Lisa Atencio

Love life as if writing a book for history of memories words to never be replaced something for everyone to love about life to show how much you cherish your own create a picture with words make them believe in never an happy endings😇

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BET

Learn to BET more Be Exactly That!

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rose colored glasses

Her era of being happy is fading again She questions whats happening why she just cant stay happy as she picks up the mess & sees all thats broken.

He said "you just hold on to the negative think im your enemy but you played the part that led up to all your misery putting me in a basket of all your exs but if I wanted to hurt you trust me I would this could be worse." You need to learn to forgive."

*Hush

She silenced in her words "your right im at fault lets move on " 

Anything to keep him happy

She played his song "I love you thank you for all you do"

Rose colored glasses polished as the symphony plays the perfect remedy for a happy family

She screams within knowing she no longer feels at home while the walls crumbling sweeping every piece .With a smile hope he dont see

He asks whats wrong why you being this way

Im sorry im just hungry lets get something to eat

Ok you sure your not thinking of leaving

No im ok just hungry & need some sleep

Ok you promise were ok do we need something to talk about

No please can we just let it be im tired & feeling hungry

Ill be better

theres my happy wife

Whatever it takes he got it even if it kills her

He'll never let her leave

Living in a make believe shes happy as she drowns in her sleep to a shower she dies knowing all is not right & its a chain shes got to break feeling the weight she has to make it right but cant let him see

"You ok"

Yea sorry ill be out soon"

I love you

I love you too

Why does it feel like you dont love me your acting strange

She reminds herself dont say shit play his song be strong cant handle another fight not tonight.

im sorry im just really tired please I dont have energy to talk were ok just turn on a movie

Holds her close ok because you cant leave me.

Time to straighten the rose colored glasses

Theres my happy baby please dont fall asleep I want to enjoy this

Please dont get mad im just so tired im trying to stay awake

Its ok just wish you would stay this happy

She sleeps awaken in all the triggers knowing shes spiraling its getting harder to pretend formulating a plan she can barely breath just go back to sleep its ok just wait the time will come

Play his song play along think strategically be strong dont fight you going to be alright

strengthen those rose colored glasses you got this its not that bad quit overreacting your fine.

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Untitled

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You cant change the past but you sure the hell can change the character.

Write a letter to your 100-year-old self.Time is precious Looking back theres no more time for regret, no capacity for doubt, no energy for drama just space for joy, peace and sleep let any judgment rest as I forgive all who I never got apology from and say thank you for giving me strength to move forward . -Lisa Atencio

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My mom loved Elvis

What is your middle name? Does it carry any special meaning/significance? Which made me a Lisa Marie

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10 posts!8i>ii

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When you hit a wall

Make sure you break it down to never hit it again “Sleep when baby sleeps, drink lots of water and practice self care and no hot tubs, baths, lifting more then 10lbs and sex for 6 weeks and a fever over 100 degrees call in or any sharp chest pain, also pump or nurse every 3 hours” the nurse said as she was handing me a folder filled of papers. As if my baby had a instruction manual literally…

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Think about it?

How does the feeling of failure, set you up for later success?Expire the Fear & Substitute Motivation

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https://vocal.media/fiction/the-fight-of-her-living-life-or-the-darkness-living-it

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Its been awhile to long

December 10th 645am I sit here shortly before work needing to get something out that I know even if I do it will sit with me regardless but hopefully not as heavy.  I miss alot of who I once was it my be stupid because I was using, but I haven’t been able to snap out of this state of hate on myself. I’ve been sober since 2018 when I relapsed after 3 yrs sober and it was my fiance who sort of saved me for I was going back down to play the devils game honestly my therapist explained that there is only a 1% recovery rate from the drug of choice that took my life away for 5yrs. I laughed an thought don't think id be lucky enough to be apart of that 1% because it just felt so good. I will admit it though not all of it felt good but the part of being confident feeling happy I do miss. I guess I don’t miss who I once was because I was naive and sad just covered it up with my use. Since I’ve been sober I have got my GED went to college started a brand that has not gone anywhere but I still am pushing forward with it. I have got more into my artistic side I picked up painting and crafts I have gotten a better job where I have been for 2 yrs now work from home due to Covid. A lot has been moving along slowly, but I haven’t had time with friends stopped expressing myself on facebook don’t talk to any friends don’t get dressed up as much to take pictures the things that made me happy when I used to use is hard to do now such as modeling. Ever since I stopped using my PTSD has taken over a lot of my life I have been depressed more anxious an uncertain of even living I think about just letting go and letting all my pain be silenced forever about 4 times a day if not more. I get lucky if my happy spurts last a full day, but even when im happy I still think about it because I know the happiness is only temporary just like how my high was, but only difference was I had control over that to when id come down time to smoke again. I joke about it to my fiance and he gets mad I crawl back in my depressive state to keeping it to myself. I try to get humor out my depression sometimes it helps but I always fall back to why I am trying why am I here honestly I’m a drop out of college my parents were right about that I hate saying that but they were. I cant get out of debt I cant stick to one idea im all over the place and cant accomplish what I want to because of it ,but all that stuff is materialistic honestly the real thing is I can stop the thoughts the memories I cant stop  and that is what matters,but it is who I am now I’m nothing but my remembered past. I keep trying for my son and fiance, but honestly I feel they be better off without me I’m faking my smile I’m pushing forward with raising my son even though im failing, but its the thought of he deserves a mom who can do better who can have patience and confidence and I don’t got that well not lately. I’ve been pretty unsteady lately with my emotions and it comes on strong I don’t want to do anything but sink in a dark hole and never wake up. I pray and believe in the lord but someday’s I feel its to late for me to have my soul saved. I have been writing a book about my life but will never get it published because I can never tend to carry out a full idea and accomplish it who knows. Time to go to work though and carry out this day to the best I can maybe Ill be back.

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Denial within truth

"A lingering denial hurts 💔more than a lie🙊 an it all hurts more than the truth, the truth reveals it's knowing through actions an feelings Denial😟 comes to life after the first step of a commited😞 lie it slips through the truth making one live a lie to always be reminded of the truth💯 to never be satisfied. -marie

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Trust instincts

Trust as In a spider 🐜wondering on strangers ground by nature to follow senses for simply new beginning to be mistaken of human eye 👀of fear to dispose with instiction for human trust by fact of knowledge or habit to not consider actual feeling just by judgment. -marie

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Inconspicuous😎 to promiscuous😗

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A ending of a decision made

Distance as in textured land down beneath a colorful scenery up above illusion of clouds they seem so alive but simply just evaporation to nothing at all like the way I feel about such a ordeal you chose to begin so here I am bringing the distance to life as in summer to winter just something for you to remember of a good time

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Josh Romano,Cj Frazier,Treyy G - Elevate (Mastermash Remix) by Mr.MasterMash

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BESTIE AND I