Every word's a new regret if you say it right

This is the sideblog for Patrick Stump! Please understand that everything here is a secret and is only known by Patrick unless he tells your character otherwise. There may not always be trigger warnings here so read at your own risk. (RP BLOG)

[tricksregrets]

I'm still scared but I know what I want.

I only hope at some point I can find the right way to tell you. I need it to be in a way you won't question. I just hope when I find the right moment it won't be too late. I just hope that you won't end up deciding I'm too much.

[tricksregrets]

It feels like we’re building something here and I finally feel at peace with it. Things may not always be as easy with you as I’d like them to be but in the end that’s because you help me grow. Maybe that’s better than things always being easy. 

I don’t think I ever realized that despite you being a big part of my comfort zone, I still really had my guard up with you. I was afraid that allowing you to know too much or help too much would end up making me weak. Somehow it doesn’t feel that way so much now that I’m beginning to let some of these walls down. 

[the-memedaddy]

Meirl

[bnmxfld]

Too shy to say, but I hope you stay.

Billie Eilish / come out and play (via bnmxfld)

[infpisme]

[uchanda]

therapist: how was your week?

me: mm.. i can’t remember

[tricksregrets]

Sometimes you surprise me in a really, really good way...

[tricksregrets]

Because that's so subtle. The thing is I'm trying here but maybe it's not enough for you. Sometimes I wonder if we even speak the same language. Our connection runs so deep and it could end up being more but I can't go from 0 to 100. I need patience and if you don't have it then you're not the one for me. I hope you can be patient...

[valentina-poem]

[haleyincarnate]

Quote by Trista Mateer

[bbblackcats]

[tricksregrets]

Actually, I'm not sure I want to be touched at all right now. You make things brighter but I'm not in a good place for touch right now. I'm not okay.

The list of people I'd be comfortable letting that close right now is one person long.

[bnmxfld]

“I had nothing to offer anybody except for my own confusion.”

— Jack Kerouac

[bnmxfld]

“It was not the feeling of completeness I so needed, but the feeling of not being empty.”

— Jonathan Safran Foer / Everything Is Illuminated

[tricksregrets]

what have you been doing to pass the time? anything new you’ve discovered, or significant events that have unfolded in your life? I've been working on some new songs and teaching myself to build guitars. I also realized I have polyamorous tendencies and have loved more than one person at the same time at least twice in my life. I'm not sure if that means I'll always love more than one person or not. I'm a little confused if I'm honest. I was happily in a polyamorous relationship briefly until I did something to ruin it. The worst part is I don't remember what I did. On top of that I also remembered that I was in love with my best friend and bandmate for a large part of my life. There are still some feelings I have yet to work through there. I may have chosen someone else over him before though so I think that ship has sailed now. I learned that the amnesia I've hid from the public is part of a larger disorder...dissociative identity disorder. My life has been so chaotic and I'm ready for things to go back to normal. I need to tour and get back to work so I don't have to think so much.

if 100 people in your age group were selected randomly, how many do you think they’d find leading a happier life than you? I'm not sure...I think my life was pretty happy for a while. Maybe 30?

has any one person ever made you so angry that you couldn’t forgive them? Not that I remember. I wonder if my ex wife did and I just no longer know what it was. I have this bad feeling about her but with so many memories missing still I don't know why. Waking up in another state on a park bench with no memories is really frustrating. It's been over a year and a half now. I still only have a handful back and most of them are about Pete.

if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know? Do I end up happy and whole or do I feel this lost and disjointed for the rest of my life?

what’s the fondest memory you have of a person you haven’t talked to in ages? Dancing to my Dad's guitar playing when I was really little. That was a nice memory to get back.

what do you attribute the biggest successes in your life to? How about your largest failures? My biggest successes were partly due to determination and partly due to the help of my friends. The largest failures were probably due to stubbornness and mental instability.

what is the worst/funniest thing you have done drunk, but don’t remember doing? Good lord, I have no idea. I don't actually drink often.

the scariest thing you went through this year? tell us the valuable life lesson you learned with it? if you learned… It was either getting my diagnosis of DID or not really knowing who I am sometimes. I'm still working on learning something valuable from that.

[understands]

[incendavery]

headache