♉ @turrabletaurus - Tumblr Blog

captainsnoop-deactivated2020041

The probability of you getting attacked by a gorilla at any given point is very low… but it’s never zero.

cat: hey you gonna eat that?

human: uh, that’s a rat. They’ve been showing up ever since we started harvesting grain. We don’t eat them, they eat our food.

cat: free game then. Cool.

human: be my guest.

cat: hey is this spot free? It looks warm and I need a place to have my litter.

humans: this is my house. Feel free, I guess, just don’t get stepped on.

cat: hey can you watch my kittens for me? I need to hunt and I don’t want predators finding them.

human: holy shit these buggers are cute. Nothing will happen to them.

cat: I am going to climb on your lap now and you are going to love me.

human: I’m ok with this.

sailor--spoon

HEY JUST TO REMIND EVERYONE: CATS DOMESTICATED THEMSELVES AND WE ARE JUST LUCKY THAT THEY CHOSE TO HAVE US IN THEIR LIVES

microcroft

kinda mad because op managed to summarize the domestication of cats in a single post what it took me a 10+ page research paper to explain

lemonsharks

Please consider that first time a cat sat on a person’s lap

Ancient Sumerian proto-cat-lady: she’s on me she’s on me Sweet Lady Ishtar the baby cat is on me and she is ASLEEP and I shall die here and when I die I will be happy

sloppystyle

angery!

bunjywunjy

150 million years worth of reptilian fury contained in a body smaller than a shoebox

lokeanrampant

I’m not sure if this is a mood (okay, totally is), a life goal (keep on fighting the fight against bigger opponents), or just…being small, angry, and aggressive in the face of very bad odds and just telling them to fuck off anyway.

Seriously, who isn’t this turtle?

robertpattisons

THE CAT IN THE HAT [2003]

stayatsam

this might be a hard pill to swallow for college students but getting drunk all the time isnt a personality trait it’s alcoholism

wingedcatboy

Here’s another pill: companies and ad teams know that your 20s are extremely stressful and they purposely target you because they don’t care about making us all alcoholics as much as they care about profiting off of us.

attractive-nuisance-esq

cooler pill that I’d wish I’d known about when I was younger: if you’re struggling with alcohol, AA isn’t your only option. AA can be a bit dogmatic and sometimes hostile to certain communities, especially the LGBT.

there’s a group called SMART Recovery that has free meetings just like AA, but it’s all science-based and secular.

and here’s the thing for college students: unlike with AA, it’s okay if your goal is moderation and not abstinence. no one is going to make you feel like a bad guy for being young and just wanting help getting healthier, but perhaps not wanting to commit to being totally abstinent. google SMART Recovery, guys. they’re awesome. :)

tachyon-at-rest

Reblog for non-religious version of AA

pro-gay

when u playing dungeons and dragons but you're new so u have to ask questions but u fisted fucked the dm and had a short relationship after which u ghosted him and posted passive-aggressive videos of u deepthroating his best friend so he gives u cold, unhelpful answers and everyone else at the table is watching this catastrophe unfold, trying to manipulate the minefield which is the current situation by dropping u hints so you're not isolated but not too many so they don't piss off the DM either, and u're just sitting there with ur iced caramel capp and a cinnamon scone waiting for ur next turn

1994gay

humansofnewyork

“She’s a street dog from Malta. A rescue agency dumped her on a friend then stopped answering the phone. I volunteered to babysit for a couple days, even though I’m not big on small dogs. And for some reason she really took a liking to me. She kept trying to climb up on me. I was like: ‘What is this thing?’ Her eyes were bugging out of her head. She was peeing everywhere. Her nails were two inches long. And her teeth were falling out so she looked like a vampire. When I took her to the vet, we found out her heart was enlarged. Her lungs were filled with fluid. And she needed all her teeth pulled out. On the way home I stopped by a store. I wanted to get a small bag to carry her in, just while she recovered. But deep down I knew. If I’m buying a bag for a dog, there’s always going to be a dog in the bag.” (Berlin, Germany)

humansofnewyork

“I haven’t spoken to my Mom in two years. I don’t even remember what started it. It was on Christmas. We were arguing about something stupid and it just escalated. Then we started fighting about the past. She’s at this age where she isn’t making many new memories, so she just lives in the past and glorifies the old ones. Which isn’t a bad thing, I guess. But she refuses to remember the hard times. And it’s extremely frustrating. Both my parents were always so stuck in their own stories. Their own problems. It was never about me. I know that sounds selfish, but children are selfish. You have to be selfish to survive. I was never acknowledged. Never encouraged. Never had the feeling they were proud. They didn’t even show up to my graduation. It took me so long to get over that shit. It took me so long to feel worthy. And now, all these years later, my mother’s story is this: ‘I did everything for you, I sacrificed everything, and your childhood was beautiful.’ She says it in a way that implies I should be thankful. And grateful. And what’s most triggering, she says it in a way that implies I should pay her back.” (Berlin, Germany)

politicalmachine

nadiaoxford

I don’t have a hard time believing this.

thorffour-deactivated20190920

lokeanrampant

I love crows. And I would totally buy the first a taco and keep feeding the crows from the second.

protect-and-love-animals

I love huskies for the next reasons

lokeanrampant

Good doggos.

madzpants

dysfunctional

eleanoruniverse

“The real reason you go to Vietnam is you accidentally see your soon-to-be ex-husband kiss someone else. At first you think, “Oh, it’s a fling; They’re drunk, it’s a party.” But then he puts his hand on the small of her back exactly the way he used to do to you. It means, “I’ve got you”, and when he did it to you it made you feel safe, and you realize he will never do that to you again. And it breaks your heart again, after your heart was so broken that you thought it can never get any more broken. You thought it was safe but it still somehow finds a new way to break. Because even though you’re the one who asked for this, now that you’ve got it, you’re completely adrift, with no compass or map or sense of where to go or what to do - so you go to Vietnam. You think you might find community, a connection to something bigger, but you don’t. In fact, you feel even more alone before you left. But you survive, you learn that you can survive being alone.

I’m really happy for you Mr. Peanutbutter.“