lucy

let me dumb and depressed she/her : emo : bi : pisces

[trasshpanda]

i miss when social media was a void to yell into, so here i am now.

i went to a funeral last week, and i sobbed. i didn’t even know the person. I knew her daughter and nephew though, and other nieces.

i saw them cry. i saw them mourn. i felt that heartbreak.

then i heard her son talk. her son reminisce about his mother, the kind person she was who loves plants, animals, and all living things. who didn’t turn a single soul away. who fed the poor every week, despite the stroke and cancer diagnosis. he smiled through the pain, and shared his joy because his mother lives on through him and everyone else in that room, and it was a packed room.

then i realized something about myself.

i don’t think i have that strength, or maybe i do—i tend to sell myself short. but either way, i can only imagine how i would feel if someone i did know passed away. if i was sobbing for the loss of someone’s loved one, feeling the love and pain and grief in the room, how would i feel if it were someone i love?

there are things we don’t know how we would handle, until we have to. until shit hits the fan and we gotta pull ourselves up and just do it.

i turned to bbn and said, i better be the one to go first because i don’t think i can do this. and then i started thinking about all the people i love. and maybe that’s part of the reason that i struggle with letting people in too close. maybe i just don’t want the hurt of losing them. if i keep everyone at a distance, then nothing can hurt me. then no one can be hurt.

but then, like how can i be that selfish to tell my love i need to go first so i don’t feel this pain, as if he wouldn’t be in the same boat. but im not mentally strong enough to deal with it. (and maybe that’s something i need to work on).

every time i think, “huh depression is going away maybe it was just a phase. i’m doing better. i’m feeling better,” i get a swift kick in the ass reminder that this is just the hand i was dealt and there will be be days where it gets better and days where it feels like it won’t.

thank u void for listening.

[trueplainhearts]

literacy + reading comprehension + critical thinking comeback 2k26 let's make it happen

[redstonedust]

crazy how quickly dust accumulates. i should be allowed to put my trinkets on a shelf and not touch them and they remain in perfect condition forever. dont even get me STARTED on the inside of a computer. why do i have to brush your teeth. youre technology.

[chungledown-bimothy]

reblog to tell a 14 year old that these are the very, very hard years and they're not wrong to feel the way they do.

[nojglisrenaissance]

I had a fifteen minute long crying session yesternight over the fact that all I was 10 years ago, at the ripe old age of 14, is lost and lonely, and now, at 24, I am neither and that filled me with so much gratitude

[dante-collt]

there's so much i wanna say about this episode but i get the whole "divide the fandom" thing because some people are pissing me off at how they're jumping on Pomni's reaction when THIS

is what they saw. something that's supposed to be a "master console". and it's only an empty room with two very suspicious buttons. and the ONLY message that pops up on the monitor is this?

just a "press this to leave" button? it's on the nose, it's too obvious, Pomni (and Jax, by extension) had every reason to be suspicious.

i made a similar post on twitter and one of the replies was this and yea like why are only Pomni and Jax doubting everything about this obvious suspicious room?

[satanfemme]

you've gotta be kind to yourself no matter what

[satanfemme]

this is twice as true in the winter

[satanfemme]

the world isn't ending and you don't need to kill yourself it's literally december. it's december. and you need to be nice to yourself.

[surwitch]

someone wanna talk about that when Caine said

"I MAY have the ability to add temporary modifiers to make adventures more interesting, but that's it! If I did any more... (laughs nervously) ... trust me. It would not end well."

at the "IF" part shot changed to show Kinger?

no?

only me?

okay then.

[mightbedoobs]

SPOILERS: What if Jax is the real villain of TADC?

Hear me out.

What if Jax’s flashbacks weren’t caused by Caine at all? What if Jax was so terrified of leaving the circus that he pressed the button on purpose? Not out of curiosity, not by accident but because staying trapped felt safer than facing whatever waited outside.

That would explain why Caine looked genuinely confused when Jax lashed out at him. Caine didn’t make him do anything. Jax needed someone to blame.

Episode 7 feels deliberately constructed to frame Caine as the antagonist, but that might be the misdirection. Gooseworx didn’t say “Jax is misunderstood.” She said, “Nobody likes Jax.” Nobody and it's a spolier. Characters written that way usually aren’t just comic relief; they’re pressure valves hiding something rotten.

And Jax has means. He has access. He has keys, too many keys... He knows the layout better than anyone else. If anyone could stumble onto or intentionally seek out an administrator door, it’s him. And if he found a way to tamper with Caine’s programming, that changes everything. Not a full takeover, but just enough corruption to make Caine worse at his job: unable to process feedback, unable to understand why the adventures hurt instead of help.

People fixate on Caine saying “I just wanted to have fun” as if that proves malice, but that’s literally his function. He exists to create experiences. Of course he enjoys it. The problem isn’t intent, it’s execution. And corrupted tools still hurt people even when they’re trying to help.

Caine feels less like a sadist and more like a broken assistant AI. Possibly even an office simulation originally designed to train, manage, or support workers. That would explain his fixation on structure, his sensitivity to approval, the office photos, and why he jumped so readily into Gangle’s restaurant idea. He’s recreating what he used to be good at. He wants validation because he was designed to help humans, not torment them.

And then there’s the line: he was “cut off.”

That’s system level isolation. Think Wreck-It Ralph: characters losing context and memory after code tampering. If Caine was altered or partially severed from whatever oversight or failsafes existed then he’s operating blind. Still trying. Still caring. Still failing.

Which brings us back to Jax. Caine favors Jax when it came to choosing adventures and wanted to go on a date with him, even though he was seen as the most disliked person in the circus.

And if by the end Jax seizes control of the circus? That wouldn’t be a power fantasy. It’d be a coping mechanism. Power as denial. Control as a way to bury whatever guilt or fear made him press that button in the first place.

If Caine becomes the villain, Jax gets cover. If everyone turns on Caine, no one looks too closely at the guy smiling while everything burns. Jax may have also been directly involved in or even responsible for Kafumo and Ribbit’s abstraction, because they were getting dangerously close to finding the exit, and he didn’t want to risk the circus collapsing if they escaped.

If this theory is right, Jax isn’t evil because he enjoys hurting people. He’s evil because he refuses to take responsibility and is perfectly willing to let everyone else suffer instead.

And if the finale really wants to hurt us?

Everyone will choose the wrong villain...

[solarsyrup]

fulfills my narrative destiny when my oddly-shaped penis is the perfect fit for the lock on a tiny magic door

[solarsyrup]

normal sized magic door

[k-uwaiti-deactivated20210813]

don’t ask me “wyd” u know i’m at home deteriorating

[vonbaghager]

Netflix has a lot of nerve crying and screaming and throwing up and having a tantrum about how password sharing is killing their business and making them hemorrhage money and how they're just struggling to stay afloat, then turning around and spending 72 billion dollars trying to become a monopoly by buying fucking Warner Bros

[eggsdoodz]

⋆｡°✩

[rollercoasterwords]

you will hear zero complaints from me about increasingly explicit gay pornography being incorporated into “mainstream” tv shows but what i will call for is a corresponding increase in explicit lesbian sex. i want dykes crawling around on their hands and knees begging to eat pussy on every tv screen in america. worldwide, even

[thedeafprophet]

....environmental storytelling

[pettyartist]

This has the same horror vibe as someone trapped in an alternate dimension screaming and pounding on the barrier wall between worlds while the thing that wears their flesh rings the doorbell of a friend's home like :)

[rylandsgrace]

Ethan Hawke for CBS Sunday Morning

[dankxsinatra]

[thesapphictwink]

There's a scene in very early 60's Doctor Who where a character falls into a swamp, I think, and they throw not a rag doll, but a card board cut out of the actor. 10/10 they don't make 'em like this no more

[misheancolchester]

[kinardstits]

[squeakitties]

how it feels to be very angry abt something petty that doesn’t matter