under
umbras
of
bundles
of
stars,
canopies of leaves &
branches that
shatter-scatter sky image
held indirect
as conscious lay in
fabricated gardens
watching memories, &
desires in dream form
from across highway covered by
sound of tires,
mufflers, sirens,
muffled far cries
muffled while
crossing empty lands
filled with chilling wind howls,
stealing hope,
kickstarts the power on
survival mode..
a hymn made
by souls
for souls
under same umbra
to set free
to lead to wonder
& beauty
beyond the surface of senses
directly to free
to seek love loss
between me and me
buried beneath road of
longest journey to reach
all about a world
I have no idea about
just mad ideas about
Kept in journals i turn over
to all
but from in front of views
not yet exploited by value
of which is, views are power,
& are the will in word- to-page transaction
self diminished to substantiate
entries from entrails,
not shown to be conquered
win or lose
is
how I never saw things.
win or win, only optionss, only progress..
yet..,always over complicating;
marathon sprints from start to finish
as I choose, If i choose,
to continue to choose
to overlook slopes in existence,
where hides I, in ruins, digging for recognition
contribute to a mind overloading with what I know I owe society, &me,
burden of see-through beast, I see illusions of future thru,mistaken as truth, play victim, get stressed or believe I'm down on luck ,in dumps of depression and slum of beliefs,
in a slump with headphones on temple and music up, reminisce about the golden olden, me and broseph, SSB, PSO, kanto, johto, cartoon cartoons, many one saturday morning’s, plenty cinnamon toast, fruity pebbles, so many card games at Books-a-million
but when I open eyes from trance
I'm forever face to face with today is today
changes
who changed
how I changed
regret and anger
to compensate
for blaming everybody
but me
now I stare afraid at dilemmas
mass effect decisions
daily in-and-out-terventions
to keep from falling back into resentment..
spite blinding shelves of subconscious-self- disappointed perpetuating judgment of others
binding progression, tying tongue, boiling blood because old habits die hard and I continue fucking up, up raging rapids w/o a paddle,
almost 3 decades of failing infinite (according to projections) feel I missed and am missing out on so much, so much world, so many words coiled inside, waiting to explode,
all the time, just like everybody..
everything mind sets sights on turns to target issue
how unfortunate for aforementioned coordinates, for anyone close enough for me to put in poems' , important enough to torment conscious over, used to be everybody, used to be nobody, used to be just some people, now its just me and i dont know him
attempts to speak, to learn again, to teach me about me
to learn to teach
myself, to set example for ambition directed toward a better version, better verses, better reimbursement of time given tryna be an extrovert, free from bitter, free from bitch asses,
set internal standards to never get fucked with again, fuck you, fuck him, fuck her, i only fucks with a journal &
question everyone, everything, every word, every whisper,
shit ima tell my children every day, breakfast lunch dinner, do your best and fuck the rest, get it, get lit off enlightenment, fuck rest, save roosting for death, dont look at me, looknat the sky, seize the day in everyway brain permits, dont reach for others' and if anyone tries to take yours, that means they dont fundamentally respect life, so always permeate passion, ignore distractions keeping you from creating, test limits, test intentions, challenge imperfections with wisdom, know that perfect is just cosmetics, but i remain quiet..
remain tied up being alone, wondering..
whether I'm right to do any god damn thing
'cause if I don't do it right..
was I right to think I could,
wrong to think I understood
what of what's sacrificed ?
how did I end up here
in standby...
standing squeamish
& deer eyed in light of opportunities rising in horizon of night skies, to step in to obtain warmth, maintain from days before, to do something, do the one thing, but
when will I be ready
will eyes be ready
to comprehend
right or wrong
only me, here.
only us, on planet.
only
who's responsible?
how is who is affected by, afflicted by?
when is too late? when is just right,
always too soon to tell
and..
if I don't do it now,
then why expect change..
'cause I expect anything
at all
anger toward unmanned vehicles
imminent to collide with mine
driven mad up eighty-five degree angled walls during rush hour, sun beaming heat into ride,
where i travel on path, thru battlefield of past
where
fallen intentions decompose to ignorance
and wisdom sprouts
in the mean time..
I'm in between times,
feelin down, down
down
down
down by the way
a trail thru fears
past dead ends, rotting trees, looks like fallout hit
a past I try an' forget..
but remember out of reluctance
to accidentally revisit regret,
stand next to biggest fears,
see if facing them uproots soul
rolls ideas in head, non-stop
like trolls troll under bridges
to which billy goat gruff temper charges
like crono's katana on zenan crossing,
lodes of odes to oaths, lightning loaded,
aimed at negative minded sapiens
bioshocks via rhythm and syntax, cryo cascades of ideas, locked away in moleskine or computer files to put to rest the rest of an inside in arrest to judgment, in side quest of public playthrough, i feel im on public display, static complaining in front of pretty much strangers
modes of awareness to mental problems i exploit to people who might not think im crazy, who might like what i write, might like to write about the same thing, might see giants in those same nodes i stand near, i hear crisp crackles filling an awkward air as i stare at words on sheets that i might tear, might let collect dust, or share
prolly might be quiet, only sound is poetic drafts that fill in under open windows, I open slowly, cool rush, goosebumps, awake aware always,
even when mind is a crinkled, crumbled candy wrapper
still just construct wrinkles in time via
hairs stand, ovation, and encores to
helping to cross over doubts, screams of slander, stop it all, right now,
shed truth in another light, fed through veins like pen's ink to go over and correct vision of pinheads vane turnin art, free thought to cash and competition,
trade purpose blow for blow with obstacles in the name of the next step, over opponents,
trade nervous for nerves robust to withstand standing up to stretch and spread chest to stand up for work where time invested is
braided circulation
goin in circles,
time wasted pet peeve number 1
a nowhere never felt before
but something seems familiar..
overlooked,
under yards, under pressure of
bone leverage,
give life a lift thru cracks of a collapsing effort stretched
behind chest and ribs
hot coal hues
hearth warmth
under carbon sheets
till blood boils
till steam coils from pores
to kill the cold along roads
no light above, isn't lack of..
harsh heat of reality
hot enough to feel cold
make me go ghost
in dark times..
friction strong enough
to spark moist..
continue until i sear nerves
disembody fromm pain
till im felt by meta-form of others
heartfelt arcs
between
soul and soul-mind 2 mind
light releases
thru iris folds
spectacle in spectacles----
spectrum wheel of emotions
spins &spins to
understand self
an urge that intensifies
the more i live life as well as I can
Improve every day, no excuse, don't ignore the corners, get behind my ears,every nook and cranny in creative muse-um, uhm, duh, raised on books, nintendo, animation,& wishbone, outside, only myself as playdate, use every square inch as play-scape
under every hair in head, a mind uses face and body as way to create 4 fourever& vice versa to escape who ever & know I can do whenever, wherever
wherever i go, a voice in mind goes
that
keeps on talkin , keeps me talkin
tellin me I've talk--, wrote enough
hoped enough to last a lifetime, but that's not enough
and I still got a lifetime
to either solidify or fuck it up
to concentrate on life's finest
moments i build to build form in appreciation,
saying get up, enjoy the sun rays breaching clouds just before dawn;
gett off yo butt and do what
you know what you taught you
to do when you were at multiple low points and you promised you, you'd never fall to end, even if you fall again, again, and again,
never stall in the middle of takeoff
stop in middle of road, cant press play if you lost remote, might as well get up and do it,
crawl, run or walk away when the times calls to brawl dark-inner energy
only honorable mentions defend health during dishonorable discharge
of nega, into rivers,
into blue sky..
bordered by
white clouds
and linear silver
a
safe place,
work space,
desk clerk sifting day to day
thru file cabinets
memories in memos
in notebook; written relativity explaining how I see, what I think
say what i want like im eight,
glad i spent so much time with words and space-bars,
to escape
judgment,
hatred,
anxious
surrounded by
bad vibes
above an Earth,
below expectations;
over a self under surveillance
by approval from inside, crazy dimensions,
On the fence between people and myself
I close eyes, ride waves of nostalgia once more..
see plenty light to traverse pathways, walk fer hours, walk like back in younger days, playin, runnin, completely captivated immersed in games played, tv, roller blades, monopoly, scary stories, trampolines
&10thousand songs later,
10million thoughts later, here I am doing what I made me to.
can't wait for the next chance
supplied energy
through lines
to
hidden gracelands.
