text meme; tfln #2
[text]: The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company. [text]: we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis [text]: conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often [text]: but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right? [text]: it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate [text]: I hope none of us try to run for public office one day [text]: A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award. [text]: This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid. [text]: You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life. [text]: The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging [text]: I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask? [text]: he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!! [text]: we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive [text]: If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate. [text]: I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked. [text]: You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated [text]: I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written [text]: The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen [text]: Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar. [text]: Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time [text]: you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation [text]: Eat your greens and take your tequila shots [text]: i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now [text]: GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON! [text]: Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner [text]: He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50. [text]: Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all. [text]: Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?