thing about winning, it means that someone else loses.
Starring at the wall.
It’s difficult to think of what is yet to come when you’re struggling to live in the here and now
There’s this analogy. One which speaks of people being trees and you being water and I believe if you truly understand the concept of this analogy, a part of you will be set free.
When you enter a forest, or see a tree you don’t at any point ask yourself why that tree is weirdly shaped. Your mind does not ask why one tree is thin and the next is short and why the other has circles on it. You accept that it is what it is. Even if your curiosity is peaked about the differences in trees you study them as they are, praise them for those very differences, and pay close attention to how they are special. You don’t try to change them. In your mind they are what they are and that is okay. So why not treat people the same way? Let everyone around you collectively be a forest.
Rocks are solid, seemingly unchanging and perceived to be indestructible, just like the challenges we face in life. Here’s the thing, rocks can be eroded with time, they can be formed into something new and exciting. They are the ultimate proof that although things take time to change, with constant persistence, they can be changed into something new. Remember the ‘ugliest’ rocks have the most beautiful centres; the most difficult problems have the brightest rewards.
Water is the most destructive force on the planet, yet it moves around things and carries on even if something gets in its way. Water is also life. Everything needs water in order to survive, water feeds the trees so that they can continue growing and finding their way around other trees. So why can't you be the water? Why don’t you give other people life so that they can carry on growing and if a rock falls in your way? Persist. Carry on going, either through it or around it. Rocks do not determine who you are and neither do trees.
So let people be trees. Let challenges be rocks. And you be water.