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Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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Sweet Seals For You, Always

ā

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@trishasportfolio
Wattpad
Started posting my works here, please check it out:
https://www.wattpad.com/user/Dark_Trisha
Voyeur
There is a dark place, behind everything that would protect you
Filled with a presence that torments you and neglects you
It sits, lying dormant, until it finds a moment
A single moment where you let go, you release
And it pounces, it seizes
It holds on with a grip of a thousand souls
And never lets go
It has taken hold, swallowed you hole
Drained all the blood from your body
You are been left mutilated, your essence diminished
Leaving you uninhabited and so very barren
Now a voyeur to your own death
Learning to embrace the inevitableĀ
You watch your new face take on the world
With new eyes, completely dead inside
Trisha Hilton
Aug 2018
Longing
When you know it would be judged
You keep these thoughts to yourself
Hidden away, undercoverĀ
Not ashamed but confused
Wondering how you can satisfy these urgesĀ
Test the watersĀ
Drown in the fantasy
Can this become a reality?
GUT
It's amazing how quickly our perception of someone can change. Sometimes it takes minutes, sometimes years but one thing I am certain about - your gut instinct is always right. Listen to that feeling, however small and trivial it may seem. You know what is best for you and without realising it, your subconscious can sort the fakes from the real deal.
What is best for me
So, I wrote you a letter
Explaining my feelings, just that little bit better
I thought I could leave it at that
But then I had to text, pretending to chat
When all I wanted to know was, HOW DID IT FEEL?
How did it feel to read it, to know the effect you had on me for real?
Did it hurt you or make you cry?
Or did it keep your dead eyes, bone dry?
Did you read it once or maybe twice?
Or did you throw it down, without a second glance?
I need to know, I need to hear it
That you felt some way about it
As I laid my heart bare
Why couldn't you muster the courage to show you care?
If you felt any love for me, you would know
That I ... NEED TO KNOW
The effect I had, giving you that letter
Letting you know the pain you caused, just that little bit clearer
You surely know that silence does not work for me
You have read my work, felt my heart, know my worth
Silence IS MY KILLER, my defeat
And you used it on me, so easily
Did you think you knew what was best for me?
You couldn't let me keep a shred of dignity
Knowing, just for a second, I could hurt you
Just a fraction of the amount you destroyed me
A text was all I needed
To say yes, you hurt me too
Trisha Hilton
July 2018
āTo the person that loves me next, Iām sorry if I am broken. I am sorry if I question the love that you give because so many before you have taken my love and thrown it away like common trash. To the person who loves me next. I am sorry if I donāt believe you, like when you tell me I am beautiful. Know, that I have heard these words a million times before and yet here I am still alone. I apologize for the walls that stand 40 feet high, I am sorry that you have to climb them. The people before you took too many pieces of me. The walls? They protect the remaining parts of me. To the person who can love me next, please just love me. As I am. Ignore my flaws, just love meā
ā The book she will never write
āIn deep seas with the big waves you searched your worthiness, here, among the fearful ones that get lost there and lose, you get lost , you lose.ā
ā
Bystander
Cold and alone
I lay awake
Scribbling the names
Of all of them, none I can fake
I will hold accountable
Myself above all
However it helps
To see who helped me fall
Deeper into my mistakes
My regrets
Who led me there
Without a care
They took, without concern
They took what they felt they deserved
They took what they felt was theirs
Because I said nothing
I was voiceless
I was empty
From the start, long ago
I was already empty, shallow, gone
So I felt [feel] nothing when others took
I felt nothing when I was tainted
I felt nothing when the last piece of me broke free
It all went spiralling out of control
But I was the innocent bystander
Who watched, observed
But never spoke out
I was that person, to myself
Who saw but never told
Who witnessed but never revealed
Who carried on but never moved on
And look at me now
Still empty and cold
Still shallow and used
Still spoiled
Patricia Hilton
March 2018
I let him
I cringe at what I was, what I became
How I wallowed in the self pity, let that stain
The beauty that I once contained
The awful reality of it, is that I just love my own suffering
I feed on it, I thrive in the shadows
I am the helpless victim, my heart ultimately hollow
I know the strength within me
If I once was, I can again become
And no one can stop me, not even myself
The ending is far enough to ignore for now
And my minutes are ticking, my valuable time was lost
Lost on a boy who I thought I loved
But it turns out, I have never truly felt loves cut
Because I never learnt to love, only to inflict pain
On myself, on others, on him
All his damage was of my own doing
Because I let him
14/02/2018
Trisha Hilton
Fool
"And I hope she'll be a fool - that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool' ~ The Great Gatsby, F.Scott Fitzgerald
Another year, another mistake
Another lie and another fake
Another revelation and another heartbreak
You would think I would of known, I could of told
But I was foolish enough to think he had grown
No, no, no, it was all a repeat
A fantastical journey of the same old shit
And here I am, still the one hurt
Still the one left like a piece of dirt
Fool me once, shame on him
But [little girl], fool me twice, shame on me
The only person I have to blame
Is the person feeling just the same
Just the same as when he hurt you before
When you should have glued shut that fucking door
Can I learn now?
I think it's about time.
December 2017
Trisha Hilton
I want
I want to change, to let go
Find a way to be happy, to grow
I want to believe things can be better
And yet I am the same, down to the last letter
The same crazy, selfish person
Yet I want to be stronger
I want to care, to trust, to love
But I cannot live like this much longer
How can I take the next step?
How can I make myself see the light?
How can I be the person I long to be?
How can I handle another one of these nights?
My nights, filled with tears and nightmares, wild thoughts, and rants
When will I be free of it all, when will I not be so broken?
I want to not care so much, I want give up
I want to run so far, to give out the pain I feel
I want it all, yet none of it
I am the most confused I have ever been
Far from anything I have ever seen
I am a shell of myself, I really am lost
By Trisha Hilton
Story of my life š¤
The One.
When you are lost to them, they fight
Say all the things you long to hear and beg to hold you tight
Tell you they cannot live without the smell of your hair, your skin
Dream of you day and night, wearing you down for the win
Your guard is strong and your worth is high
A drug to them, something they will do anything to deny
Then slowly, you allow them the chance, you feed their addiction
But instead of it growing stronger, roots burying deeper
You start to realise, your barrier was your trophy and your love now your weakness
And you are losing them with every small and tender kiss
Do they grow bored? Or bored without a fight?
Did they truly love you or were you ultimately right?
That love is something of a game to some, small victories to none
A battlefield of emotions where to win, there will only be just one.
By Trisha Hilton