BILL CIPHER!! 👁️

YOUR OL' PAL AND OVERLORD! DON'T LISTEN TO WHAT THEY TELL YOU. I AM NOT A JANITOR. (RP ACCOUNT - HANDYMAN BILL AU)

[triangle-shop-owner]

WHY AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS.

HEYA! IT'S ME, YOUR OL' PAL AND OVERLORD. BILL CIPHER. I AM NOT A JANITOR FOR THE MYSTERY SHACK. I AM NOT REQUIRED TO BE THERE UNTIL I "GET MY ACT TOGETHER." UH. ANYWAY! MABEL GAVE ME A PHONE AND TOLD ME TO "make a tumblr! :3" SO HERE I AM. ASK ME STUFF. I ACTUALLY COULD CARE LESS IF YOU DO THOUGH PLEASE DISTRACT ME FROM MY JOB.

vv read below for rules vv Hello! Mason/Syn here. I'm the mod behind the one-sixer-please, mabels-scrapbooks, dippers-starbooks, and now the triangle-shop-owner accounts! Couple rules and things I want to share:

Be patient please!! I am a human person that does a lot of stuff so I may not always be able to answer asks!! But I'll try when I can!! My time zone is EST. I'll respond whenever I'm awake/not at school or other event!! Please...no NSFW asks...I don't care for shipping (please no proshipping) if you want to imply some undertones...but I'm a minor so just be respectful of that!! Be mindful of the AU!! I picked this AU for specifically how the whole gang acts but also remember what takes place in this AU if you have any questions regarding universe stuff don't take anything i say seriously. bill is mean. i do not mean to be mean i am playing a character!! Uhh, other than that just don't be weird or creepy. Have common sense. Happy asking!!

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*He stood in front of Ford, leaking a lot of golden goo and holding a bag of jellybeans.* Heya...uh...I kinda ran away from the science lab that is my universe's mystery shaaack..eugh.. I needed somewhere to go and you're the only person I could think of who like...woiuld care a little...soo.. *He looked incredibly ill.* ( @triangle-shop-owner )

Come over here, sit down. I don’t have a bucket for you to vomit in, but since we’re outside, it should be fine. Probably.

It’s been… quite awhile since I had jellybeans. I miss those…

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He sat down.* I wouldn't eat these. Mabel gave them to me, she never means well.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he examines the jelly beans*

Surely they can’t be that bad…

*hes currently grilling some sort of cured bird meat over the fire - the meat portions are impaled on sticks and placed over a makeshift grill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

WELL I DON'T TRUST THEM. Do you wanna try one?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Certainly

*he holds a hand out to take one. Or a few. However many Bill decides to offer him*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He offers Ford the whole bag. He's not gonna eat any of them.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*He stood in front of Ford, leaking a lot of golden goo and holding a bag of jellybeans.* Heya...uh...I kinda ran away from the science lab that is my universe's mystery shaaack..eugh.. I needed somewhere to go and you're the only person I could think of who like...woiuld care a little...soo.. *He looked incredibly ill.* ( @triangle-shop-owner )

Come over here, sit down. I don’t have a bucket for you to vomit in, but since we’re outside, it should be fine. Probably.

It’s been… quite awhile since I had jellybeans. I miss those…

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He sat down.* I wouldn't eat these. Mabel gave them to me, she never means well.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he examines the jelly beans*

Surely they can’t be that bad…

*hes currently grilling some sort of cured bird meat over the fire - the meat portions are impaled on sticks and placed over a makeshift grill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

WELL I DON'T TRUST THEM. Do you wanna try one?

[triangle-shop-owner]

"I think your Stanford gave me permission to keep you"

I AM NOT AN OBJECT??... *He looked incredibly ill.* Whatever..

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*He stood in front of Ford, leaking a lot of golden goo and holding a bag of jellybeans.* Heya...uh...I kinda ran away from the science lab that is my universe's mystery shaaack..eugh.. I needed somewhere to go and you're the only person I could think of who like...woiuld care a little...soo.. *He looked incredibly ill.* ( @triangle-shop-owner )

Come over here, sit down. I don’t have a bucket for you to vomit in, but since we’re outside, it should be fine. Probably.

It’s been… quite awhile since I had jellybeans. I miss those…

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He sat down.* I wouldn't eat these. Mabel gave them to me, she never means well.

[triangle-shop-owner]

YOU ENDED UP WORKING FOR THEM?? MAN AND I THOUGHT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WAS PATHETIC!!

-@imbackbilly

...IF ONE MORE GOD DAMN BILL ASKS ME THIS I'M GOING TO PUT IN A WORD FOR YOU ALL TO THE TRUTH SERUM KIDS.

[imbackbilly]

WHAT

[triangle-shop-owner]

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF THE TRUTH SERUM YET? OH LUCKY YOU.

[triangle-shop-owner]

YOU ENDED UP WORKING FOR THEM?? MAN AND I THOUGHT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME WAS PATHETIC!!

-@imbackbilly

...IF ONE MORE GOD DAMN BILL ASKS ME THIS I'M GOING TO PUT IN A WORD FOR YOU ALL TO THE TRUTH SERUM KIDS.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Coffee Ford’s phone is ringing. Constantly. He’s built the phone from various scrap metal and wires he’s found, but it’s perfectly functional and even has caller ID. The caller ID that shows up most, however, just says “DRUNK POS”. Right now, Ford is heavily preoccupied with taking a nap for once, as the exhaustion has finally gotten to him again as it always does. But DRUNK POS is being very, very persistent right now…*

( @askdrunkbillcipher )

*Bill stared at the phone. Every part of him wanted to hang up. To ignore this guy. Hell, he hated this guy! What brought him to pick up...he had no clue.* ...YELLO?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOLY SHIT YOY ACTUALLY PICKED UP FOR ONCE! THIS MEAN YOURE COMIN TO YOUE SENSES? WE CAN TALJ ABOUT THAT LAYER, RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU TO-

WAIT A FUCKIN MINURE. WHO IS THIS?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE WHO ARE YOU. AND WHY IS YOUR NAME DRUNK P- OH YOU.

[askdrunkbillcipher]

YRAH ME. WHY THE FUCK DO YOH HAVE MY SIXER’S PHONE?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

HE'S TRYING TO SLEE- *Bill paused. That was not a good thing to say to the Bill that might torment him. He had to think of a save. Fast.* ...SLEEP WITH ME. YEAH. AS IN SEX. HE'S HAVING SEX WITH ME. WHY? WHAT'S IT TO YA?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

…ABD HES PROVABLY PRETENDING YOURE ME THE WHOLE TIME!

[triangle-shop-owner]

...ONE, NO HE IS NOT. TWO, DO YOU DO THAT WHEN KISSING MY UNIVERSE'S FORD??-

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOW WIULD YOU KNOW? YOU BEEN INSUDE HIS MIND? I BET- WAIT.

WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE, YOURE THAT PIWERLESS JANITOR BILL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

SORRY! EXCEOT IM NOT! CAUSE YOURE A JOKE! MY POOR SIXER IS GONNA REAKIZE HOW MYCH BETTER I AN IN THE SACK TBAN YOU WITH MY POWERS ABD HES FONNA COME CRAWLIN BACK AND ILL GE TOO BUSY KEEPIN YOURS SATISFIED. BUT HEY, THANKS FIR HELOJN MAKE SURE THAT HAPOENS!

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He couldn't even think of a comeback. He was too hurt. And stunned, honestly. Usually he can, but this Bill...this Bill HURT him.* ...I'M GONNA GO BACK TO [NOT S&P APPROVED] YOUR FORD NOW. GO RAIL MY UNIVERSE'S FORD FOR ALL I CARE. BUY GOLD BYE!!! *He hung up. His hand was shaking. Was he crying?*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he twitched and rolled over before his eyes suddenly shot open to see Bill crying while holding his phone*

…Bill?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FORD! HOW DID YOU SLEEP! *He wiped his eye, putting Ford's phone down.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Alright I suppose… Are you alright? And why do you have my phone?

[triangle-shop-owner]

HAHAHAHA I'M ALRIGHT IT'S DUMB AND PATHETIC HAHAHHAHAHAHA ALSO THE DUMB ALCOHOLIC CALLED YOU AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM WE HAD SEX TO COVER FOR YOU SLEEPING SORRY LAST MINUTE COVER BUT IF HE ASKS TELL HIM IT WAS AWESOME.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…I don’t know what he said to upset you, but you’re perfectly allowed to be upset. Come closer.

*he extends a hand towards Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He got closer, and tears started to drip again.* YOU KNOW, SOME DRUNK GUY RUBBING IT IN THAT HE STILL HAS EVERYTHING YOU LOST REALLY DOES SOMETHING TO YOU. THE MOMENT HE MENTIONED MY FORD...MY EYE GOT ALL WET.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he pulled him in for an awkward hug*

Now, now, his words may hurt, but they’re coming from a guy who tried to pick a fight with his own reflection and, as I’ve been told, mistook someone for his dead mom just because he was a blue triangle.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill hugged him for a little longer before letting go. His tone softened.* ...Well, sure but...he has EVERYTHING I wanted. Minus the alcohol addiction. I am the BOTTOM of the food chain of Bills! He may be an idiot... but I am a bit jealous of him. Pathetic, isn't it?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Not really. I imagine you grew accustomed to your powers. They were a given, something you could rely on. But now you don’t have them and you’re finding ways to function without them after all this time. That sounds difficult and now you have my ex rubbing salt in the wound.

But… need I remind you I would not be so comfortable being this close to you this often if you still had them? I take comfort in knowing you can only hurt me in the normal ways. In that respect, I suppose I have to say I like you better without them. Who cares if you’re at the bottom of the Cipher food chain? Have you met other Bills? You read my private journal, do you really want to be like him after that?

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess all I need is you, really...By the way, your ex is a nightmare. You should file an interdimensional restraining order. Those are real, I had to get one on a howling void I dated.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he sighed*

Tell me about it. How difficult is it to get such a restraining order when you’re also wanted for interdimensional crimes? I might could benefit from this.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Technically I was wanted for interdimensional crimes at that point too! Look it's either that or we could kill him! Or get Frills on him! Either way I feel...awfully bad that you have to deal with THAT.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

I’m on board with killing him. At least then I won’t have to fear he’ll start his own “Weirdmageddon”. If you have any tips, I’m all ears.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well my universe's you and fez used a memory eraser gun once I possessed the person's mind! It hurt a lot, but it'll do the job!... speaking of my Ford...ugh...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

A memory gun? That’ll require someone being possessed by him… Perhaps I’ll get lucky and find a willing sacrifice.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Check Mabel's truth serum participant list. Someone on there'll do it. By the way...uh... You're not gonna leave me for the drunk idiot, right? Not that you're bound to me, even though I'm the best. I just, don't wanna lose this again to HIM, yknow?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Now there’s a thought.

Why would I do that? You know what he’s done to me, what he could easily do again.

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess better to be strong than a joke...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

You’re not a joke and I’m not going to leave you for him. He said that to hurt you. And because he’s a drunk idiot who probably believes it.

[triangle-shop-owner]

. . . can I hug you? Sorry, weird request I just... *He groaned, throwing something.* I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED MY FORD SMART! HE'S ACTUALLY INTO THAT DRUNK IDIOT?! Not that I want him, gross, I just thought he'd be smarter than that!

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Certainly

I’m inclined to say I thought I would’ve been smarter than that too. But your Ford has already been hurt and at least I have the sense not to sign myself up for more like some sort of emotional masochist.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well I hate him, so I don't care. *He hugged Ford, his body continued to shake as if he was a lost, scared dog. He had no idea if he was shaking of anger or fear. Maybe it was both.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*the shaking threw him off. He was used to thinking of Bill as this strong force, bold and unafraid of anything, certain of everything he did, and whose anger was shown with violence. Seeing this Bill like this felt like being hit with reality. He knew this Bill didn’t have his powers, and that this Bill wasn’t from his universe, but in this moment, he knew this Bill was not the Bill that had rendered him so terrified of his own need for sleep and made his life a living hell. This was a sober idiot who bit off more than he could chew and lost everything as a result.*

*he stroked his back, quietly reassuring him. His eyes threatened to shut and force him asleep, and though he knew better, he fought it off*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He continued to hug Ford, as if e'd dissapear if he let him go.. It was honestly a sad sight. Bill quietly remembered he lost everything. They took EVERYTHING from him.* ...I lost everything. He just gets to party it up with his power while I sit here. They alldo.Where did I go wrong, Ford..?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

With any luck, they’ll all lose everything. We don’t live in a just multiverse. That’s the only reason why they still have theirs. Though, I suppose you did have to start “Weirdmageddon” to lose yours, correct? My universe’s Bill hasn’t done that yet. I’d like to stop him first, but if I fail at that, let’s hope that whatever force stripped you of all your powers is just as merciful towards him as I would be.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*The moment the higher power was mentioned, he tightly gripped onto Ford's back. He HATED the Axolotl. He saved his life, but forced him into therapy and to live with the people who ruined his lie. He HATED the Axolotl.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…Did I say the wrong thing?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FRILLS.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Is “Frills” responsible for you being powerless? Perhaps I could reason with them. Convince them to take my Bill’s powers. And, if it makes you feel better, get you exactly one power back. Just one. And not one that has no purpose outside of harming others.

[triangle-shop-owner]

...I would really like that. Thank you. *Bill felt as if he had hit this sudden moral dilemma. A part of him really cared for Ford. Like he was an actual friend. But he didn't care. He wasn't supposed to care about anyone. ESPECIALLY not humans. Humans were responsible for ruining his life. But he was literally illing to let the world burn for this guy. He wanted him to be safe even if it jeopardized everyone else. Why did he care so much?* I hate how great you are.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Yeah, so do I sometimes…

*he keeps trying to fight off sleep, even eyeing his bag where he knows his coffee maker and newly bought coffee is, but he doesn’t want to get up on account of Bill. Great, now he’s really looking at him like some pitiful stray puppy he picked up and not a powerless rendition of the being that broke him psychologically… but in the moment he’s too tired to do much more than gripe about it in his head as his body forces him to drift off*

[triangle-shop-owner]

You can uh, fall asleep if you'd like. I can see you dozing off.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he mutters something like “sorry” but ultimately falls asleep still hugging Bill. It was hard to say if it was pure exhaustion or if he was starting to feel increasingly safer around this particular Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill continued to hug him and...actually fell asleep? It was odd. He doesn't need sleep, sure. But something in his body inclined him to in this moment. Though he quickly woke up considering he was having a nightmare about Euclydia.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he remained asleep but… was clearly dreaming. And talking in his sleep*

…don’t… not him… I’m sorry… must stop him…

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He put a hand on Ford's head, softly patting it.* You're okay...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he startled a little, but keeps his eyes shut*

…don’t hurt him…

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He pet Ford's head a bit.*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Coffee Ford’s phone is ringing. Constantly. He’s built the phone from various scrap metal and wires he’s found, but it’s perfectly functional and even has caller ID. The caller ID that shows up most, however, just says “DRUNK POS”. Right now, Ford is heavily preoccupied with taking a nap for once, as the exhaustion has finally gotten to him again as it always does. But DRUNK POS is being very, very persistent right now…*

( @askdrunkbillcipher )

*Bill stared at the phone. Every part of him wanted to hang up. To ignore this guy. Hell, he hated this guy! What brought him to pick up...he had no clue.* ...YELLO?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOLY SHIT YOY ACTUALLY PICKED UP FOR ONCE! THIS MEAN YOURE COMIN TO YOUE SENSES? WE CAN TALJ ABOUT THAT LAYER, RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU TO-

WAIT A FUCKIN MINURE. WHO IS THIS?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE WHO ARE YOU. AND WHY IS YOUR NAME DRUNK P- OH YOU.

[askdrunkbillcipher]

YRAH ME. WHY THE FUCK DO YOH HAVE MY SIXER’S PHONE?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

HE'S TRYING TO SLEE- *Bill paused. That was not a good thing to say to the Bill that might torment him. He had to think of a save. Fast.* ...SLEEP WITH ME. YEAH. AS IN SEX. HE'S HAVING SEX WITH ME. WHY? WHAT'S IT TO YA?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

…ABD HES PROVABLY PRETENDING YOURE ME THE WHOLE TIME!

[triangle-shop-owner]

...ONE, NO HE IS NOT. TWO, DO YOU DO THAT WHEN KISSING MY UNIVERSE'S FORD??-

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOW WIULD YOU KNOW? YOU BEEN INSUDE HIS MIND? I BET- WAIT.

WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE, YOURE THAT PIWERLESS JANITOR BILL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

SORRY! EXCEOT IM NOT! CAUSE YOURE A JOKE! MY POOR SIXER IS GONNA REAKIZE HOW MYCH BETTER I AN IN THE SACK TBAN YOU WITH MY POWERS ABD HES FONNA COME CRAWLIN BACK AND ILL GE TOO BUSY KEEPIN YOURS SATISFIED. BUT HEY, THANKS FIR HELOJN MAKE SURE THAT HAPOENS!

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He couldn't even think of a comeback. He was too hurt. And stunned, honestly. Usually he can, but this Bill...this Bill HURT him.* ...I'M GONNA GO BACK TO [NOT S&P APPROVED] YOUR FORD NOW. GO RAIL MY UNIVERSE'S FORD FOR ALL I CARE. BUY GOLD BYE!!! *He hung up. His hand was shaking. Was he crying?*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he twitched and rolled over before his eyes suddenly shot open to see Bill crying while holding his phone*

…Bill?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FORD! HOW DID YOU SLEEP! *He wiped his eye, putting Ford's phone down.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Alright I suppose… Are you alright? And why do you have my phone?

[triangle-shop-owner]

HAHAHAHA I'M ALRIGHT IT'S DUMB AND PATHETIC HAHAHHAHAHAHA ALSO THE DUMB ALCOHOLIC CALLED YOU AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM WE HAD SEX TO COVER FOR YOU SLEEPING SORRY LAST MINUTE COVER BUT IF HE ASKS TELL HIM IT WAS AWESOME.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…I don’t know what he said to upset you, but you’re perfectly allowed to be upset. Come closer.

*he extends a hand towards Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He got closer, and tears started to drip again.* YOU KNOW, SOME DRUNK GUY RUBBING IT IN THAT HE STILL HAS EVERYTHING YOU LOST REALLY DOES SOMETHING TO YOU. THE MOMENT HE MENTIONED MY FORD...MY EYE GOT ALL WET.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he pulled him in for an awkward hug*

Now, now, his words may hurt, but they’re coming from a guy who tried to pick a fight with his own reflection and, as I’ve been told, mistook someone for his dead mom just because he was a blue triangle.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill hugged him for a little longer before letting go. His tone softened.* ...Well, sure but...he has EVERYTHING I wanted. Minus the alcohol addiction. I am the BOTTOM of the food chain of Bills! He may be an idiot... but I am a bit jealous of him. Pathetic, isn't it?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Not really. I imagine you grew accustomed to your powers. They were a given, something you could rely on. But now you don’t have them and you’re finding ways to function without them after all this time. That sounds difficult and now you have my ex rubbing salt in the wound.

But… need I remind you I would not be so comfortable being this close to you this often if you still had them? I take comfort in knowing you can only hurt me in the normal ways. In that respect, I suppose I have to say I like you better without them. Who cares if you’re at the bottom of the Cipher food chain? Have you met other Bills? You read my private journal, do you really want to be like him after that?

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess all I need is you, really...By the way, your ex is a nightmare. You should file an interdimensional restraining order. Those are real, I had to get one on a howling void I dated.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he sighed*

Tell me about it. How difficult is it to get such a restraining order when you’re also wanted for interdimensional crimes? I might could benefit from this.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Technically I was wanted for interdimensional crimes at that point too! Look it's either that or we could kill him! Or get Frills on him! Either way I feel...awfully bad that you have to deal with THAT.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

I’m on board with killing him. At least then I won’t have to fear he’ll start his own “Weirdmageddon”. If you have any tips, I’m all ears.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well my universe's you and fez used a memory eraser gun once I possessed the person's mind! It hurt a lot, but it'll do the job!... speaking of my Ford...ugh...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

A memory gun? That’ll require someone being possessed by him… Perhaps I’ll get lucky and find a willing sacrifice.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Check Mabel's truth serum participant list. Someone on there'll do it. By the way...uh... You're not gonna leave me for the drunk idiot, right? Not that you're bound to me, even though I'm the best. I just, don't wanna lose this again to HIM, yknow?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Now there’s a thought.

Why would I do that? You know what he’s done to me, what he could easily do again.

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess better to be strong than a joke...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

You’re not a joke and I’m not going to leave you for him. He said that to hurt you. And because he’s a drunk idiot who probably believes it.

[triangle-shop-owner]

. . . can I hug you? Sorry, weird request I just... *He groaned, throwing something.* I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED MY FORD SMART! HE'S ACTUALLY INTO THAT DRUNK IDIOT?! Not that I want him, gross, I just thought he'd be smarter than that!

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Certainly

I’m inclined to say I thought I would’ve been smarter than that too. But your Ford has already been hurt and at least I have the sense not to sign myself up for more like some sort of emotional masochist.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well I hate him, so I don't care. *He hugged Ford, his body continued to shake as if he was a lost, scared dog. He had no idea if he was shaking of anger or fear. Maybe it was both.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*the shaking threw him off. He was used to thinking of Bill as this strong force, bold and unafraid of anything, certain of everything he did, and whose anger was shown with violence. Seeing this Bill like this felt like being hit with reality. He knew this Bill didn’t have his powers, and that this Bill wasn’t from his universe, but in this moment, he knew this Bill was not the Bill that had rendered him so terrified of his own need for sleep and made his life a living hell. This was a sober idiot who bit off more than he could chew and lost everything as a result.*

*he stroked his back, quietly reassuring him. His eyes threatened to shut and force him asleep, and though he knew better, he fought it off*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He continued to hug Ford, as if e'd dissapear if he let him go.. It was honestly a sad sight. Bill quietly remembered he lost everything. They took EVERYTHING from him.* ...I lost everything. He just gets to party it up with his power while I sit here. They alldo.Where did I go wrong, Ford..?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

With any luck, they’ll all lose everything. We don’t live in a just multiverse. That’s the only reason why they still have theirs. Though, I suppose you did have to start “Weirdmageddon” to lose yours, correct? My universe’s Bill hasn’t done that yet. I’d like to stop him first, but if I fail at that, let’s hope that whatever force stripped you of all your powers is just as merciful towards him as I would be.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*The moment the higher power was mentioned, he tightly gripped onto Ford's back. He HATED the Axolotl. He saved his life, but forced him into therapy and to live with the people who ruined his lie. He HATED the Axolotl.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…Did I say the wrong thing?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FRILLS.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Is “Frills” responsible for you being powerless? Perhaps I could reason with them. Convince them to take my Bill’s powers. And, if it makes you feel better, get you exactly one power back. Just one. And not one that has no purpose outside of harming others.

[triangle-shop-owner]

...I would really like that. Thank you. *Bill felt as if he had hit this sudden moral dilemma. A part of him really cared for Ford. Like he was an actual friend. But he didn't care. He wasn't supposed to care about anyone. ESPECIALLY not humans. Humans were responsible for ruining his life. But he was literally illing to let the world burn for this guy. He wanted him to be safe even if it jeopardized everyone else. Why did he care so much?* I hate how great you are.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Yeah, so do I sometimes…

*he keeps trying to fight off sleep, even eyeing his bag where he knows his coffee maker and newly bought coffee is, but he doesn’t want to get up on account of Bill. Great, now he’s really looking at him like some pitiful stray puppy he picked up and not a powerless rendition of the being that broke him psychologically… but in the moment he’s too tired to do much more than gripe about it in his head as his body forces him to drift off*

[triangle-shop-owner]

You can uh, fall asleep if you'd like. I can see you dozing off.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he mutters something like “sorry” but ultimately falls asleep still hugging Bill. It was hard to say if it was pure exhaustion or if he was starting to feel increasingly safer around this particular Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill continued to hug him and...actually fell asleep? It was odd. He doesn't need sleep, sure. But something in his body inclined him to in this moment. Though he quickly woke up considering he was having a nightmare about Euclydia.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he remained asleep but… was clearly dreaming. And talking in his sleep*

…don’t… not him… I’m sorry… must stop him…

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He put a hand on Ford's head, softly patting it.* You're okay...

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Coffee Ford’s phone is ringing. Constantly. He’s built the phone from various scrap metal and wires he’s found, but it’s perfectly functional and even has caller ID. The caller ID that shows up most, however, just says “DRUNK POS”. Right now, Ford is heavily preoccupied with taking a nap for once, as the exhaustion has finally gotten to him again as it always does. But DRUNK POS is being very, very persistent right now…*

( @askdrunkbillcipher )

*Bill stared at the phone. Every part of him wanted to hang up. To ignore this guy. Hell, he hated this guy! What brought him to pick up...he had no clue.* ...YELLO?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOLY SHIT YOY ACTUALLY PICKED UP FOR ONCE! THIS MEAN YOURE COMIN TO YOUE SENSES? WE CAN TALJ ABOUT THAT LAYER, RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU TO-

WAIT A FUCKIN MINURE. WHO IS THIS?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE WHO ARE YOU. AND WHY IS YOUR NAME DRUNK P- OH YOU.

[askdrunkbillcipher]

YRAH ME. WHY THE FUCK DO YOH HAVE MY SIXER’S PHONE?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

HE'S TRYING TO SLEE- *Bill paused. That was not a good thing to say to the Bill that might torment him. He had to think of a save. Fast.* ...SLEEP WITH ME. YEAH. AS IN SEX. HE'S HAVING SEX WITH ME. WHY? WHAT'S IT TO YA?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

…ABD HES PROVABLY PRETENDING YOURE ME THE WHOLE TIME!

[triangle-shop-owner]

...ONE, NO HE IS NOT. TWO, DO YOU DO THAT WHEN KISSING MY UNIVERSE'S FORD??-

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOW WIULD YOU KNOW? YOU BEEN INSUDE HIS MIND? I BET- WAIT.

WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE, YOURE THAT PIWERLESS JANITOR BILL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

SORRY! EXCEOT IM NOT! CAUSE YOURE A JOKE! MY POOR SIXER IS GONNA REAKIZE HOW MYCH BETTER I AN IN THE SACK TBAN YOU WITH MY POWERS ABD HES FONNA COME CRAWLIN BACK AND ILL GE TOO BUSY KEEPIN YOURS SATISFIED. BUT HEY, THANKS FIR HELOJN MAKE SURE THAT HAPOENS!

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He couldn't even think of a comeback. He was too hurt. And stunned, honestly. Usually he can, but this Bill...this Bill HURT him.* ...I'M GONNA GO BACK TO [NOT S&P APPROVED] YOUR FORD NOW. GO RAIL MY UNIVERSE'S FORD FOR ALL I CARE. BUY GOLD BYE!!! *He hung up. His hand was shaking. Was he crying?*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he twitched and rolled over before his eyes suddenly shot open to see Bill crying while holding his phone*

…Bill?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FORD! HOW DID YOU SLEEP! *He wiped his eye, putting Ford's phone down.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Alright I suppose… Are you alright? And why do you have my phone?

[triangle-shop-owner]

HAHAHAHA I'M ALRIGHT IT'S DUMB AND PATHETIC HAHAHHAHAHAHA ALSO THE DUMB ALCOHOLIC CALLED YOU AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM WE HAD SEX TO COVER FOR YOU SLEEPING SORRY LAST MINUTE COVER BUT IF HE ASKS TELL HIM IT WAS AWESOME.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…I don’t know what he said to upset you, but you’re perfectly allowed to be upset. Come closer.

*he extends a hand towards Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He got closer, and tears started to drip again.* YOU KNOW, SOME DRUNK GUY RUBBING IT IN THAT HE STILL HAS EVERYTHING YOU LOST REALLY DOES SOMETHING TO YOU. THE MOMENT HE MENTIONED MY FORD...MY EYE GOT ALL WET.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he pulled him in for an awkward hug*

Now, now, his words may hurt, but they’re coming from a guy who tried to pick a fight with his own reflection and, as I’ve been told, mistook someone for his dead mom just because he was a blue triangle.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill hugged him for a little longer before letting go. His tone softened.* ...Well, sure but...he has EVERYTHING I wanted. Minus the alcohol addiction. I am the BOTTOM of the food chain of Bills! He may be an idiot... but I am a bit jealous of him. Pathetic, isn't it?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Not really. I imagine you grew accustomed to your powers. They were a given, something you could rely on. But now you don’t have them and you’re finding ways to function without them after all this time. That sounds difficult and now you have my ex rubbing salt in the wound.

But… need I remind you I would not be so comfortable being this close to you this often if you still had them? I take comfort in knowing you can only hurt me in the normal ways. In that respect, I suppose I have to say I like you better without them. Who cares if you’re at the bottom of the Cipher food chain? Have you met other Bills? You read my private journal, do you really want to be like him after that?

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess all I need is you, really...By the way, your ex is a nightmare. You should file an interdimensional restraining order. Those are real, I had to get one on a howling void I dated.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he sighed*

Tell me about it. How difficult is it to get such a restraining order when you’re also wanted for interdimensional crimes? I might could benefit from this.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Technically I was wanted for interdimensional crimes at that point too! Look it's either that or we could kill him! Or get Frills on him! Either way I feel...awfully bad that you have to deal with THAT.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

I’m on board with killing him. At least then I won’t have to fear he’ll start his own “Weirdmageddon”. If you have any tips, I’m all ears.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well my universe's you and fez used a memory eraser gun once I possessed the person's mind! It hurt a lot, but it'll do the job!... speaking of my Ford...ugh...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

A memory gun? That’ll require someone being possessed by him… Perhaps I’ll get lucky and find a willing sacrifice.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Check Mabel's truth serum participant list. Someone on there'll do it. By the way...uh... You're not gonna leave me for the drunk idiot, right? Not that you're bound to me, even though I'm the best. I just, don't wanna lose this again to HIM, yknow?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Now there’s a thought.

Why would I do that? You know what he’s done to me, what he could easily do again.

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess better to be strong than a joke...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

You’re not a joke and I’m not going to leave you for him. He said that to hurt you. And because he’s a drunk idiot who probably believes it.

[triangle-shop-owner]

. . . can I hug you? Sorry, weird request I just... *He groaned, throwing something.* I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED MY FORD SMART! HE'S ACTUALLY INTO THAT DRUNK IDIOT?! Not that I want him, gross, I just thought he'd be smarter than that!

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Certainly

I’m inclined to say I thought I would’ve been smarter than that too. But your Ford has already been hurt and at least I have the sense not to sign myself up for more like some sort of emotional masochist.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well I hate him, so I don't care. *He hugged Ford, his body continued to shake as if he was a lost, scared dog. He had no idea if he was shaking of anger or fear. Maybe it was both.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*the shaking threw him off. He was used to thinking of Bill as this strong force, bold and unafraid of anything, certain of everything he did, and whose anger was shown with violence. Seeing this Bill like this felt like being hit with reality. He knew this Bill didn’t have his powers, and that this Bill wasn’t from his universe, but in this moment, he knew this Bill was not the Bill that had rendered him so terrified of his own need for sleep and made his life a living hell. This was a sober idiot who bit off more than he could chew and lost everything as a result.*

*he stroked his back, quietly reassuring him. His eyes threatened to shut and force him asleep, and though he knew better, he fought it off*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He continued to hug Ford, as if e'd dissapear if he let him go.. It was honestly a sad sight. Bill quietly remembered he lost everything. They took EVERYTHING from him.* ...I lost everything. He just gets to party it up with his power while I sit here. They alldo.Where did I go wrong, Ford..?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

With any luck, they’ll all lose everything. We don’t live in a just multiverse. That’s the only reason why they still have theirs. Though, I suppose you did have to start “Weirdmageddon” to lose yours, correct? My universe’s Bill hasn’t done that yet. I’d like to stop him first, but if I fail at that, let’s hope that whatever force stripped you of all your powers is just as merciful towards him as I would be.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*The moment the higher power was mentioned, he tightly gripped onto Ford's back. He HATED the Axolotl. He saved his life, but forced him into therapy and to live with the people who ruined his lie. He HATED the Axolotl.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…Did I say the wrong thing?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FRILLS.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Is “Frills” responsible for you being powerless? Perhaps I could reason with them. Convince them to take my Bill’s powers. And, if it makes you feel better, get you exactly one power back. Just one. And not one that has no purpose outside of harming others.

[triangle-shop-owner]

...I would really like that. Thank you. *Bill felt as if he had hit this sudden moral dilemma. A part of him really cared for Ford. Like he was an actual friend. But he didn't care. He wasn't supposed to care about anyone. ESPECIALLY not humans. Humans were responsible for ruining his life. But he was literally illing to let the world burn for this guy. He wanted him to be safe even if it jeopardized everyone else. Why did he care so much?* I hate how great you are.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Yeah, so do I sometimes…

*he keeps trying to fight off sleep, even eyeing his bag where he knows his coffee maker and newly bought coffee is, but he doesn’t want to get up on account of Bill. Great, now he’s really looking at him like some pitiful stray puppy he picked up and not a powerless rendition of the being that broke him psychologically… but in the moment he’s too tired to do much more than gripe about it in his head as his body forces him to drift off*

[triangle-shop-owner]

You can uh, fall asleep if you'd like. I can see you dozing off.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he mutters something like “sorry” but ultimately falls asleep still hugging Bill. It was hard to say if it was pure exhaustion or if he was starting to feel increasingly safer around this particular Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill continued to hug him and...actually fell asleep? It was odd. He doesn't need sleep, sure. But something in his body inclined him to in this moment. Though he quickly woke up considering he was having a nightmare about Euclydia.*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Coffee Ford’s phone is ringing. Constantly. He’s built the phone from various scrap metal and wires he’s found, but it’s perfectly functional and even has caller ID. The caller ID that shows up most, however, just says “DRUNK POS”. Right now, Ford is heavily preoccupied with taking a nap for once, as the exhaustion has finally gotten to him again as it always does. But DRUNK POS is being very, very persistent right now…*

( @askdrunkbillcipher )

*Bill stared at the phone. Every part of him wanted to hang up. To ignore this guy. Hell, he hated this guy! What brought him to pick up...he had no clue.* ...YELLO?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOLY SHIT YOY ACTUALLY PICKED UP FOR ONCE! THIS MEAN YOURE COMIN TO YOUE SENSES? WE CAN TALJ ABOUT THAT LAYER, RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU TO-

WAIT A FUCKIN MINURE. WHO IS THIS?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE WHO ARE YOU. AND WHY IS YOUR NAME DRUNK P- OH YOU.

[askdrunkbillcipher]

YRAH ME. WHY THE FUCK DO YOH HAVE MY SIXER’S PHONE?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

HE'S TRYING TO SLEE- *Bill paused. That was not a good thing to say to the Bill that might torment him. He had to think of a save. Fast.* ...SLEEP WITH ME. YEAH. AS IN SEX. HE'S HAVING SEX WITH ME. WHY? WHAT'S IT TO YA?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

…ABD HES PROVABLY PRETENDING YOURE ME THE WHOLE TIME!

[triangle-shop-owner]

...ONE, NO HE IS NOT. TWO, DO YOU DO THAT WHEN KISSING MY UNIVERSE'S FORD??-

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOW WIULD YOU KNOW? YOU BEEN INSUDE HIS MIND? I BET- WAIT.

WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE, YOURE THAT PIWERLESS JANITOR BILL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

SORRY! EXCEOT IM NOT! CAUSE YOURE A JOKE! MY POOR SIXER IS GONNA REAKIZE HOW MYCH BETTER I AN IN THE SACK TBAN YOU WITH MY POWERS ABD HES FONNA COME CRAWLIN BACK AND ILL GE TOO BUSY KEEPIN YOURS SATISFIED. BUT HEY, THANKS FIR HELOJN MAKE SURE THAT HAPOENS!

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He couldn't even think of a comeback. He was too hurt. And stunned, honestly. Usually he can, but this Bill...this Bill HURT him.* ...I'M GONNA GO BACK TO [NOT S&P APPROVED] YOUR FORD NOW. GO RAIL MY UNIVERSE'S FORD FOR ALL I CARE. BUY GOLD BYE!!! *He hung up. His hand was shaking. Was he crying?*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he twitched and rolled over before his eyes suddenly shot open to see Bill crying while holding his phone*

…Bill?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FORD! HOW DID YOU SLEEP! *He wiped his eye, putting Ford's phone down.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Alright I suppose… Are you alright? And why do you have my phone?

[triangle-shop-owner]

HAHAHAHA I'M ALRIGHT IT'S DUMB AND PATHETIC HAHAHHAHAHAHA ALSO THE DUMB ALCOHOLIC CALLED YOU AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM WE HAD SEX TO COVER FOR YOU SLEEPING SORRY LAST MINUTE COVER BUT IF HE ASKS TELL HIM IT WAS AWESOME.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…I don’t know what he said to upset you, but you’re perfectly allowed to be upset. Come closer.

*he extends a hand towards Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He got closer, and tears started to drip again.* YOU KNOW, SOME DRUNK GUY RUBBING IT IN THAT HE STILL HAS EVERYTHING YOU LOST REALLY DOES SOMETHING TO YOU. THE MOMENT HE MENTIONED MY FORD...MY EYE GOT ALL WET.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he pulled him in for an awkward hug*

Now, now, his words may hurt, but they’re coming from a guy who tried to pick a fight with his own reflection and, as I’ve been told, mistook someone for his dead mom just because he was a blue triangle.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill hugged him for a little longer before letting go. His tone softened.* ...Well, sure but...he has EVERYTHING I wanted. Minus the alcohol addiction. I am the BOTTOM of the food chain of Bills! He may be an idiot... but I am a bit jealous of him. Pathetic, isn't it?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Not really. I imagine you grew accustomed to your powers. They were a given, something you could rely on. But now you don’t have them and you’re finding ways to function without them after all this time. That sounds difficult and now you have my ex rubbing salt in the wound.

But… need I remind you I would not be so comfortable being this close to you this often if you still had them? I take comfort in knowing you can only hurt me in the normal ways. In that respect, I suppose I have to say I like you better without them. Who cares if you’re at the bottom of the Cipher food chain? Have you met other Bills? You read my private journal, do you really want to be like him after that?

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess all I need is you, really...By the way, your ex is a nightmare. You should file an interdimensional restraining order. Those are real, I had to get one on a howling void I dated.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he sighed*

Tell me about it. How difficult is it to get such a restraining order when you’re also wanted for interdimensional crimes? I might could benefit from this.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Technically I was wanted for interdimensional crimes at that point too! Look it's either that or we could kill him! Or get Frills on him! Either way I feel...awfully bad that you have to deal with THAT.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

I’m on board with killing him. At least then I won’t have to fear he’ll start his own “Weirdmageddon”. If you have any tips, I’m all ears.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well my universe's you and fez used a memory eraser gun once I possessed the person's mind! It hurt a lot, but it'll do the job!... speaking of my Ford...ugh...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

A memory gun? That’ll require someone being possessed by him… Perhaps I’ll get lucky and find a willing sacrifice.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Check Mabel's truth serum participant list. Someone on there'll do it. By the way...uh... You're not gonna leave me for the drunk idiot, right? Not that you're bound to me, even though I'm the best. I just, don't wanna lose this again to HIM, yknow?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Now there’s a thought.

Why would I do that? You know what he’s done to me, what he could easily do again.

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess better to be strong than a joke...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

You’re not a joke and I’m not going to leave you for him. He said that to hurt you. And because he’s a drunk idiot who probably believes it.

[triangle-shop-owner]

. . . can I hug you? Sorry, weird request I just... *He groaned, throwing something.* I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED MY FORD SMART! HE'S ACTUALLY INTO THAT DRUNK IDIOT?! Not that I want him, gross, I just thought he'd be smarter than that!

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Certainly

I’m inclined to say I thought I would’ve been smarter than that too. But your Ford has already been hurt and at least I have the sense not to sign myself up for more like some sort of emotional masochist.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well I hate him, so I don't care. *He hugged Ford, his body continued to shake as if he was a lost, scared dog. He had no idea if he was shaking of anger or fear. Maybe it was both.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*the shaking threw him off. He was used to thinking of Bill as this strong force, bold and unafraid of anything, certain of everything he did, and whose anger was shown with violence. Seeing this Bill like this felt like being hit with reality. He knew this Bill didn’t have his powers, and that this Bill wasn’t from his universe, but in this moment, he knew this Bill was not the Bill that had rendered him so terrified of his own need for sleep and made his life a living hell. This was a sober idiot who bit off more than he could chew and lost everything as a result.*

*he stroked his back, quietly reassuring him. His eyes threatened to shut and force him asleep, and though he knew better, he fought it off*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He continued to hug Ford, as if e'd dissapear if he let him go.. It was honestly a sad sight. Bill quietly remembered he lost everything. They took EVERYTHING from him.* ...I lost everything. He just gets to party it up with his power while I sit here. They alldo.Where did I go wrong, Ford..?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

With any luck, they’ll all lose everything. We don’t live in a just multiverse. That’s the only reason why they still have theirs. Though, I suppose you did have to start “Weirdmageddon” to lose yours, correct? My universe’s Bill hasn’t done that yet. I’d like to stop him first, but if I fail at that, let’s hope that whatever force stripped you of all your powers is just as merciful towards him as I would be.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*The moment the higher power was mentioned, he tightly gripped onto Ford's back. He HATED the Axolotl. He saved his life, but forced him into therapy and to live with the people who ruined his lie. He HATED the Axolotl.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…Did I say the wrong thing?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FRILLS.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Is “Frills” responsible for you being powerless? Perhaps I could reason with them. Convince them to take my Bill’s powers. And, if it makes you feel better, get you exactly one power back. Just one. And not one that has no purpose outside of harming others.

[triangle-shop-owner]

...I would really like that. Thank you. *Bill felt as if he had hit this sudden moral dilemma. A part of him really cared for Ford. Like he was an actual friend. But he didn't care. He wasn't supposed to care about anyone. ESPECIALLY not humans. Humans were responsible for ruining his life. But he was literally illing to let the world burn for this guy. He wanted him to be safe even if it jeopardized everyone else. Why did he care so much?* I hate how great you are.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Yeah, so do I sometimes…

*he keeps trying to fight off sleep, even eyeing his bag where he knows his coffee maker and newly bought coffee is, but he doesn’t want to get up on account of Bill. Great, now he’s really looking at him like some pitiful stray puppy he picked up and not a powerless rendition of the being that broke him psychologically… but in the moment he’s too tired to do much more than gripe about it in his head as his body forces him to drift off*

[triangle-shop-owner]

You can uh, fall asleep if you'd like. I can see you dozing off.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Coffee Ford’s phone is ringing. Constantly. He’s built the phone from various scrap metal and wires he’s found, but it’s perfectly functional and even has caller ID. The caller ID that shows up most, however, just says “DRUNK POS”. Right now, Ford is heavily preoccupied with taking a nap for once, as the exhaustion has finally gotten to him again as it always does. But DRUNK POS is being very, very persistent right now…*

( @askdrunkbillcipher )

*Bill stared at the phone. Every part of him wanted to hang up. To ignore this guy. Hell, he hated this guy! What brought him to pick up...he had no clue.* ...YELLO?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOLY SHIT YOY ACTUALLY PICKED UP FOR ONCE! THIS MEAN YOURE COMIN TO YOUE SENSES? WE CAN TALJ ABOUT THAT LAYER, RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU TO-

WAIT A FUCKIN MINURE. WHO IS THIS?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE WHO ARE YOU. AND WHY IS YOUR NAME DRUNK P- OH YOU.

[askdrunkbillcipher]

YRAH ME. WHY THE FUCK DO YOH HAVE MY SIXER’S PHONE?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

HE'S TRYING TO SLEE- *Bill paused. That was not a good thing to say to the Bill that might torment him. He had to think of a save. Fast.* ...SLEEP WITH ME. YEAH. AS IN SEX. HE'S HAVING SEX WITH ME. WHY? WHAT'S IT TO YA?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

…ABD HES PROVABLY PRETENDING YOURE ME THE WHOLE TIME!

[triangle-shop-owner]

...ONE, NO HE IS NOT. TWO, DO YOU DO THAT WHEN KISSING MY UNIVERSE'S FORD??-

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOW WIULD YOU KNOW? YOU BEEN INSUDE HIS MIND? I BET- WAIT.

WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE, YOURE THAT PIWERLESS JANITOR BILL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

SORRY! EXCEOT IM NOT! CAUSE YOURE A JOKE! MY POOR SIXER IS GONNA REAKIZE HOW MYCH BETTER I AN IN THE SACK TBAN YOU WITH MY POWERS ABD HES FONNA COME CRAWLIN BACK AND ILL GE TOO BUSY KEEPIN YOURS SATISFIED. BUT HEY, THANKS FIR HELOJN MAKE SURE THAT HAPOENS!

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He couldn't even think of a comeback. He was too hurt. And stunned, honestly. Usually he can, but this Bill...this Bill HURT him.* ...I'M GONNA GO BACK TO [NOT S&P APPROVED] YOUR FORD NOW. GO RAIL MY UNIVERSE'S FORD FOR ALL I CARE. BUY GOLD BYE!!! *He hung up. His hand was shaking. Was he crying?*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he twitched and rolled over before his eyes suddenly shot open to see Bill crying while holding his phone*

…Bill?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FORD! HOW DID YOU SLEEP! *He wiped his eye, putting Ford's phone down.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Alright I suppose… Are you alright? And why do you have my phone?

[triangle-shop-owner]

HAHAHAHA I'M ALRIGHT IT'S DUMB AND PATHETIC HAHAHHAHAHAHA ALSO THE DUMB ALCOHOLIC CALLED YOU AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM WE HAD SEX TO COVER FOR YOU SLEEPING SORRY LAST MINUTE COVER BUT IF HE ASKS TELL HIM IT WAS AWESOME.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…I don’t know what he said to upset you, but you’re perfectly allowed to be upset. Come closer.

*he extends a hand towards Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He got closer, and tears started to drip again.* YOU KNOW, SOME DRUNK GUY RUBBING IT IN THAT HE STILL HAS EVERYTHING YOU LOST REALLY DOES SOMETHING TO YOU. THE MOMENT HE MENTIONED MY FORD...MY EYE GOT ALL WET.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he pulled him in for an awkward hug*

Now, now, his words may hurt, but they’re coming from a guy who tried to pick a fight with his own reflection and, as I’ve been told, mistook someone for his dead mom just because he was a blue triangle.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill hugged him for a little longer before letting go. His tone softened.* ...Well, sure but...he has EVERYTHING I wanted. Minus the alcohol addiction. I am the BOTTOM of the food chain of Bills! He may be an idiot... but I am a bit jealous of him. Pathetic, isn't it?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Not really. I imagine you grew accustomed to your powers. They were a given, something you could rely on. But now you don’t have them and you’re finding ways to function without them after all this time. That sounds difficult and now you have my ex rubbing salt in the wound.

But… need I remind you I would not be so comfortable being this close to you this often if you still had them? I take comfort in knowing you can only hurt me in the normal ways. In that respect, I suppose I have to say I like you better without them. Who cares if you’re at the bottom of the Cipher food chain? Have you met other Bills? You read my private journal, do you really want to be like him after that?

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess all I need is you, really...By the way, your ex is a nightmare. You should file an interdimensional restraining order. Those are real, I had to get one on a howling void I dated.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he sighed*

Tell me about it. How difficult is it to get such a restraining order when you’re also wanted for interdimensional crimes? I might could benefit from this.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Technically I was wanted for interdimensional crimes at that point too! Look it's either that or we could kill him! Or get Frills on him! Either way I feel...awfully bad that you have to deal with THAT.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

I’m on board with killing him. At least then I won’t have to fear he’ll start his own “Weirdmageddon”. If you have any tips, I’m all ears.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well my universe's you and fez used a memory eraser gun once I possessed the person's mind! It hurt a lot, but it'll do the job!... speaking of my Ford...ugh...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

A memory gun? That’ll require someone being possessed by him… Perhaps I’ll get lucky and find a willing sacrifice.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Check Mabel's truth serum participant list. Someone on there'll do it. By the way...uh... You're not gonna leave me for the drunk idiot, right? Not that you're bound to me, even though I'm the best. I just, don't wanna lose this again to HIM, yknow?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Now there’s a thought.

Why would I do that? You know what he’s done to me, what he could easily do again.

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess better to be strong than a joke...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

You’re not a joke and I’m not going to leave you for him. He said that to hurt you. And because he’s a drunk idiot who probably believes it.

[triangle-shop-owner]

. . . can I hug you? Sorry, weird request I just... *He groaned, throwing something.* I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED MY FORD SMART! HE'S ACTUALLY INTO THAT DRUNK IDIOT?! Not that I want him, gross, I just thought he'd be smarter than that!

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Certainly

I’m inclined to say I thought I would’ve been smarter than that too. But your Ford has already been hurt and at least I have the sense not to sign myself up for more like some sort of emotional masochist.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well I hate him, so I don't care. *He hugged Ford, his body continued to shake as if he was a lost, scared dog. He had no idea if he was shaking of anger or fear. Maybe it was both.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*the shaking threw him off. He was used to thinking of Bill as this strong force, bold and unafraid of anything, certain of everything he did, and whose anger was shown with violence. Seeing this Bill like this felt like being hit with reality. He knew this Bill didn’t have his powers, and that this Bill wasn’t from his universe, but in this moment, he knew this Bill was not the Bill that had rendered him so terrified of his own need for sleep and made his life a living hell. This was a sober idiot who bit off more than he could chew and lost everything as a result.*

*he stroked his back, quietly reassuring him. His eyes threatened to shut and force him asleep, and though he knew better, he fought it off*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He continued to hug Ford, as if e'd dissapear if he let him go.. It was honestly a sad sight. Bill quietly remembered he lost everything. They took EVERYTHING from him.* ...I lost everything. He just gets to party it up with his power while I sit here. They alldo.Where did I go wrong, Ford..?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

With any luck, they’ll all lose everything. We don’t live in a just multiverse. That’s the only reason why they still have theirs. Though, I suppose you did have to start “Weirdmageddon” to lose yours, correct? My universe’s Bill hasn’t done that yet. I’d like to stop him first, but if I fail at that, let’s hope that whatever force stripped you of all your powers is just as merciful towards him as I would be.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*The moment the higher power was mentioned, he tightly gripped onto Ford's back. He HATED the Axolotl. He saved his life, but forced him into therapy and to live with the people who ruined his lie. He HATED the Axolotl.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…Did I say the wrong thing?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FRILLS.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Is “Frills” responsible for you being powerless? Perhaps I could reason with them. Convince them to take my Bill’s powers. And, if it makes you feel better, get you exactly one power back. Just one. And not one that has no purpose outside of harming others.

[triangle-shop-owner]

...I would really like that. Thank you. *Bill felt as if he had hit this sudden moral dilemma. A part of him really cared for Ford. Like he was an actual friend. But he didn't care. He wasn't supposed to care about anyone. ESPECIALLY not humans. Humans were responsible for ruining his life. But he was literally illing to let the world burn for this guy. He wanted him to be safe even if it jeopardized everyone else. Why did he care so much?* I hate how great you are.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Coffee Ford’s phone is ringing. Constantly. He’s built the phone from various scrap metal and wires he’s found, but it’s perfectly functional and even has caller ID. The caller ID that shows up most, however, just says “DRUNK POS”. Right now, Ford is heavily preoccupied with taking a nap for once, as the exhaustion has finally gotten to him again as it always does. But DRUNK POS is being very, very persistent right now…*

( @askdrunkbillcipher )

*Bill stared at the phone. Every part of him wanted to hang up. To ignore this guy. Hell, he hated this guy! What brought him to pick up...he had no clue.* ...YELLO?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOLY SHIT YOY ACTUALLY PICKED UP FOR ONCE! THIS MEAN YOURE COMIN TO YOUE SENSES? WE CAN TALJ ABOUT THAT LAYER, RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU TO-

WAIT A FUCKIN MINURE. WHO IS THIS?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE WHO ARE YOU. AND WHY IS YOUR NAME DRUNK P- OH YOU.

[askdrunkbillcipher]

YRAH ME. WHY THE FUCK DO YOH HAVE MY SIXER’S PHONE?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

HE'S TRYING TO SLEE- *Bill paused. That was not a good thing to say to the Bill that might torment him. He had to think of a save. Fast.* ...SLEEP WITH ME. YEAH. AS IN SEX. HE'S HAVING SEX WITH ME. WHY? WHAT'S IT TO YA?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

…ABD HES PROVABLY PRETENDING YOURE ME THE WHOLE TIME!

[triangle-shop-owner]

...ONE, NO HE IS NOT. TWO, DO YOU DO THAT WHEN KISSING MY UNIVERSE'S FORD??-

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOW WIULD YOU KNOW? YOU BEEN INSUDE HIS MIND? I BET- WAIT.

WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE, YOURE THAT PIWERLESS JANITOR BILL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

SORRY! EXCEOT IM NOT! CAUSE YOURE A JOKE! MY POOR SIXER IS GONNA REAKIZE HOW MYCH BETTER I AN IN THE SACK TBAN YOU WITH MY POWERS ABD HES FONNA COME CRAWLIN BACK AND ILL GE TOO BUSY KEEPIN YOURS SATISFIED. BUT HEY, THANKS FIR HELOJN MAKE SURE THAT HAPOENS!

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He couldn't even think of a comeback. He was too hurt. And stunned, honestly. Usually he can, but this Bill...this Bill HURT him.* ...I'M GONNA GO BACK TO [NOT S&P APPROVED] YOUR FORD NOW. GO RAIL MY UNIVERSE'S FORD FOR ALL I CARE. BUY GOLD BYE!!! *He hung up. His hand was shaking. Was he crying?*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he twitched and rolled over before his eyes suddenly shot open to see Bill crying while holding his phone*

…Bill?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FORD! HOW DID YOU SLEEP! *He wiped his eye, putting Ford's phone down.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Alright I suppose… Are you alright? And why do you have my phone?

[triangle-shop-owner]

HAHAHAHA I'M ALRIGHT IT'S DUMB AND PATHETIC HAHAHHAHAHAHA ALSO THE DUMB ALCOHOLIC CALLED YOU AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM WE HAD SEX TO COVER FOR YOU SLEEPING SORRY LAST MINUTE COVER BUT IF HE ASKS TELL HIM IT WAS AWESOME.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…I don’t know what he said to upset you, but you’re perfectly allowed to be upset. Come closer.

*he extends a hand towards Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He got closer, and tears started to drip again.* YOU KNOW, SOME DRUNK GUY RUBBING IT IN THAT HE STILL HAS EVERYTHING YOU LOST REALLY DOES SOMETHING TO YOU. THE MOMENT HE MENTIONED MY FORD...MY EYE GOT ALL WET.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he pulled him in for an awkward hug*

Now, now, his words may hurt, but they’re coming from a guy who tried to pick a fight with his own reflection and, as I’ve been told, mistook someone for his dead mom just because he was a blue triangle.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill hugged him for a little longer before letting go. His tone softened.* ...Well, sure but...he has EVERYTHING I wanted. Minus the alcohol addiction. I am the BOTTOM of the food chain of Bills! He may be an idiot... but I am a bit jealous of him. Pathetic, isn't it?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Not really. I imagine you grew accustomed to your powers. They were a given, something you could rely on. But now you don’t have them and you’re finding ways to function without them after all this time. That sounds difficult and now you have my ex rubbing salt in the wound.

But… need I remind you I would not be so comfortable being this close to you this often if you still had them? I take comfort in knowing you can only hurt me in the normal ways. In that respect, I suppose I have to say I like you better without them. Who cares if you’re at the bottom of the Cipher food chain? Have you met other Bills? You read my private journal, do you really want to be like him after that?

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess all I need is you, really...By the way, your ex is a nightmare. You should file an interdimensional restraining order. Those are real, I had to get one on a howling void I dated.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he sighed*

Tell me about it. How difficult is it to get such a restraining order when you’re also wanted for interdimensional crimes? I might could benefit from this.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Technically I was wanted for interdimensional crimes at that point too! Look it's either that or we could kill him! Or get Frills on him! Either way I feel...awfully bad that you have to deal with THAT.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

I’m on board with killing him. At least then I won’t have to fear he’ll start his own “Weirdmageddon”. If you have any tips, I’m all ears.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well my universe's you and fez used a memory eraser gun once I possessed the person's mind! It hurt a lot, but it'll do the job!... speaking of my Ford...ugh...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

A memory gun? That’ll require someone being possessed by him… Perhaps I’ll get lucky and find a willing sacrifice.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Check Mabel's truth serum participant list. Someone on there'll do it. By the way...uh... You're not gonna leave me for the drunk idiot, right? Not that you're bound to me, even though I'm the best. I just, don't wanna lose this again to HIM, yknow?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Now there’s a thought.

Why would I do that? You know what he’s done to me, what he could easily do again.

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess better to be strong than a joke...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

You’re not a joke and I’m not going to leave you for him. He said that to hurt you. And because he’s a drunk idiot who probably believes it.

[triangle-shop-owner]

. . . can I hug you? Sorry, weird request I just... *He groaned, throwing something.* I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED MY FORD SMART! HE'S ACTUALLY INTO THAT DRUNK IDIOT?! Not that I want him, gross, I just thought he'd be smarter than that!

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Certainly

I’m inclined to say I thought I would’ve been smarter than that too. But your Ford has already been hurt and at least I have the sense not to sign myself up for more like some sort of emotional masochist.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well I hate him, so I don't care. *He hugged Ford, his body continued to shake as if he was a lost, scared dog. He had no idea if he was shaking of anger or fear. Maybe it was both.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*the shaking threw him off. He was used to thinking of Bill as this strong force, bold and unafraid of anything, certain of everything he did, and whose anger was shown with violence. Seeing this Bill like this felt like being hit with reality. He knew this Bill didn’t have his powers, and that this Bill wasn’t from his universe, but in this moment, he knew this Bill was not the Bill that had rendered him so terrified of his own need for sleep and made his life a living hell. This was a sober idiot who bit off more than he could chew and lost everything as a result.*

*he stroked his back, quietly reassuring him. His eyes threatened to shut and force him asleep, and though he knew better, he fought it off*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He continued to hug Ford, as if e'd dissapear if he let him go.. It was honestly a sad sight. Bill quietly remembered he lost everything. They took EVERYTHING from him.* ...I lost everything. He just gets to party it up with his power while I sit here. They alldo.Where did I go wrong, Ford..?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

With any luck, they’ll all lose everything. We don’t live in a just multiverse. That’s the only reason why they still have theirs. Though, I suppose you did have to start “Weirdmageddon” to lose yours, correct? My universe’s Bill hasn’t done that yet. I’d like to stop him first, but if I fail at that, let’s hope that whatever force stripped you of all your powers is just as merciful towards him as I would be.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*The moment the higher power was mentioned, he tightly gripped onto Ford's back. He HATED the Axolotl. He saved his life, but forced him into therapy and to live with the people who ruined his lie. He HATED the Axolotl.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…Did I say the wrong thing?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FRILLS.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Coffee Ford’s phone is ringing. Constantly. He’s built the phone from various scrap metal and wires he’s found, but it’s perfectly functional and even has caller ID. The caller ID that shows up most, however, just says “DRUNK POS”. Right now, Ford is heavily preoccupied with taking a nap for once, as the exhaustion has finally gotten to him again as it always does. But DRUNK POS is being very, very persistent right now…*

( @askdrunkbillcipher )

*Bill stared at the phone. Every part of him wanted to hang up. To ignore this guy. Hell, he hated this guy! What brought him to pick up...he had no clue.* ...YELLO?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOLY SHIT YOY ACTUALLY PICKED UP FOR ONCE! THIS MEAN YOURE COMIN TO YOUE SENSES? WE CAN TALJ ABOUT THAT LAYER, RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU TO-

WAIT A FUCKIN MINURE. WHO IS THIS?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE WHO ARE YOU. AND WHY IS YOUR NAME DRUNK P- OH YOU.

[askdrunkbillcipher]

YRAH ME. WHY THE FUCK DO YOH HAVE MY SIXER’S PHONE?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

HE'S TRYING TO SLEE- *Bill paused. That was not a good thing to say to the Bill that might torment him. He had to think of a save. Fast.* ...SLEEP WITH ME. YEAH. AS IN SEX. HE'S HAVING SEX WITH ME. WHY? WHAT'S IT TO YA?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

…ABD HES PROVABLY PRETENDING YOURE ME THE WHOLE TIME!

[triangle-shop-owner]

...ONE, NO HE IS NOT. TWO, DO YOU DO THAT WHEN KISSING MY UNIVERSE'S FORD??-

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOW WIULD YOU KNOW? YOU BEEN INSUDE HIS MIND? I BET- WAIT.

WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE, YOURE THAT PIWERLESS JANITOR BILL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

SORRY! EXCEOT IM NOT! CAUSE YOURE A JOKE! MY POOR SIXER IS GONNA REAKIZE HOW MYCH BETTER I AN IN THE SACK TBAN YOU WITH MY POWERS ABD HES FONNA COME CRAWLIN BACK AND ILL GE TOO BUSY KEEPIN YOURS SATISFIED. BUT HEY, THANKS FIR HELOJN MAKE SURE THAT HAPOENS!

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He couldn't even think of a comeback. He was too hurt. And stunned, honestly. Usually he can, but this Bill...this Bill HURT him.* ...I'M GONNA GO BACK TO [NOT S&P APPROVED] YOUR FORD NOW. GO RAIL MY UNIVERSE'S FORD FOR ALL I CARE. BUY GOLD BYE!!! *He hung up. His hand was shaking. Was he crying?*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he twitched and rolled over before his eyes suddenly shot open to see Bill crying while holding his phone*

…Bill?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FORD! HOW DID YOU SLEEP! *He wiped his eye, putting Ford's phone down.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Alright I suppose… Are you alright? And why do you have my phone?

[triangle-shop-owner]

HAHAHAHA I'M ALRIGHT IT'S DUMB AND PATHETIC HAHAHHAHAHAHA ALSO THE DUMB ALCOHOLIC CALLED YOU AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM WE HAD SEX TO COVER FOR YOU SLEEPING SORRY LAST MINUTE COVER BUT IF HE ASKS TELL HIM IT WAS AWESOME.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…I don’t know what he said to upset you, but you’re perfectly allowed to be upset. Come closer.

*he extends a hand towards Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He got closer, and tears started to drip again.* YOU KNOW, SOME DRUNK GUY RUBBING IT IN THAT HE STILL HAS EVERYTHING YOU LOST REALLY DOES SOMETHING TO YOU. THE MOMENT HE MENTIONED MY FORD...MY EYE GOT ALL WET.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he pulled him in for an awkward hug*

Now, now, his words may hurt, but they’re coming from a guy who tried to pick a fight with his own reflection and, as I’ve been told, mistook someone for his dead mom just because he was a blue triangle.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill hugged him for a little longer before letting go. His tone softened.* ...Well, sure but...he has EVERYTHING I wanted. Minus the alcohol addiction. I am the BOTTOM of the food chain of Bills! He may be an idiot... but I am a bit jealous of him. Pathetic, isn't it?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Not really. I imagine you grew accustomed to your powers. They were a given, something you could rely on. But now you don’t have them and you’re finding ways to function without them after all this time. That sounds difficult and now you have my ex rubbing salt in the wound.

But… need I remind you I would not be so comfortable being this close to you this often if you still had them? I take comfort in knowing you can only hurt me in the normal ways. In that respect, I suppose I have to say I like you better without them. Who cares if you’re at the bottom of the Cipher food chain? Have you met other Bills? You read my private journal, do you really want to be like him after that?

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess all I need is you, really...By the way, your ex is a nightmare. You should file an interdimensional restraining order. Those are real, I had to get one on a howling void I dated.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he sighed*

Tell me about it. How difficult is it to get such a restraining order when you’re also wanted for interdimensional crimes? I might could benefit from this.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Technically I was wanted for interdimensional crimes at that point too! Look it's either that or we could kill him! Or get Frills on him! Either way I feel...awfully bad that you have to deal with THAT.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

I’m on board with killing him. At least then I won’t have to fear he’ll start his own “Weirdmageddon”. If you have any tips, I’m all ears.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well my universe's you and fez used a memory eraser gun once I possessed the person's mind! It hurt a lot, but it'll do the job!... speaking of my Ford...ugh...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

A memory gun? That’ll require someone being possessed by him… Perhaps I’ll get lucky and find a willing sacrifice.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Check Mabel's truth serum participant list. Someone on there'll do it. By the way...uh... You're not gonna leave me for the drunk idiot, right? Not that you're bound to me, even though I'm the best. I just, don't wanna lose this again to HIM, yknow?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Now there’s a thought.

Why would I do that? You know what he’s done to me, what he could easily do again.

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess better to be strong than a joke...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

You’re not a joke and I’m not going to leave you for him. He said that to hurt you. And because he’s a drunk idiot who probably believes it.

[triangle-shop-owner]

. . . can I hug you? Sorry, weird request I just... *He groaned, throwing something.* I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED MY FORD SMART! HE'S ACTUALLY INTO THAT DRUNK IDIOT?! Not that I want him, gross, I just thought he'd be smarter than that!

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Certainly

I’m inclined to say I thought I would’ve been smarter than that too. But your Ford has already been hurt and at least I have the sense not to sign myself up for more like some sort of emotional masochist.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well I hate him, so I don't care. *He hugged Ford, his body continued to shake as if he was a lost, scared dog. He had no idea if he was shaking of anger or fear. Maybe it was both.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*the shaking threw him off. He was used to thinking of Bill as this strong force, bold and unafraid of anything, certain of everything he did, and whose anger was shown with violence. Seeing this Bill like this felt like being hit with reality. He knew this Bill didn’t have his powers, and that this Bill wasn’t from his universe, but in this moment, he knew this Bill was not the Bill that had rendered him so terrified of his own need for sleep and made his life a living hell. This was a sober idiot who bit off more than he could chew and lost everything as a result.*

*he stroked his back, quietly reassuring him. His eyes threatened to shut and force him asleep, and though he knew better, he fought it off*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He continued to hug Ford, as if e'd dissapear if he let him go.. It was honestly a sad sight. Bill quietly remembered he lost everything. They took EVERYTHING from him.* ...I lost everything. He just gets to party it up with his power while I sit here. They alldo.Where did I go wrong, Ford..?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

With any luck, they’ll all lose everything. We don’t live in a just multiverse. That’s the only reason why they still have theirs. Though, I suppose you did have to start “Weirdmageddon” to lose yours, correct? My universe’s Bill hasn’t done that yet. I’d like to stop him first, but if I fail at that, let’s hope that whatever force stripped you of all your powers is just as merciful towards him as I would be.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*The moment the higher power was mentioned, he tightly gripped onto Ford's back. He HATED the Axolotl. He saved his life, but forced him into therapy and to live with the people who ruined his lie. He HATED the Axolotl.*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Coffee Ford’s phone is ringing. Constantly. He’s built the phone from various scrap metal and wires he’s found, but it’s perfectly functional and even has caller ID. The caller ID that shows up most, however, just says “DRUNK POS”. Right now, Ford is heavily preoccupied with taking a nap for once, as the exhaustion has finally gotten to him again as it always does. But DRUNK POS is being very, very persistent right now…*

( @askdrunkbillcipher )

*Bill stared at the phone. Every part of him wanted to hang up. To ignore this guy. Hell, he hated this guy! What brought him to pick up...he had no clue.* ...YELLO?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOLY SHIT YOY ACTUALLY PICKED UP FOR ONCE! THIS MEAN YOURE COMIN TO YOUE SENSES? WE CAN TALJ ABOUT THAT LAYER, RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU TO-

WAIT A FUCKIN MINURE. WHO IS THIS?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE WHO ARE YOU. AND WHY IS YOUR NAME DRUNK P- OH YOU.

[askdrunkbillcipher]

YRAH ME. WHY THE FUCK DO YOH HAVE MY SIXER’S PHONE?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

HE'S TRYING TO SLEE- *Bill paused. That was not a good thing to say to the Bill that might torment him. He had to think of a save. Fast.* ...SLEEP WITH ME. YEAH. AS IN SEX. HE'S HAVING SEX WITH ME. WHY? WHAT'S IT TO YA?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

…ABD HES PROVABLY PRETENDING YOURE ME THE WHOLE TIME!

[triangle-shop-owner]

...ONE, NO HE IS NOT. TWO, DO YOU DO THAT WHEN KISSING MY UNIVERSE'S FORD??-

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOW WIULD YOU KNOW? YOU BEEN INSUDE HIS MIND? I BET- WAIT.

WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE, YOURE THAT PIWERLESS JANITOR BILL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

SORRY! EXCEOT IM NOT! CAUSE YOURE A JOKE! MY POOR SIXER IS GONNA REAKIZE HOW MYCH BETTER I AN IN THE SACK TBAN YOU WITH MY POWERS ABD HES FONNA COME CRAWLIN BACK AND ILL GE TOO BUSY KEEPIN YOURS SATISFIED. BUT HEY, THANKS FIR HELOJN MAKE SURE THAT HAPOENS!

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He couldn't even think of a comeback. He was too hurt. And stunned, honestly. Usually he can, but this Bill...this Bill HURT him.* ...I'M GONNA GO BACK TO [NOT S&P APPROVED] YOUR FORD NOW. GO RAIL MY UNIVERSE'S FORD FOR ALL I CARE. BUY GOLD BYE!!! *He hung up. His hand was shaking. Was he crying?*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he twitched and rolled over before his eyes suddenly shot open to see Bill crying while holding his phone*

…Bill?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FORD! HOW DID YOU SLEEP! *He wiped his eye, putting Ford's phone down.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Alright I suppose… Are you alright? And why do you have my phone?

[triangle-shop-owner]

HAHAHAHA I'M ALRIGHT IT'S DUMB AND PATHETIC HAHAHHAHAHAHA ALSO THE DUMB ALCOHOLIC CALLED YOU AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM WE HAD SEX TO COVER FOR YOU SLEEPING SORRY LAST MINUTE COVER BUT IF HE ASKS TELL HIM IT WAS AWESOME.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…I don’t know what he said to upset you, but you’re perfectly allowed to be upset. Come closer.

*he extends a hand towards Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He got closer, and tears started to drip again.* YOU KNOW, SOME DRUNK GUY RUBBING IT IN THAT HE STILL HAS EVERYTHING YOU LOST REALLY DOES SOMETHING TO YOU. THE MOMENT HE MENTIONED MY FORD...MY EYE GOT ALL WET.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he pulled him in for an awkward hug*

Now, now, his words may hurt, but they’re coming from a guy who tried to pick a fight with his own reflection and, as I’ve been told, mistook someone for his dead mom just because he was a blue triangle.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill hugged him for a little longer before letting go. His tone softened.* ...Well, sure but...he has EVERYTHING I wanted. Minus the alcohol addiction. I am the BOTTOM of the food chain of Bills! He may be an idiot... but I am a bit jealous of him. Pathetic, isn't it?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Not really. I imagine you grew accustomed to your powers. They were a given, something you could rely on. But now you don’t have them and you’re finding ways to function without them after all this time. That sounds difficult and now you have my ex rubbing salt in the wound.

But… need I remind you I would not be so comfortable being this close to you this often if you still had them? I take comfort in knowing you can only hurt me in the normal ways. In that respect, I suppose I have to say I like you better without them. Who cares if you’re at the bottom of the Cipher food chain? Have you met other Bills? You read my private journal, do you really want to be like him after that?

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess all I need is you, really...By the way, your ex is a nightmare. You should file an interdimensional restraining order. Those are real, I had to get one on a howling void I dated.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he sighed*

Tell me about it. How difficult is it to get such a restraining order when you’re also wanted for interdimensional crimes? I might could benefit from this.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Technically I was wanted for interdimensional crimes at that point too! Look it's either that or we could kill him! Or get Frills on him! Either way I feel...awfully bad that you have to deal with THAT.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

I’m on board with killing him. At least then I won’t have to fear he’ll start his own “Weirdmageddon”. If you have any tips, I’m all ears.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well my universe's you and fez used a memory eraser gun once I possessed the person's mind! It hurt a lot, but it'll do the job!... speaking of my Ford...ugh...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

A memory gun? That’ll require someone being possessed by him… Perhaps I’ll get lucky and find a willing sacrifice.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Check Mabel's truth serum participant list. Someone on there'll do it. By the way...uh... You're not gonna leave me for the drunk idiot, right? Not that you're bound to me, even though I'm the best. I just, don't wanna lose this again to HIM, yknow?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Now there’s a thought.

Why would I do that? You know what he’s done to me, what he could easily do again.

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess better to be strong than a joke...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

You’re not a joke and I’m not going to leave you for him. He said that to hurt you. And because he’s a drunk idiot who probably believes it.

[triangle-shop-owner]

. . . can I hug you? Sorry, weird request I just... *He groaned, throwing something.* I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED MY FORD SMART! HE'S ACTUALLY INTO THAT DRUNK IDIOT?! Not that I want him, gross, I just thought he'd be smarter than that!

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Certainly

I’m inclined to say I thought I would’ve been smarter than that too. But your Ford has already been hurt and at least I have the sense not to sign myself up for more like some sort of emotional masochist.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well I hate him, so I don't care. *He hugged Ford, his body continued to shake as if he was a lost, scared dog. He had no idea if he was shaking of anger or fear. Maybe it was both.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*the shaking threw him off. He was used to thinking of Bill as this strong force, bold and unafraid of anything, certain of everything he did, and whose anger was shown with violence. Seeing this Bill like this felt like being hit with reality. He knew this Bill didn’t have his powers, and that this Bill wasn’t from his universe, but in this moment, he knew this Bill was not the Bill that had rendered him so terrified of his own need for sleep and made his life a living hell. This was a sober idiot who bit off more than he could chew and lost everything as a result.*

*he stroked his back, quietly reassuring him. His eyes threatened to shut and force him asleep, and though he knew better, he fought it off*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He continued to hug Ford, as if e'd dissapear if he let him go.. It was honestly a sad sight. Bill quietly remembered he lost everything. They took EVERYTHING from him.* ...I lost everything. He just gets to party it up with his power while I sit here. They alldo.Where did I go wrong, Ford..?

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Coffee Ford’s phone is ringing. Constantly. He’s built the phone from various scrap metal and wires he’s found, but it’s perfectly functional and even has caller ID. The caller ID that shows up most, however, just says “DRUNK POS”. Right now, Ford is heavily preoccupied with taking a nap for once, as the exhaustion has finally gotten to him again as it always does. But DRUNK POS is being very, very persistent right now…*

( @askdrunkbillcipher )

*Bill stared at the phone. Every part of him wanted to hang up. To ignore this guy. Hell, he hated this guy! What brought him to pick up...he had no clue.* ...YELLO?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOLY SHIT YOY ACTUALLY PICKED UP FOR ONCE! THIS MEAN YOURE COMIN TO YOUE SENSES? WE CAN TALJ ABOUT THAT LAYER, RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU TO-

WAIT A FUCKIN MINURE. WHO IS THIS?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE WHO ARE YOU. AND WHY IS YOUR NAME DRUNK P- OH YOU.

[askdrunkbillcipher]

YRAH ME. WHY THE FUCK DO YOH HAVE MY SIXER’S PHONE?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

HE'S TRYING TO SLEE- *Bill paused. That was not a good thing to say to the Bill that might torment him. He had to think of a save. Fast.* ...SLEEP WITH ME. YEAH. AS IN SEX. HE'S HAVING SEX WITH ME. WHY? WHAT'S IT TO YA?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

…ABD HES PROVABLY PRETENDING YOURE ME THE WHOLE TIME!

[triangle-shop-owner]

...ONE, NO HE IS NOT. TWO, DO YOU DO THAT WHEN KISSING MY UNIVERSE'S FORD??-

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOW WIULD YOU KNOW? YOU BEEN INSUDE HIS MIND? I BET- WAIT.

WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE, YOURE THAT PIWERLESS JANITOR BILL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

SORRY! EXCEOT IM NOT! CAUSE YOURE A JOKE! MY POOR SIXER IS GONNA REAKIZE HOW MYCH BETTER I AN IN THE SACK TBAN YOU WITH MY POWERS ABD HES FONNA COME CRAWLIN BACK AND ILL GE TOO BUSY KEEPIN YOURS SATISFIED. BUT HEY, THANKS FIR HELOJN MAKE SURE THAT HAPOENS!

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He couldn't even think of a comeback. He was too hurt. And stunned, honestly. Usually he can, but this Bill...this Bill HURT him.* ...I'M GONNA GO BACK TO [NOT S&P APPROVED] YOUR FORD NOW. GO RAIL MY UNIVERSE'S FORD FOR ALL I CARE. BUY GOLD BYE!!! *He hung up. His hand was shaking. Was he crying?*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he twitched and rolled over before his eyes suddenly shot open to see Bill crying while holding his phone*

…Bill?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FORD! HOW DID YOU SLEEP! *He wiped his eye, putting Ford's phone down.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Alright I suppose… Are you alright? And why do you have my phone?

[triangle-shop-owner]

HAHAHAHA I'M ALRIGHT IT'S DUMB AND PATHETIC HAHAHHAHAHAHA ALSO THE DUMB ALCOHOLIC CALLED YOU AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM WE HAD SEX TO COVER FOR YOU SLEEPING SORRY LAST MINUTE COVER BUT IF HE ASKS TELL HIM IT WAS AWESOME.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…I don’t know what he said to upset you, but you’re perfectly allowed to be upset. Come closer.

*he extends a hand towards Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He got closer, and tears started to drip again.* YOU KNOW, SOME DRUNK GUY RUBBING IT IN THAT HE STILL HAS EVERYTHING YOU LOST REALLY DOES SOMETHING TO YOU. THE MOMENT HE MENTIONED MY FORD...MY EYE GOT ALL WET.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he pulled him in for an awkward hug*

Now, now, his words may hurt, but they’re coming from a guy who tried to pick a fight with his own reflection and, as I’ve been told, mistook someone for his dead mom just because he was a blue triangle.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill hugged him for a little longer before letting go. His tone softened.* ...Well, sure but...he has EVERYTHING I wanted. Minus the alcohol addiction. I am the BOTTOM of the food chain of Bills! He may be an idiot... but I am a bit jealous of him. Pathetic, isn't it?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Not really. I imagine you grew accustomed to your powers. They were a given, something you could rely on. But now you don’t have them and you’re finding ways to function without them after all this time. That sounds difficult and now you have my ex rubbing salt in the wound.

But… need I remind you I would not be so comfortable being this close to you this often if you still had them? I take comfort in knowing you can only hurt me in the normal ways. In that respect, I suppose I have to say I like you better without them. Who cares if you’re at the bottom of the Cipher food chain? Have you met other Bills? You read my private journal, do you really want to be like him after that?

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess all I need is you, really...By the way, your ex is a nightmare. You should file an interdimensional restraining order. Those are real, I had to get one on a howling void I dated.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he sighed*

Tell me about it. How difficult is it to get such a restraining order when you’re also wanted for interdimensional crimes? I might could benefit from this.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Technically I was wanted for interdimensional crimes at that point too! Look it's either that or we could kill him! Or get Frills on him! Either way I feel...awfully bad that you have to deal with THAT.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

I’m on board with killing him. At least then I won’t have to fear he’ll start his own “Weirdmageddon”. If you have any tips, I’m all ears.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well my universe's you and fez used a memory eraser gun once I possessed the person's mind! It hurt a lot, but it'll do the job!... speaking of my Ford...ugh...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

A memory gun? That’ll require someone being possessed by him… Perhaps I’ll get lucky and find a willing sacrifice.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Check Mabel's truth serum participant list. Someone on there'll do it. By the way...uh... You're not gonna leave me for the drunk idiot, right? Not that you're bound to me, even though I'm the best. I just, don't wanna lose this again to HIM, yknow?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Now there’s a thought.

Why would I do that? You know what he’s done to me, what he could easily do again.

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess better to be strong than a joke...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

You’re not a joke and I’m not going to leave you for him. He said that to hurt you. And because he’s a drunk idiot who probably believes it.

[triangle-shop-owner]

. . . can I hug you? Sorry, weird request I just... *He groaned, throwing something.* I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED MY FORD SMART! HE'S ACTUALLY INTO THAT DRUNK IDIOT?! Not that I want him, gross, I just thought he'd be smarter than that!

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Certainly

I’m inclined to say I thought I would’ve been smarter than that too. But your Ford has already been hurt and at least I have the sense not to sign myself up for more like some sort of emotional masochist.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well I hate him, so I don't care. *He hugged Ford, his body continued to shake as if he was a lost, scared dog. He had no idea if he was shaking of anger or fear. Maybe it was both.*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Coffee Ford’s phone is ringing. Constantly. He’s built the phone from various scrap metal and wires he’s found, but it’s perfectly functional and even has caller ID. The caller ID that shows up most, however, just says “DRUNK POS”. Right now, Ford is heavily preoccupied with taking a nap for once, as the exhaustion has finally gotten to him again as it always does. But DRUNK POS is being very, very persistent right now…*

( @askdrunkbillcipher )

*Bill stared at the phone. Every part of him wanted to hang up. To ignore this guy. Hell, he hated this guy! What brought him to pick up...he had no clue.* ...YELLO?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOLY SHIT YOY ACTUALLY PICKED UP FOR ONCE! THIS MEAN YOURE COMIN TO YOUE SENSES? WE CAN TALJ ABOUT THAT LAYER, RIGHT NOW I NEED YOU TO-

WAIT A FUCKIN MINURE. WHO IS THIS?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

BETTER QUESTION WOULD BE WHO ARE YOU. AND WHY IS YOUR NAME DRUNK P- OH YOU.

[askdrunkbillcipher]

YRAH ME. WHY THE FUCK DO YOH HAVE MY SIXER’S PHONE?!

[triangle-shop-owner]

HE'S TRYING TO SLEE- *Bill paused. That was not a good thing to say to the Bill that might torment him. He had to think of a save. Fast.* ...SLEEP WITH ME. YEAH. AS IN SEX. HE'S HAVING SEX WITH ME. WHY? WHAT'S IT TO YA?

[askdrunkbillcipher]

…ABD HES PROVABLY PRETENDING YOURE ME THE WHOLE TIME!

[triangle-shop-owner]

...ONE, NO HE IS NOT. TWO, DO YOU DO THAT WHEN KISSING MY UNIVERSE'S FORD??-

[askdrunkbillcipher]

HOW WIULD YOU KNOW? YOU BEEN INSUDE HIS MIND? I BET- WAIT.

WAIT A FUCKIN MINUTE, YOURE THAT PIWERLESS JANITOR BILL!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

SORRY! EXCEOT IM NOT! CAUSE YOURE A JOKE! MY POOR SIXER IS GONNA REAKIZE HOW MYCH BETTER I AN IN THE SACK TBAN YOU WITH MY POWERS ABD HES FONNA COME CRAWLIN BACK AND ILL GE TOO BUSY KEEPIN YOURS SATISFIED. BUT HEY, THANKS FIR HELOJN MAKE SURE THAT HAPOENS!

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He couldn't even think of a comeback. He was too hurt. And stunned, honestly. Usually he can, but this Bill...this Bill HURT him.* ...I'M GONNA GO BACK TO [NOT S&P APPROVED] YOUR FORD NOW. GO RAIL MY UNIVERSE'S FORD FOR ALL I CARE. BUY GOLD BYE!!! *He hung up. His hand was shaking. Was he crying?*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he twitched and rolled over before his eyes suddenly shot open to see Bill crying while holding his phone*

…Bill?

[triangle-shop-owner]

FORD! HOW DID YOU SLEEP! *He wiped his eye, putting Ford's phone down.*

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Alright I suppose… Are you alright? And why do you have my phone?

[triangle-shop-owner]

HAHAHAHA I'M ALRIGHT IT'S DUMB AND PATHETIC HAHAHHAHAHAHA ALSO THE DUMB ALCOHOLIC CALLED YOU AND I MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM WE HAD SEX TO COVER FOR YOU SLEEPING SORRY LAST MINUTE COVER BUT IF HE ASKS TELL HIM IT WAS AWESOME.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

…I don’t know what he said to upset you, but you’re perfectly allowed to be upset. Come closer.

*he extends a hand towards Bill*

[triangle-shop-owner]

*He got closer, and tears started to drip again.* YOU KNOW, SOME DRUNK GUY RUBBING IT IN THAT HE STILL HAS EVERYTHING YOU LOST REALLY DOES SOMETHING TO YOU. THE MOMENT HE MENTIONED MY FORD...MY EYE GOT ALL WET.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he pulled him in for an awkward hug*

Now, now, his words may hurt, but they’re coming from a guy who tried to pick a fight with his own reflection and, as I’ve been told, mistook someone for his dead mom just because he was a blue triangle.

[triangle-shop-owner]

*Bill hugged him for a little longer before letting go. His tone softened.* ...Well, sure but...he has EVERYTHING I wanted. Minus the alcohol addiction. I am the BOTTOM of the food chain of Bills! He may be an idiot... but I am a bit jealous of him. Pathetic, isn't it?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Not really. I imagine you grew accustomed to your powers. They were a given, something you could rely on. But now you don’t have them and you’re finding ways to function without them after all this time. That sounds difficult and now you have my ex rubbing salt in the wound.

But… need I remind you I would not be so comfortable being this close to you this often if you still had them? I take comfort in knowing you can only hurt me in the normal ways. In that respect, I suppose I have to say I like you better without them. Who cares if you’re at the bottom of the Cipher food chain? Have you met other Bills? You read my private journal, do you really want to be like him after that?

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess all I need is you, really...By the way, your ex is a nightmare. You should file an interdimensional restraining order. Those are real, I had to get one on a howling void I dated.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

*he sighed*

Tell me about it. How difficult is it to get such a restraining order when you’re also wanted for interdimensional crimes? I might could benefit from this.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Technically I was wanted for interdimensional crimes at that point too! Look it's either that or we could kill him! Or get Frills on him! Either way I feel...awfully bad that you have to deal with THAT.

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

I’m on board with killing him. At least then I won’t have to fear he’ll start his own “Weirdmageddon”. If you have any tips, I’m all ears.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Well my universe's you and fez used a memory eraser gun once I possessed the person's mind! It hurt a lot, but it'll do the job!... speaking of my Ford...ugh...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

A memory gun? That’ll require someone being possessed by him… Perhaps I’ll get lucky and find a willing sacrifice.

[triangle-shop-owner]

Check Mabel's truth serum participant list. Someone on there'll do it. By the way...uh... You're not gonna leave me for the drunk idiot, right? Not that you're bound to me, even though I'm the best. I just, don't wanna lose this again to HIM, yknow?

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

Now there’s a thought.

Why would I do that? You know what he’s done to me, what he could easily do again.

[triangle-shop-owner]

I guess better to be strong than a joke...

[askcaffeinatedstanfordpines]

You’re not a joke and I’m not going to leave you for him. He said that to hurt you. And because he’s a drunk idiot who probably believes it.

[triangle-shop-owner]

. . . can I hug you? Sorry, weird request I just... *He groaned, throwing something.* I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED MY FORD SMART! HE'S ACTUALLY INTO THAT DRUNK IDIOT?! Not that I want him, gross, I just thought he'd be smarter than that!