Trail Of Thoughts

Not a train. Trains have tracks. Trails can lead anywhere.

[trailofthoughts-blog]

I made some progress.

I've got another big chunk of that song done. I'm still not too certain about the chorus, it's a bit too heavy handed, and... edgy. Ah well. I'm always open to criticism and advice. ______ Trapped in this Goddamn white cage, Torn apart by empty rage This maelstrom of blood and words I'm dead at best, alive at worst I sit and stare and wait and try To wipe your image from my mind Goddamn I've tried, and I'll try again But we both know that this won't ever end I've Clawed My Eyes My vision runs red but I still see you there Through the blood and through the tears Just die I'm done with being ridiculed, made a fool By all accounts I'm minuscule But I don't let that keep me down I'll topple giants from the ground I'll bite and tear and rip and bleed The world around is so obscene We fight for land, we fight for God, We'll kill each other over love (Half-time. Is that the right term? I dunno. Half speed. Half tempo. Slowed down.) (chug) And still I burn, I don't know why I've sliced my heartstrings, bled them dry For all I am is barren land A dying earth in place of man This flesh will rot and bones grow cold Eyes that once were glass, now stone All they saw was dirt and flame As glass they saw, from stone they came I've Clawed My Eyes My vision runs red but I still see you there Through the blood and through the tears Just die You don't exist You don't exist You don't exist YOU DON'T EXIST (Djent time) YOU DON'T EXIST YOU DON'T EXIST YOU DON'T EXIST YOU DON'T EXIST (I've clawed my eyes) (My vision runs red but I still see you there) (Though the blood and through the tears) Just die

[trailofthoughts-blog]

A song.

It's been a while since I've managed to write a song, though this isn't even finished yet. It's a bit angrier than my usual style. ---- Trapped in this Goddamn white cage, Torn apart by empty rage This maelstrom of blood and words I'm dead at best, alive at worst I sit and stare and wait and try To wipe your image from my mind Goddamn I've tried, and I'll try again But we both know that this won't ever end I've Clawed My Eyes My vision runs red but I still see you there Through the blood and through the tears You don't exist You don't exist You don't exist YOU DON'T EXIST I'm done with being ridiculed, made a fool By all that makes me ----- And this is where I fell asleep. The dangers of writing at 3:00 in the morning.

[trailofthoughts-blog]

Backlog empty.

Well, not quite. Whatever I have left is either too personal or too shitty to share. Moreso the latter. I might write some more tomorrow, I might forget that I made this blog in just a few minutes. We'll see where life takes me.

[trailofthoughts-blog]

Unraveled.

Unraveled. Yeah, that's a good way to put it. I've taken my thoughts and my dreams and woven them together to form the wool I've pulled over my own eyes, and today is the day it's all come unraveled. Again. And again. More than once I've done this before and I'll do this furthermore until one day the thread of dreams runs no more. My eyes will snap shut with the moon and nothing behind my lids will show but the cold and black that fills the gap where once my dreams would go. Perhaps then I'll be happy. No longer deluded by that which never was nor could ever be, though something would always tug and pull and push and fight and rebel against all rhyme and reason that nothing could be more right than what I wanted to believe in. Perhaps.

[trailofthoughts-blog]

Midnight ramblings #1

And as I lay here, my own skin rejects me, refusing to harbor these thoughts my mind wishes it had never thunk. What I am and what I have been could never be far enough apart, but I can't bring myself to truly recall just who it is that I no longer wish to be. The words simply no longer come. I am empty. Empty, yet so very full of thoughts I refuse to think. Simple electrical impulses upon the synapses of the brain, holding no mass, yet never have I felt anything heavier. Felt, seen, heard, but not understood.

[trailofthoughts-blog]

Why

What am I going to do? I'm going to take this glass and shatter it over my skull, then use the glass shards to gouge my eyes out so I'll never have to see this god forsaken wretch I call 'me'. I'm going to dive into my psyche and pull up every little burning thing I've longed to rid myself of for far too long. I'm going to sit. I'm going to wait. I'll sit and wait until my spine trembles under its own weight and I inevitably fall, farther and farther down until there is no ground left to hit. I'm going to write words and the words will have meaning but to no avail, to no other man, woman, or beast, none that could take these unbearable words and derive any understanding from them. I'm going to question myself. I'll wonder what I hope to accomplish. I'll wonder why I question myself. Why. I'll sit and sing a duet of one voice and one more goddamned thing that has no words to describe itself with. I have no words to describe it with. Language has no words. It has no words. Every single step seems to lead me in a circle straight back to it. I know what it is. It knows what it is. Language doesn't know what it is and quite frankly, neither do you. It wants you to. I want you to. But how am I supposed to bring light to that which is only ever dark? Dark, muddled and foggy and warm, tirelessly active but never accomplishing. Why. why.

[trailofthoughts-blog]

Slow Poison

I've drunk deeply of this cup for far too long Only now have I realized what it has done to me The vision's been clouded along with my mind In time I've seen it all go to waste But not a single drop from that cup's missed its place And it's of no fault but my own No other hand has poured this chalice down my throat At times guzzling, disgustingly, gluttonously, Never with the thought of what it's done to me So now I sit here, parched and empty For this water's been salted This thirst has not been quenched My mead brewed of poison My life had been wrenched out of my grasp No longer in control of my own fate Now just an unending string of mistake after mistake And though others may not see it, for they haven't tasted the poison In all of its heart-wrenching agony, its terrifying beauty Its sleepless nights and deadened days Feigning happiness with a deadened gaze, They saw nothing wrong. Every time I opened my mouth to shout to the world what had been going on, I choked.

[of-all-flesh-blog]

Hello world.

This is an experiment.

What will be posted here is poetry, the majority being “trail of thought poetry”, or whatever the hell my 10th grade English teacher decided to call it.

For those who don’t know what that is, it’s rather simple. No planning, just words flowing forth in whatever order they spill out.

In all honesty this is just a way for me to organize and understand my own thoughts. However, I think some of them can be enjoyed by others. Hopefully.

I don’t know, I didn’t plan this much out.

Let’s get this party started.

[trailofthoughts-blog]

Mistakes are poetry in their own right.