I don't get it and everytime I try to understand I just blame my self after all. Then the others tell me: That's how the world works! Get it?
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@tracy-angeline
I don't get it and everytime I try to understand I just blame my self after all. Then the others tell me: That's how the world works! Get it?
I just rewrote about Backpacker Stories and Tips on my blog. I please you to come visit and write a comment by clicking this picture. Happy to see you!
I've been stuck for too long. I am still hibernating, avoiding risk and collecting my will to start a new little thing. I just don't want to live like the old me. And I realize that moving is really so hard damn to do. But the only thing that I have to do is moving *lol*. February is starting. Time is ticking. I wish I could live better than before. Sometimes I doubt about my way to live. But lately myself often talks to itself: Believe in Me 💕
We don't need a fancy town.
I'll write hard in 2018. 🖤
Just live and build the countless hopes in uncertainties 🖤
Happy Birthday Tracy!
Today is December 18, but everything doesn’t complete if I do not post something in my tumblr. How do you feel ? Getting older huh ? It doesn’t matter because It just your age, not your face wkwk. I hope you exactly find what you need in this new age, you will finished your thesis soon, you will dating someone that you love (let ego gone, nobody perfect, the important is he guide you to be a good women in God), your business run smoothly and your another plan being true.Our communication totally different since your leaving Jakarta and I am being sok sibuk girl, need to talk sometimes, because I need not so mature girl to give me opinion hahaha, and thank you because you always in my opposite if I have a problem, you truly honest about those situation. Yeah I am not sure where will my ship anchored but I try to survive in my new jobs soon. is life after college seems sucks like this ? hahaha. Sorry for curhat colongan. Before I forget, don’t call me cabe again ya, because I am not so ababil girl or menye menye like mecin kids in 2017. Hahahaha Once again, happy birthday my pretty strong sissy. God bless you abudantly.
Amen for all your wishes my best! I am so thankful to have you in my life. Sure, I'll date someone I love. Thank you for mentioning me, I just thought being single was better than having partner years ago. But, this year I start thinking two is better than one 😋✌
Let’s start it with the same phrases to begin the words with
I feel bad because I don’t post “the birthday spesial edition” for this sweetie of mine at her birthday last year. Well, there’s nothing too late if there’s something you can do to make it (at least) right.
Happiest 26th birthday (last year, 2017) my darling who I nick named her as Pep, short of Pepita.
I know it is super late, but I just kinda like not feeling good if I don’t do it. It’s like our thing in every year (right ?). So please forgive me for this late post, will you ? ! :*
Pepita, I don’t know when exactly I started to call you with this nick name, but for sure it came from Pevita, the name of actress you like and I slipped the ‘V’ with the ‘P’ to make it sounds cute, since then Pepita is my favorite one to say Hi when I text or call you. Have you noticed about that? :) I hope you’re not mad because I call you with the nick name I made. You know, Pepita means seed. Seed is the life of live itself. It is all started with seed. Seed that grow to be bigger things, grow higher, grow wide and wild. Seed that stayed to be strong no matter how hard it has to survive in any circumtances. Seed that sometimes can be good and sometimes can be bad, and it is up to you which one you want to choose. Precious seed that hard to find. Seed, little things that gives a life the life itself. Isn’t it beautiful that every name has its own wish? Enough with the nickname, I hope you can figure it out by yourself. :) Do you remember that picture of yours ? Yap, I took it at Jembatan Cinta in Tidung Island. That was our unexpected trip together, and the shortest one also. Actually it is hard to pick which photo I should put on this post, so then I choosed that one because that was the most messy, rebel, wild, free, honest, genuine, and joyous image of you. The other one I picked because it was our last trip together till we’re living in different city again. The pictures talked alot about all the feeling we had at that time. Pep, I know I’ve been rude lately because I didn’t pay attention what’s going on with my bestfriend life (you and Wiwin also), and we don’t talk much lately. I’m just being such a jerk that badly manage my time. I looked up for your story on tumblr, and it made me even angry to myself, I keep asking myself that am I let you down? why I can’t be there for you when you “feel like that” ?. Really I am feel bad, pep. After all …. I dedicate this post for your birthday, 16 December 2017.
I wish your study will goes smoothly until your graduate pep! People are always trying to lead, but do not let them lead your soul and your mind. Don’t try to blend in when you know that you’re born to be stand out. You are who you are, you are as unique as you are, and no one can be or replace who you are. Second wish, may your bussiness goes bomb with the creative idea you’ve got, and as you want to get a job, may God hand you the best one, my dear. Last but not last, I wish for your prince charming will come and find you soon, and you will find him as smart man with less words but surprisingly romantic. You know that I will always have your back, like you’ve got mine!
PS: meet soon! So sick of this Long Distance Friendship! LOL love you, and God Bless you dear! xoxo
Amen for all your wishes my best! I am so thankful to have you in my life. Just be who you are with your heart, vision, style, taste and manner. You're such an awesome bestfriend 🖤
I promise to live happily.
Letting go, having more ☺
January 5th, 2018
Year to heal the soul Year to forgive and forget Year to repeat the good things Year to do something new Year to give an infinity attempt Year to let who hurts me Year to keep people who love me unconditionally Year to appreciate rejection and indignity Year to give more Year to receive gratefully Year to be tough and happy
Years ago, I was naive. I was full of regret and I am sorry. But, without all those mistakes I really couldn’t be I am today. Thank you & please forgive me.
🖤.
the only thing cooler than being cool is being honest
I thought I couldn't deal with people except myself. I used more my logic than feeling. I lost my emotion and I became a cold hearted person. I lost people I love, almost all of them. But, this Christmas, I really want to be a better person. I will speak what my heart says, I'll let you know what I feel and I'll stop hiding my flaws from you. I wasn't perfect and am not. I am really sorry for everything. When everybody broke my heart, I couldn't deal with pain not people. I could forgive people but sometime the pain hurting me so much. I never blame people. But, I blame my self "why I couldn't handle it well like others?", "Where did I go wrong?". I cried a lot and blame my self much. This year, you slap me in the face. My heart hurts so much, I full of depress and my head couldn't think straight. You play with my life, no words could calm me. I just should forgive you again and over again. I'll have to pass you by. I don't have to win over you but I really want to be at peace with my self. God will heal me, God will answer my doubt, God will show the truth and happines upon me. You, the problems I never expected before, I promise to solve you clearly and fight for my self. To the words that I couldn't recall, I'll learn to think before speak so I won't hurt people's feeling. I'll learn to manage my anger and self as well. I'll learn to trust people that maybe break my heart anytime they want. I'll learn to be humble and nice. I know that no one has the same heart as me. Accept and support each other cause the better one will always come after you. Be grateful and do your best. Good luck! It was the saddest christmas and new year for me but It was really necessary, wasn't wasted at all. I'll make sure you're going to miss me, but it will never be too late for me. January 1st 2018 🖤
2018
Maybe, the time bomb just exploded cause it was the time. Maybe, it will never be the same, it gets worst or better than before I don't even know. But, I believe that one day when you're alone and no one would stay with you, you're going to recall the memories about you and me having time together. I know for sure that everything that I've done to you beyond your expectation and will. and you never wanted to know that I did all for you cause I really love you. But, those things didn't touch your empathy even your pure heart. All that I could say is "go living without time" and find me when you are at peace with yourself. I'll always have your back ☺
2017: QnA year
Counting the days for leaving 2017. It’s time to review all I’ve done so far and also is time to figure out what future be like. I missed it last year, cause lots of preparation for some occasions. and yaa, I messed up.
2017 was very special for me. I call it Question and Answer year. The question came from my past year even my childhood year. Maybe God want me to realize many things that I really wanted in past. And it was exactly the same feeling that I wanted to feel. I thought I couldn’t turn back time. I really felt bad at that time and as time went by, I never thought it could happen. But, It really happened in this year.
I gave lots of complain to my parents, I argued to my my self and then I became a selfish person that really want to be heard only. I put my trust in wrong people. I wasted people who love and care about me. I missed morning and night prayer and reading bible. I made wrong decision about future and I was full of regret. I never thought that maybe I could hurt somebody’s feeling. I took long time to realize all that I’ve done was the worst things to do.
I worked as Trainer/HRD in finance company for 3-4 months. I resigned from the company cause I felt like I challenged my self too much. I felt bad at my self cause I motivated my employee to work in here while I was the one who needed to be motivated. But, I really met better people and friends than before. It was really hard for me to leave. But, I knew I faked my self to be there.
I started studying management. It’s quite fun. I discussed many things that I really wanted to know. I met friends with many characters. Sometimes, I wanted to kill em and sometimes I wanted to kept em forever. The class feels like hell. It is full of competitive students who want to be leader without any effort. They will stab you in the back or slap you in the face. We’re all the dirty players.
I opened food and beverage stall that sold chicken porridge and fruit soup. I opened for 4-5 months and then I closed. I’ve bankrupted. I really learned the lesson from its failure. I learned how to make a plan, how to be grateful all the time, how to be optimistic, how to be persistent and be the best till the show is done.
I opened online shop, yeay! I thought no one could notice my shop, but yaaah I am so thankful for customers who bought my product. I really sold the authentic one. Lots of idea for future, I can’t wait!
I’ve been seeking for a great job. I took test in some companies and all is failed. Many of them didn’t suit to my time schedule. so sad.
Family Time. I had a lot of times for family. We celebrated our birthday, blown the candles, eat birthday cake and had birthday dinner. We visited each other. We had many times for breakfast, lunch and dinner together.
I had birthday in December. I felt so happy. Only God knows why am I so happy :) I really am an easy going person after all. I took times to know my self well. What happiness means for me? What love defines? What is worth and value of my self?
It was all my quick review of 2017.
Aku sangat bersyukur untuk semua yang telah dilalui di tahun 2017. Semuanya memberikan banyak pelajaran yang sangat berharga. Untuk setiap kesalahan dan kegagalan tidak hanya ada air mata, rasa malu, dan marah ternyata. Sebenarnya yang aku butuhkan adalah “MENERIMA” semua hal-hal yang ada di luar kendali aku. Rasa marah dan penyesalan membawa aku ke dalam sebuah kesia-siaan. Menerima hal yang di luar ekspektasi itu ternyata sulit sekali. Ternyata tidak semua hal bisa kuadaptasi dengan baik dan cepat. Semuanya dari awal adalah benar tapi ketika aku tidak pernah mencoba menerimanya semuanya akan menjadi serba salah bila melihat dengan kaca mataku.
Tahun ini sungguh luar biasa merubahku mungkin enggak berdampak begitu besar buat orang-orang di sekitarku. Tapi hal itu menjadi nyata jika kita sendiri yang merasakannya. Untuk keluarga yang terus mendokan dan mendukung, untuk teman-teman yang menghibur, dan untuk orang-orang yang menyentuh hati, perasaan, dan cara pandang aku tanpa sadar dan seperti kebetulan. Semuanya sangat berarti.
Masih banyak hal yang ingin aku lakukan di tahun berikutnya. Kalau di tahun ini lebih banyak putus asa dan keluhannya, aku harap di tahun depan aku bisa lebih bersemangat dan menggunakan waktu sebaik mungkin.
See you again in 2018!
Nowhere to go but everywhere, Jacques Olivar