of history & heroism

heroes aren’t fearless. heroes are brave, bravery requires fear, and fear is born of loving something enough that its loss would break you. multi muse, multi fandom. voiced by michelle.

[bestoftswift]

jes_chastain: Nothing but my freckles. At least I’ll be on time. #ExtremelyPiaget

[touclio-blog]

[ kisses her pregnant belly ]

RANDOM ASKS ( always accepting )

Pepper Potts was very, very tired of being pregnant.

Well. That wasn’t completely true. Not everything about this pregnancy had been a complete and total nightmare. She’d been warned that morning sickness was going to be more of a “whenever it goddamn pleases”-sickness, that with the random cravings there’d also be random things she’d suddenly be repulsed by ( likely things she used to really enjoy eating, things where even the faintest whiff of it now ended with her shouting at Tony to get it out of the house ). And in spite of the swollen ankles and her sore lower back and the sudden waves of crippling exhaustion, one thing about her pregnancy had been damn near perfect every step of the way.

Said thing was making himself comfortable in their bed and getting ready to talk to Pepper’s belly for at least the next hour or so. Tony had started this routine within days of finding out they were expecting, and the prospect of becoming a father hadn’t lost its shine at all in the past seven months. If anything it had increased and brightened with each passing day. Depending on Pepper’s own mood, Tony’s giddy excitement was either the most heartwarming or most maddening thing about her day. Either way, Tony loved their unborn child with an unapologetic devotion, and Pepper loved him for that, at least.

So she rested there, leaning back against a small mountain of pillows propped up against the headboard of their bed, fingers of her hand softly carding through Tony’s hair as he began to tell their daughter about his day. Pepper knew she wouldn’t last ; between the low timbre of his voice and the gentle sound of raindrops against the bedroom windows of the cabin, sleep was definitely going to pull her under within minutes. On the very edges of her consciousness she could catch a smile in Tony’s voice, think we might be boring your mom, kid, and Pepper could feel her heart swell in her chest.

Yeah, not everything about being pregnant was a complete and total nightmare.

[touclio-blog]

ALSO PEP DEALING WITH,, YK WHAT HAPPENED WITH ENDGAME

RANDOM ASKS ( always accepting ) // tagging @builtagain​ for Reasons

listen. anyone who thinks pepper didn’t know exactly what she was doing in endgame when she asked tony if he’d be able to rest by turning a blind eye? doesn’t know or understand this couple at all. 

this is the same woman who said “you’re going to kill yourself, tony. i’m not going to be a part of it.” in iron man and heard tony respond with “i just finally know what i have to do. and i know in my heart that it’s right.”. she never walked away because she thought what tony was doing was wrong or selfish ; she knew he was right. but the constant stress of worrying about him, wondering if he was going to make it out alive, and having to deal with threats to her own safety? that’s a lot to ask anyone to deal with.

a lot of trial and error later these two figure out a way to make it work and be together. then the snap happens. unbelievably, tony makes it back home alive. and like pepper says in endgame, they’ve been incredibly lucky. for a little under six years they got to have peace and quiet in their very own corner of the world, five of which included their beautiful baby girl. compared to so many others, they’ve been incredibly blessed.

but pepper knows her husband. literally at no point is she under any false impressions when it comes to tony. she knows who he is. rhodey and pepper know tony better than anyone. this is not a man who glows mildly and pleasantly, this is a man who burns brightly and who will burn up if left to his own devices. and if he has the answer to a question, and he doesn’t get to pursue that answer? it’s going to tear him apart until the day he dies. pepper knows that because she knows him. she also knows that, at this point in time, he’d sacrifice all of that for her and morgan.

so pepper asking tony if he’d be able to rest? is literally her telling him “it’s okay”. 

already there, in that scene in the cabin, she knows what he has to do, she knows what it may cost them, and she is saying yes. go be brilliant. go get everyone back. because she knows, in her heart, that it’s right. and it may cost her everything. but that’s what she’s agreed to, loving tony. neither tony nor pepper was ever going to teach morgan that you should deny your true nature. and doing the right thing is hard. it demands sacrifice. but it’s worth it. that’s the lesson here.

final thing. pepper coming to tony on the battlefield. she knew this was going to be a likely outcome when she asked him if he’d be able to rest. and she’s been preparing herself for this moment long before thanos was even a shadow on their minds. in that moment, it’s not about her pain or her loss. it’s about telling tony it’s okay. he did it. don’t worry. she’ll take care of everything. as she’s done since the first moment she walked into his life. in those final moments, she’s there to give him that peace, to tell him that it really is okay. it’s okay. he did good. she loves him. they’ll be okay.

and so, in the end, pepper does become a part of tony dying. but it’s on their terms. she chose this, because she chose him. there’s something peaceful about that, in spite of all the pain she’s going to feel, in spite of how much she’s going to miss him. loving someone doesn’t mean loving the convenient parts of them, or trying to make them fit your idea of them. it’s loving all of them. she loved all of tony.

and it was always going to end like this.

[touclio-blog]

CAPTAIN JACK.

       ‟ How foolish do you imagine a man ought to be to fight the inevitability of his own demise? ” 

       Loitering at the Pearl’s railing, working to uncork the second bottle of rum he’d fetched from the cellar that evening, Jack directed the comment at nobody in particular – although, seeing as Ragetti seemed to be the only one present, it was safe to say that he was waiting for his answer.

@touclio / ragetti

A good handful of seconds passed before Ragetti even got the inkling of a thought that the Captain had addressed the question at him. He looked over his shoulder --- first his left, then his right --- to make absolutely certain regardless. Wouldn’t do to be disrespectful, after all. He’d been in the process of coiling rope, simply for the sake of something to do, but he lowered his hands now as he considered the question at length. 

“ Don’t spend much of my time imaginin' any man to be much of anythin’, really, ” he eventually answered, good eye fixed on the back of Jack’s head. “ Haven’t got the time. But if I did, I reckon I’d tell that man it’s all inevitable, innit? What, every story’s got an end. Be a shame if we didn’t make the story worth somethin’. Everyone loves a good story, and everyone loves a good fight, don’t they? Nothin’ foolish about that, no. Nothin’ at all. ”

[touclio-blog]

NATASHA.

“I was just coming to check in on how the kid’s holding up, but— I forgot field trips were even a thing. It’s fine, I can come back another time.”

“ Don’t be silly, you came all the way out here. Come on, come in. Have you eaten? What am I saying, of course you haven’t. ” 

Five years of familiarity and routine had May usher Natasha into the kitchen without even blinking. It wasn’t until she placed a glass of milk and a plate of cookies ( freshly baked bought, thank you ) in front of Nat that May slowed down and joined the other woman at the kitchen table, expression turning more somber. 

“ He won’t talk about it, ” she confided, briefly worrying her bottom lip between her teeth. “ I mean, I know he’s thinking about him. Of course he is. We all are. Can’t go a block without--- But he’s such a good kid. Puts on a brave face so I don’t worry. Which, I gotta tell you, drives me nuts. I wish he would just... talk to me, you know? ”

[touclio-blog]

Do you plan on posting character studies for pepper?

RANDOM ASKS ( always accepting )

i may ! i’ve certainly been known to write meta posts for some of my other blogs / muses ( e.g. steve ). which tends to happen when i see something in canon i vehemently disagree with, or when random inspiration strikes me. is there anything in particular you’re curious about when it comes to my portrayal of pep?

[touclio-blog]

please hold while i add LAURA BARTON to this blog !

[touclio-blog]

TONY.

BY FACIAL EXPRESSION ALONE,  he could keep her going like this. Explaining herself in circles while she knocked down any protests he didn’t need blurt for himself before she was poking holes of sanity through them. It was what he needed … most of the time, but this was not one of those times.  “ Of course it’s a good idea. A great idea, even. ” He countered, deft without being undercutting— his surprisingly sound explanation always just around the corner. The excitement was too easily decipherable like this, the remarkable evidence of too many cogs turning behind the scenes.

“ Technically, it’s a completely sound investment. On our end and on theirs. Just hear me out ! The battle of Manhattan was the only factually documented proof of alien life— ( other than Thor, but I don’t count that )— and the bureaucratic body we founded to handle these types of events has legal rights to all the Chitauri … stuff left behind. Why not combine our resources ?  It’d give us a good storage facility. It’s remote. Heavily guarded. Give our teams some space to toy around with things and see what we come up with ? ”

He paused then for dramatic effect, grin more wicked than before— if that even possible.

     “ You’re coming around. I can see it on your face. ”

People always claimed Tony was impossible to handle. The press, security details, lawyers, the slew of mayfly lovers Tony had taken throughout the years Pepper had been but his assistant... 

She, of course, knew better. As CEO, she handled impossible people all the time, beating the odds and proving them wrong at every turn. There was nothing she couldn’t accomplish and no one she couldn’t convince to see things her way over time.

No, Tony wasn’t impossible. He was something beyond impossible ; something they hadn’t created a word for yet. She had tried and failed too many a time to keep track throughout the years to guide Tony where he truly did not want to go once his mind was set on something else. When he was convinced of his vision, not even Pepper Potts could make him see otherwise. It bred admiration and infuriation in equal measure inside of her every time she stood on the opposite end of it.

Because yes, damn it, she was starting to come around, because what he was saying made sense. It was going to be a bureaucratic and public relations nightmare, but they had conquered far worse. And, at the end of the day, it would ensure the research stayed with them, instead of falling into the hands of those with far less savory intentions for the knowledge found.

“ I hate you, ” she told him, everything in her body language and facial expression stating the exact opposite where exasperated affection kept fighting its way to the surface. It was the truest, purest form of agreement she could give him. “ I want that to be very, very clear. ” She sighed deeply, shaking her head even as she got her assistant on the line.

“ Arthur, hi. Listen, I need you to set up a call with Senator Cortez and Lieutenant General Jackson before end of day. Tell them it’s about what happened in New York. Oh, and get Mandy from Legal and Bob from M&A in my office within the hour, would you? Thanks. ”

A lone eyebrow rose as she ended the call and returned her attention to the man on the other side of her desk. She kept her expression carefully dispassionate, even though she knew full well he could see right through her. And, God help her, she loved him for it.

“ There. Happy? ”

[gyllxenhaal]

“I’m thrilled to be the face of Woman by Ralph Lauren, especially at a time when the idea of femininity is evolving. Women can be powerful, graceful and complex, with the ability to make any choice they desire.”    — Jessica Chastain

[x]

[rosalyn51]

Charles: When this is over, I can make you happy.

Julia: Why should I believe you?

Charles: Believe me.

[touclio-blog]

@toucalliope

“ Your reputation precedes you, Agent. ” His smile is easy ( too easy, perhaps ), a direct contrast to eyes that take in every visible detail with trained speed and precision before they settle on her face once more. “ Christopher Whitmore. A pleasure. ”

[touclio-blog]

SPARROW.

       ‟ So you’ve got information to share, then? Good. ” Satisfaction gleamed in his eyes as he strolled nonchalantly up to the counter, pointedly ignoring everything else that the man had said. Jack had always found it easier to cut straight to the chase when it came to this one. He drummed his fingers impatiently along the tabletop. ‟ I need to know where Hector is. Consider it a matter of urgency if that’ll speed up your answer. ”

“ Come all the way across town to visit my humble establishment, only to ask about someone else. That’s downright hurtful, that is. Even for the likes o’ you, Jack. ” Thomas considered the man in front of him for a moment, clucking his tongue in thought. “ Don’t know that urgency’s gonna do much for you. Haven’t seen him in months. Last I heard, captain was pursuing some what you might call lucrative business opportunities. That’s all I know. ”

A shrug, followed by the hint of a smile that didn’t quite make it all the way up to his eyes. “ You don’t find him ; he finds you. That simple, really. Anything else I can help you with on this fine day? Give you a look at some tools what might help you with your trade? Made some of ‘em myself, you know. Very creative little gadgets, nothing else like it on the market right now. ”

[touclio-blog]

@trickstercaptain gets a random ragetti starter

“ If it isn’t good old Jack Sparrow himself what’s come to take advantage of an innocent businessman on his day off. The sign do say we’re closed for the day. Now, see, if you’ve come for the simple exchange of information, that’s less of a problem, innit? Harder to trace words than goods and all that. ”

[touclio-blog]

[touclio-blog]

TONY.

     “ Anyone home ? ”

“ I’m gonna have to call you back, Andrew. My two o’clock just walked in. ” A pointed glance. “Yes, I do know it’s almost eight. Unlike some, I can actually tell time. Mhm. Yes, talk soon. You too. Bye. ” 

Sitting back in her seat behind the desk, one Pepper Potts raised a slow eyebrow at the man who had just walked into her office. 

“ Traffic? Medical emergency? No, no, don’t tell me. The dog ate your phone, and every other communication device on the island of Manhattan. Am I close? ”

[touclio-blog]

TONY.

It was the same cycle. Again and again and again they’d loop on repeat until their luck ran out. Tony would go too far, would hurt himself or someone else, would make a mess he couldn’t clean up and Pepper would sweep in to save him just like she always did, just like she was doing now. He could see it all happening before the calls had even been made, the repetitious purgatory she’d sacrificed so much to escape, sucking her back in. And just like that, the months of confusion and fighting and stone-walling became impossibly clear in an instant. Shock showed on his face, lapping in waves of realization like those of grief–– because it was, it was the death of the old to usher in the new. She didn’t deserve this agony or the burden of dragging Tony from the pits of his own despair and back on his feet again. He hadn’t earned the privilege, he’d gone too far. This wasn’t love, it was guilt.

The thoughts raced and Tony was sure he was going to vomit right there in his lap, spewing soupy, brown bile over his fingers where he hadn’t eaten anything solid in more than a day. He swallowed it back despite his rather tenuous self control, the burn reminiscent of dime store liquor where it skewed his mouth toward a grimace. It only took a few moments of rambling for Pepper to fall into stride, everything wretched to a break-neck halt with a question that stood out from the rest, her confidence sloughed away like a second skin to allow the terror to step squarely back into place.

“ No. ”  Tony answered clearly, head wagging where he still stared at his bruised knuckles. By then, they’d curled into tight fists that throbbed pulses up his arm to settle in his bones. “ No, fuck–– I won’t let you, Pepper. This isn’t your job anymore. Taking care of me like this … I get why you left. It makes sense now, I don’t know why it never really clicked until this shithole in Yakutsk, but it does. ”

There was no hiding from her as he tilted his head to meet her eyes, not the tears that pooled or the faint tremble in his bottom lip. He could feel the water pressing in from all sides, slick and black where it rushed to fill the empty space of his lungs until all he could taste and see and feel was the rush of terror and the whisper of death. It wasn’t so different from the resignation he’d found in space, his will finally defeated enough that all there was left for him to do was let go.

“ I know you’ve always taken care of me. I’m not so far up my own ass not to know that I would be dead a hundred times over if not for you, but–– Christ. I couldn’t live with myself if I knew that I’d reeled you back here in to save me again. ” 

Tony sagged under the finality of his tone, easing back onto the pillows of the hospital bed for seemingly the first time. He was still dressed in his jeans and leather jacket for the sake of his dignity, his left arm in a sling and the tight, blue thread stitched delicately across his forehead. His body ached with every breath, a reminder of the broken ribs beneath his shirt and the litany of bruises that would pull to the surface by morning.

He took a beat before trying again, the shame dark and clouded on his face at the thought of his best friend half a world away.  “ Rhodey’s in intensive care in Berlin. He took a serious hit. They think he’s going to be permanently paralyzed from the waist down. ”  Saying it aloud was no easier than watching it happen, helpless and screaming. Tony knew he hadn’t had time to process the weight of all that had happened where it replayed in his mind then as a blur. Solutions were already beginning to cultivate–– intensive therapies, Frankenstein-ed growth hormones, a mecha suit fused with his synapses–– there would be a way to fix Rhodey, if nothing else, Tony owed him that.  

“ If anyone needs your help right now, it’s him. I can handle a broken wrist and some cracked ribs. ”

For long moments after Tony was done speaking Pepper could hear nothing but the rushing of blood in her ears, followed by a deep deafening silence. The rage and indignation that had started to swell inside of her the more he said had all evaporated as soon as he had shared what had happened to Rhodey. It lifted the veil enough for her to see the guilt and exhaustion in Tony’s own eyes. How he was punishing himself already for God knows what.

At length she moved gingerly, not wanting to startle or unintentionally hurt him, as she carefully framed his bruised face with both hands, light fingertips resting on his temples. Her eyes were unblinking and ferocious in their brightness as she looked at him. She hadn’t felt this calm and certain in a long time, and she wasn’t exactly a stranger to that combination of feelings. But this ran much, much deeper. This was more. This was the very core of it all. This was everything. He was everything.

“ If you honestly think I’m only here out of some misguided sense of obligation or duty, then your head’s a lot farther up your ass than you think. Taking care of you hasn’t been my job for a long time, Tony. That’s not why I do it. That’s not why I’m here. Save you. Save you? Has it ever occurred to you, even once, that I do this as much for myself as I do it for you? That I get something out of keeping your dumb, reckless, brilliant ass alive? That it’s not just about you? That if you died, I would--- I would--- ”

Nightmare visions of a life without him flashed by, and she blinked them away as best she could, her breath coming out in a soft shiver before she felt confident enough to go on.

“ I don’t know what I would do. I’m not sure who I would be without you. We took a break, Tony. But I never--- We never--- I was always going to come back to you. Because that’s where I belong, and that’s where I want to be. I just needed some time to figure out how I can live with all… this. Because you deserve someone who is strong enough to handle this, and I wasn’t sure that was me. But it doesn’t matter. Because I am going to be scared, and I am going to be worried, and I am going to be pissed off at you every time you go out there, but only because I love you so goddamn much. ”

She wasn’t sure when the tears had started to fall, but she could feel them now, leaving wet tracks behind on both her cheeks. In spite of them she made a valiant attempt to smile at him as she brushed one of her thumbs across his cheekbone.

“ And if you ever compare how I feel about you and us to a job again, so help me God, I will not only teach our kid to like pineapple on pizza, I will make them love it, and we’ll never be able to visit your relatives in Italy without offending every single one of them. You got that? ”

Not waiting for an answer she rose up from her chair without removing her hands from his face. She leaned down, resting their foreheads against one another as she exhaled and then inhaled the familiar scent of him, trying her best to block out all the ones that were alien and remnants of a battle lost.

“ Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to get you out of this bed as soon as you’re cleared to do so. I want to hear it from the doctor, not you, so you can save it. And then you and I are going to go to Berlin together, and we’re both going to see Rhodey, because he’s our family, and we’re going to help him get through this. Both of us. You and me. Because I’m not about to choose between the man I love and the best friend he’s ever had. He needs us both, and I… I need you. So that’s how it’s going to be. End of story. ”

[touclio-blog]

TONY.

In all the time they’d known each other, Tony had never once remembered the air between them being so thick and tense and still. From their very first meeting, when she came threatening her way into his office, armed and making demands, things had been easy. Frighteningly so. He could still so clearly remember the look on her face, grizzled with the type of whites-of-her-eyes terror that accompanied someone completely inept in making threats to begin with. He’ could still see her, a loose curl falling habitually in her face that she’d huff out of her eyeline every few minutes while his security detail lost a vital game of keep away. Tony had been attached to her in an instant–– the moxy, the intellect, the dedication–– he brushed past the weak charge of assault his legal team had suggested and promoted her instead, eager to her her brusque honestly where everyone else was so keen on kissing his ass.

It had grown from there, thick as thieves while each navigating a minefield of dangerous emotions that finally came to a head after fifteen years of waiting. They’d never been so unfamiliar, even at their worst, even when they were actively ignoring each other over a piss poor game of monopoly that Tony, still to this day, would swear on his mother’s grave that Pepper had cheated her way to victory for. This was agony. This was a happy ending’s death rattle.

He hadn’t watched her when she sprang to action, instead allowing his eyes to drift back toward the window, though it did him no good in matters of escapism, as the entire room was mirrored back in the slick, black surface. He shifted it to his hands instead, noting the bruises where they’d started to mottle–– pretty pink and indigo though the edges foxed with a sickly shade of green. The touch was enough to pull him to the surface, a man drowning would sputter and cough, but all he did was blink up. The tension coiled tight for a beat and went soft, his brain cluttered with rapid fire as he opened his mouth to reply, but no sound came.

What had happened ?

The ending of an era, the desolation of a family, the death of a dream. It was tough to explain with any certainty what had happened over the past days and weeks that could possibly lead them here, with half the Avengers honest to god criminals and the rest left to pick up the pieces left in the process.

“ I was just trying–– ”  He’d been trying to win, trying to save his friends, trying to smooth over the dissent with the government before something worse happened, trying to follow the rules for once in his life, trying to keep their team together.  “ ––Trying to do the right thing. ”

But his spiral of self pity was promptly interrupted, his eyes wide where he watched a single piece fall back into place, a quiet click that made him shiver with the overwhelming realization that one thing might be okay. This might be okay. His fingers curled gently around hers where Pepper cradled his hand, the first true sign of life from an otherwise defeated man as his own small smile twitched to mirror her own.  “ You wouldn’t be the first today. ”  He noted, a wry fondness in his eyes as his thumb moved to trace fondly over her knuckles.  “ But, I promise, you can be first in line. ”

It was nearly too much, seeing him like this. Pepper knew ( perhaps better than anyone ) the true face behind both the billionaire businessman and the hero. She had seen and guided Tony through many a rough moment, sometimes with a firm hand, sometimes with a gentle one, but always with the knowledge and belief that he was a good man who could be great. Truly great. She had seen the crippling self-doubt, the heartbreaking self-loathing, the desperate need to be loved and have a place where he could shed his armor, whether it be made of iron or soft Italian wool. Too many to count had been the moments where he had literally rested his head in her lap so she could card her fingers through his hair, each caress trying to silence his ever-racing mind, if only for a minute.

Seeing that brief glimmer of hope in his eyes made something in her chest constrict painfully. It was a much needed sign that inside this broken, defeated shell still lived the man she knew and loved. And she would always love him. Certain things in life quite simply were, beyond any sort of logic. No matter what had happened between them in the past, where they were now, and where they would find themselves in the days and years to come, Tony would always be one of the most important people in Pepper’s life. He would always be her best friend. He would always be family. And she would love him, even on the days where she wished she didn’t. But seeing that spark in his eyes and feeling the brush of his thumb across her knuckles gave her a brief moment of pause.

Nothing had changed. Not really. What had led to their break was no less true or pressing than when she had first told him she needed time and space. The idea of losing him still terrified her to the bone, and seeing him in this bed only further solidified that fear. But it also put things into rather harsh perspective. She could have lost him tonight. She could have woken up tomorrow in a world that did not have Tony Stark in it, which seemed like an absurd notion. More than that ; the mere idea left her feeling strangely untethered, like she wasn’t even real. Like part of her would have died with him, leaving her to navigate a life without the brightest star in the sky. She had no idea what tomorrow held for them. For God’s sake, she had no idea what the next ten minutes held for them. 

But he was alive, and she was here, and for now, that would have to be enough.

“ Who did this to you? ” she questioned quietly, not really wanting the answer, but this was not about her. “ FRIDAY wouldn’t tell me, and I tried calling Rhodey but he didn’t pick up, and I saw something on the news about a battle at a German airport, and God, forget it, you can tell me later. It doesn’t matter. None of it does. ” She sighed, feeling immeasurably weary but certain of what needed to happen next at the same time.

“ I’m going to take care of everything, okay? I’ll call Rebecca, and we’re gonna get you out of here. I’ll have her contact Dr. Michaels and get the master bedroom in the New York penthouse all set up so you can recover there instead of at a hospital. I’m gonna have to ask her to move a few things around in my schedule, but I can work from New York for the next few weeks, that’s fine, and--------- What? ”