Blogging is not new for me. However, for some reason I decided to start a new one. A clean one. I am a Mom of two kids under the age of 5. Over the past few years I have learned things about myself, motherhood in general, and relationships - both marriage and friendships. Stuff I never expected and some I did expect — and some I expected but did not really understand until it happened (e.g. why sleep deprivation is used as a torture device).
Throughout the last few years, one thing I find fascinating is what people do NOT talk about regarding kids, staying at home, etc. I quickly became tired, frustrated, jealous and mad when reading how wonderful every mothers child is doing, how much they love them and their loved one and how perfect life is for all of them.
Now of course, I wish this life on everyone and anyone! But really? You can not be serious?! And then the thoughts turned to — well what is wrong with me that I seem to be the only one not feeling this constant bliss and love for all? Because what I feel is exhaustion, frustration, fear, unappreciated and stuck. Now do not get me wrong, I LOVE my kids and husband without question. They each have a piece of my heart and soul now and forever and I would take a bullet for them without a second thought. I just have trouble being on cloud nine every day. (I mean I could be with help, but pretty sure the help I am imagining is illegal.)
So instead, here I sit with all of these feelings along with confusion that no one else appears to feel this way. Slowly I learn people DO feel similar to me at times but we are just not suppose to talk about it. Instead we “whisper” about it like our grandparents used to when saying the name of a disease. Like if you do not say it out loud, it wouldn’t “get” or affect you? (Anyone ever see Brighton Beach?)
I actually have many theories on this, but this is for another time. So instead I am starting this blog. To talk about the good and the bad and what I am learning along the way. I believe humor helps everything and tend to be on the sarcastic side so many things you will need to take with a grain of salt.
If you do not find it funny and instead find it offensive, I encourage you to read something else. Life it too short, right? And who am I? Just a mom. Someones mom, but not yours so feel free to move on —
For those who decide they enjoy reading my posts - feel free to keep reading and share your stories too! The good, the bad and the ugly!
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
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