I have been yearning for love from another since I can remember

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@toxictwiggie
I have been yearning for love from another since I can remember
I think bashing my head against a wall will fix me.
imagine falling in love and it works out for the rest of your life
imagine
Passive suicidal ideation is like no I won't attempt but if I got hit by a car and died that'd be nice
Who up feeling unlovable and useless
Why am I always the one that has to put effort in? Why won’t someone put in the effort for me?
A part of me never wants to ask for help
The other part wants to know the love of being genuinely cared about and being able to rest
I have a kofi if anyone wants to help me keep a roof over my head!
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Lost my job. Anything helps until I start my new job in a week or so!
Bad things just keep happening
The fear of abandonment isn’t just about people leaving, it’s the gut-wrenching belief that you aren’t worth staying for.
in another universe, im easier to love
hey can you come over and surgically remove this heavy, aching rot from my heart? we can watch a movie afterwards
Idk why i try so hard when my presence in the world is nothing... if I stay... if I go... no one will notice.
It's happening again... I get close, I fuck things up by accident, and they leave.... I thought i was doing well this time... and I never know there is something wrong until there's resentment. I explained my side and apologized, and they said they needed a day to reply ... its been two and they are having fun in the group chat... I just need a yes to being friends or a no so I can actually enjoy my vacation some what without sitting in this purgatory
I don't understand normal conversations. I ask how people are, but I guess not enough? I say im always there for people, yet they say they feel I wouldn't give them the same space they give me? I said if I came off too much when going through a hard time they could take space, they said they were okay, but then later on it was a lie and they werent?? And I triggered them?? Idk.. I don't get it.
I'll just never talk about myself again.
Just being reminded im toxic
And that everyone that leaves i caused
And I hate myself
And I try to change and get better
Be worthy of people
But I fuck it up
And always end up alone