kampiotis: In the Iliad, Homer describes Poseidon, god of horses, earthquakes, and the sea, driving a chariot drawn by brazen-hoofed horses over the sea’s surface. I now know why.
f. scott fitzgerald / friedrich nietzsche / florence and the machine / andrea dworkin / kiersten white / euripides / audre lorde / phillip pullmann / bob hicok
My prof ended our class yesterday by saying, “... and that concludes our class!” and I felt this huge wave of relief come over me. I love Product and Process Design and Development, it was the class I was looking forward to taking it, but the way that I experienced the class was definitely not ideal; Online learning just isn’t my cup of tea. Right after the Zoom call ended, I slept. Literally removed my glasses, snuggled to my boyfriend (who was still in his class), and slept for 9 hours.
Today is the last day for my other class which is Logistics and Supply Chain Management. A friend told me that in graduate school, you’ll be rocking one class and forgetting about the other. I didn’t really believe that to be true as I thought I would fully invest myself in the program. I also held this belief that since I was personally paying for my fees, I’d even double my effort as opposed to when I was in college.
Well, I have 2 papers of homework due and a final paper. All must be submitted today. I told myself I’d sleep and then start working on my final requirements. I’ve been awake for quite some time now and still haven’t typed a single word for class today. I honestly don’t know where my motivation and energy went but let it be known that I’m chanting, “today’s the last day” all through out the day.
July: Hamilton, the Hunger Games, and the Revolution
My boyfriend and I finally found the perfect time to watch Hamilton on Disney+. The dance moves, the lights, the props, the costumes, and the facial expressions. It was exhilarating and I was clapping at the end of every scene, giddy and just so so so in love with Lin-Manuel Miranda.
I’ve always been resolved to the fact that I cannot die without seeing Hamilton. I still want to see it live but given the circumstances, watching it on the screen was perfect.
I had the strongest craving to read more revolutionary books. Nothing too heavy as I still have papers to write, but I was looking for something that’d leave me with the breathless feeling after every scene, wanting to know what would happen next. My copies of the Hunger Games Trilogy, which I’ve had since April 20, 2011, were calling out to me and I picked up the first book.
The Hunger Games was just what I was looking for, it was easy to sink my teeth into, the pacing was fast, and the way Collins wrote her characters are just too vivid. I felt everything; the dread, the anxiety, the drowning feeling of believing you can actually do the impossible, the longing to live and go back home, and then the fear that maybe you were wrong after all.
Catching Fire. I remember that this is my favorite book out of the trilogy. I started last night and I’m glad my mind has fogged over the details of this book. I want to pull a chair to the balcony, with my portable reading lamp, a blanket, and just finish this book from midnight until dawn; just like when I first read it 9 years ago.
I’m mindful now of how I consume my mind with the news. I don’t turn away but I also have to make sure I don’t stay glued to it all day. As cliche as this may sound, the humanities is giving me hope. I just have to search and spread it.
I couldn’t focus on a work task today. My mind keeps shifting back to the fact that I have 3 papers due for graduate school and I’ve only finished one.
I want to go out for a walk, just to calm down and feel the sunshine and breeze on my face. Going outside isn’t as pleasurable as it was before; the mask makes it difficult to breathe and once I get home, I have to immediately go to the bathroom and scrub myself raw. I have a tendency to touch my face a lot when I’m outdoors-- I just can’t seem to help it. It’s just not worth the risk.
I’m awake in the wee hours of the morning-- partly because my work schedule this week is until midnight, but also because I keep dreaming of freshly baked bread.
I wake up with my mouth watering, craving for a warm bite. No matter what kind of food I prepare, I can feel the hunger for the warm bread. A slice from the store-bought loaf isn’t enough. I need fresh pandesal. With cheese.
I can’t seem to get the schedule right, last Monday I went out at 6 AM and the bread was no longer warm. I was hoping to try again the following day but I suffered from extreme migraines and the reasons go on and on.
It’s Friday afternoon now and I feel frustrated; the news, the lack of accountability everywhere, and the suffering that seems to be never ending.
Then there’s the bread.
Since my mind seems to be craving for things that aren’t available right now, I try to calm it down with one thing that does work: book shopping.
I wasn’t going to buy anything but there’s only 1 copy left from the bookstore. I feel so much better, but let’s face it. Nothing, not even a million brand new books, can take away the sheer disregard of people towards their fellow human being.
Am I the only one going crazy with online classes? It just feels so detached and to be honest, I’ve been paying much attention to the class reportings cause. . . . I can just read the lessons on my own but I’m still forced to sit down in front of my laptop for 5 to 6 hours a day to listen?
And to be fair, I was expecting to read a lot in grad school but this just feels so wrong? I like studying and reading on my own but damn. This is taking a toll on me.
Forget fancy restaurants or movie theaters. I’d rather go on a nice quiet park with lots of grass or maybe even that park by the riverside. Buy me street food like corn on a cup, isaw, barbecue, peanuts, ice cream or just a slice of Ham and Cheese pizza. Turn on your machine and maybe we can watch the latest Suits episode or maybe even a movie. Then we’ll laugh as we tell jokes on our way home.
2. Get me flowers.
Not the kind you spend money on, just flowers that fell on the ground or maybe flowers you secretly picked up from your neighbour’s garden. Give it to me like they’re the most precious things you’ve ever picked up and then tell me how you just saw them maybe while you were walking, or looking out at the window or dreaming. Tell me how you thought of me.
3. Hug me.
Hug me like a biscuits hugs the filling in an Oreo. I’ll always tell you I hate hugs. And you’ll believe me. I hate hugs because it means I was vulnerable and it was showing. I hate hugs because I always think they last too short. I hate hugs because I can feel my own heartbeat beating against your chest and it sounds so fragile. I hate hugs because they are warm and comforting when I was suppose to give all of those things to myself. Hug me and remind me why it’s okay to feel weak, to seek warmth and comfort, hug me so I know you’ll be there for me and you’ll know I am here for you.
The book covers in the United Kingdom are really different and trust me, I wanted to buy them all but after a few minutes of doing basic multiplication, you realise it is a whole lot cheaper in the Philippines.
This holiday season has been really good. I got a chance to take a breather and actually spend time with my family. And I got a chance to catch up on my reading (although my to be read pile is still huge and in fact growing.)
Then again, my non-stop eating has also been a bit out of control. I have got to take a break from sweets and cake. I swear, I really do think I’ve gone a bit too far with sugar hahaha. When it comes to food, I just can’t help it.
andulkaphoto
titsay
stormborns
germansingergirl
2087
yousharknotpass
