we don't mind, we don't care

NATE DOUGLAS KIND OF THE FAMILY FUCK UP

[2893071298743-deactivated202104]

[afuckinggremlin-blog]

❝Motherfu     ❞  The curse is cut off as she reaches back to (not as) gently (as possible) shove the offending arm in the direction of its owner, not even bother to lower her voice to a whisper. ❝Can you please stay on your own side?❞ The only problem with calling dibs on the bed in the spare room; there’s never a time when there isn’t a minimum of one other person taking up space on the mattress. But unfortunately, the same rules apply to the couch. At least by claiming the bed, the chances of getting pushed off, or cuddled mauled are slightly less probable… Or so Mattie thought.

[trashcanincarnate-blog]

❝Language, God.❞  Managing by some fluke to sound vaguely serious about it despite the lingering tone of drowsiness.  ❝My own side is the middle, jackass. Unless you’re trying to say I should kick Foof off the bed. ❞  Which - it has to be said - is just about one of the only explanations that carries any weight in Nate’s mind. No one could have the heart to hurt Foof’s feelings (universally accepted as the most loved member of the Douglas family as she is).  ❝That’s real fuckin’ cold, Mattie.❞

[trashcanincarnate-blog]

Jokes aren’t always funny. Sometimes they just suck.

In which IT happens.

pt 1/5

When he looks back at his life, he’s half convinced that on the day his parents met the universe must have been laughing at its own fucking joke. A kind of comedy put together so a higher power can see what happens when two people self-combust.

He’s still a scrap of a child; stumbling around in over-sized pants, cuffs rolled up  - [ god only knows how he’s managed to wear out the shit that actually fits so quickly ] - and he doesn’t understand it. (Dad says it in a voice of resignation, Caleb in frustration - wise beyond his years at only 8 years old  - and Cam with fire in her eyes. None of them seem to want him to.) but sometimes he wonders if that’s when he learnt how to watch someone implode without feeling an urge to lift a finger.

Mum doesn’t say goodbye, or at least not goodbye in any language he can understand. Mum leaves anyway, taking with her all the things she think’s she’ll want. None of them make the list. They find the things discarded for months afterwards, an earring under the sofa, her winter boots tucked into a corner of the wardrobe, a list of pros and cons stuffed into a desk drawer.

They burn most of it, pawning off whatever might be worth something. 

Mattie keeps him close, fingernails digging crescent moons into his wrist.  “Mum’s a cunt.” he tells her, testing the word on his tongue. It feels heavy, acrid, something in it burns on the way past his lips. “And Cammy says we’re beh’er off wivout her.”

And they must be. He hopes with all he can that they are. 

[trashcanincarnate-blog]

a nate douglas moodboard

[trashcanincarnate-blog]

✉ ✘ ☠ ❤ ♣ i want them all |:

Send ✉ for an 2 AM text

[text: queen c] i’m not saying i’m stuck in town but if i was i just need you to give me a scale of 1 - 10 on how much you’d yell at me.[text: queen c] like this is technically me being real adult about this.

Send ✘ for an unsent text

[text: queen c] i think i fucked up, cam[text: queen c] like seriously this time and i don’t know what i’m meant to do about it.[text: queen c] like fuck,i think i’ve seriously screwed up. [text: queen c] don’t blame yourself. don’t let anyone blame themselves; its me.

Send ☠ for a threatening message

[text: queen c] i got an A, Cam. on that chem quiz.[text: queen c] seem to recall that there was a certain bribe around the outcome of that quiz.[text: queen c] $10 worth of bribery. not setting a real good example there, are we?

Send ❤ for a lusty/loving/affectionate message

[text: queen c]promise you’re not going to get all dopey lovey dovey on me if i tell you this?[text: queen c]you’re kind of the smartest person i know.[text: queen c]i’m sorry we fucked that up for you, cam.

Send ♣ for a drunk message

[text: queen c] fckiig hll.[text: queen c] wait.[text: queen c] im alseep. shh.

[trashcanincarnate-blog]

24-29

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?honestly, the kid will sleep where he drops. at this point it isn’t even a joke anymore. as long as there’s a pillow and a blanket he’s set. his favorite sleeping spot at the moment is the sofa - mostly because it means he doesn’t really have to share with anyone ( you ever try to get out of dad’s vice like grip at 3am to go piss? ) and it’s always a hell of a lot easier to get up in the morning when all he has to do is roll onto the floor.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?he’s a funny kid. hell, he’d be great to be around if he wasn’t so god damn grouchy half the time. nate’s bitter enough to find other people’s misfortune entertaining, but his primary form of humor is usually mocking his poor ever suffering twin sister, mimicking their father and terrible, god awful puns.  what can he say; he’s at least consistent.

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions? nate’s a lil shit at all times lbr, even when he’s in a good mood. the only real difference between his good and bad days is a slight shift in his voice and how he holds himself. his good moods are punctuated by anything from all out affection ( “you loooovveeee me”; whilst clinging in bone crunching limpet hugs ) to slipping into a comfortable silence. it’s pretty obvious which one is preferred ( and keeps his cred - duh ), but he’s pretty much an all out dope when he’s at home and away from prying eyes.

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?nate doesn’t so much get sad as he gets irritated. you know the type, jaded teen, growling, slamming doors. it’s all pretty textbook. he’ll deny crying if he’s caught - mostly because any sort of affirmative answer winds up with him having to explain himself and the idea of admitting he’s gone and fucked up on any major level sounds about as appealing as smacking his face into a brick wall for a couple of hours.

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?he’d never admit it, but the thing that terrifies him the most is getting taken away again (removed they say - like a tumor, relocated as though that’s ever worked out for anyone ). their family’s pretty tight knit - they have to be, and he knows that any of his public fuck ups will be seen as their public fuck ups. he’s just sure enough that he’s smart enough to keep any of his private fuck ups from becoming public ones.

when he is scared he tends to turn into a bit of a brat. he’s been known to run his mouth at the best of times, but it’s when it happens at the worst of times that the outcome is likely to be a little more… messy.

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? step one: call them an idiot. step two: feel guilty about it. step three: kick the shit out of who/whatever it is that’s worrying them. it might not be the most practical of plans but damn is it effective. he’s usually far better at handing out advice than he is at following it, something about teenage boys and immortality, so despite telling people they should probably get some actual help he’s more than likely going to jump in fists flying.

[officiallylissa]

[seolhyuns-deactivated20160424]

I relate to Brittnay Matthews on a spiritual level

[noondaytune]

[pickeringgod-deactivated2019122]

[grawly]

[honiggelb]

[trashcanincarnate-blog]

☀ ✉ ❤ ☾ v ✕ ✂ ❝❞ ► ☢

send ☀ for a good fucking morning text

[text: matilda] not naming names but someone ( who was not me ) has eaten all the cheerios ( again, not me ) and we may or may not be late because someone ( who was also not me ) forgot to set the alarm last night.[text: matilda] none of this was me.

send ✉ for a un fucking sent text

[text: matilda] mum says she'll give me 50 bucks if i get you to reply to one of her texts, and even though i don't exactly need 50 bucks i would still like 50 bucks so you should consider it.[text: matilda] i'll buy you something cool with it??[text: matilda] never mind, i just remembered your password, i'll send it myself.

send ❤ for an i fucking love you text

[text: matilda] what the fuck are you even wearing.[text: matilda] did that tate kid try some shit again?[text: matilda] i'll kick his fucking ass.

send ☾ for a good fucking night text

[text: matilda] hope u dn't dIE IN YOUR SLEEP, GREMMY.[text: matilda] xoxoxo

send ✔ for yes of course you fucking can text

[text: matilda]just do it and we can see where the chips fall, you know?[text: matilda] just know that if cam finds out i'm pleading the fifth.

send ✕ for of course fucking not text

[text: matilda] yeah, of course thats fine by me[text: matilda] i'm making a sarcastic face but i just realized you can't see it, fuck.[text: matilda] doN'T FUCKING DO IT, YOU SHITMONSTER

send ✂ for a fucking lying text

[text: matilda] it's fine. you know me, not like i'm going to get myself in too much trouble[text: matilda] i'm not that dumb, ok mats?

send ❝❞ for a long fucking winded text

[text: matilda] According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way.

send ► for a fucking wrong person text

[text: matilda] how many times do i have to fucking say you can't accept nudes as payment for fucks sake man.[text: matilda] wait...[text: matilda] shit.

send ☢ for a fucking drunken text

[text: matilda] rmmbr tht tmie u pUshd me outtf the wayin the wOMbbs?? Nd o hasd to sty 4 SO MANY mre minyts?[text: matilda] fckin COLD dudette.

[trashcanincarnate-blog]

txt - "where the fucking hell are you ?" txt - "i'm going to fucking kill you." ☢ ❝❞

txt - “where the fucking hell are you ?

[text: probably not matt damon] obviously not at home, you going blind or something?[text: probably not matt damon] hopefully not getting arrested?[text: probably not matt damon ] just stepped out for a bit. getting some air, you know? chill yeah? i’ll be back soon.

txt - “i’m going to fucking kill you.”

[text: probably not matt damon ]hey, ixnay on the urdermay, madam.[text: probably not matt damon ] that’s illegal you know.

send ☢ for a fucking drunken text

[text: probably not matt damon] f i co  me home        bow can i hvae bay on pls??[text: probably not matt damon] ask cameroon nt 2 murdr me plz i am 2 yung nd goflooknis to be a crpse.

send ❝❞ for a long fucking winded text

[text: probably not matt damon] look, you know how you and cam and dad and cay and probably mattie for all i fucking know are always going on and on and on about ability and responsibility and all that bullshit? not that it’s actual bullshit and stuff its a phrase, don’t jump down my throat on it. so i was talking to my chemistry teacher and he said i should join the chemistry club because apparently even after the whole bunsen burner incident he thinks i might not kill everyone in a huge firey blaze if i get my hands on certain flamable chemicals, so i was like well yeah, sure of course because who am i to be the fuckin judge and all he’s the adult and apparently he thinks it can bump my grade up from an a- to an a+ and lets be honest you can’t complain about that. so some of the kids in the club and all that had this idea that we should all have our own projects which is fine whatever, means i don’t need to talk to those losers every second wednesday unless they’re bathing me in praise. so i had the worlds greatest idea about what to do, and i had everything, but you know, because it was kind of large and all i didn’t really have anywhere to test it out but at home and i didn’t want to disrupt anyone or anything so i figured i’d just test it out quietly and stuff??? but um.... long story short apparently our toilet seat is plastic not porcelain and it.... sort of doesn’t work as a seat anymore. unless your ass is some kind of surrealist art piece. [text: probably not matt damon]so um.. yeah. i might have melted the toilet?

[trashcanincarnate-blog]

gaygayleb im-ed bc i was too slack to open the ask

Send ✉ for an 2 AM text

[text: bong bandit] i’m not saying i’m stuck on the roof, but if i was would you be able to get the ladder and help me down? [text: bong bandit] theoretically. [text: bong bandit] please answer, i’m fucking freezing.  

Send ✘ for an unsent text(

[text: bong bandit] it sounds dumb as fuck, but do you ever feel like the universe is plotting against all of us?  [text: bong bandit] first mum pisses off, then adam’s shipped off, cam has to drop out, then dad gets fired and we move to this shitbed and then the whole posh kids have shit that don’t stink thing. [text: bong bandit] like we’re fate’s fucking joke of a family. who the fuck is using us to get all their kicks, huh? [text: bong bandit] can i punch them in the nads? 

Send ☠ for a threatening message

[text: bong bandit] you’ve made yourself a very powerful enemy. [text: bong bandit] see dad may or may not have generously bought a box of froot loops at the store today. [text: bong bandit] and if you don’t want those poor frooty ladies to drown in the briney depths of poo water creek you’ll GIVE ME THE FUCKING REMOTE. 

Send ❤ for a lusty/loving/affectionate message

[text: bong bandit] just so you know, your jeans look much better on me today than they’ve ever looked on you.

Send ♣ for a drunk message

[text: bong bandit]YOU HAV 2 C THIIS DOG, MAN [text: bong bandit]heh, dogman.

[thursday]

[trashcanincarnate-blog]

even more fucking text memes!

symbols:

send ☀ for a good fucking morning text

send ✉ for a un fucking sent text

send ❤ for an i fucking love you text

send ☾ for a good fucking night text

send ✔ for yes of course you fucking can text

send ✕ for of course fucking not text

send ✂ for a fucking lying text

send ❝❞ for a long fucking winded text

send ♋ for a fucking sext

send ► for a fucking wrong person text

send ☢ for a fucking drunken text

actual texts:

txt - "where the fucking hell are you ?"

txt - "i'm going to fucking kill you."

txt - "you looked so fucking hot today."

txt - "why the fuck did you say that?"

txt - "you're a fucking asshole."

txt - "did you fuck him/her?"

txt - "fuck, i did a bad thing."

txt - "you fucking infuriate me."

txt - "seriously, what the actual fuck?"

txt - "did you actually fucking do that?"

txt - "are you fucking drunk right now?"

txt - "i want to fuck you."

txt - "fuck right off."

txt - "i'm fucking sorry."

txt - "i won't fucking apologise."

txt - "this is your fucking fault."

txt - "you're fucking beautiful."

txt - "you're fucking ugly."

txt - "i can't actually believe you fucking did that."

txt - "i fucking despise you."

txt - "fuck."

txt - "i'm in the fucking hospital."

txt - "why the fuck did you do that?"

txt - "i've been fucking arrested."

txt - "i've broken my fucking arm."

txt - "just fucking shut up already."

txt - "lets have fucking shower sex."

txt - "send me fucking pictures."

txt - "n0 of cours im nt fvbking drunk!!"

txt - "i want you fucking naked."

txt - "fuck, that wasnt meant for you."