so now i scream and hope it's a dream *

"The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls." lee areum. 940419. patient. { ✎ | ❤ | ✉ | # | ✘ }

[tsamber]

Honestly, I doubt it’s all that bad. What exactly can they do to someone for skipping therapy? /raises an eyebrow/ Doesn’t seem like there’s anything they can really do to beat my spirit at least, so I’ll stick to being me and not accepting their nonsense. If they don’t like that, that’s their problem, not mine. And really, if they’re going to get on anyone’s back about standing up against them and their nonsense, it’s going to be me. I have a way of not being very subtle about how I feel about things like that. So if anyone’s going to find out what punishment we’ll get for that, it’s me. No need to worry all that much. I’m a fighter, so even if they knock me down I’ll get back up. /shrugs, a small smile showing on her face/ Maybe you should try helping others. See if it helps you. I’m thinking it will.

[tsareum]

I have no idea? As I said, I'm still waiting for my punishment but I'll make sure to inform you what it was after I got it, okay? (/ offers you a smirk before sighing) That's good. I'm glad you won't let them do that. I'm still contemplating whether I should follow you or stick to my other idea of trying to be cooperate and hoping for a sooner escape. (/ nods) I really like your attitude. Please don't ever change. (/ shoots you another, wider smile) I wish I could be you. I don't give up immediately, but I usually do after a few failures. Not considering learning and other school stuff, because I never had the courage to give up on those, I was always too afraid of my parents. On the other hand, me failing in anything that's related to school was a pretty rare thing. Still is, I guess. (/ shrugs) I think I'll accept your advise and do so. Who knows, it'll might help me feel better a bit too.

[tsmyungsoo-blog]

Basically any question. (`gives an encouraging smile, figuring it couldn’t harm him in any way) So it’s not only my screwed up family, then? At least I know that’s somewhat normal. Although, I don’t think parents usually make it as obvious as mine did. (`nods in agreement) Probably. But, I’m not positive that they even realized it upset him. He was always really quiet. (`shakes his head now in protest) No, don’t worry about it. They’re more flawed than most, I know that already. (`blinks, not having considered this) Well, that could’ve been a possibility, too. (`stares for a moment in curiosity) Another? So you’re missing a lot of people currently?

[tsareum]

Great. I'll make sure to ask them if I happen to have any then. (/ nods) Sure not. I think the majority of us have crappy families, which is exactly why most of us ended up here. At least that's what I think how things are. (/ shrugs lightly, not really wanting to analyze that question right now) Mhm, I see. It's pretty difficult to do anything about it then if he never shows something's wrong. (/ sighs quietly before letting her gaze fall on the ground, slowly nodding) Well, not a lot, but... a few important people, yes. Who doesn't though? I think we almost all do, don't we?

[heoway]

"Hm… I like it!" Way giggled and continued on, “There’s no one here to bother me like there are at school and home. I mean sure the whole ‘we’re gonna change you’ thing isn’t fun but, it’s better being here."

[tsareum]

Areum almost chokes and a grimace appears on her face. "You... like it?" She stares at Way for a few seconds before snapping herself back to reality. "Oh, I see, well that's understandable then, I guess... It's a matter of perspective only."

[tskyuhyun-deactivated20130930]

Well, medication will be used to see if it can change things. So many mental issues stem from chemical imbalances, and since no one’s discovered a concoction to repress homosexuality, there will need to be tests to see if anything works. That’s a job for the main doctor, though -reaches up to fix bangs almost awkwardly, a smile coming back at her next words- No; people normally don’t. But I think it’d be a nice compliment even so, don’t you think? For everyone besides the pretty boys -they never seem to like those words -laughs- but you’re welcome. I speak nothing but the truth.

[tsareum]

So they are trying to invent some kind of medication to cure gayness? Woah, some people are indeed persistent and determined. (/ she can't help but snort a bit) And how are they going to test those meds? What if they don't work but instead have really bad side effects which could even cause much worse to a person than just some kind of headache? (/ she bites down on her lower lip, hoping that it'd help her control her mouth, letting her lips curl into a smile instead) Alright then pretty Cho, I admit what you're saying is true. It's funny that it's always them who'd rather not be called like that... (/ pouts, a faint shade of pink coloring her cheek and she looks away for a brief seconds before planting her gaze at you again) Thank you.

[tsconfessions-blog]

[tsareum]

{ ` ♕ trapped between the walls — jiyeon & areum

[tsjiyeon]

“Well, I wouldn’t call it ugly. But…yes. It looks kinda funny." she points out truthfully after composing herself, trying hard to not let her gaze fixate itself onto the adhesive, “Hey, you can probably take it off in like, ten minutes, or so. I think." She’s still taken aback by the smile that had crept onto the other’s face. If this girl was who Jiyeon suspects her to be, she would have at least gotten smacked upside the head as punishment for her previous actions and that would have been the end of it. It’s endearing to Jiyeon, actually, to have seen a smile pointed in her direction since her time here. A thought rendered in her mind, that maybe, possibly, she would like to be friends.

Areum’s discomfort that was obviously shown as the word “food," slipped her mind baffled Jiyeon for a moment once more, whilst she hummed quietly with a short nod in response. She opens her mouth to speak up about it, and suggest that it would be alright if she went alone. But, it was too late as the other had already pushed her to the door’s entrance. She’s not too sure of what to say. But, instead, she follows what her conscious is telling her and, crossing her arms, she leads the other towards the cafeteria. 

"Yeah. It’s not 5-star quality, but it’s tolerable," Jiyeon replied in a soft tone, chuckling. “To be honest, I expected there to be traces of hair and for it to be all mushed together like you see in movies and stuff about prisons and camps. But, it looks and tastes, kinda, like normal food." The curiousness and worry of Areum’s behavior towards food crossed Jiyeon’s mind again. Was it because she just wasn’t one who liked eating? Did she have an eating disorder? Was she—No. It was bad to think about that, and it could lead to her even asking on it. So, she cleared her throat and reluctantly tried to shove those thoughts out of her mind.

The room was not as far as Jiyeon remembered, and as she entered it, the pungent fragrance of  food and window cleaner that sticks to the air thicker than blood entered her nose. It’s quite honestly one of the better aromas that Jiyeon had noticed around True Solutions, one that at least wasn’t congested of perfume in the girls’ room, or sweat inside of the gymnasium. The low walls of the cafeteria all look upon her in their boring array of colours; sea foam green, and white. As expected, the only people present was the irritable, and intimidating staff members that catered the food. She looks over at Areum for a moment, nodding towards the section of the room that contained the actual food. “You..should eat." She says. “It’s all free, anyway."

[tsareum]

“I honestly don’t even know which one is worse. Ugly or funny,” Areum made a face, her previous smile returning to her features. She was certainly amused by the fact that her face was lit up with a smile more times in the past twenty minutes than it had been in the entire time she had spent in this wormhole and she didn’t even try to deny that it was all because of Jiyeon. She wasn’t the only nice person Areum had met here, sure; still, somehow she felt more comfortable with her than with anyone here. Perhaps it was because her ages seemed to be close or just simply because they got along well; Areum had no idea what the exact reason was, but she didn’t mind not knowing it as long as she managed to keep this good relationship with her going. No matter how badly she tried to distract her mind about her desperate needs of becoming friends with her, she just appeared to continuously fail at it – the thought made her way too happy to be able to ignore it. Finally something good happened to her ever since she got here, so she should enjoy it while it lasted, shouldn’t she? Although the fear of disappointment kept lingering in her heart, she decided to put it aside and continue fantasizing about a new friend unless Jiyeon gave her a reason to do the opposite.

Jiyeon’s past visualization of the cafeteria provoked a soft giggle escape Areum and she lightly shrugged once. “I have to admit, I didn’t even expect them to give us food at all when I first got here. After someone lightened me up that wasn’t the case, I still believed that they are going to feed us with alphabet soups that only has letters which – totally by accident only, of course – always form the sentence ‘gay is a sin’ or something like that. Compared to these, the food really was a pleasant surprise,” she dipped her head into a nod, even though she couldn’t perfectly agree with her last statement, considering her repulsive attitude towards food.

As Areum kept her eyes on Jiyeon to study her expressions, she could tell that her obvious disgust towards food definitely grabbed the other’s attention and the younger took some time to try and figure out what Jiyeon could’ve thought her reason for this behavior of hers was. She could almost crystal clear hear Jiyeon questioning all those things which appeared to be the most plausible; ‘she doesn’t like eating?’, ‘she doesn’t like the food here?’, ‘is she on some kind of special diet?’, and somehow every one of these sounded much more rational than her own reason. It made her even more insecure about it and the chances of Areum telling Jiyeon about her weird phobia became slightly lower. Perhaps she should sleep a day on it and try, starting from tomorrow, attempting at regaining her love for food, not only because starving didn’t do any good for her system but also because even she herself started to get irritated that she couldn’t enjoy eating as much as she did in the past.

They arrived sooner than Areum thought. As soon as they stepped into the room, she was welcomed by a sickening scent mix of food, dry sawdust and window cleaner, but to Areum, it reminded her of the smell of dying possums. She flinched, but managed to control her expression soon enough for Jiyeon not to notice it as she didn’t want her to feel the same way; who knew, perhaps she found this scent pleasing to the nose and Areum sure wasn’t the one to ruin that. She followed Jiyeon with quick movements, refusing to gaze at the staff members who gathered in the cafeteria, probably shooting curious looks at them from the moment they arrived. She only grimaced for a brief moment before forcing a poker face on her face when Jiyeon told her she should eat before slowly shaking her head. “Uhm no I am fine, really. I’ll just drink something.”

[tskyuhyun-deactivated20130930]

-expression doesn’t waver- Well I could see how you would think that. There are doctors in charge of medication, and I happen to know of one in general that tests those kinds of things out…but of course, that’s because she’s experienced. -lips curl up into a pleasant smile- Well it doesn’t sound too irrational; I’d certainly be in a better mood most of the time if people kept telling me I was pretty. -grins widely with amusement- Though it’s certainly more true for you.

[tsareum]

Tests those kinds of things out? (/ raises an eyebrow, a sligh confused expression settling on her face) What do you mean exactly? (/ her lips curving into a half-smile, she lets out a giggle, her gaze falling to the ground before darting back up) I can imagine. But people usually don't say such things to a boy, do they? Unless they really are one of those pretty boys. (/ her smile becomes somewhat sheepish and she looks away for a few seconds) Thank you. 

[tsmyungsoo-blog]

(`returns the smile in realization) I suppose you’re right. Then again, we don’t really have the option, do we? (`keeps his lips upturned in reassurance) I promise, nothing about my past really bothers me. You can ask anything you want; it’s not a big deal. (`pauses, unsure how to word this) Well, I hope this doesn’t sound the wrong way, but I was always the more favored sibling. (`laughs a bit dryly) My parents didn’t even try to hide it.  I guess I always felt sort of guilty for that, even if it was out of my control. (`tilts his head, thinking again) It’s nothing special, really. A sibling is just another person to rely on. You aren’t missing much, don’t worry. 

[tsareum]

Yeah, we don't really have. (/ nods in agreement) Ah, I see, okay. I don't have a clue what to ask though... But that means if I have a question popped up in my mind, I can ask it? (/ cocks an eyebrow, her tongue poking out a little bit to the side) Oh, I see how it is then. No wonder he has a grudge on you... even though it's not your fault. But it usually happens with siblings; I had a few friends who experienced the same thing with their brothers or sisters. (/ bites her lower lip) It must've been awful for your brother though. Your parents should've done something about it. (/ lets out an uncomfortable laugh) Sorry, I sounded as if I was dissing your parents. (/ dips her head in a slow nod) Ah then it's all good. I would've been kinda depressed if I had a sibling and I ended up as the less favored one anyways. And also, there would've been another person to miss.

[tsmyungsoo-blog]

(`becomes puzzled once this is pointed out, never having considered it before) I’m sure, if I told the details, that’d take far longer than you have patience for. (`smiles a bit sheepishly before nodding in confirmation) We don’t have a bad relationship, but he’s always had sort of a grudge towards me. (`shrugs dismissively) I’d miss him more if I had the option to go back home, really. If I’m helping by keeping my distance, then so be it. (`frowns slightly) Wasn’t it boring growing up without siblings? I mean, I sure wouldn’t have lasted. 

[tsareum]

(/ a wide grin braces her lips at the sight of your puzzled expression) In a place like this, people suddenly start having a lot of patience, though. (/ chuckles softly) But as I said, tell only as much as you feel comfortable telling. A grudge? Is there any special reason for that? (/ pokes out her lower lip in a pout, thinking of her answer before shaking her head) No, it wasn't. My parents made me sure I was never bored, so no. It would've been nice to have at least one sibling, though. I wonder what it feels like to have one.

[xsjieun]

-lets out a barely audible sigh of relief, shoulders sloping in relief at not being recognized- It wasn’t bad, nothing spontaneous happened. -gives a small smile, tongue poking out the corner of her mouth-

[tsareum]

(/ nods once, pressing her lips against each other) I see, that's fortunate. Let's hope nothing like that will happen in the future either, right? (/ snickers softly) So Jieun-ah, how did you end up in a place like this?

[tsamber]

Oh, alright… I’m glad I could help at least in some way.. /smiles lightly, looking at the floor for a moment before her gaze meets yours again/ I was thinking of things like skipping yes. That, or simply not taking any of the nonsense they try to pin on us. I’m not about to pretend my sexual orientation is a disorder. It’s not and I’m not going to call it that either, nor will I pretend I’m not gay. If they want to punish me for that then fine. I’m prepared. /shrugs a little/ I look for people to help because that’s what I like to do. Besides helping others feel better about things in itself is a good thing, so I have no reason not to. And really, don’t worry, if we’re going for rebellious, I’m probably a lot worse than you are. So if they want to screw someone over for it, it’ll be me, not you. I’ll take one for the team I guess. /chuckles dryly/

[tsareum]

I'm glad too. (/ chuckles and flashes you a bright smile) I wouldn't recommend skipping though. Unless you want to enjoy the consequences of it. Although I still don't know what I'll get for skipping therapies; I wish it'd stay this way. (/ tilts her head a bit) Mhm yeah, maybe that could work. It's not like any of the two of us will ever come to that point where we admit that we are ill, because we're obviously not. (/ nods slowly) I'm wondering what punishment we could get for that. Though, I'm not really sure if I really want to know. (/ frowns) Perhaps I should do the same; I guess it'd make me feel better if I just randomly helped other people. I believe. (/ shakes her head) I wouldn't let you suffer alone, obviously, so don't even think of anything like that.

[awesome-pictures]

[tskyuhyun-deactivated20130930]

-smiles a bit- Well I said anything, and that’s certainly within reason. But you don’t have to worry about me being a doctor; I’m merely here to make sure if you get sick or injured that you’ll have the care you need to get better. -blinks at her last question, then starts laughing- I suppose I could, but that seems like a lot of pressure out of nowhere, don’t you think? -amusement fades to a wide grin- Though if you give me a starting place, I’d be happy to try.

[tsareum]

True. (/ nods once and her smile widens a bit) Oh yeah, I forgot that. I'm sorry, I kinda automatically suppose that everyone who's part of the staff here wants to magically turn me into someone I am not. I guess I'm just paranoid. (/ makes a face) Don't worry about it, it's nothing big really, just never point out my mistakes, praise me a lot, tell me I'm pretty and beautiful... (/ she laughs and shakes her head) Just kidding, of course. But really, if you're nice to me, that's already a really good start. 

[tsmyungsoo-blog]

I doesn’t really suck. (`smiles slightly) I suppose I’m just used to it. (`nods more confidently now) Don’t worry. I’m not gonna break down like half the people here would. (`thinks for a moment, wondering where to begin) Basically, I wasn’t completely satisfied with my home life. So, I just left and moved here. Partially, it was for my brother as well, since he’d be better off without me. Anyway, everything was fine for a few years and then I made a mistake, and ended up here. (`his gaze returns to you) Not that interesting, right? 

[tsareum]

(/ a slight uneasy feeling settles in her stomach and she feels a little bit embarrassed for breaking down a few times in the first week; nonetheless, she keeps her gaze on you while you're talking) You know why it's not interesting? Because you don't tell the details. (/ flashes you a half-smile before shaking her head) No, I'm not asking you to tell everything, of course, I just simply wanted to point it out. (/ runs her fingers through her dark hair, a quiet sigh escaping her) So you have a brother. I feel kinda lucky for not having any siblings now; it'd be sad if I had more people to miss. 

[areumtastic]

 (*´・ｖ・)

[tsareum]

even numbers for amber.

0: Height

167 cm.

2: Shoe size

Honestly, I have no idea.

4: Do you drink?

Not anymore.

6: Age you get mistaken for

12. Just kidding, 16 or so.

8: Want any tattoos?

Yes, I'd like to have one in the future.

10: Want any piercings?

Maybe in my ear.

12: Relationship status

(/ gritting her teeth, she sucks in a few stiff breaths) Sin...gle.

14: Biggest turn offs

Smoking and bad breath. 

16: I’ll love you if...

If you don't point out my faults and praise me often. Also, give me your full attention if I talk to you.

18: Most traumatic experience

Stepping into this building?

20: What I hate most about myself

That I can't admit my mistakes and that I crave for perfection even though I know it doesn't exist.

22: What I want to be when I get older

I want to found a program which helps straight people turn into gay. Just kidding, my dream is to be a crime scene examiner.

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

I don't want to talk about my parents.

26: My biggest pet peeves

I have quite a lot. One of them is when people can't eat with their mouth closed. 

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

I don't know who I dislike the most...

30: What I hate the most about work/school

I loved school and now that I can't attend it, I miss it.

32: What words upset me the most

"Gay isn't normal", but there are other words as well.

34: What I find attractive in women

(/ clears her throat) I love dimples.

36: Where I would like to live

Iceland is a nice place. But living in Norway would be even nicer.

38: My childhood career choice

I wanted to be a teacher when I was little.

40: Who I wish I could be

I love being myself, but I'd love to try out what it feels like to be the president of a country.

42: The last thing I ate

I don't remember, I haven't eaten today yet.

44: A random fact about anything

Did you know pizza is now considered a vegetable in America?

[tsareum]

The even numbers. Since you did the odd ones already.

I shall make another post then.