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WARNING: THIS IS A TRAUMA/VENT BLOG. AS SUCH, NO TRIGGERS WILL BE TAGGED. NO DDLG PLS

[trauma-in-blue]

Parents don’t abuse kids because they’re:

-Poor

-Drunk

-High

-Mentally ill

-Stressed over parenting

-Only want what’s best for them

-Veterans

-Trying so hard

-Tired

-Victims

They do it because they’re:

-Power hungry

-Sadistic

-Only like easy prey

-Aware that if they tried this on an adult, they’d get arrested

-Bored

-Former high school bullies who never left that phase

-Cowards

-Selfish

-Evil

-Because they want to.

Enough excuses.

[its-simply-just-krys]

[forestbunch]

“Why are you so angry all the time?”

When I was 5, the Family Court System had overwhelming evidence my biological father was a sociopath and a habitual abuser but they gave him unsupervised visitation anyways because Family Court always does that regardless of the child’s best interest. The psychologist hired to assess my parents with and without me described in several pages my mom as a textbook DV victim and my father as a textbook sociopath. She described how it was clear my father didn’t see me as a person and wasn’t genuinely bonded to me, she even said he has a “shallow and false personality with no true core morals or values”, is dishonest and manipulative and narcissistic, and will use lies, intimidation, and violence to get what he wants. But she was annoyed at my mom for talking too much about my safety (unlike my father who only bragged and lied about himself to inflate his ego and his “false personality” the whole time while mostly ignoring me). She also wrote that I was clearly coached by my father and was not honest or comfortable with him like I was with my mom, but she recommended 50/50 custody despite all she wrote. What a waste that stupid bitch’s degree was. And The Judge threatened my mom that they would take custody from her completely for “Parental Alienation” (even though it was my father that was well-recorded to make up outrageous slanderous lies about my mom to “alienate” us) if she tried to prove the abuse risk and protect me. I was then sex trafficked and sexually tortured for years during those weekend visitations and developed a dissociative disorder and chronic physical illnesses as a result. And that trafficking/pedo ring operated largely within a conservative christian church (not a “satanic or occult” group) which is incredibly common in local trafficking rings.

When I was 12 (actually the week before I turned 12), I disclosed that my father had sexually abused me and my mom went to CPS like she’s supposed to. And what did they do? The CPS woman and a female cop brought me into a room alone with no camera and interrogated me like I was the suspect. They asked repeatedly if I ever orgasmed during the abuse as if that has any relevance at all to The Law or consent (it doesn’t). They threatened me with time in juvie for perjury if I didn’t “admit” to lying now. They tried to guilt me saying my father could go to prison “for as long as someone who killed someone” and asked “if I really wanted that”. They asked leading questions assuming I was lying because I was angry at or rebelling against my father even telling a story about an adult woman who was cheating on her boyfriend and lied about rape when she was caught as if that’s remotely relevant to a child who can’t consent. They intentionally misstated my testimony; leaving out all the details I gave them then saying I gave no details, replacing words I used with more positive words (ex. I said “groped” and the CPS worked said “caressed”), and even gaslighting me pretending I described a completely different act than I clearly just did.

After that, the CPS worker refused to investigate my case and the other witnesses of which there were multiple adults willing to talk them. She just did nothing until the case dropped. My father talked to her, I don’t know what he offered her if anything, but she simply took his word and didn’t talk to anyone else or consider the physical evidence from the rape kit I had to endure. When my mom asked why she would do that she said she didn’t believe me because I swore (I said “What the fuck am I going to do now” to myself at the END of this interrogation AFTER she said explicitly she didn’t believe me). When my mom emphasized that I may have to go back to the abuser because of this and that’s what I was upset about, she said “Oh, he said he wouldn’t make her have visitation”. He said that. And abusers are so famously honest. That cunt’s facebook page is full of Christian Bullshit of course.

And these weren’t isolated incidents. The entire system is designed for abusers not for victims. Family Court and CPS are glorified child trafficking rings that treat children as property to divide ownership of regardless of safety and well-being - not people to protect. The adults feelings and wants are prioritized, they want a “relationship with their child” so the child is made to shut up and play the role for someone who has been proven to abuse them. The hatred inside me for every single “fathers rights advocate”, “parental alienation expert” (you can’t be an expert in a pseudoscience), conservative christian, and every other dedicated child rapist protector in the world is beyond words. It is a raging inferno inside me that never quiets, the anger you see is the tip of an iceberg that expands to my heart and soul. (I wrote a lot more but I shouldn’t post that part for legal reasons. Suffice to say I wish great harm on these people).

[trauma-in-blue]

Idea

Whenever an ABA “therapist” tries to center discussions about ABA trauma to themself and how “nice” their practice is, say “Quiet hands!” and keep repeating it until they’re silent and “Table ready”. Make them experience it for themselves.

[trauma-in-blue]

If you’re in the Parental Rights movement, you’re supporting pedophilia. Not sorry, Reese’s

[trauma-in-blue]

Docs will be docs, wolves will be wolves, but what does mother know?

[lucien-talks-bout-life]

One of the many issues I have with "treatment" in psych wards (in my own experience) is how not doing every single thing they force on you in the name of recovery is literally DOCUMENTED and can be used against you (in the sense of, me, and others I've known, have been held in the facility for longer for not following "treatments" they want us to follow).

Here are some personal examples of this:

I didn't want to take a new medication they prescribed me because they hadn't discussed it with my dad yet (I was 17, but my dad knows more about medications and about our family history of addiction). I told them I would take my meds once my dad said he agreed with them. They told me they would document me not taking my meds and said it "could come up during treatment plans" which were monthly meetings about our progress and were the only meetings that concluded if you could leave the facility or not.

I have extremely picky eating (most foods make me nauseous, gag, or cause severe pain). Because of this, I barely ate a lot of the food they offered, especially because they refused to give me dairy free food despite me having a doctor's order for a no-dairy diet. When I didn't eat at least 25% of my meal, they would document it and discuss it in the treatment plan meetings saying that I wasn't participating in treatment. Thus, lengthening my stay.

When I would walk out of a group therapy sessions when in distress, they would document it and tell me that i HAD to attend all group therapy sessions for the whole length. This happened on various occasions, each time I had left due to having a panic attack, meltdown, or similar state. On the one time I forced myself to stay in a session while overwhelmed, I ended up yelling at someone to shut up (they were constantly saying bigoted things even tho I asked them to stop. they also did this out of group therapy) and threw a marker at them while I was actively panicking. I was them punished for this despite telling staff I couldn't handle to stay when in distress and put on unit restriction (i couldn't leave the unit AT ALL, not even for meals or for recreation time. All meals were brought to me, meaning i couldn't pick foods i could eat and wasn't allowed utensils). I stayed on unit restriction for 4 days and was delayed discharge.

Another patient didn't want to take their meds because it made them feel sick (i believe they said it was making some of their psychotic symptoms worse as well. I'm not certain as this was around 2 years ago) and the staff tried to force them to take it. They ended up having a panic attack and were restrained by staff for "resisting" (they were on the floor crying) and were forcefully given a sedative. While fighting back against being restrained and sedated, they punched the staff member. They ended up being punished for this by being put in the "quiet room" which was a white room with no furniture where you were supposed to just sit on the floor until you "calmed down enough" to be let out. She never got medical treatment for the bruising on her hand from punching back nor whatever other injuries she may have gotten during the event. She was forced to stay in the quiet room for at least 2 hours and couldn't leave.

These stories are from 3 of the 5 psych wards I have been to.

Patients are given little to no autonomy in their own treatment or how the staff treats them. The moment we try to make our own decisions on our treatment, we are seen as noncompliant and they act like we don't know what is good for us because we are mentally ill.

What's sad is half of these were a result of medical neglect and abuse. We get punished for acting out against the abuse the facility puts us through.

Before anyone recommends lawsuits, please remember that those are expensive and inaccessible to most people, especially those who are mentally ill.

One of those facilities has been under multiple lawsuits and is still running, so they didn't exactly do anything.

(People are welcome to talk about their own experiences regarding this on this post!)

[disabled-space-archived]

Society needs to stop idolizing doctors. The image of medical professionals as these amazing, compassionate heroes is dangerous. People are so quick to defend doctors. To not believe disabled people when we say doctors have systematically abused, neglected, gaslit, and discriminated against us. Believe disabled people.

[zmpl]

created my very first zine about my personal experiences being in and out of the carceral psychiatric system. printable version under the cut:

[trauma-in-blue]

“Grippy sock jail is so ableist! Stop saying it!”

Or… Or, hear me out…

Let people reclaim the horrific experiences they’ve endured at the hands of the mental “health” system without preaching to them about it

[xvelvetcoffinx]

Some of my trauma is literally over 18 years old like it’s legally an adult but it won’t move the fuck out of my head??? Get a job and pay some rent buddy.

[the-last-hipopotamovolador]

I know it's probably not the case but jax being scared of something so random and inoffensive as corn gives me strong post SA trauma vibes.

[trauma-in-blue]

Suddenly the fact that his room is a little kid’s room is a whole lot more horrifying

[armchair-lethroe]

If you had an abusive parent that called you spoiled or selfish when asking for things as a child, you may have a hard time accepting gifts as an adult. You can feel guilty or even manipulative for receiving monetary gifts even if you didn’t ask for them.

[spadesupadvocacy]

Understanding Learned Helplessness

​In the mental health landscape, we often hear about "treatment resistance." But we rarely talk about systemic resistance—the way institutional environments can actually train a person to give up on themselves. This psychological state is known as Learned Helplessness.

​The Origins of the Term

​The concept of Learned Helplessness was first identified by psychologist Martin Seligman in the late 1960s. Through his research, Seligman discovered that when an individual is repeatedly subjected to a painful or stressful stimulus that they cannot escape, they eventually stop trying to avoid it—even when an escape route is later provided. They "learn" that their actions have no impact on their outcome, leading to a state of total passivity and loss of agency.

​Phase 1: The Community Barrier

​Learned helplessness often begins in everyday community settings. It is rooted in:

​Obstructed Help: When a person reaches out only to find "closed" waitlists, insurance denials, or bureaucratic red tape that makes care feel like an unreachable privilege.

​Discouragement: When friends, family, or primary doctors minimize a person's struggle, suggesting they aren't "sick enough" for help.

​Chronic Neglect: When the social safety net fails to respond, the individual learns a devastating lesson: My voice does not have enough volume to be heard.

​Phase 2: The Inpatient Crisis and Punishment

​The most traumatic reinforcement of helplessness often occurs during a crisis. When a person finally surrenders and asks for professional intervention, they are frequently met with punitive measures rather than support:

​Involuntary Commitment: Being stripped of physical freedom as a "solution" to emotional pain.

​Forced Medication: Having one's bodily autonomy overridden, often without a substantive discussion of side effects or alternatives.

​Outright Dismissal: Being "triaged" out of an ER because they aren't considered a high enough liability, teaching them that even their rock bottom isn't worth a bed.

​Phase 3: Institutional Dehumanization

​Within long-term or acute institutional settings, the environment is often designed for efficiency rather than empathy.

​The "Number" Effect: You cease to be a person with a story and become a diagnosis or a bed occupancy.

​Dismissed Concerns: When you raise valid issues—about your treatment plan, your safety, or your future—you are often met with clinical coldness or told your concerns are "symptoms" of your illness.

​Invalidation and Coercion: If you disagree with a provider, you are labeled "non-compliant." This power imbalance forces a choice: comply and lose your identity, or resist and face further restriction.

​Why We Must Break the Cycle

​Understanding learned helplessness is critical because it explains why so many people "drop out" of the mental health system. It isn't a lack of "willpower"; it is a profoundly altered sense of self-worth caused by a system that prioritizes compliance over human dignity.

​To avoid this, we must transition toward models of care that center lived experience and ethics over convenience. When we treat a person as an active participant in their own life rather than a passive recipient of "management," we begin to undo the damage of learned helplessness.

​Reclaiming your agency is not just part of recovery—it is the foundation of it.

[chasingtheskyline]

If i have to hear one more physical/occupational therapy or special ed student (all with disabilities no less) talk about how aba is actually good having never experienced it themselves as a child i am going to lose my fucking mind

[autistpride]

The history of ABA and the unfortunate reality of current therapy options

ABA was founded on a basis of hatred and ignorance about autistic people.

Ole Ivar Lovaas created ABA and saw autistic individuals inhuman. He later went on to create a gay conversation therapy.

"In any case, what one usually sees when first meeting an autistic child who is 2, 3, or even 10 years of age is a child who has all the external physical characteristics of a normal child—that is, he has hair, and he has eyes and he has a nose, and he may be dressed in a shirt and trousers—but who really has no behaviors that one can single out as distinctively ‘human’. The major job then, for a therapist—whether he's behaviorally oriented or not—would seem to be a very intriguing and significant one, namely, the creation or construction of a truly human behavioral repertoire where none exists."

"You see, you start pretty much from scratch when you work with an autistic child. You have a person in the physical sense—they have hair, a nose and a mouth—but they are not people in the psychological sense. One way to look at the job of helping autistic kids is to see it as a matter of constructing a person. You have the raw materials, but you have to build the person."

The purpose of the therapy is that autistic people are broken, and should not be allowed to be themselves. That they should be subjected to treatment until “molded” into something deemed more acceptable to society and their parents.

ABA doesn’t actually change the subject into what the program and their parents want. An autistic kid does not become allistic.

What it does accomplish is to essentially force the subjects into acting more like the type of person desired by the program (masking).

After enough bullying, shaming, coercion, and general breaking down of a child’s personality and defenses, that child learns to pretend to be allistic as much as possible, to please authority figures and avoid negative consequences (beatings, denial of food, denial of affection, denial of water, denial of washroom breaks, denial of preferred items etc).

It’s intensive “training” using aversive and coercive methods, to force change in a child’s behaviour. A lot of the time, this is about changing harmless self-sooothing or coping behaviours in autistic children.

ABA is an intensive therapy, usually 35-40 hours a week, of compliance training. Children are often pulled out of school for a good chunk of these hours, missing out on actual education, for what is essentially a full time job.

In these sessions the RBT (who only had to do a few weeks training) has the child do tasks repetitively earning a small prize like a candy or a token to gain a privileges to their favourite items and activities. The consequence is their favourite things and activities are removed, including the encouragement of the removal of their parents attention, until the child complies.

When subjected to compliance training for 35-40 hours a week, autistic children are taught that they lack autonomy. They are taught that they do not have the right to say “no” to something that they do not want to experience.

That’s incredibly harmful and dangerous. This leaves autistic survivors of ABA to be highly susceptible to various forms of abuse both as a child, and later on in life.

Also “pretending to not be autistic” thing is extremely problematic. I'll talk about that in another post.

A study in 2007 found that nearly half of all ABA survivors met the diagnostic threshold for PTSD. Other studies referenced put the number closer to 85%, and also include C-PTSD.

In 2016, Congress funded a report to examine whether the ABA services they have been effective

With 3,794 participants, this is the largest study ever conducted on ABA. The 31-page report entitled, “The Department of Defense Comprehensive Autism Care Demonstration Annual Report 2020” concluded that “ABA services are not working.”

“… these findings demonstrate that … the delivery of ABA services, is not working for most TRICARE beneficiaries in the ACD.”

“ … the Department remains very concerned about these results, and whether the current design of this demonstration, as well as ABA services specifically, is providing the most appropriate and/or effective services to our beneficiaries diagnosed with ASD.”

In last year’s report of over 709 individuals with autism, 76% showed no improvement after one year of treatment, 16% had improved, but that 9% were worse after a year of treatment.

ABA “therapists” - BCBA stand to lose a TON of money if ABA is considered bad. Parents or insurances are paying around $25,000 for 3 months of ABA.

As a society, we realize that gay conversion therapy is inhumane. We look at the type of dog training that most closely resembles ABA to be animal abuse. We look at residential schools - an idea that bares striking resemblance to the concept and execution of ABA - as a dark spot on our country’s history, and one that we are trying to make reparations for now, after the fact.

Unfortunately, ABA is oftentimes the ONLY resource now available to families with autistic individuals.

When given the diagnosis, the professionals hand out pamphlets and print outs of ABA companies. Some have even resorted to fear mongering or threatening families who refuse to use ABA.

Many doctors are not even taught about ABA or therapy options. They are simply told ABA is for autistic people, push it, and they do.

For families that trust their medical providers and have no other knowledge on autism or ABA, they think their provider is looking out for their best interest.

Many parents are just sadly uninformed and think they are doing the best thing for their child.

This is not helped by the fact that there are even facilities that are basically ABA in name only in order to be covered by insurances that will only pay for this therapy and none others.

These facilities are often floor time or play therapy in disguise which confuses people even more due to the fact that they claim to be ABA but are not. This has caused much discourse between people who think that all ABA must be like this when in fact they just got extremely lucky.

For BIPOC families, who are targeted by authorities already, any therapy they can get can be a potential life line that may help keep their children alive.

This leaves these families in a terrible situation of having to choose between one or potentially the other.

I'll share some amazing BIPOC voices in another post as I am not qualified to speak on their story due to me being white.

And for some families, it has become a last resort choice before having to move to a more institutionalized setting or in some cases threatened with child services.

A good hard look at ABA should be done with funding and encouraging alternatives like more access to floortime, speech, ot, or pt.

Those therapies are provided for some families but given very few hours in comparison, there are no facilities near them and they cannot afford the travel to them, and for some families, they aren't provided at all.

Some individuals qualify for no therapy options outside of ABA and this leaves some families without any resources or help and left to navigate everything alone as best as they are able to.

Which has been our experience and why it is important to me to get information out there, for those who have no other resources.

And sadly understanding that until acceptance and other resources are available to all families EQUITABLY, some may have to choose between one heartbreaking choice or another.

Either way, there is potential risk in ANY therapy you choose to utilize and it should be something to be aware of. So be aware of any red flags.

[luckydiorxoxo]