bee

new wincestie 20, she/her

[tryingtosvrviv3]

hiii i dont have access to this account from my new phone and i can't fix it because im a mess with emails and passwords and whatever whatever im moving to @fvckthistown idec

[tryingtosvrviv3]

Sam Winchester and Roman Roy are for the girls with undefined sexual trauma that feels inherent and inescapable

[impalaphilia]

Crowley and Dick Roman negotiating that long ass contract together is the most insanely non sexual sexual foreplay I’ve ever seen. absolutely no fucking nor desire and yet that whole room buzzing with sexual energy. beautiful

[tryingtosvrviv3]

I see your ocd sam Winchester and I raise you severe religious ocd turning into paranoia. Sam having a full breakdown over “rapture signs” and screaming at Dean that they’re both going to die and the world is going to end and having to do rituals to make the thoughts go away (said rituals include genuine tactics like salt circles but also… kissing his brother calms him down…) (but Dean has to brush his teeth and wash his mouth out with holy water first)

omg omg yes

the fact that monsters actually exist fucked with his brain so much, because if that is real then anything his brain obsesses over could be too. and nothing dean tells him calms him down because he actually has no rational arguments that make sense in a world where vampires and wendigos exist so he has to follow along with sam's rituals.

[completelymindfucked]

“This isn’t normal, this isn’t the way normal people live.”

[trashingjem]

sam is willoughy tucker i will always love you, perverts, and inbred

dean is preachers daughter, golden age, and carpet bed

thats it thats the post

[tryingtosvrviv3]

"youngest son" this, "eldest daughter" that, what freudian nightmare genderless entity child huh?

[tryingtosvrviv3]

preteen sam spending hours at the library reading psychology books to try to understand why he's so obsessed with dean, why he likes to peek through the door when he's with a girl and why he feels fuzzy when he sees his own brother shirtless after a shower.

[impalaphilia]

during the stanford argument i think sam should've yelled that hunting was fucking killing him and if his dad wasn't going to let him go then maybe he should just off himself first just to speed up the process and i think john should've yelled back that he better make good on that and then i think that's when sam storms out

[tryingtosvrviv3]

the winchesters somewhere around the late 90s

punish - ethel cain

[tryingtosvrviv3]

everytime they show sam or dean leave their relationships and go back to eachother I laugh out loud because why is the montage so funny? like they show amelia entering the empty motel room and then cut to dean and sam having dinner together. like yeah I'm not leaving my brother even though we're both full grown adults. a life with a woman and kids??? aw but I wanna road trip with my big brother who loves me so much:((((

[tryingtosvrviv3]

sam is the one to make the first move on dean and he's stubborn about it.

dean tries to turn him down because he's the big brother and sam is still a teenager and he wants to keep him safe and it's so wrong, but sam keeps asking and keeps giving him full rational arguments as to why it's okay like he's a kid trying to convince his parents to buy him a puppy.

eventually dean gives in and agrees to 'teach him to kiss' as sam put it. they end up dry humping eachother and sam sleeps with a triumphant smile on his face while dean tries to keep guilt from eating him alive.

I actually don't know if I like dean being the freak and initiating more hmm. I like the thought of him suppressing his urges but also he's so possessive and crazy about sam

[tryingtosvrviv3]

dean letting sam cut into his wrist and suck his blood like he did with ruby because, even if it's just human blood, it calm his urges

[tryingtosvrviv3]

I like imagining young sam being very ocd. always trying to keep the shitty motel room they're passing by pathologically neat, trying to keep some sense of control over his life.

he repeats to dean over and over again to please throw the food away in the trash outside the room because he can't handle the smell, he organizes both their clothes by colors and refuses to sit on the bed without thoroughly checking for weird stains.

dean watches him walking around the room looking for something else to clean or organize, just something to keep his mind busy. he watches as he tears up when for the hundredth time sam asks him to clean the toilet if he can't aim right. or as he bounces his leg anxiously when dad comes through the door throwing his jacket and boots somewhere in the room.

during a particulary stressful week, sam is doing homework on the table and dean accidentally spills a couple drops of coffee on his papers. sam starts crying and screaming at him and it takes dean an hour to calm him down. it freaks dean out, but he starts being more careful about sam's requests, accepting it's just his way to keep himself sane.

[tryingtosvrviv3]

drunk dean having a crisis about what he and sam do. grabbing sam's face and asking with tears in his eyes if this is what sam really wants, pleading for him to reassure him that this is love, not abuse, that what he does to sam it's not what his father did to him.

[tryingtosvrviv3]

dean's love feels suffocating for sam. like his brother's hands are always pressing down on his chest, cutting off his air supply; like he was born already confined in his arms and every time he tries to get out he's met with a thick layer of flesh against his clawing hands.

sometimes it's easier if he lets dean hold him down, he can get comfortable if he doesn't struggle.

that's why he lets him drag him out of stanford or choose who sam gets to keep contact with or what he eats, what he wears, where he sleeps.

he finds rather quickly that the best way to fight his brother's control is to not fight it at all. it's better to be a cherished accessory than a muzzled dog.

[tryingtosvrviv3]

I'm so attracted to Lucifer it's actually insane, even when his face is melting off he makes me feral. wanna climb him like a tree. would let him do anything to me in that cage, I'm not even joking. anything. no limits. raw, dirty and wrong. I'm crazy about him.