Malchiex

hmmm... not sure what's going on anymore

[yg-ou-deactivated20180202]

the interpolation on this gif is fucking terrifying, i feel like uncle phil is about to quickly teleport to my house to kill me

[10001gecs]

I need to suck you off until you’re groaning like a beached whale 🫣

ok you can give me a blowjob but take the time to think of a more sexy simile please

[10001gecs]

😭

[audley-and-cherry]

My least favorite things about anti- UBI discourse is always the techbros whining that "nobody is going to work anymore! People will just watch Netflix all day!" and I have 2 responses:

1) Who the fuck cares. Who the fuck cares what people do with their time! That's kind of the fucking point!

2) People aren't going to stop laboring. Housework (look, it's right there in the word!) will still need to be done. So will maintenance on our homes and personal spaces. Children will still need carers, as will the elderly and disabled. There are millions of examples of ~work~ that we do all the time, uncompensated, that won't suddenly stop because we aren't forced to sell our labor to provide corporation's profits.

I'm not surprised that what is traditionally women's work is invisible to these dipshits, but it never fails to anger me.

Anyway. Join the IWW.

[sleepyowlet]

Field studies have been conducted in several countries now, and the result is always the same - people will just flop about for a couple of months to recover from the burnout most people who have a job live with, and then they look for something to do. Some get a job with reduced hours, and some start doing charitable stuff like volunteering in soup kitchens and teaching others to do whatever their particular skill is. They socialize more, they are happier, and on average, people will work more, not less.

But the thing is, employers suddenly have to think about how to make their jobs appealing enough for someone to come and do them! It's hard to find someone to work for you for long hours under horrible conditions, if they can just choose not to; which shows you how voluntary our current system actually is.

[trochaic-mutant-ninja-tetrameter]

🎶People won't stop working! If so, fuck it!🎵

[bisexual-engineer-girl]

I'll be making sure we still have engineers and machinists haha

[the-haiku-bot]

I’ll be making sure

we still have engineers and

machinists haha

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[creature-adjacent]

Carnivorous plants doin this is so funny to me

They don't wanna eat their pollinators :(

[boiledegghole]

americans love doxxing their home states more than anything. we hear the name of our home state and everything goes black and we wake up 10 minutes later, having reblogged no fewer than 8 posts featuring the name of our home state

[princessbonecrimes]

h/t to emilyscartoons

[ehyde]

NASA advertising "do you want to be an astronaut" to tumblr users surely means something. What have you found out there, NASA? What have you found that you believe tumblr users, specifically, are best equipped to handle?

[ursavorpalis]

[sarkavonsy]

gotta include the bonus panel

[cheesefags]

2-YEAR CHEDDAR

from GRAFTON VILLAGE

I usually try to review cheeses virginally - that is, ones that I’ve never had before. In this case, this is a cheddar I’ve had many times before. But I couldn’t leave it off the blog, what with its obvious appeal to leather and rubber fetishists.

As far as cheddars go, Grafton’s 2-year aged isn’t going to shock you. It’s mild, light on the salt, with a slightly sweet and grassy flavour. It’s got a nice texture. It’s dense, more moist than I expected, and smooth.

So what is the deal with the gummi suit on this cheese anyway? Well, cheese has obviously been around a lot longer than fridges. Fresh cheeses like mozzarella are too moist to last very long outside of a cold place (bacteria and fungi do so love damp places), though I don’t think anyone was too mad about eating that stuff quickly. But cheeses that have been aged (and dried) more have some more preservation options, which is where cheese wax comes in. The wax is a physical barrier, stopping fungal spores from landing, and also blocks moisture and air, making the cheese a pretty unfriendly place to grow. Even drier cheeses can be bandaged in cheesecloth and then slathered in lard to preserve them while allowing some ventilation.

I gotta admit: hot wax isn’t really my thing. But cheesecloth bondage and grease… it has potential.

[dumbpuppyfag]

this site used to be awesome

[glowcowboy]

i hate when i’m insanely anxious about something to the point where i can’t sleep and then whatever im stressing about passes and im like “oh that actually wasn’t that bad!” and then i learn absolutely nothing from this

[paperandpencilsandskips]

How would history change if John f Kennedy was killed by registeel

[psychomaniac14]

well first off, pokemon would be real

[paperandpencilsandskips]

Only registeel would be real in this hypothetical

[weterpete]

Um no I'm pretty sure those are both switches

[spookyscarysnails]

[nealashitposts]

I recently found out why my mom would never sleep around me when I was a kid. Like she’d never let herself take naps or sleep if I was awake, ever. Or if she did, she would lock her bedroom door. So when I was 6, I was asleep in my bed in the middle of the night when I hear a loud bang, like a pot being dropped and come out to the living room to see my mom standing by the window, with just a huge pile of spaghetti all over the sill, and a pot on the ground, and I ’m like “Are you gonna eat all that?” And ya’ll she get’s BIG MAD and yells at me and chases me to my room but then a little while later a bunch of cops show up and ask me a bunch of random ass questions about my art? Like this one cop lady keeps asking me to draw dragons for her?! And they seem mad as hell

I didn’t want to get arrested so I just never asked my mom for spaghettis after that. Lesson, learned. Don’t ask mom for spaghettis or she’ll call the damn police on you. 

So I have this memory in my head, and it goes unquestioned until I say it outload for the first time a few months back and as soon as I say the words “When I was six, my mom called the cops on me for asking for spaghettis” My adult logic slams into place and is like “Hang on. Your mother definatly did not call the police on a 6 year old for asking for spaghetti.” 

So obviously that’s not what really went down. I call up my mom to tell her how I remember it and on top of her figuring out why her kid has always been really cagey around spaghettis for the last 3 decades she tells me what really happened. 

So on that night, a man tried to break into our house through the front window. It was just my mom, and her kids so she did what she felt she had too and shot him in the head. He’d been wearing a helmet, which landed on the floor under the window.

Now I just want ya’ll to put yourselves in my moms shoes for a minute here. This woman has just taken a human life. The trauma of that- the instant agony, the panic, the guilt, the fear- all of it hitting her at once, her only solace the knowledge that her children are safe. She protected her daughters. No matter the cost to her soul- her children are safe.

Then she looks up and sees her six year old staring at the inside of this mans head before saying “Are you gonna eat all that?” 

[nealashitposts]

I suspect they were trying to keep me busy and distracted while they cleaned up the corpse in the living room?!?

[kagaintheskywithdiamonds]

oh, fair enough

[thatdisasterauthor]

Well that went a DIRECTION.

[i-am-dulaman]

Okay but imagine the mothers relief after that phonecall. She woulda spent 30 years thinking her child was scarred and traumatized from seeing a dead person and then she just finds out they thought she spilled spaghetti?!? Lmao

[godlessondheimite]

In 2026, the chicest thing a gay actor can do is never explicitly come out as gay but also make it abundantly clear that he is. Coming out is too modern. Staying closeted is too old fashioned. But this method merges contemporary freedom with Old Hollywood glamour and allure, and it weeds out the dumbest people who truly don’t get it. I call it the Pascal Method.

[nobodys-odyssey]

Taylor Swift does this

[godlessondheimite]

no she doesn’t

[nobodys-odyssey]

You clearly don't go here or to queer history and signaling, or both, enough to have this conversation and I'm not going to explain it to you. You could have asked questions, you could have done even a modicum of research. You didn't and you made yourself look ignorant. Goodbye.

[sanjipussyindulgence]

[bophia]

Daily affirmations for tesla owners: your car is ugly as hell and everyone hates you

[xiaq]

One of the best things about being a writer is thinking of something small you can add to your work that’s just. Devastating. Like you’re sitting there going. Oh. That would be diabolical. People would get really riled up about that. Exquisite. Let’s do it.

[rocketbirdie]

easy. lmao

[faceless-crowd]

Mafia boss smoking a cigar: Why’d you gotta squeal, Squealin’ Stephen? I trusted you. Now I gotta send my best goons to show you what happens when you cross the Big Boss…

Guy tied up in chair: uh…theres just one guy over there.

Mafia boss: Yeah. That’s Lil’ Tony. He’s got one of dem conditions where he’s got multiple mooks n’ his head. But when Big Tony fronts you’re gonna be in big trouble.

Lil’ Tony: We actually all agree we’re gonna kick your ass.

[flowerbleedme]

it's not frequent enough to be considered a meme or a trend, but I like how every so often this site gets a new "woke mafia boss" variation.

[alexmey-does-an-arts]

I wish I could give the miis internalized homophobja

[alexmey-does-an-arts]

no but like i want them to actually feel it

[alexmey-does-an-arts]

you dont like her?