Diary of a Black Female Student

i'm in the american schooling years of age i am fully black i don't care about your what ifs don't like my blog? the back button is one click away. be respectful to one another easy one: don't be racist.

[truewhitesavior]

quick rant

the geninune perception of different in groups and out groups is actually insane for someone who is really into the human social nature!! like i think i saw the emploding and exploding of friendships and systems of trusts that have been built in 4 (going on 5) days. but the most intimate version of this are my two roommates in the dorm. one of my roommates, who had been very kind and welcoming to me, saw me writing my blog post yesterday at one of the two desks in the room. i turned and smiled at her, but i knew that it was too late. the bond of trust was broken from her perception of me either

a. being a chronically online freak with my hello kitty and skateboard covered laptop or,

b. i was gossiping online about her or both of my roommates.

which ironic i know that i'm talking about it now, but i think it really is such a defining moment in my interactions with all the people here....

like we like to think we are sooooooo above all the frilliness abotu being human, but in reality we are all just animals trying to fit into a tribe and survive and form some kind of identity!!! like even though we like to think we're so above our labels, looks, identities, and everything, were still the same primates that need that tribe to stay alive....(was that deep??? that didn't feel deep...)

[truewhitesavior]

nylf: day 1 and 2 summarised :p

alrighty! welcome to the first installment of my educational journey!!! right now i'm at NYLF's Berkeley Medicine and Healthcare program!

so let's get some shit off my chest already, even though we've only been here for like 3 days (i'll post my 3rd day later). first off, it is so interesting to see in real life the formation of social groups with other people my age. like day one we we're all still feeling each other out and just trying to make it through the night, dinner, and the orientation assembly. like, i have never had so many blonde, blue-eyed, country, white girls in my face before...usually (being that i live in florida) that is a telltale sign that you are either

A. about to be tokenised to an each of your life or,

B. you're about to be verbally hatecrimed.

so imagine these girls' surprise when i said i was from florida in my slight country accent! i saw right immediately on their faces that they thought i was an oddityyyyyyy!!!!! like a science experiment not yet possibly thought offffff!! like i know i'm whitewashed to hell and back but DAMN....was not expecting these girls to start quizzing me about where i'm 'really' from....

second thing i want to get off is how unfriendly and competitive a lot of the black girls are here...like damn i thought we were in this together. it was really disheartening to see how some of us were FLOCKING to these predominantly white spaces and then treating the rest of our fellow black girls like they were trash! i can't tell you the amount of times i've gotten dirty looks from a fellow black girl when i interact with any of their white friends (can you even call it that? were only here for 7 days?)! what makes it worse is that some of their friends are nice to me and they REFUSE to even give common decency to any girl that looks just like them...

but not only that...y'all can fyrefest (ironic considering the news today) happen even with berkeley? this place is actually so busted ad disorganised...like half of our counselors aren't even anywhere near medicine...yet we're supposed to consider them nurses? also, our head honcho, ms. joker as i will be calling her, is very....animated and opinionated.

like, yesterday we were supposed to walk to the real berkeley campus and take a group picture. what happened in reality was that she didn't feel like walking so she just...cancelled the whole thing. keep in mind all of us paid over 5k to be here and to experience the medical world...and before you think 'wow true you sure know how to exaggerate!' this has come directly from the horse's mouth. i asked ms. joker whether or not we were walking and i got that exact response! so...yeah. go NYLF!

day 2 was mostly just like 20-25ish kids all crammed into one room to listen to our counselor talk about stuff in these REALLY cheap textbooks...but our counselor is nice and AN ACTUAL MEDICAL STUDENT!!!!

the food is subpar at best, public school food at worse so. yeah. i mean we are in california so everything is health-conscious in theory...so i mean it basically tastes like hotel food!

i've met some pretty nice people here though so i can't pretend that i'm not having some fun. i think none of us are neurotypical in the slightest and you know what? it's really swag. we can be very blunt with each other and not get offended!!!

but yeah. this is the first in my series of NYLF posts in the coming days so...stay tuned!!

[truewhitesavior]

summer break blues

no one ever tells you how fucking lonely summer is when you don't want to be bothered by any of your friends dawg!!! like yes i purposely have jam packed my schedule to avoid having to deal with people but like damn. that darn human desire for connection and companionship.

[truewhitesavior]

summer break

okay, so i'm starting this at 10:05 p.m. on a tuesday. this is to document all my thoughts and opinions (that will probably blasted to me by admissions) that i will have over the next 12 years (god help me). so, yeah. if you found this post, um, stick around for july! bye.