King @triplekings - Tumblr Blog

single life is getting drunk at cheesecake factory on a weekday then coming home and texting the hottest tinder date you had this month if they wanna treat your cervix like a speedbag, then falling asleep on your phone and waking up to seven missed calls and four voicemails from tinder hottie whose number you didn’t save then when you hear the voicemails realizing the unsaved number was your nana’s new cellphone and she’s screaming about why you texted her at 2 am and is everything alright and you know she can’t read the words without her glasses so she’ll get your aunt to read the message out loud to her then call you back

so now you gotta drive four hours to nana’s and throw her cellphone in the garbage disposal and probably push her down in the kitchen so she breaks her hip but it looks like an accident and everyone gets so occupied with finding the right home for nana that they ignore her questions about why a cervix is like a speedbag and you can continue to ho but this time keeping your hoes organized by saving your dates as 🔥#4 and shit.