11:11

a safe place to keep you 🌙 perpetuating my own downfall

[tristessatransmutation]

TOO TALL

I just realized why I am scared

Of water and air and falling from great heights

But I will scale a mountain

Without equipment or fear

Because if I cannot hold onto something

I am terrified

[tristessatransmutation]

Lately I've been

Here. Just here.

Wondering if it's enough.

Anything. Me.

What I've chosen.

Yes, there are things

That are inextricably pure

Good and capable and

And and and

Why do I feel I've written

A thousand, ten thousand words

That have been lost to deaf ears

The shrieking wail of lament

Most poetry rhymes

But, I, for one, do not care

I've been treading these waters

Too long to know

The words will never matter anyways

I love and hate myself

In the same sentence.

Lately I've been

Here.

Just here.

[tristessatransmutation]

I want to be mean

If I need to be

But I can't

I stay in place

Even when I dream

I say hi it's me

And keep my tact

Don't punch ya

In the face

[tristessatransmutation]

I know im not

The prettiest

But I am loud

A lost priestess

Never draw a crowd

Making a plot

Having a tryst

I can say I'm proud

Of all my mess

[tristessatransmutation]

We were gold

And seamed together

Or seemed to be together

Shit got old

Birds of a feather?

Yeah, you severed that tether

[tristessatransmutation]

I'm trapped in this little girl's body

And i feel like I still have her heart

It always shows when it's inconvenient

But I hate to shut her away

[tristessatransmutation]

Fucking mophead

Sometimes I wish

Your habit would just

Fucking drop dead

[tristessatransmutation]

The way her hair falls

Makes me swoon

I think I fell in love

Sometime in June

[tristessatransmutation]

Today I just want to sleep

My brain is being mean

Thoughts I don't wanna keep

You're more than what you seem

[tristessatransmutation]

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry I'm the worst

I swear to fucking god

I'm trying

To break this curse

[tristessatransmutation]

All these years

And I'm so tender

No more tears

I surrender

[tristessatransmutation]

I think of you

always

My teeth are on fucking edge

You deserve

all of the days

I wish I could have pulled you

From the ledge

[tristessatransmutation]

I don't need the extra

I don't want the drama

Ive been trying to keep

My head above the water

I've been trying to sleep

It always seems to falter

Try to disconnect

But there's all of these splinters

Try to resurrect

All of my winters

[tristessatransmutation]

When I weep

Without reason

I just have to wonder

Is it feelings I keep?

Is it the season?

Or something more somber?

[tristessatransmutation]

It's fine

I'll take it

With a vat of brine

I know im fucking stupid

Wouldn't be lying

If I said fucking Cupid

Has got me crying

I'll get over it

In time

[tristessatransmutation]

My lucky cigarette is always the back third on the lefthand side. Half the time I smoke it before the luck runs out. It might not have ever been there in the first place. Is this a self perpetuating cycle, or just the way of things?

[tristessatransmutation]

I heard you're dating someone new.

I found myself being happy for you

Curious if she would be true

Is her hair blue?

Am I being sappy?

Does she like the music you do?

Didn't know I withdrew

That I could even

Be happy without you