Biff

[trumpeterwithclass]

Dad's Hot-Ass

My dad's driving and my mom keeps turning on his seat warmer, and he doesn't realize until it's obvious. He's getting annoyed and yelling.

After his most recent outburst my mom's friend just made the comment "Hot-Ass."

With my mom's comment "I just want to keep your ass hot!" following it up.

To which dad responded, "Not if you want a case of broken jaw-ass."

They're laughing and flirting!

I'm stuck in the car with these people.

[trumpeterwithclass]

I was looking at rising baby names. Just because. And I found this. I wonder who the hell is responsible for this!

[trumpeterwithclass]

My band director is having problems getting players for the pep gigs...

[trumpeterwithclass]

So my roommate graduated from college on Saturday. I felt abandoned….. So I bought a fish His name is Bobby and he is my idjit….

[trumpeterwithclass]

Bobby died……

[trumpeterwithclass]

I’m sitting on my couch in my apartment and my brother is next to me playing GTA and Carry on My Wayward son just started playing on his game……the reaction time for feels was less than 0.00000001 of a second.....

[trumpeterwithclass]

I just graduated college.....

[trumpeterwithclass]

Because I seem to be obsessed with kittens and am one mouse click away from adopting one from the animal society, my mom has been periodically sending me pictures of my cat back home. The other day she sent me this very unflattering picture of Cocoa….it’s not the only one…..she is Not photogenic…

[trumpeterwithclass]

What I wouldn’t give to have one more photo..... I love you Cocoa Caramel Macchiato Latte!

[trumpeterwithclass]

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oQbei5JGiT8)

[trumpeterwithclass]

Things heard at Band Camp

-”I’ve never seen the band move that fast...” (after coming back from a water break)

-”The crowd will get so excited they will get on their feet..... and throw babies.” (talking about pregame)

-”The low brass are are killing it!” *trombones cheer* “I meant this low brass” *indicates sousa section* *sad trombone sounds* (during our last rehearsal)

-”You can deal with the freshman!” (while dealing with non-band freshman who needed to form the school letters - it took forever)

-”If you haven’t peed a little in your pants, you’re not drinking enough.”

-”Fruit Snacks!” *jazz hands* “I’m gonna eat one every time I do a good run through! Stepped off on time - Fruit Snack! Good pinwheel - Fruit Snack! Didn’t knock someone out with my trombone - Fruit Snack!”

-”They had us march into oncoming traffic!” (after we finished the parade that ended camp)

-”Great run through, it made the color guard dance.... and let’s just say it’s a good thing they can throw flags really well.” (after our first run through of our show tunes)

- ”Are you watching me? Can you see me?! I’m wearing a kilt! Can you see that?!” (When the drumline fell out of time)

-”Quit biting the ends of the notes! They’re not donuts, the Tuba’s ate those already!”

-”For once we made good time and are early, so we can just sit hear and wait.” *band cheers* 

-”Gonna have me some Jimmy Johns!” (after a three hour rehearsal)

-”I miss the guy who used to offer Gold Bond for our sweaty balls.”

*It was a crazy last band camp.... is it weird that I’m gonna miss these dorks.

[trumpeterwithclass]

I'll take payment in the form of fluffy animals...

So I'm babysitting for a family friend, it's midnight when the parents get home so I'm talking to the husband and he's all like: How much do I owe you? Me: I like to be paid in the form of puppies and kittens. Husband: Ha! Funny!.... Me: Yeah. Husband:.... Me:.... Husband:.... Me:...no but seriously.....I want a kitten....

[trumpeterwithclass]

I have made a terrible mistake...

Note to all current and future college kids, don't - I repeat DON'T - wait until the last weekend to move out of your apartment. If you do you may be forcing your poor, exhausted father to help move you out on the hottest day of the year. Lesson of the day.....always listen to your parents..... Oops.

[trumpeterwithclass]

So my roommate graduated from college on Saturday. I felt abandoned..... So I bought a fish His name is Bobby and he is my idjit....

[trumpeterwithclass]

Because I seem to be obsessed with kittens and am one mouse click away from adopting one from the animal society, my mom has been periodically sending me pictures of my cat back home. The other day she sent me this very unflattering picture of Cocoa….it’s not the only one…..she is Not photogenic…

[trumpeterwithclass]

How come everyone talks about Bambi's mother, but no one talks about Tod from the Fox and the Hound, his mother got shot by hunters too!

[trumpeterwithclass]

There were several different Elementary school buildings where I lived. Aster Schoolwas the building for Preschool (which was optional) to First grade. Now, on the playground of Aster, there was a merry-go-round, when we played on it we would chant "Faster, faster, we love Aster!" And it was great, we were very proud of our school. Then, in the last week of First grade we changed the chant to "Faster, faster, we HATE Aster!" All the while glaring at the Kindergarten kids, just daring them to say something. Now, over 15 years later, we sometimes go the Aster's playground during school breaks and we ride this teeny tiny merry-go-round chanting "Faster, faster we hate Aster." Basically being creepy motherfuckers, while we remember the times when we weren't broke, stressed out college kids....

[trumpeterwithclass]

So this legit happened today in class *Professor calls on student* "Yes, T." "Oh, wait you're not T." * points at kid a cross the room* "You're T." *points at original kid* "Who are you?!" Student: "I'm G. As in the letter." Professor: "Alright, G." *Pauses* "Seriously, T and G?" Student: "Yeah, we homies too!" Other student: "Homiiieeeeeee!!!" *Classes loses their shit for five minutes* IDK how these two spell their names...but they were made for each other...

[trumpeterwithclass]

I have decided that my future job is to be an expert for TV shows. This way writers and whoever else won’t be able to “forget” a detail they mentioned in a previous episode or “forget” about a certain character. Better yet, so they don’t “forget” about a dilapidating injury that SHOULD leave them bed ridden for more than two hours if not days!