Well, CLEARLY I'm not thinking...

...the mindless scribbles of a disfunctional writer...

[sappyassmemes]

[sappyassmemes]

[shitpostinguniverse]

[shitpostinguniverse]

[truuustme-imawriter]

Don't ever post anything self-deprecating on your snap story, because the loving, well-meaning people in your life will rush to your rescue to remind you of your self-worth

and you'll have to be the one to explain to them that you were just quoting vine

[truuustme-imawriter]

*Loses conservative parents in a crowd*

Me: "I THINK GLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL!"

C Parents: *shoving through crowd*

C Parents: "WHaTt DId YOU JIisT sAAY YOuNG LaDY?!"

Me: "Found them."

[justanothermarimba]

so this happened…

[bandgeek1099]

OH GOD, THIS HURTS WHAT’S LEFT OF MY FEEBLE SOUL

[minimum-frequency]

I guess you could say it’s no longer… (G) FLAT

[truuustme-imawriter]

GET OUT.

[truuustme-imawriter]

I hate when people walk on the wrong side of the hallway/sidewalk/stairs...honestly, what are you doing with your life??

[truuustme-imawriter]

Tried to poke my niece awake yesterday, and she just rolled over and groaned, “nope!” She’s 2. And she legit has already become me.

[truuustme-imawriter]

I’d be sad too

[truuustme-imawriter]

Same

[truuustme-imawriter]

I don’t think you people realize that this was actually said in the books tho

“Yes,” she sighed. “I understand. I think I’m having a very terrible childhood myself.”

-Violet Baudeliare, A Series of Unfortunate Events, The Miserable Mill

[truuustme-imawriter]

So, a friend of mine walked up to me in the hallway today with a very sad face, and I-being the good person I so clearly am-was naturally a little worried and confused for her, UNTIL she said very ashamedly, “I messed up. I was going to say ‘Use your legs.’ but what I really said was ‘USE YOUR WALKS!’”

So anyway

[icecreamsandwichcomics]

No running! You might slip and hurt yourself.

Full Image - Twitter- Bonus

[truuustme-imawriter]

me as a police officer

[truuustme-imawriter]

Do you ever have inside jokes with yourself and you just randomly smile like a lunatic in public ‘cause you just thought of one and you’re just so dang funny but then you’re sad because like any inside joke, you can’t explain it to someone else and they just wouldn’t get it aaahhhh WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THIS WAY LIFE IS SUCH A POTATOE

[stock-issues]

Tournament weekends.

Stressed depressed, but damn well dressed.

[truuustme-imawriter]

literally all speech events

[truuustme-imawriter]

Daniel Handler everyone