So Much To The Point
“Have I ever told you how much I love you?”
Drunk Harry, if not angering at times, is completely emotional and endearing with all his babbling.
He sometimes drank if he wanted to be freed from his own noisy mind that he gets whenever he’s frustrated with something so much to the point he completely designates someone to drive him home because he knows he wouldn’t be able to by the end of it.
But this time, he drank since he had a fight with you, kind of a messy one, all about commitment and how he fears having one with you by his own reasons which he then realized around the third drink that it was absolutely shallow and selfish of him to have the reasons he presented you with.
This time, he wasn’t taken home by Mitch (who was his designated driver for that instance) because as you recall, you were the one being called by his bandmate just begging to pick up Harry because he explains that he was only looking for you and wouldn’t even budge out of that goddamn bar booth unless it was you who was tugging him out of it.
This time, he wasn’t babbling about how much he loves candles and how he watched a “How It’s Made’ episode of it, neither did he talk about his relationship with his mother’s cat as a child and how he hated it since Anne gave her more head rubs and how he nearly cried from telling the story.
And this time, Harry’s sitting in the passenger seat and neatly tucked into it with his seatbelt he’s fiddling with, all while his upper half of his body is turned to you with his head literally perched on your shoulder.
“You really haven’t, Harry.”
You chuckled as you found it quite ironic, the question he was asking you being the actual reason why the both of you fought, yet he didn’t find it amusing at all even with his drunken state, instantly snapping up and looking at you, a whine being heard as you’re sure he got whiplash from it.
“I didn’t?”
He’s asking again and what confirmed it to him was the nod of your head, making him frown as you could only imagine what’s going on with this mind of his.
Harry only snaps out of his distracted gaze to the dashboard and forgets that he was so sad and upset just merely seconds ago, now resuming back to go to his position as he traces with the hems of your shirts.
“Really love you — sometimes so damn much it physically hurts.”
He was coherent even with his state and the fact that he is makes you do a double-take at him until he scolds you and makes you look back again to the road because he reasons that you’d die if you weren’t which makes sense.
“M’gonna be stressed every time I come home and every time I see you it’s like — whoosh.”
Harry laughs as he exaggerates with his hands, grinning when he sees that you did too and he further nuzzles into your neck, a thought of stopping his talking not going to his mind since nothing really is going on and he doesn’t know what to do about it.
“Y’scare me sometimes, though. Hmm, that time I think when y’gave me the silent treatment and I fucking almost cried because I didn’t want it.”
You smiled at the memory, his grip tightening to you as you swallowed the lump on your throat and breathed through your nose, hands briefly loosening on the wheel.
You almost didn’t wanna listen because you were still mad at him, yet with every fibre you are, you can’t find yourself to stay being mad at Harry now — not because he’s clinging to you or talking about you but because he’s already so lodged into your system that you can’t fight him in it.
“Really love it when sometimes you just randomly hug me or kiss me and all that — or, or that time you made me carry you throughout the day since I wasn’t paying attention to you!”
He almost shouted, giggling for whatever matter as his cheeks were flushed and his lips were bitten, hand going through his hair as he settles into silence.
Harry stops and that threw your mind into an array of thoughts as you sneak in a look at him amidst driving and just finds him back on your seat and back to fiddling with his fingers, lifting his head up as he pouts and looks at you.
The drunken glaze in his eyes was slowly diminishing and it only meant he was near to knock-out soon enough but it didn’t meant that you were taking this to heart, the normalcy of all this being one to hit close to the both of you.
“I really, really, really love you.”
Harry was chewing on his lip, tilting his head sidewards as the car stilled on a stoplight as his eyes only managed to focus on you and not the different lights behind you that always did the job of easily distracting him, but it wasn’t like that today.
“So much to the point I think I can’t breathe.”
Your mouth unknowingly dropped agape and he couldn’t help but close it since it reminds him of a fish — but none of that, Harry thinks he has a grip on his words and you know that.
It’s not the alcohol talking — it’s really him because you feel what he’s saying to the point he sees it too because he’s interpreting into words whatever he’s encountering at that moment.
“So much to the point I try and not to let it show.”
His head hung low and you felt this guilt creeping up to you for having been so secluded to your thoughts that was the opposite of his for a moment in time that Harry knows he couldn’t blame you since he acted as you thought he is.
He’s not having it, his hand going through your hair as his thumb swipes across your eyes until you look at him.
“Because the things you love somehow gets taken away from you sometimes — can’t be blamed for being afraid of loss.”
Harry’s heart flutters in awe of how he’s able to say this and his heart clenches in fear because he can’t cope with the fact that there’s a possibility of anything and includes you not being there — and that alone scares him for God knows what.
“I love you so much to the point I don’t wanna risk anything.”
He’s breathing slowly, taking you all in at one look and he’s done for because he knows this is what he yearns for.
He feels guilty of all the times he pushed you away thinking it would be better to not have attachments to the things he loves because it would be taken from him.
He feels guilty of all the times he’s done the things he thinks is right only for them to backfire and hurt you as he didn’t want to.
Harry is goddamn afraid of taking chances at anything else because he doesn’t want to lose you.
So he gets up every morning and sleeps every night thinking that if he were to lose you now, it would be better to not have you and to not lose you at all because he didn’t have that privilege.
He didn’t want to lose his light.
“Because I know anything would be useless if I lose you in return.”
