When I was in elementary school, I befriended the new girl in class that moved from another school. I noticed that she would play alone during recess and so I made a point to get to know her. We became best friends so quickly! We would obsess over manis and pedis, play tetherball, and skip around the track together. And I’d listen endlessly to her stories of her sassy older sisters.
When the school year ended, I didn’t see her for an entire summer.
The first day of school came and as any 8 year old, I was so excited to see my best friend. I was exhilarated when we finally reunited! We took a walk to the corner of the playground and she told me that we could no longer be friends. She said that she had been hanging out with another classmate during summer, who told her that I said, I wish she was a doll so I could take all of her clothes off and humiliate her in front of everyone. FIRST OF ALL, I was appalled by the creativity of this here rumor lmao. Second, this was my first ever heartbreak and I was extremely frustrated that I had no control over it. I found out later that both of them were in on it.
Throughout life, I’ve had multiple instances where I would build a close relationship with a girlfriend, only to be emotionally and/or socially sabotaged. They would intentionally treat me poorly. I was the type of kid that invested fully, vulnerably, and with an open heart. I was soft AF and an innate nuturer, and I still am, and forever will be. But I thought that’s how it was supposed to be. I knew no other way to be a friend. Or a HUMAN BEING, rather. So it shocked me each time, to be reminded that others can choose to mistreat you for no reason.
As time passed, this memory would continuously come back to me. It would replay in my head: us standing in the corner of the playground and after, me taking the walk of shame. After reflecting, I thought, why don’t I replace this with a positive memory? Another friend, Jennifer, asked me why I was crying and ensured me that SHE was still my friend. I remember Jennifer as the goofy girl in class. Her energy was so joyful and weightless. But I didn’t appreciate that back then. For many years, I chose to focus on victimizing myself, instead of cherishing the moments of love and hope that were there.
I wanted to share this story to remind others (and myself)... Let’s remember to appreciate the Jennifers in our lives.
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