They told me they had fan art for my Janka story and asked me to add them on discord. I thought, no big deal I'll add them. Maybe they're too shy to share it on a site.
So they messaged me and told me they're almost done with it and will show me when it's done. I thought, weird but okay.
So they sent me the art but I missed it and didn't respond for a month. I just saw it last night and I'm kind of glad that I didn't respond.
So uh, we all see the problem here right?
I have no idea who these characters are.
Can someone tell me what weird scam I narrowly avoided falling for?
They didn't send me any external links. They never asked for money. I have no idea what this was about. Someone help me understand.
It was a small town, one that Zanka never really remembered stopping in before. One thing he learned really quickly, they didn't trust outsiders. Zanka and Enjin were constantly haggling and calling business owners out on their bullshit. It was exhausting. They're here to help deal with their random influx of Trash Beasts, why do they also have to defend themselves from the townsfolk? The town doesn't have one of the big walls that bigger towns do. They need help, why are they being difficult? It pissed Zanka off incredibly. He wasn't the only one.
Enjin was lying on the hotel bed, loudly complaining about how shady this small town was. Zanka was in the bathroom, door open since he was just washing his face. Rudo and Riyo were sitting on the other bed in the room, listening to him and snickering to themselves.
"And I can't believe it! They need our help but they wanna charge 600 galla for a hotel room! Unbelievable."
"It's a small community. They probably don't take kindly to any strangers. Intentions be damned," Zanka reasoned. "I'm going to go walk around, get a feel for the town."
"Be careful. These assholes-"
"Calm down." Zanka groaned, just annoyed by Rudo's voice. "I can handle myself. Ya don't need to worry about me." With that he left the bathroom, headed out of the room all together. Enjin did call after him, asking for him to pick him up some smokes on the way back. Though Zanka didn't answer Enjin knew he heard.
Just walking the streets made Zanka feel like he was being watched, constantly judged and he didn't care in the slightest. hell, that's an average day for him. Maybe he has issues. As Zanka made it to the market district the town noise started to bleed together... Until he heard a laugh. That laugh haunted him. He's heard it a few times before. He turned around, dipping into an alcove between stalls to avoid being spotted.
The raider looked inconspicuous. He was dressed rather normally, dreads bunched in a chaotic bun ponytail combo and hands in his pockets. He was talking rather calmly with a stall vendor. He was paying him for a skewer, already tearing into it. Zanka watched on, his anger dissipating so slowly he didn't even realize it.
"Thanks. Man, these are good." Jabber complimented. "Might have to come back to ya."
"You're more than welcomed to come back!" The vendor sounded friendly and cheerful enough. Zanka couldn't help but take offense to that. He probably overcharged Jabber too. "What brings you to town, stranger?"
"Just passing through. I like to travel to smaller towns. You guys have the best food."
"My cousin runs a stall the next street over. His drinks will make your day. Makes the best juices you've ever tasted."
"...I am thirsty... That sounds pretty good!" They kept up conversation for a few more minutes, Zanka keeping a close eye on the whole exchange.
Jabber didn't go straight to the other stall. He got distracted by small things along the way, the entire time Zanka watched from a distance. It was like watching an ant farm carry on. Jabber stopped to play with a stray cat, instantly winning over the thing with a bit of meat from his skewer. It even let him pick it up. He carried the cat for a while until it got distracted by a moving windsock and jumped from his arms. He baby talked it before leaving it to his business.
A couple kids were playing with a ball and it hit Jabber on accident walking by. Zanka and the kids flinched. The response though was not what they were expecting.
"Hey, No worries. Didn't hurt. Even if it did, what's a little pain if not a reminder you're still kickin'." Jabber juggled the ball with his foot for a second before kicking it back. The kids thanked him, wide eyed. He waved by as he continued his walk. Zanka just... sat there for a second.
That's when it became obvious to Zanka that Jabber was lost. He completely forgot or didn't understand the directions the first stall had given him. He was wandering aimlessly and didn't realize it until he passed the same cat and windsock. Now the cat was inside of the windsock, yowling about it's prison of it's own making. Jabber chuckled before stopping to help.
"See, you're too curious. That kills cats, you know." He helped the cat out, hugging them when they were free. "Purring like an engine." He commented before putting the cat on the ground. It didn't leave him alone though, following the raider as he continued his walk.
Zanka wanted so badly to just tell the idiot where he was supposed to go. It took 20 minutes for him to make it to the right stall and he only found it because the cat jumped on the counter and got yelled at by the man. Jabber put the cat on the ground for him and they struck up a conversation. It was odd. The raider, the crazy masochist that keeps taking him down, speaks like a perfectly normal person. He's conversational and actually chill when not in murder mode. Watching this interaction had Zanka gripping the edge of the alley.
"You're in luck, I have one batch left of my famous lemonade. Artisinal. Using REAL lemons. Not artificial stuff you normally find. Purest stuff you can find on the ground."
"Whoa, this town's got that kind of greenery?" Jabber sounded skeptical. Good. It was utter nonsense. The bigger cities had very specially cultivated high tech spaces they had to grow things and it's mostly with the help of the Vianders. Likely, this town wasn't getting in something so valuable as actual lemons so someone could run a roadside stall.
"I can give you a jar. 300 galla-"
"300!?" Jabber and Zanka both exclaimed that. Jabber recognized that voice, turning to see Zanka marching furiously to the stall. The stall owner flinched as the cleaner slammed his hands on his counter.
"You think you can just rip people off who come into this town? Just because they're not from here somehow that give you the right to treat people like shit!?" Zanka barked. Jabber froze. So many questions. Why was Zanka here? Why was Zanka arguing about the price of lemonade? Was he following him? ...Why is it kinda hot to watch him just explode on this guy? Jabber smirked, tapping his hands on the stall. Zanka's rightous fury earned apologies from the man, who parted with a jar of his 'lemon'ade for a reasonable 80 galla. Zanka paid, likely because he was caught up in the drama of it all, and turned to leave. As soon as the man handed Jabber the jar, the raider ran after him.
"Hey! Hold up!" Jabber called. The cleaner did stop walking but didn't turn back to look at him, beyond embarrassed that he revealed his spying like this. Jabber headed him off, looking at him with a big smile. "...Fancy running into you here, Mr.Bad Attitude."
"...Yeah... real fun coincidence."
"Yeah, still got the attitude. That's good... I like that about ya." Jabber's smile was so annoying to Zanka right now. He started to walk away again but Jabber followed. "Following me?"
"I ran into you while I was out doing cleaner business."
"Mhm, sure."
"Stop following me."
"Nah, I wanna see what you're up to, besides stopping me from gettin' scammed," Zanka couldn't help but blush. He would never live this down. "Honestly, I'm so thirsty I would have just paid that and moved on," Jabber took a big gulp from the jar. "...Yeah, that's artificial. Oh well. Wanna try some?"
"Never seen this cavalier attitude from you before... Kinda expected you to throw hands at that guy for trying to rip you off." Zanka did take the jar, staring at the liquid before he finally took a sip. Yeah, obviously artificial. Not bad but not worth 300 galla.
"I tend to behave myself in small towns. After all, small towns remember and I relying on passing through small towns unnoticed to keep a low profile."
"...Sorry," Zanka mumbled, rubbing his neck. He returned the jar and Jabber promptly took another swig. "... He was really pissing me off."
"Yeah, no, me too," Jabber giggled, "Every word out of his mouth was bullshit." Zanka couldn't help but smirk. Jabber passed the jar back. Zanka took another drink, thinking less about it this time. "But, nothin' worth blowing up a safe haven over. Though, I do hate traveling through this town in particular. Got a stick up their ass something awful." Jabber eyes Lovely Assistaff and pointed at her. Zanka narrowed his eyes at him. "Somehow bigger than the stick you have up yours-"
"Shut yer mouth before I make you."
"Oooh, Promise?" Jabber grabbed his shoulder. Zanka resisted the urge to smack him with his staff and just met his eyes. "Pretty please?"
"You're chaotic."
"So what brings you to town, Mr. Bad Attitude?"
"I told you, work. The influx of trash beasts is keeping us here. 5 or 6 attack each night. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"
"Actually yeah," Jabber grinned. Zanka stopped walking, fully facing him. He looked at the lemonade in his hands and handed it back to the raider. "Relax. Ain't us doing it. They're natural trash beasts. They live in a sort of hive underground a little ways out of the city."
"...F-For real?"
"Yeah. Don't know how many there are but I bet you and your team could probably destroy the whole thing in a day, instead of fighting a few of them every night." Zanka paused, genuinely grateful for the advice. "So, since I told you everything I know, It's gonna cost ya."
"It better not be ridiculous."
"I think it's a fair price. Once you clear out the little nasties... I want a rematch," Jabber's grin was dangerous. Zanka blinked a few times. Rematch? What did he word that like he lost? Every single time they've gone up against eachother Jabber was the only one walking away. "I think that's fair."
"...Fine. After my job is done I'll stick around an extra day and we can fight."
"Pleasure doing business with ya," Jabber snickered. He finished off the jar of lemonade and let out a satisfied sigh as he handed the empty jar to Zanka. The cleaner barely processed taking it as Jabber started to walk away. "Pleasure swapping spit with ya. See you later~"
It took Zanka a couple of seconds to realize what he meant. Then he looked at the jar and groaned. Oh yeah, he was going to kick that guys ass for this.
This was a comic I commissioned based on my drabble Bits and Bites! It's Chapter 58 of Janka Junk Drawer which feels so long ago now since we're almost at 100. I think I have a problem I'm so crazy for these two
Absolutely amazing art by @sticky-note-on-wall
I love it. It was worth every penny. You should absolutely check them out.
Wild title, I know. I don't know why I wrote this. I'm not even gonna plug my other fics with this one. Y'all can just have this.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
It started with a fight. Doesn't it always. Zanka got to pick the battleground this time, having a blast working with the verticality of a mostly collapsed high rise. He worked with the debris and the holes in the floor, going blow for blow with his long term situationship. Those claws hadn't even made it near him today, Zanka was ecstatic. He feinted to the left as he made it up another floor but that move must have been easy to figure out because Jabber's claw destroyed the floor beneath him. Zanka pointed his Lovely Assistaff downward, catching those claws and keeping them at a distance. Jabber was quick to duck out of range and try coming from a new angle but Zanka was ready for him today, the bow of his staff pinning Jabber to the wall by his throat. Lovely's spikes inverts, not enough to be an attack but enough to be a threat, piercing Jabber's throat just enough to draw blood. Jabber was loving it. Freak.
"You're not getting the drop on me today."
"Damn, You're ready for me~" Jabber purred. While it seemed inconsequential it's one of his best tactics for throwing Zanka off. When Jabber flirts with him he just melts. He held Lovely steady, ready for anything he might say. "I love when you give me everything you got."
"You're such a whore-"
"Only for you." Jabber tried to push off the wall with his claws but Lovely kept him firm against the wall. Jabber needed an out. He had a brilliant idea all of a sudden. "...Zanka, I'm pregnant!"
"What!?" That second that Zanka back up was all he needed Jabber ducked and rolled, his claws getting inches from his face. Zanka tried to recover but he couldn't. What the fuck did his boyfriend just say!? He barely dodged the swipe a this head but moved right into Jabber's right claw. The second his shoulder was nicked he gritted his teeth, rolling to the floor and ending up pinned underneath that cocksure grin. God, he wanted to punch him in the face but the freak would like it. "...I hate you."
"Mhm, sure ya do-"
"What the hell did you just say to me?"
"I said 'sure ya-"
"NO, Before that Dipshit! About you being pregnant! What the hell was that about!?"
"Huh... oh right, I did say that..." Jabber mumbled, laying more casually on Zanka now rather than pinning him down. "Uuh... Honestly, I don't know. Didn't seem like you were gonna fall for my regular bullshit today so I just... said it. Besides I mean... Who knows, maybe you put a baby in me. You were tryin' to last night~"
"You can't ha- First off, fuck you!" Zanka's rage kept being undercut but Jabber's laughing. "Ugh, I can't believe I let you take me down like THIS."
"Well, I'm fighting for two so I gotta bring my A game-"
"YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT!"
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
That was months ago and honestly Zanka was surprised how much that moment shaped his relationship. A few weeks after that Zanka said it for the first time. He remembered it fondly. They were going out to eat bruised and bloody and scaring the other restaurant patrons. Zanka ordered more food and insisted Jabber eat 'for the baby'. Zanka referencing it was the beginning of the end. Now it was their thing. Every so often they'll talk about Jabber being pregnant. Zanka went from being annoyed to bemused to now genuinely finding it funny. It was never supposed to be a big deal... so how did it turn into one...
It was simple. Enjin needed the notes Zanka took the other day. Zanka said he left them on his desk and he sent Rudo to grab them. Rudo, unsure which one was what he needed grabbed every letter included a folded on on Zanka's nightstand. He returned to the mess hall with them, asking Enjin if any of these were right. Zanka would have immediately found it but he took a solo job and wasn't there. Enjin sighed as he started to look through all the notes, sorting them on the common room coffee table.
"Damn, I wasn't expecting him to have too much on his desk."
"Well, some weren't on his desk but I wanted to be sure I brought you what you needed."
"Good looking out, kid," Enjin complimented, tossing another note in the nope pile. "Most of these are nothin'. You can put them back on his desk. They may be useful to him later- Oh, hold on~" Enjin suddenly beamed, his eyes glowing as he looked at the note in his hand. Since the common room wasn't empty, Bro and August peeked over when Enjin sounded jazzed.
"Sounds like you found something you shouldn't have," Bro joked, snickering lightly. "What is it, Enjin?"
"It's a note TO Zanka. Ahem 'Hey, Zan Zan. Had a great time last night,' is how it starts if that tells you anything~" Enjin and Bro cooed over that and Rudo just looked confused. Semiu, who was at the bar froze. Only one person would be writing that to Zanka. She needed to get that note out of Enjin's hands. She adjusted her glasses and swirled the drink in her hands.
"Now, don't you think it's a little rude to be goin' through that boy's stuff?"
"Come on, Semiu. It's harmless. You know, I've been wondering where he's been disappearing to sometimes for the past, what, year? To think he's been seeing someone~"
"Enjin-"
"Oh, and she's got the prettiest handwriting," Enjin teased. "Let's see... 'It's been about a week. I miss you. You can't go too long without seeing me. You know how jealous I can get.' Oh that's cute-"
"Enjin, You should probably stop."
" Semiu, it's adorable. Okay, Okay, what else. Ummm... 'I found something I want to try with you. Maybe after we hit up the color festival in Canvas Town tomorrow.' Okay, so this note is old because that was last week." Enjin alternated between his commentary and reading. Semiu hoped Jabber didn't sign that thing at that end. "Alright soo where was I... 'See you then, Babe. P.S. I'm... pregnant'." The entire room froze over. Bro and Enjin looked at each other, horrified at the news. Semiu sighed. This was about to be bad.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
Enjin called in the middle of his job and Zanka didn't understand why he wanted to see him in the common room when he was done. That was the first red flag. The second one was that Semiu wasn't at her desk. Each step into HQ made his heart beat faster. What happened? Did they find out about his relationship with Jabber? He weighed his options every step until he was standing nervously before the door. When he finally had the strength to walk in, Bro, Enjin and Corvus were sitting on the couch. Semiu was standing behind the couch. Thankfully, only the four of them were in there. Half the people in this room already knew about his relationship. Maybe this would be fine.
"Zanka... please sit down." Enjin sounded so serious though. Zanka's entire body froze over as he sat down. His hands were shaking. He couldn't even look the leader in the eye. "So... we went into your room today."
"Okay." Zanka bit his lip, his hands balled tight. "Is... everything okay?"
"..Zanka... it's about your relationship."
"O-Okay."
"....We know your girlfriend is pregnant." Enjin said, unaware he just fried Zanka's brain. He didn't know what to address so he remained perfectly quiet. Enjin sighed, sitting upright and rubbing his temples. "Okay... so... look, I get it. You don't want us in your business and you didn't want to tell us about your girlfriend. I get it. I was young once... but I need you to know that if you're in over your head we want to be there for you. A baby is a big deal, Zanka."
"...What is this about?"
"We found the note your girlfriend left you," Bro started, nodding supportively. "She... ended it by telling you she was pregnant."
"...Son of a bitch," Zanka sighed, burying his head in his hands. On one hand, this would be easier to talk his way out of than if they found out about Jabber... but not by much. "It's... this is a big misunderstanding-"
"Zanka, We would like to at least meet the future mother of your child." Enjin insisted. Zanka genuinely didn't know how to get out of this. It was an awkward conversation at every angle. He couldn't help it. He had to say something and picked the worst option on accident.
"S-She uh... cheated on me." The room fell silent. Semiu pursed her lips and Corvus nodded slowly. He could feel them judging the way he went about this. "So...the baby isn't mine..."
"Zanka," Bro got up, walking over and pulling the young man into a hug. This was the worst option. Why did he say that? "I am so sorry... I... I understand you probably have a lot of feelings about this situation-"
"So, wait, where is she now?" Enjin felt bad being happy about it and had to fight back his instinct to be relieved. This is so much worse than it should have been.
"Uh... She... ran off with her ex."
"The bitch-"
"Okay, Enjin, relax." Bro scolded. "Zanka has gone through a lot-"
"Actually, yeah so... could I go to my room please? I don't want to talk about this..."
The cleaner laid on his bed, listening to the sound of Jabber laughing his ass off on his choker. He was swinging the device around on his finger, staring up at the ceiling. Jabber's jubilation had no end in sight.
"... Are you going to stop to breathe?"
"Y-You... Told them I left you!?" Jabber didn't stop laughing, having a hell of a time with the whole thing. "You couldn't just say 'It's an inside joke between me and my boyfriend'?"
"No! Because then they'd want to meet you, jackass!"
"But now they think I'm some slut that cheated on you and ran off with my ex-"
"You don't sound broken up about it! You haven't stopped laughing since I told you!"
"Ugh, I can't breathe. Holy shit... My stomach hurts... Man... Hope that doesn't affect the baby-"
"I'm hanging up-"
"No- Okay, I'm sorry, don't." Jabber couldn't even plead right, still giggling between every word. "I'll make it up to you. Why don't you come over and we can put a baby in you this time-"
"I am so done with this joke... but sure. I'll be there in an hour."
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
Idk why I wrote this. I contribute nothing of value to this branch of the fandom
“Code K at CS. Code K at CS.” Zanka didn't even hear his radio going off, too busy arguing with the Grade A Karen at Customer Service.
That’s what the message meant, after all. His supervisor Semiu put out the call, all of the store now aware a show was underway. Jabber perked up the second he heard that, weaving through apparel to get to that side of the store. He made it there, Riyo hiding in a clothing rack and watching from a distance. Enjin was less subtle. Just casually watching with his hands in his pockets.
“Did I miss anything good?”
“Nah. She hasn't worked Zanka up yet.” Riyo made space in the clothing rack and Jabber joined her as they watched. Enjin snorted and leaned on the rack to join them sort of. “But the vein in his forehead looks like it's gonna pop so I'm thinking this is gonna be good.”
“D-did I miss it?” Fu huffed, having run to this side of the store in one glorious sprint, Just making it and feeling out of breath. “Is it starting?”
“You got a minute. Hey, run to grocery and get a bag of popcorn. Family size. Grab the store brand so we can write it off for store use.” Enjin ordered. Fu perked up despite being tired and quickly ran to follow those directions. “Oooh he's losing patience.”
“My man's gonna lose his damn mind on this lady.” Jabber snickered. “I love it when he gets mad.”
“Oh just fuck him already.” Riyo scoffed, her boss snickering in response. Jabber didn't say anything but his embarrassment was easy to hide.
Zanka rubbed his temples, beyond aggravated with this conversation. The woman had the nerve to look indignant, hands on her hips as she scowled at him.
“...Let me get this straight,” Zanka started. He glanced behind her, seeing his coworkers already collecting at the edge of the apparel section. Great. “...You want me to take more off the price of this clearance item?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s broken.” She pointed to the tilting lamp. Zanka pursed his lips and centered himself before he spoke. “See?”
“Yes… that’s why it was on clearance.”
“It should be cheaper than this.”
“It still functions so we only mark it down 10%.”
“I can get an unbroken lamp for this price.”
“Then grab one-”
“This is the only blue one you have.”
“So what you’re telling me is you CAN’T get an unbroken one for that price then?” Zanka’s attitude started to surface. He glanced over at the edge of apparel again, seeing more of his coworkers had gathered and opened one of the giant bags of popcorn. “I can’t mark it down anymore. Sorry.”
“Well, can I get a manager? Maybe they can do something.” Zanka blinked a few times, in disbelief but his face was pure boredom. He grabbed his walkie, maintaining eye contact as he pulled the trigger.
“Semiu, You’re needed in Customer Service.” Zanka practically groaned. It didn’t take long. She was in one of the offices behind him. She popped out, annoyed already by the scene in front of her.
“Yes, Ma’am. How may I help you?”
“I need more marked off this lamp,” She poked the lamp, which fell over due to being unbalanced. “See? It isn’t straight.”
“Well, neither am I but I work just fine,” Semiu shrugged. “It’s already marked down 10%. That’s the max we can mark off since it still works.”
“You’re the manager?”
“I’m the customer service manager,” Semiu answered, adjusting her glasses. “Unfortunately there’s nothing we can do-”
“Is there a manager higher than you?”
“Lady, are you fucking serious?” Zanka scoffed. Semiu had to force herself to not laugh about that. She wasn’t the only one. Their coworkers were scattered nearby, some hiding more subtly than others as they watched. Jabber had to hold his mouth shut.
“Yeah. I definitely need the manager now. YOU have an attitude problem.” Zanka narrowed his eyes at her. He looked over to the crowd, spotting Enjin. He brought his walkie up to his mouth.
“Enjin to customer service, please.” Zanka watched Enjin speak into his walkie as he loitered in the distance.
“Zodyl, could you get that for me? I’m busy.”
“Busy, my ass,” Zanka complained, mostly to Semiu. The customer was tapping her foot now, her heel repeatedly clacking on the tile. Zanka let it go… but not for long. “Could you knock that off? You’re giving me a headache.”
“You have the wrong attitude for someone in customer service.”
“Honey, People like you are why this attitude is REQUIRED for customer service-”
“Sorry for the delay,” Zodyl announced, walking into the scene and getting behind the customer service counter. “How may I help you-”
“YOUR ASSOCIATES ARE VERBALLY ABUSING ME.” She screeched. The mini crowd was losing it and when Zodyl looked over at them he sighed. The customer continued to shout at him about all manner of things: How they price, their poorly trained staff and even some insults at him. He didn’t even do anything. He just got here. He waited for her rant to end, stonefaced. “So for all this trouble you’re putting me through I at least want 50% off this lamp.”
“Uh huh,” Zodyl paused and absorbed all that. He nodded slowly before bringing his walkie to his mouth. “...Security to Customer Service please.”
“Are you serious?!” Jabber didn’t make an effort to leave the spectators so Cthoni begrudgingly did it. She headed to customer service, walking up to the situation with the seriousness it deserved.
“Ma’am, if you could come with me.” She ordered, “I need to escort you out of the store-”
“I am NEVER coming back here!”
“Please tell me that’s a promise.” Zanka quipped. The woman pushed the lamp off the service desk before stomping off. Cthoni didn’t follow too close behind her but did follow to make sure she was leaving. Zodyl looked over at what was left of the crowd and brought his walkie back up.
“I thought you were busy, Enjin?”
“Yeah, Busy watching.” He responded on the walkie and the laughing of his coworkers could be heard from the customer service desk. Zodyl decided to just raise his voice to address them all.
“Everyone, find something useful to do, Now.” With that, he wandered off, shaking his head and complaining about the waste of time.
Zanka let his head hit the customer service desk and didn’t even look up as people approached. Riyo jumped up to sit on the desk and Jabber leaned against it.
“Man, you could have gone harder on her, Zanka.” Riyo complained. “You didn’t even yell.”
“It’s fun when you get angry, Mr. Bad Attitude.” Jabber teased. Zanka kept his head down, mostly to hide his nerves. “Have you ever helped a customer without offending them?”
“If Zodyl doesn’t give a shit, why do you?”
“Just wondering, Just wondering,” Jabber snickered. “I bet you couldn’t get through a day without pissing someone off.”
“They piss me off first,” Zanka defended. “But, I can be nice if I feel like it. I just don’t.”
“...Wanna bet?” Jabber’s insistence was annoying but Zanka couldn’t lie that it didn’t spark his competitive nature. “I’ll be nice and say the rest of the shift instead of a whole work day. I bet you can’t go the rest of your shift without pissing someone off.”
“What are the terms?”
“Hmm… Well, what do you want?”
“If I win…” Zanka thought it over for a second. What DOES he want? He didn’t want to make the bet money. Too boring. “...You’re driving me to work for a week.”
“Pfft, that’s it?”
“It may not be a big deal to you but I skateboard to work, jackass. It’d be nice to get to work quicker than I normally do.”
“Alright, Alright… if I win… I wanna leave a hickey on your neck.” Zanka’s spine straightened in an instant, he glared at the man and Riyo couldn’t help but laugh. “Deal?”
“I’m sorry, what the fuck-”
“I think that’s a pretty good deal. Hell, I’ll even drive you home from work too if you win. How about it?”
“WHY do you want to bite my neck?!”
“Well, suck. That’s more so where hickies come from-”
“But WHY do you want to do that?”
“Guess~” Jabber teased. Zanka’s face turned red but he remained visibly angry. “I’d love to know your theories.”
“...Ugh… Deal. Just get off my desk.”
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
Jabber kept an eye on customer service all day. He made sure to do his round close by, only leaving the area when he absolutely had to. Zanka had no choice. He was downright pleasant. It was a struggle, as most people were annoying as shit today. Jabber got called away to handle a shoplifter and Zanka took that moment to let out the most annoyed groan and slam his head on the desk. Semiu scoffed and leaned on the desk beside him.
“...You alright?”
“I want today to be over.”
“Then just yell at someone and get it over with.”
“Then I lose the bet, Semiu.”
“...Wait, you don’t want that?” He sat up for a second to look at her before laying his head back down. “Damn. I thought for sure you were just playin’ along to make it look like you were trying to win.”
“I’m ignoring you,” Zanka’s flat tone made her smile. “How long until the day is over?”
“You got one hour ‘til closing.”
“Almost there…” Zanka sighed, already feeling his feet relax at the idea of getting a ride home. Unfortunately, life was rarely that simple. Shikage’s voice came over the walkie talkie. He was the Loss Prevention officer that monitored the cameras and his heads up changed everything.
“W-Warning. The karen from earlier is headed into the store now. S-She brought her husband, it looks like.”
“Hell, yeah, round two!” Enjin cheered into the walkie. “Fu, grab another popcorn. Semiu, write off another popcorn.” Semiu sighed but did head to her office to go take care of that. Zanka panicked.
“H-Hey! She’s coming back. Aren’t you going to help me! I don’t want to lose.”
“Then just play nice. You got this, Zanka.” Semiu disappeared into her office and Zanka felt like he was shaking. He waited at the customer service desk.
“The police have been called, they should be here soon. She was warned to not come back by Cthoni earlier today. I want security to Customer service now.” Zodyl announced on the walkie. It didn’t really help Zanka’s mood. He would still have to be nice to this bitch until they arrived. She stomped in, heels still clacking on the tile and a beast of a man following behind her. The meathead was trying to look imposing. They approached the desk and while the man dwarfed Zanka by comparison he wasn’t the least bit scared.
“That’s him. The rude little man.” The woman sneered. Her husband stepped up and her face looked smug. Zanka REALLY didn’t want to be nice to this bitch. Not like this. It would make it look like he was intimidated by her husband but he absolutely wasn’t.
“...Yes, can I help you?” Zanka started. His tone was neutral. It was what he could muster.
“I demand an apology for my wife.” How badly Zanka wanted to talk back. The woman waited, her grin pissing him off more by the second.
“Sir,” Cthoni’s voice cut in and Zanka breathed a sigh of relief. Jabber and Cthoni approached, wearing the Jackets that read Loss Prevention. “Your wife was told not to return to the store. We’re going to have to ask you both to leave.”
“Not until this little shit apologizes to my wife.”
“Yeah, tell him, baby.” She cheered him on and damn Zanka bit his lip. It took every cell in his body to not tell them off. Jabber, being taller than Cthoni, stepped forward.
“Alright. Outside. Now.”
“What are you going to do about it?” The man tried to intimidate Jabber but honestly that would never work anyway. Hell, that kind of thing got his rocks off. Jabber reached out but his hand was smacked away. “Don’t touch me-”
“Don’t make me. Let’s move.” Jabber’s grin was downright evil. Shit, the freak wanted a reason to start a fight.
“This is all your fault!” The wife hissed, leaning over the desk to get in Zanka’s face. He tried so hard to not scowl at her. “You shouldn’t treat your best customers this way. I want an apology for how I was thrown out earlier.”
“I need both of you to leave-”
“You stay out of this!” She turned on Jabber. She tried to approach him but her husband held her back. Not that he cared. Jabber was an equal opportunity fighter. He’ll hit a woman, he doesn’t give a shit. “Walk away before my husband beats the shit out of you.”
“Ooh, Promise~?”
“You ugly little reject rent a cop,” She was just slinging words together at this point. Jabber didn’t care. He’s been called every name in the book doing this job. Zanka however, did not take that well. “Does it make you feel powerful to pick on people for no reason? Does it make you feel better about your sad pathetic life?”
“Yeah, you got it,” Jabber teased. “Now, I gotta escort you out. Come on.” With no warning the woman shoved Jabber. Zanka couldn’t understand the reaction that came over him. He was seeing red. He slammed his hands on the customer service desk and that stopped Jabber from decking someone at the moment.
“THAT’S IT. I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU, YOU BITCH,” Zanka seethed, unaware his coworkers had collected in the distance again, the popcorn already half empty. “GET THE HELL OUT OF MY STORE BEFORE I DRAG YOU OUT BY YOUR CHEAP ASS WIG.”
“HEY!” Her husband grabbed Zanka by the collar. Jabber attempted to step in but he didn’t have to. His eyes sparkled when Zanka’s fist connected so perfectly with that man’s jaw. It was like cupid’s arrow pierced his heart. Since Jabber was dazed, Cthoni took the lead. She took the wife into ‘custody’, zip-tying her hands behind her back. That was around the time Zodyl led the police to Customer service.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
“What an end to the work day.” Fu marveled, sweeping up around the registers as he, Rudo and Amo chatted. “Did you see how many cops showed up!”
“I know! Wow, what a day. Amo didn’t know people could bleed so much.”
“...Which one of us has to clean up that blood?” Rudo asked suddenly. The conversation died down after that.
Zanka heard it all in passing, heading to the back rooms and beyond disappointed that he let himself get mad… and about what? Because she insulted Jabber? The creepy asshole always flirting with him? Why would he care? Just cause he’s hot- Okay, Maybe he shouldn’t think about it anymore. Zanka shook those thoughts out of his head, making it to the employee lockers to see Jabber leaning against them. The closer he got he realized he was blocking his, a smirk on his face.
“...What?”
“I believe I won.”
“Dude. That doesn’t count. They were pissed when the entered the store.”
“You sure?” Jabber pressed, which made Zanka grumble. Honestly, he accepted he lost about 10 minutes ago. He tried not to think about it, mainly because he didn’t like how warm his face got when he thought about how he lost. Jabber approached, looking down at him. His smirk dulled to a weak smile.
“Tell you what… I’ll give you a ride to and from work anyway. Nice middle ground.”
“...W-Wait. For real?” Jabber nodded. “Thanks…” They stayed looking at each other for a moment and Zanka’s face fell. “....You want your hickey, don't you pervert-”
“Very much, yeah.” The man couldn’t help but roll his eyes hearing that. He took in a deep breath and looked around. With the store closed anyone could wander in… but he didn’t want to take this somewhere private. Everyone would be talking about it.
“...Make it quick.” Jabber didn’t hesitate. He held Zanka’s cheek and dove in to his neck with no fanfare. Zanka tensed at first but shuddered when he felt the man’s tongue on his skin. “I S-said quick-” Zanka shut his mouth when Jabber bit him. He bite was weak but the way he kissed and sucked the bite was brutal… and… so much hotter than anything Zanka wanted. He bit the abused spot again and Zanka let out a breathy moan. Jabber immediately backed off and they just stared at each other. He held his mouth closed, mortified for that reaction to be forced from him. Jabber couldn’t help but smile.
'“Damn, was it that good?”
“W-Whatever, move.” Zanka pushed past him, headed to his locker. “There you go, pervert. You got what you wanted, Leave me alone.”
“....So… you don’t want a ride home?” Zanka opened his locker, taking his lunch bag out and slinging it over his shoulder. He thought it over for a second but nodded as he slammed the little metal door.
“...Actually, yeah, that would be nice.”
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
This is the third part of my Retail AU. I'm working on another part now that's smut. That one will only be on AO3 though
I'm having so much fun using my experiences working retail to make this. When I worked for Big Lots our small town store was just like this.
You can keep up with all my Janka content in Janka Junk Drawer on AO3
"Good Morning, Team," Enjin greeted, nodding fervently as the few cups of coffee started to kick in. "I brought donuts and juice. Feel free to grab some during our 'every once in a blue moon should be weekly but isn't' staff meeting."
"Can we just get to work please?"
"So, we are going to open with employee grievances," Zodyl continued, ignoring Zankas plea entirely. Enjin started eating a cinnamon sugar donut. The two managers stood at the front of the packed break room. "Does anyone have anything they want to complain about, within reason?"
"Oh!" The little cashier in the fronts hand shot up. Fu was nervous once everyone was looking at him. "Oh uh... I was... Just concerned with the idea of Loss prevention carrying guns." There was a moment of silence. A couple other employees nodded and Zanka looked over his shoulder towards the corner where Loss Prevention was holed up. Jabber looked annoyed, one earbud in. Likely an attempt to ignore this meeting. Just looking at him turned Zanka's cheeks pink.
"...Loss prevention shouldn't be carrying firearms."
"Fucking Narc." Jabber mumbled, making the employees closer to him snicker.
"Why are you two carrying firearms?"
"They aren't real guns." Cthoni defended, "We wear them as a deterrent. We don't have actual weapons to pull on people."
"Mines a phone case with a gun handle." Jabber added. Enjin finished his donut and licked his fingers.
"No more of that, okay? Jabber, change your phone case."
"You can't tell me to change my phone case." Jabber defended. Enjin was about to speak to that but paused. Can they?
"...huh... Let me consult HR.... Yo, Tamsy?" Tamsy didn't even look up when his name was called, doom scrolling and leaning against the wall. "Are we allowed to tell employees to change their phone case?"
"Uuuuuh... Sure, I don't care-"
"HR says we can. Change your phone case."
"The system is rigged." Jabber took his phone out, getting to work taking off the case. As he did Enjin grabbed another donut.
"Anything else? Don't be shy."
"Can we get to work, please-?"
"I have a question!" Riyo cut Zanka off, waving her hand wildly back and forth. "Why did the employee discount get lower this year?"
"Great question.... Alright, next question."
"Why don't we have an employee of the month?" Bundus asked, "it would be good incentive."
"Because it creates a competitive and hostile work environment."
"Okay, but why do we have a worst employee of the month then?"
"Because shaming some of you is the only way to make you work." Zodyl said seriously. Enjin couldn't help but chuckle with his mouth full. "That's enough of the grievances. Onto important matters. We're getting new uniforms." The room erupted in groans which made the man roll his eyes. "Grow up. None of us like it but we have no choice. They come in tomorrow. If you don't wear them it's a write up. Loss Prevention is the exception. You are now plain clothes so you can blend in."
"Oh hell yeah." Jabber and Cthoni high fived. Zanka rolled his eyes but then imagined the possibilities. Jabber coming in dressed like he normally would... Zanka had to reel himself back in so he could focus.
"In other news, we are getting rid of the suggestion box." Zodyl continued to only elicit groans. "Someone has been repeatedly putting the suggestion, 'Sexy Tuesdays'. We're getting sick of it."
"Yeah," Enjin mumbled, crumbs dribbling out of his mouth. "I mean, what do you want us to do. Wear short shorts?"
"Also, corporate is demanding team building exercises so we're doing it at the end of the month from now on. You will come in an hour early on the last day of the month. Corporate says you don't necessarily have to attend but you will be made to write the reason you didn't attend and read it to the rest of the team."
"Oh, that's it?" Jabber scoffed, "Easy-"
"Now, that doesn't mean you can just write: 'I was getting high and playing Rocket league so I couldn't make it' and think we'll accept that," Enjin added quickly. Cthoni snickered and Jabber just huffed. "It has to be a structured excuse and an apology to never let your team down... Some bullshit like that. I gotta reread corporate's email."
"That was oddly specific," Zanka whispered to Riyo. He wasn't expecting a response but she gave him one. Enjin kept going on, oblivious to Riyo and Zanka's conversation.
"That's the reason your boyfriend gave for the sick day he took last week-"
"He's not my boyfriend."
"Only 'cause you're not trying hard enough."
"Oh, Before we forget," Enjin spoke a little louder to make sure he got everyone's attention. "You can't spend your lunch in the parking lot anymore. Either behind the store or in the breakroom. You can't loiter around the store or anywhere that customers can see you."
"Got all that? Good. Get to work. We open in 10 minutes." Zodyl ended that meeting quick. The employees broke into smaller groups to complain and bitch as they left the breakroom together. Riyo stuck to Zanka as they made their way out.
"So, we can't hang out in your department over lunch anymore. Boo."
"We'll think of something. Ugh, what a pain."
"Hey, Zan Zan," Jabber snuck up on him, making the man shudder when he joined his little group. Jabber was smug, likely proud of the reaction he just got. "You guys are about to be stuck in uniforms and I get to wear whatever I want to work."
"Within reason," Cthoni added. She wasn't exactly walking with the group but she wasn't far. "Hurry up, we gotta do our rounds."
"Fine fine," Jabber clicked his tongue. "I'll bug you later, Zan Zan."
"Step anywhere near my department and I'll call HR."
"Oh no," Jabber gasped, mostly in jest. "Quick, someone call Tamsy to do nothing about it."
"He has a point." Riyo added. While she was right, Zanka was still mad about it.
"Bye, Zan Zan." After leaving the backrooms of the store all the employees went their separate ways. Zanka couldn't help but watch Jabber and Cthoni walking away as he headed to his own area to start the day
-----
I'm excited as hell to work more with this AU
Hope you join us in Janka Junk Drawer to enjoy future parts
"I mean, not completely. You know I gotta test this shit." Jabber defended. While that was true it wasn't how Zanka imagined spending his day off. He was over the raider's house, watching him get creative with a new plant. While watching an amateur chemist work like a mad scientist was not how he wanted to spend their alone time, he had to admit it was fun. Jabber had the most adorable look on his face. Jabber was at his desk, a mess of jars and vials. Most of his room was. Plants and bugs in cases everywhere. Bookshelves full of labeled samples he kept for later use. His favorites were in the middle shelf, easy to reach. Zanka stayed on his bed, leaning against the wall. He had a bag of chips, waiting patiently for Jabber to be done. "Uuuh... this might be diluted enough."
"How do you know just a pin prick isn't enough to kill you?"
"I'm about to see."
"I'm dating an idiot."
Zanka's grumbling just made Jabber laugh. With a sinister glow in his eyes, Mankira manifested. He dipped a blade in the tiny jar, a light gray sheen overtaking it. That grin on his face was manic but his boyfriend just smiled softly. Jabber shook off his nerves and then pierced his arm. He left the blade in for two seconds at most before retracting Mankira. "You alright?"
"Light burn," Jabber noted. He stared at the small puncture wound, blood bubbling out of the wound. "...Hmm... Bleedin' normally."
"Sometimes I forget how methodical you are." Zanka shrugged, continuing to eat. "Fatigue?"
"I don't think so... I feel fine. Damn, I had high hopes for that leaf because of how colorful it was. This shit is weak."
"Maybe you diluted it too much."
"Yeah, let me try out the raw sample." Jabber brought Mankira back, piercing the less tempered selection. "Tch, I fucking hate the color green."
"...Where the hell did that come from?" Zanka asked suddenly. Jabber was too busy watching the new color take to his claws. He cocked his head to the side like a confused dog.
"...What?"
"Hating the color green. Where did that come from?"
"I said that out loud?" Jabber eyed his boyfriend suspiciously. Jabber stuck two blades in his arm this time but not for as long. When he pulled back he watched the wound just as close. "...Still normal bleedin'... still that burn. It's even weaker honestly. Fuck, like those weak ass bites you give me."
"...Wait, what?" When Zanka questioned it Jabber seemed to realize he said something he shouldn't have. "I thought you liked when I bit you? You bite me all the damn time!"
"Yeah I uh.. I do babe," Jabber spoke slow, like he had to think of every word carefully. "..Uh... you could bite harder though. You know I can take it. Shit, I fell off a building yesterday."
"You fell off a building?!" Jabber seemed disturbed. Zanka and Jabber came to a similar conclusion at roughly the same time. It wasn't hard, they were both critical thinkers. "...Jabber?"
"Hm?" The raider didn't even open his mouth, biting his lip even. Zanka rolled up his chip bag.
"... When I stayed over last week... did you give me a hickey while I was asleep?"
"Yeah- but I don't get why you even care!"
"I knew it." Zanka scoffed. That answer was eye opening though. The way Jabber answered so quickly interested him. "...What's the last thing you ate?"
"Pizza?"
"Favorite animal-"
"I like frogs-"
"What do you hate about me?"
"That you hate yourself, it pisses me off." Jabber absolutely meant that but didn't mean to say it. He gestured to Zanka as if he was going to say something but kept his lips pursed. He took a second to collect himself and then his teasing tone returned. "...Zan Zan, you're taking advantage of me. That's not very nice."
"Am I a good kisser?"
"Well, I think so-"
"You think?"
"What? Did you want me to say you're the worst? Believe it or not Zan Zan I actually think a lot of good things about you," That was comforting to hear and did make Zanka turn a light pink. "Oh you're cute when you blush~"
"Shut up-"
"Fuuuuck... you're so pretty Zan Zan- I tried REALLY hard to NOT say that." Jabber's confession made Zanka snicker. The raider, meanwhile, was pissed. He had to speak slow to keep himself from just blurting out what he was thinking but apparently even that wasn't a guarantee. "Ugh, this sucks... but I'm saving it, this shit is great."
"It's definitely interesting. I used to think you had no filter."
"Shit, me too. I guess I keep more in my head than I thought."
"...Do you remember my birthday?"
"Hell no... Babe, come on, that's not cool." Jabber's defense just made the cleaner laugh. He fell back on Jabber's bed, staring up at the ceiling and trying to think of something else to ask. "Cut it out."
"Do you dream about me?"
"All the time-"
"...Were you high when we went out yesterday."
"Yeah, but I sobered up while we were out."
"...Would you ever join that cleaners?"
"I thought about it-" Jabber bit his tongue violently on that one. He turned back to his desk, breathing heavy through his nose. Zanka smiled, relaxing in the bed. "...You done taking advantage of me?"
"I'm thinking of more questions." Zanka closed his eyes, putting more thought into this. He could ask anything. Jabber would answer with the first thing he thought which would most likely be the truth. Suddenly Zanka yelped, flinching as Jabber sunk two blades into his leg. He pulled Mankira back, Zanka's blood glistening on the tip before he put her away. Zanka was gob smacked and then glared at his boyfriend. "You asshole!"
"Zan Zan~" Jabber teased, joining Zanka on the bed. "...Are you cheating on me?"
"Never, You're the only one I want," Zanka would have said that anyway. It was true and he wasn't ashamed of it but he recognized the tactic. The lull into a false sense of security. "Jabber, stop-"
"So, when I asked you out last week did you really have a mission?"
"No, I was sick and wanted to be left alone-" That came out too easy for Zanka's liking. Oh, the tables have turned. Jabber grinned. "Knock it off-"
"What do you like about me, Zan Zan?"
"Your smile drives me nuts-"
"Awww, You're so sweet," Jabber started. "...So... You like it rough?"
"You know I like it rough, you dumb fuck-"
"Yeah, but hearing you say it when you can't help it is so fun."
"You're a menace. Why do I love you?" No. No No No No. Zanka covered his mouth, eyes widening. Jabber felt his breathe leave him. They just looked at each other.
"...You love me too?"
"...What-"
"I... fucking hate this plant." Jabber admitted, making Zanka chuckle. "...Uh... obviously I didn't wanna tell you like this."
"...did you... have something planned?"
"Nah. I figured I'd just blurt it out during sex-"
"Always the romantic aren't you?" Zanka had to agree: He hated this plant. "Ugh, I can't believe I admitted I loved you."
"You aren't the only one who just said it, Zan Zan... fuuuuck this." Jabber sighed, throwing himself back on the bed. Zanka laid next to him. "...So you... don't plan on leavin' me?"
"N-No! You thought I planned on leaving you?"
"I think about it a lot..." Jabber admitted, softer than his earlier confessions. "I just keep thinkin' you'll go for someone in the cleaners... someone you don't gotta jump through hoops to see sometimes-"
"You've been inside me, shut up." Zanka immediately covered his mouth and Jabber laughed so hard he sat back up. He doubled over, unable to stop his giggling. Zanka, thoroughly embarrassed, covered his face. "Why? Why did I say that?"
"Ugh, I changed my mind, this plant is great."
"How long will this be going on for?"
"Don't know. Let's hope it wears off before you go to work tomorrow. Wouldn't want Enjin to ask where you've been and your knee jerk reaction is that you were fucking a raider all night."
"If I do that, I'd kill myself."
"...Do You know my birthday?"
"Fuck no." Zanka admitted, "Do you even know your own birthday?"
"January 11th." Jabber answered quickly. "I'm pretty sure yours is February but I gotta be honest, I forgot the day-"
"You can't help but be honest, dipshit... It's the 3rd, by the way."
"...I expect a blowjob on my birthday, I don't know about you-"
"I can't tell if you meant to say that or not because everything you say is so fucking ridiculous sometimes."
"...Actually, I don't know either," Jabber thought about it for a second. That gave Zanka hope. Good, this might be wearing off. "...Uh.. Zanka, tell me something you've never told anyone-"
"Sometimes I wish Enjin would adopt me." Zanka's deep red face was not helped by Jabbers smirk. "Ugh, leave me alone. What about you shit head? Something you've never told anyone?"
"I believe in ghosts."
"...Are you serious?"
"Yeah. I mean, it's not that serious. I've said way worse stuff already so admitting I think ghosts are real is pretty low on the bar for me."
"I get what you mean... What time is it?"
"10, maybe 11."
"Let's get some sleep... maybe It'll be fine in the morning.... and Don't bite me in my sleep anymore-"
"I'm going to do it anyway."
✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦
I'm working on a third part to this so I thought I'd repost the first part here to Tumblr for people who don't like to go to AO3 for my nonsense. This is chapter 36 of Janka Junk Drawer. Since we're on chapter 80 yeah I wrote it a bit ago.
I genuinely don't understand people that complain about people who write Janka stuff
Like seriously cause they'll complain like "I wish you people would write about literally any other ship"
Um okay. Are you telling me I have to write for that ship because you say so? You see how entitled that sounds when you word it that way? I'm not allowed to write about something I'm passionate about because you want work for a different ship?? And you just expect people to do it for free??
