You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you wonāt and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he canāt even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to Ā her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But sheās never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because sheāll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now thereās something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but youāre gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesnāt leave the house anymore, she canāt even get out of bed and sheās getting thinner and thinner because itās too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesnāt sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and thatās when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly sheās screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because theyāre all Ā busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her itās gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, youāre not there to do it, everything is dark now that youāre gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they donāt talk to each other anymore, they donāt talk to anyone, theyāre all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he canāt breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he canāt fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, heās never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldnāt save you and heās never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because youāre gone, and they miss you, and they donāt know why you left but it mustāve been their fault and they shouldāve stopped you and they shouldāve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself
