3 weeks into living in SF and god itās felt like a lifetime. day 2 i met a guy who iād been chatting with on hinge. i instantly fell head over heels and decided that was my sign that i made the right choice by moving here. one day in and i already met someone whoās made me feel more special than anyone back home ever did. that has to be divine intervention saying ākeep goingā. from there we spent every day going to the beach or the park or somewhere else extremely romantic in the city, and every night was spent at the club or private parties where we danced together all night. although this time was so special and had me riding such a high, there was this cloud slowly encroaching as the days went on because this boy was studying abroad in spain in 2 weeks. so every minute we spent together was also a minute closer to the expiration date and this almost made me fly off the deep end. i ended up drunkenly crying or wallowing to him about this a few more times than im able to justify. i ended up meeting all his friends and then slowly met his entire family and he started calling me his boyfriend and set a picture of us as his wallpaperā¦. how could you not dive head first into someone after all that. especially considering i had no one else in this city. i was (and still am) scared, stressed, sad, and alone when he wasnāt around but as soon as he was everything was ok. anyways, he left for spain 3 days ago. things looked promising that first day. the second he told me some bad newsā¦ basically i unintentionally impacted his trip( i donāt wanna say why on here), and now heās taking some space from me.
i came here to move away from the person i was but the remnants of that person are following me and continuing to affect not just me, but the people i care about. this boy was my beacon lighting the way and letting me know im exactly where im supposed to be. but the second he left it was like i was just at sea on a foggy night. iām working a job i hate, have no friends anywhere close to me, surrounded by elitist college students, $0 to my name, and i just want to go back home.
i know i can move past this and reignite that flame that got me here in the first place. it was just nice to not have to fight for for once. i found someone who was able to calm the fire and wanted me for me. but now the fire has to come back so i can make a place for myself in this city.
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