Talk about your trauma - temporarily closed

Please wait until i answer all the current asks, thank you!

[traumaticexperiences]

i'm not sure if my parent is abusive. i feel bad just talking about this because i want to to love them. a couple of years ago my parent cussed me out saying i "treat everyone like shit" etc etc. they still yell but not as bad. i think i'm overreacting but they just make me feel terrible without even doing anything. i have been spanked when i was younger but i believe i am just over thinking it. sorry if this makes no sense

if you feel this awful for just saying how you feel, it's likely your parents have forced you to feel guilty for merely talking about them and how they are. why would they do this to you unless they don't want anyone finding out how awfully they've been treating you? why would they yell at you and cuss at you unless they want you to feel terrible, and enjoy making you feel like everything is your fault? You're not overthinking it, it's clear from how awful you feel that your parents forced a lot of guilt and shame onto you, and they shouldn't have. You aren't as bad as they make it seem, you didn't deserve to be put thru yelling or any kind of pain.

And I think spanking is a definite sign of hatred and overall not caring for your well being. Nobody who is a good person and who loves you could ever bear humiliating and hurting you like that, nobody who is good would punish you and physically hurt you for not obeying them, especially not as a small child, while they can't possibly expect you to act like their slave.

[traumaticexperiences]

Doubt this is abuse but my parents are so religious, they wouldn't let me watch certain innocent cartoons like Pokemon as a kid. They kinda taught me and my siblings to hate non-christians and lgbt people and anyone else "weird". They say they care about me and would love me no matter what but if I do anything weird they freak out, they lecture me about the bible so much, maybe I'm just overly sensitive but it's gotten to the point where I feel I have to hide everything from them so I don't (p1)

(P2) upset them, but it's not like they hit me or insult me or anything. I'm an adult now but I barely talk to them, for whatever reason I developed AVPD and now I don't even know how to open up to anyone irl without dissociating so hard I can't speak or breaking down crying. It's my fault though, my fault I let them believe I'm stupid, my fault my dad says I can't use logic, he doesn't even mean it in a nasty way, he believes it. They did spank me when I was younger but everyone does that.

I loved pokemon so much I wanna tell this is abuse;;; how could someone deprive their kids of pokemon--

Okay, unless you've been emotionally attached to pokemon live i've been, that might have not been abuse, but everything else you describe is. Teaching a child that non christians and lgbt people are weird and don't deserve same love and respect as anyone else is awful no matter how you look at it, either they're risking telling your lgbt child that they hate them, or they're trying to force a child to be a part of a hate group.

They must have been abusing you more than that too, since you have avpd, and have trouble communicating and socializing. It's not your fault at all, it's them who should have known from the start that you are not stupid, and they should never ever call you stupid, or imply that you can't use logic. They don't actually believe those things. Parents say those things when they're threatened, when they realize kids are smarter and more capable than they are, and they wanna feel superior, so they destroy your confidence, it's absolutely sick. They’ve been lying to you. You’re not stupid.

And you don't have to forgive spanking just because a lot of parents inflict this kind of abuse onto their children! It's cruel, humiliating, psychologically designed to make them feel powerful and give them a high, and they used you to get that! They could have also not spanked you, not insulted your intelligence, not taught you hateful shit, not harmed you in any way. They could have done that, but they chose to hurt you anyway. They're absolutely abusive and you can hold them responsible for what they did to you.

[traumaticexperiences]

My Father

My father is… not a good person. He was abusive towards my mother and I. He was abusive in every way except sexually (that I know), and this last fight (they are divorced now) he tore her rotator cuff, and I would know, I watched it go down, I tried to stop him but he pushed me away and they both yelled at me to get out, so I decided to make sure my brothers were okay and not experiencing it like I was. He sold my bed for drug money, would harshly grab the back of my neck when he was mad at me, he also threatened to kidnap me. And this is what really bothers me, I could be over reacting or it could have happened but I’m not comfortable telling anyone including my therapist because accusing someone of sexual abuse is serious but when he would sleep in my room, naked, he would lay towels over my bed then we’d get into bed, and I wouldn’t really remember anything after that, and I have had insomnia since I was a year old. But when I see him I get this sinking feeling in my stomach and all I can think is how dirty I feel. I feel like I’m overreacting and minimizing people who remember it and know that it happened because I don’t remember it but I remember details that suggest it. And I don’t know how to cope because my mother keeps telling me to talk to him and my whole family likes to bring him up, even though they know I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I just don’t know anymore.

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You are right to think that he's not a good person. He sounds terrifying and dangerous, not like a human being at all. He must have kept you in terror, hurting you and threatening you like that. You're not over reacting at all, and it's really awful to even imagine what he did to you sexually, nobody would want to remember a thing like that, it's devastating. That feeling of being dirty doesn't come from you, it comes from him, he's dirty, and he had no right to touch you or to do anything to you at all.

It's horrible of your mother to ask you to talk to him! He's obviously a predator and a danger to you, how could she put you in this danger! Why did she not protect you from that monster? It's like nobody cares enough about your life to protect you from harm, it's devastating.

You shouldn't have been put thru any of this, you did nothing to deserve it, you should have been protected against everything he did to you, and everything you've seen him do to others. I'm so sorry this awful life has been inflicted on you, you deserve better.

also he sold your bed for drug money and everyone still likes him?? after?? that??? what the fuck is wrong with everyone

[traumaticexperiences]

Is it normal to break down infront of your (possible? Idk if it's abusive) abuser when talking about something they did that bothered you? Like I tried telling my dad why he was bothering me with some things he'd said but a few minutes after he opened his mouth I started to sob and couldn't even tell him what was wrong, meanwhile I can talk to anyone else perfectly fine about it

yeah it's possible, it happened to me too, it's because you aren't allowed to talk about abuse and when you break that barrier all the pain comes thru as well, and it hits you just how painful it was and how hard it is to talk about it, it's even worse telling it directly to your abuser because it's scary, you can tell they're going to try to hurt you even more on top of what they already did.

it's also possible you instincts realized that just crying and sobbing would be less dangerous than telling him what he did to hurt you, so it stopped you from stepping too far into danger. telling abusers is always very risky because they mostly come back at you with invalidation, gaslighting, blaming, shifting guilt and responsibility on you, pretending they didn't do it, or that you deserved it, etc, etc, thats why i would never recommend it unless you already know whats coming and can see thru all of it and hold them responsible no matter what you say. there is something powerful in having your abusers know that YOU know what they did and you find them guilty, makes it hard for them to wiggle out of it.

[traumaticexperiences]

everyone who asks for promo will be ignored, i’m not here as your marketing strategy

[traumaticexperiences]

wow, tysm for ur post abt how abusive parents benefit from abuse. my mom always told me the abuse hurt her more than it hurt me, and made me apologize afterwards every time for however i reacted to the abuse, and for "making" her do it. she insisted she didnt enjoy it, but i always got the feeling she actually Did. ofc she did- she got a dress-up doll, a therapist, a best friend, and a punching bag, all in one convenient package too young to defend itself. like fuck, and she called ME selfish?

yeah those are blatant lies, if abuse hurt her even nearly as much as it hurt you, she wouldn't be doing it, she wasn't doing it for your sake, those lies are just to make her not feel guilty after she uses a living child as her personal punching bag. She did enjoy it, and lied about it. She did a lot to convince you that you can't blame her, and to make herself feel not guilty. But she is responsible for abusing you and nothing she does or says can change that. She abused you because it felt good for her. And yeah, you can usually tell by the expressions on their face how much pleasure it gives them to hurt you and to watch you struggle in pain, it gives them a high, to have so much power over someone, to be able to punish someone for not obeying, in that moment they get to feel like god who destroys anyone who opposes them. it's so fucking sick. they're monsters and parasites damaging children's lives for the sake of their delusions.

[traumaticexperiences]

hi I think something bad happened when I was q kid, CSA I think but I'm afraid to do a lot of research because I can't remember most of my childhood and I'm scared I'll get false memories but something happened I'm almost sure but idk what to do

this must be a really confusing and scary time for you. Your memories will keep coming back weather you want them or not, and if you don't want to deal with it now, you can try to repress it, but in the end you will remember it. I know it's hard and heavy to even think that something like that might have happened to you, but the feeling you have, memories you lack, it's an indicator that something really traumatic did happen. You wont get false memories, our brain doesn't make up memories, especially not traumatic. They can be blurred and unclean and stop at one point but that doesn't mean they're false.

[traumaticexperiences]

throughout childhood, my dad would drag and throw me outside barefoot at night whenever he was mad, and i had an extreme fear of the dark. when i was 8 or 9, my dad grabbed me by the feet and repeatedly crashed my tailbone into the kitchen floor as i struggled and tried to get away. when i was 12, my dad striked all over me with his full might and as i tried to run away he pinned me down and tried to choke me as i feared for my life. i escaped through a window and wandered outside for the night.

jesus, this is such severe and cruel torture, he is a monster, how could he have done that to a small child, he could have killed you! He didn't even fucking care that he was scarring and damaging you for life, fucking parasite! Someone should do all of it to him. I hope you were able to get away from him, he sounds terrifying, and it's a miracle you survived his torture.

[traumaticexperiences]

I’ve been abused through out my life to the point where I don’t even know how I’ll live in a world without people making me feel guilty and broken.

I was raped and molested over and over as a toddler. When I didn’t understand what sex was when I didn’t know how to walk properly. He put his hands and genitals all over me and in me.called me sexy, and chubby and broken, threatend my family with death. It broke my brain into million pieces, setting me up to be broken forever.

Then you have my parents who fight all the time. My dad is the king of gaslighting me, my mum, and my sister. He makes us feel like our feelings aren’t valid that we need to get over it. Makes you feel guilty and worthless.the yelling, then the cold shoulder. My mum making me feel like I’m walking on eggshells so I don’t cause her to fall apart. Then when i need her to be emotional need her to care, she is never there. Walking on eggshells around my dad so he doesn’t do 1 of 2 things, stomp off like a petulant child or explode.

My dad told me he didn’t hate me for choosing to be gay/bi. my mum told me I should know that I can’t cheat if I’m bi. Then I tell my mum I’m trans and she doesn’t say anything for weeks then tells me I have to tell my dad, even though he has said some pretty gross things about trans people. She never told me anything nice and acts uncomfortable whenever I try to bring it up. Has never called me by my chosen/real name even when my dad is gone for weeks, because it is too hard for her. Always makes it about how hard it is for her.

My mum wouldn’t believe I had mental illness till I was self-harming every day, and she even ignored that for a while. They ignored my physical disabilities to till I absolutely couldn’t even get out of bed properly, telling me I just needed to exercise more it was horrible. I still fall apart without her knowing or caring, I hallucinate and have delusions, dissociate and cry and she says nothing, doesn’t care, lies to the doctors that I’m fine.

Then you have my bullies, so many of them over the years, name calling, pushing, having things thrown at me, property broken, people laughing at me, leaving me out of everything.

then you have a boyfriend who sexually assaulted me (3 times) and verbally berated me, told me he would be the only one who would ever love me. The only person who understood how fucked up I am. When I ended it with him, he went around and told everyone I was a slut and that my genitals smelled like fish. Thankfully I never loved him.

I had a girlfriend, who told me again that she was the only one who would love me, and like a fool I believed her, I trusted that she loved me. She would guilt trip and lie to me all the time. When I was “bad” she would send me pictures of her self-harming. She lied so much to me lied about being trans and other things. I don’t understand why she would do these things to me. I loved her so much but all she did was break my heart.

All of these have lead me to be a suicidal, self-harming, ed having, disabled, mentally ill, fucked up mess.

/////

It's really devastating what you went through. You were never given the chance to develop at all, you were thrown into torture even as a toddler, I can't imagine how deeply this breaks a person, a world was never once a good or safe place for you.

It's just so deeply unfair for you to be forced to take on all of this in one life? You deserve a break, life long break from abuse, to think that you've had so much pain inflicted on you and it still keeps happening is heartbreaking. It's common for people to just keep exploiting, abusing and taking advantage of already broken people but this is really too much, it doesn't seem like you can find a bit of warmth anywhere. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this horrible life.

[traumaticexperiences]

My mom won't take my depression serious. I keep asking her if I can go to the doctor to see if there is anything seriously wrong. She keeps denying taking me because she thinks I'm just trying to get attention. She even denies me when I say I'm bisexual. She keeps saying things like you can't like both. It gets on my nerves and it makes me want to kill myself because it's so stressful living with her.

nobody with good conscience could deny their child help when they're depressed, this is toxic behaviour. She should care aboutyour depression, acknowledge your orientation and she should be offering you all kinds of acceptance and help, she's a really awful mom.

Only people who don't think that your emotions are real, and your pain is real, can be accusing you of "faking it for attention", that is narcissistic and ignorant behaviour, and I wouldn't trust anyone who can just dismiss all you're going thru like that, and pretend it's not real. It's invalidating and hurtful. You deserve acceptance and help and so much more than she's giving you.

[traumaticexperiences]

My mom would never take my success seriously. I remember it took me forever to learn how to count money and when I finally did she just pushed it aside and told me " well your young let brothers already know how to do it, how about you try to be like them smart and getting themselves places you dumb fuck " and it will make feel so bad to point that I just want to end it all. I can't do anything without being torn down because my brother has already done it.

that is awful! for a human being, to be trying so hard, and putting so much energy and effort to succeed, and then for everything to just be brushed away, it feels like no matter how much energy you put into it, and how much you try, you'll never achieve anything that will be meaningful or recognized and acknowledged by others. it's discouraging, demotivating, even sabotaging your future success, because when you know it's all just going to be brushed aside, your will to even try goes down.

this is just not right! people who care about you should be celebrating your successes and showing you how much it matters and how great it is that you succeeded! invalidating your success is hateful behaviour, abusers often do that to convince you that nothing you do matter, or will ever matter, as if you're not important, and not valuable as a human being. that is brainwashing.

also nobody should compare you to others like that, that is really hateful way to talk towards you! life is not a competition and you don't have to constantly be compared to others, it's sick that she's doing that to you! she's abusing you so badly and tearing you apart to the point where you want to die, this is terribly cruel abuse, if she cared about you at all she would stop that. you deserve better than this.

[traumaticexperiences]

The guilt is so fucking overwhelming​, I can't stop screaming I'm sorry to everyone I love and I can fucking feel the moment that they get tired of my shit

this is toxic guilt. It means someone has forced guilt onto you for things you haven't done, that someone over-punished you for something, and that people have been known to inflict incredible damage onto you for minor issues.

You're suffering and struggling really badly right now. I wish i could show you an easy way out of this. I felt so incredibly guilty and ashamed too until I realized it was things that others did to me, and not something i did, that i felt guilty about, and I managed to wake up my anger and be angry at those who would force this kind of guilt onto me. It's not all your fault, and you're not as bad as they make you seem.

Everyone getting tired of you and abandoning you is a really devastating experience, and I can't imagine how awful it is for you to be going thru that constantly. I wish i could promise you that it will get better, but all I can do is say that it will hurt less, every time, it hurts less, when you know it's not your fault, it's not you who does wrong, it's not you who messes up. It's other people fucking up. You're doing good.

[traumaticexperiences]

I'm Stuck and Scared

So, I’ve been in an abusive home all of my life. My mom, to be exact, is physically abusive. My father hasn’t stopped it though. I kind of resent him for that.

I’m thirteen years old. A month ago I finally called DCS (Department of Child Services) and -suprise surprise- they did nothing. My mom was very angry to say the least.

I was emotionally abused as a child and physically abused, it’s continued into my, now, teenage years. I’m scared for my life… 

My mom used to burn me, you know? She would get mad and burn me with her cigarettes. She claims it never happened but I have the scars.

I’m just trying to wait it all out now…

My mom withholds money and food from me. She buys food only for her, using our food card. I make some money by rolling cigarettes for some friends of mine. ($10 for 200 cigs) It’s not enough though. It’s never enough.

I’m thinking of running away, but I can’t without money or food. I don’t know what to do. I need advice… Anyone?

//////

you must be terrified, being 13 and exposed to a violent abuser, and with knowledge that services that are supposed to protect you are doing nothing. Abuse you've been thru is so severe, I can't believe you've been burned and child services aren't doing anything to protect you?? That is devastating, they're supposed to protect children like you. This is why I don't reccomend them, because I know there's a lot of cases where they don't help at all, and I don't feel comfortable recommending something that is a risk to just make people feel worse and not give them any help.

If anyone has a good advice for this person, please share it. I don't know how to run away without any money or food, and this situation sounds desperate. All I can think of is to try start a donation pool, any more ideas?

[traumaticexperiences]

Is it normal to want to look like your abuser, but better? I recently dyed my hair in the same color she has it and I caught myself wearing the same makeup but kinda better done

okay i have no idea about this, I know some narcissists might be attractive due to their fake confidence, so wanting to be attractive like them might be a thing, also one-upping your abuser by looking better than them might feel like a win if they take everything as a competition?

But you should remind yourself that appearances or behaviours aren't a competition, I mean if it pisses off your abuser and makes you feel better it's okay, just make priority to get away from them and to not have to compete with anyone in anything.

[traumaticexperiences]

I have become terrified of my mother to the point where when I hear the squeak of the garage opening, even if it’s just the neighbor’s garage, I instantly bolt up the stairs to my room on reflex. I have also taken to skipping meals or postponing my meal times to a later time just because I don’t want to be in the same room as her (our kitchen/living room is open space). Since she has started to stay downstairs exclusively (she now sleeps on the couch rather than her own bed upstairs), I can’t go downstairs and sneak food anymore unless she leaves the house in general. In the past I would always sneak down to eat after she goes into her room. 

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it sounds like you're forced to live in complete terror, this is awful. You must have been hurt extremely badly in order to feel this amount of fear, and your instincts are right to avoid those who would hurt you. I hope you manage to get completely away from her, it's awful you can't even get to food because of her. I hope you make it out of thate terror alive! you deserve to live in safety.

[traumaticexperiences]

My mother throws away my things without permission, the most recent being my favourite blanket. Is this a sign of being a narcissistic parent since I've seen some people on r/raisedbynarcissists have the same experience.

yeah. any person who cares about you would never throw your things away without your permission, especially your favourite things! it sounds like an attempt to really hurt you, and i think only someone very hateful, or narcissistic, would do such a thing just to inflict pain on you, or to punish you for something.

My mom did it to me too, and she is a covert narcissist.

[traumaticexperiences]

Finally told my parents that I hate when the hug me - they got really upset, what do I do? I can't stand it because it makes me remember past abuse and I just generally hate human contact

you've done the right thing to tell them you hate it and it bothers you, their reactions is awful though! they should apologize to you for triggering you and making you re-live past abuse, and make sure not to do it again! if they're unaware of you being abused in the past and aren't sensitive to your boundaries and your needs, they're not really good parents. If they're the ones who have inflitcted the abuse, even worse.

It's okay to stay away from human contact for as long as you need. I couldn't take it for a long long time, I wouldn't let anyone hug or touch me, and that was okay, i eventually started craving human interaction because it's a need, but then i made people stand still while i hug them, so i wouldn't get scared. You do things on your own pace, and how you feel comfortable doing it. Don't let anyone hug or touch you if it feels bad.