blu

you are my world, but you are not mine.

[tsukijjk]

it’s not

it’s not the fact that he hasn’t seen him in days that has him this distraught, no.

maybe it’s because his toaster doesn’t want to work, or that his alarm clock was determined to not ring when it was told to. nothing was doing it’s job apparently around in his house, and it leaves him more into despair then that he intended. he sees a pair of socks and decided to pick them up and throw them on casually, he disregards the fact he’s not the owner of the article. they’re just socks, there’s nothing special about them. adorned with just tiger characters on the side of it, he thinks that no one would notice, he’ll wear long pants anyway.

while walking down an vacant street, he glances up at the sky. the many colors varies on this cold day, pink, with a hint of maybe blue. it’s the most color his vision has been seeing other than the dark gray room he occupies himself with. today is going to be different, he says over and over like a mantra in his mind.

his usual route would to buy juice at the convenience store, apple to be exact. he wasn’t much of a coffee drinker like jungkook was. jungkook likes his coffee preferably with three tablespoons of sugar, a hint of cream, and if he’s feeling adventurous, he’ll add in just three liquid cream cups. sometimes they spend extra time at the store just to chat with the store teller, if he’s feeling extra chatty. they would walk together in unison, hand in hand, while the other hand is filled with their drinks. they use to work at the same facility, so it would make it easier for both of them and was certainly convenient that it wasn’t that much of a walk.

in favor of his own mind telling him he’s not depressed because of him, he takes the route again. he walks in the store, the smell just the same but the atmosphere completely different. walking over to the coffee machine, he notices how there’s no liquid cream cups left for him. the corner of his eyes start to welt, and he takes his coat sleeves to wipe off his eyes. he’s feeling a little emotional maybe because he missed breakfast and can’t have his coffee the way he wants it.

yep, that’s what it is.

it isn’t the silent nights that keep him up, it’s not the lost warmth that use to fill his arms. it’s not the smile he was so familiar with when he wakes up. it’s not the laughs they shared, it’s not the immense love in between their intermingle bodies. it’s not that.

it’s the socks. he has to wear someone else’s socks that’s not even his own. yep, that’s it.

work dragged. when he reaches home, he throws off his boots but keeps his socks. while walking to the bathroom, he opens up the mirror and checks for sleeping medicine. he notices one for colds, and his mind is saying to not get sad thinking about how the other gets sick often easily, especially during the winter. closing the cabinet, he goes into the kitchen to have a meal before disappearing back into his secluded bedroom.

laying in silence, he submerges himself into his blankets.

‘at the dark night trudging alone, i fell asleep and cried thinking of you,’

[tsukijjk]

light;

he repeats to himself.

“you will see the light of day again.”

maybe it kept him deluded. maybe sane. he had the utmost confidence that his partner would set him free. to even walk on the cold ground, feeling even the tiniest pebbles underneath his feet sink into his skin, would be enough to make him feel more alive than he’s ever been.

—

he laughs, out of sanity. the confinement isn’t much for him to even cling on, but god, when he sees vision of taehyung, it snaps him out of it. taehyung may have fallen to the pits of hell, but there’s no doubt that he’s an angel.

he does his job so well.

he falls asleep again.

—

it was an odd dream. he wasn’t at his kingdom, nor his room. instead, it was a very nice simplistic home. something that would you see right out of a minimalist catalog. the windows are vast, almost seem like they could reach up towards heaven. the living room and kitchen not that far apart from each other, but even with the area being simple, it had the sense of coziness. the owner knew how to have a nice touch, not to much, not too little. lagom.

he feels soft hands join his, and he makes a weak attempt to flinch but he knew who it was. he turns, his lover smiling at him so lovingly and he reaches out, stroking the back of his index finger towards taehyung’s cheeks.

“you came?” he says.

and the demon replies. “wouldn’t miss it for anything.”

said man closes his eyes at the touch, rubbing his cheek gently against the skin.

“i never wanna part from you.”

a pang hits his heart, oh forgive him. he broke his promise.

—

it’s a constant banging that comes but he doesn’t know where. inside his mind? the void? the atmosphere is definitely changing and his body tilts side to side. everything is seemingly red, then, stillness. he’s then reverted back to what he’s been used to and it smacks him awake, and he’s... back.

—

a black feather appears in the throne room, floating in the midst and it ever so gently falls onto the ground. it begins to glow, white specks filling the entire room and the area begins to shake. the books, papers on the desk whirls around and jimin runs inside to see the commotion but by the look in his eyes, he could never prepare for what he’s seen.

jungkook’s body flies in through a white circular tube, and he lands on his feet again, his stance a bit troubled. he blinks, seeing the floor to his throne room and he gasp. his gaze streaming around the territory and he falls and forward, body colliding with the ground. he doesn’t see or hear much, but he can hear the cries that follows when he does faint.

—

reunited with his bed, he sits up, his head in agony and in a second, he feels a pair of hands press down on his chest and tells him not to stir around too hard. he nods, laying back and closing his eyes. he knows who’s with him, and he inhales deeply. “where is he?”

“i’m not quite sure my lord, he’s been trying to find someone to bring you back, and i guess,” jimin snickers, shaking his head in disbelief. “he succeeded.”

jungkook knew. he didn’t have to second guess and he joins with him in the chuckles. he would go through lengths to be with him, but his body. he knows it’s not what it’s use to be, but he feels the sense of urgency to be with him. like his lover is hurt and he can’t shake it off his mind. the way they connected through the dreams, he know it’s possible to be connected the same with their body.

“please find him...” he whispers, his eyes failing him.

“please bring him back to me jimin.”

[tsukijjk]

i am.

lately, it’s just been him waiting.

it comes with spurs in the moment, one minute, he’s in his arms. warm, at home. then when he feels himself submerged into the feeling, it disappears. it’s a cruel reminder of his reality, and what he has to do to cope with it. it’s a constant void that he’s stuck in.

so one day, it appears in a great white light, it’s quite contradicting actually. the way humans use that phrase to describe what they see when they reached their way to heaven, or Him guiding them towards it. to greatness, to eternal happiness. but he has to pay his dues, there’s nothing like that for him. someone who’s fallen from the said place, anyhow. so it’s quite surprising that he ends up beside taehyung, his lover sleeping peacefully on his bed, unaware with his presence and he feels at ease.

he came to a conclusion that maybe it’s all in his head, a hallucination. it’s all too surreal for him to consider it a dream.

he gets up from the mattress, careful to not make any dips onto the bed so the body beside him won’t stir from sudden movement. the ambiance is just the same, as if this place had been inhabited by someone to keep it clean. he figures it has to be his lover, and he looks behind his shoulder to send him a smile even if he’s deep in slumber. his fingers graze against his dresser, not even a hint of dust. maybe if he ever comes back, he’ll give his servants some kind of reward on keeping this place neat despite his absence.

there was something quite peculiar about this daydream, everything just seemed all too real. the way there’s light penetrating through his blinds, it’s rays beaming delicately on the other’s body while he sleeps, and he squints his eyes to analyze taehyung’s chest. it inhales, and deeply exhales so gently, it actually wants to make him cry.

he walks over, slipping onto the bed with his lover in what seems like centuries ago and he just completely lays there in silence. the man was just as beautiful even the first time he’s first laid eyes on him. even as divine, there seems to be blatant signs of crying and endless nights of no sleep. how awful that he had to be the cause of it.

“angel, i’m so sorry.”

he doesn’t cry, he never does. not when he had his first argument with his Father, not when he’d been banished for all eternity and given a place to handle the sole creation that he loathed. things were meant to be unfair for him, but for the first time, he would be willing to beg to not have any wrong doings go against taehyung. the angel didn’t deserve it, and definitely not because of his foolishness. 

“i know you must be absolutely angry with me, angel.”

he chuckles, pressing a kiss to his forehead. it’s soft, warm. his eyes wander to every feature. cheeks, pursed lips, maybe every single eyelash he could count. it doesn’t take him long to realize how enamored, how possibly, in love he is with him.

“remember when you asked me am i in love with you?”

he talks to him like the other is listening. he sighs, his body on his side while he pulls the other closer to him. taehyung’s face leveling his into his chest and he embraces him, making a nest almost and he breathes in his scent from his hair. this is his chance to have a taste of his little heaven.

he cries beside him.

[cafemxchas]

when you hurt under the surface,

like troubled water running cold. (well time can heal but this won’t)

it’s been over a year since he’s had any interactive dreams til last night. human!jungkook isn’t the one meeting him in the dream world however, and taehyung is distraught from the moment he awakens, tears trickling down his cheeks. he recalls jungkook being so calm, evading his sadness with his wittiness. even as an entity in his dreams, he’s still the same devil he’d come to know and love. 

‘how are you?’

‘you don’t want the answer to that.’

‘why not?’

‘i’m not holding up well.’

‘you’ve done it before, angel.’

he’s done it before, but it doesn’t mean he’s learned to withstand the pain of being left behind. if he thought the first time was heart wrenching, the second time is even worse. taehyung hates how much it affects him, how his stomach churns at any mention of jungkook and how his gut felt like it was hit by a huge blow when jungkook appeared. 

they speak of jimin, how he’s holding up. he has to tell him that he’s on the edge, trying to keep up with all the duties that make the underworld thrive. of course he’s not doing it alone. yoongi is there to help him with anything he can, and taehyung lends a hand as much as possible too. hell isn’t the same without you, he had whispered oh so quietly. 

‘why do you love me so much?’

jungkook didn’t take his one sentence explanation. it wasn’t the response he wanted. when taehyung gave him the longer reason, jungkook seemed content, yet evaded having a direct answer towards it. taehyung tends to forget that he’s not as vocal of his emotions as he is, and understands so he shooed that negative thought creeping inside his head away. 

‘are you in love with me, kook-ah?’ 

i am, with you, he desperately yearned to voice, but he needed his lover’s answer first. needed to hear how he felt, hear those words. he hated to doubt, he knows the other adores him, however he received no proper good bye when he decided to cease to exist. didn’t consult him, decided it on his own when he would have supported his decision 100% regardless. 

‘don’t ask me a silly question.’

his heart dropping was louder than the sound of rain falling on pavement. he had to look to the floor, his demeanor fading into that of disappointment. jungkook isn’t in love with him. yeah. how silly of him to ask such a question. the knot in his throat prevented him from saying anything else and he kept his smile in tact, pretending to not have been affected. 

bright light engulfed them both, not giving enough time for proper goodbyes (again, again, again). the world is cruel. the world is so cruel, and jungkook isn’t in love with him, but that’s okay. taehyung is and he’ll do whatever he can to bring him back even with a heart that’s beginning to break for the second time. he isn’t allowed to have what he wants. 

(i fell by the wayside, like everyone else.

i hate you, i hate you, i hate you, 

but i was just kidding myself.)

[tsukijjk]

gone.

he knew his time would have to come.

where he would no longer sit on his throne and rule the underworld that he was promised for all eternity. all He does is lie, continuously getting the poor wretch souls hopes up with ideals of a perfect utopia. people who’ve known the truth knows that there’s no such thing as one, and that, genuinely, their corpse will have to rot on earth and become long forgotten. as for jungkook, it doesn’t matter to him. never did he thought he’d be stuck in a proposition like this, either choosing death or eternal guilt. normally, he’d choose the latter half any day, it’s easy to get over that, but not when you have someone living in your head. constantly telling you what is right, and what is wrong. it’s awfully exhausting. he grew fond of him though. it made him all for the better and he found someone absolutely to die for. so he did.

the details he could never recollect, but he knows he’s floating around somewhere in the universe. he imagines this is how human!jungkook was manvuering around, no concept of time, or location. he ceases to exist.

he never did tell taehyung he was in love with him. his biggest regret.

[jung-koook]

jungkook // black swan mv

[cafemxchas]

this all or nothing

way of loving got me sleeping without you. (i was getting kind of used to being someone you loved)

there’s an insufferable pain that burrows in his chest deeper than that of his banishment from Heaven. an ache so distressful that he can’t rest easy, not when his love isn’t relaxing beside him, making snarky remarks at things he says before kissing him senseless and God, it hurts so fucking much. the day jungkook vanished, burning and disappearing into ashes, taehyung hasn’t been the same.

his days are full of crying, spent curled up into the sheets that his lover left behind. he has to dig his nose deep in his pillows in order to not forget the scent he always carried. his clothes still settle in his closet, his bathroom untouched, and the throne room is nothing better. the memories that flood only remind him of how happy they used to be, and if he had known, he would have appreciated every passing moment they had together. 

‘he’s in love with you too.’

the black feather from his wings, he presses it delicately against his cheek, closing his tearful eyes. human!jungkook’s words echo louder than any other he’s heard in ages. jungkook from the underworld was known to not fall in love, unable to bring himself to be soft and do feelings due to his rank as leader. he doesn’t know what changed when he came along. in fact, the fallen angel had the nastiest attitude towards this devil (for reasons) in the beginning, yet the rest that came after is history. 

it was meant to be them. 

taehyung was taught, ingrained to believe in miracles from the moment of his creation. but God is so cruel, taking the person that was most important to him when he was still an angel, only to find another that became his all just to take them away again. maybe miracles aren’t miracles at all. they can be confiscated at any chance, slipped right underneath your fingertips as you’re reaching for that sense of security. they’re false hope, but he still craves to trust, so he can figure out how to bring the love of his damned life back. 

because maybe– maybe jungkook has been his miracle all long, and he’ll move heaven and earth to bring him back. 

it’s a faint whisper in the throne room, surrounded by belongings of his love. a promise to the underworld that their king will return once again, no matter the length of this journey. 

kim taehyung swears on everything he loves. 

‘you’re my everything, i love you. see you soon.’