Trigger Warning for not safe thoughts and depression
I don’t know who needs to hear this but if you want to, just have a read. Leave a heart, repost, comment, or scroll.
You are important. You are special. You may not see it but it’s there. You are strong. You are capable of great things. Life is gonna get you down to the point your mind will tell you you’re no good. You’ll feel weak and alone but know you aren’t. Others go through what you’re going through and you gotta be strong for your loved ones and if not for them then for yourself.
For this entire month I’ve been struggling with my own mental health to the point where I stopped caring about myself. No matter how hard I’ve tried I’ve felt alone. I’m to focused on trying to keep my head above the water in the United States with jobs and college that I’ve stopped caring on what’s happened to me. Some of the most terrible things have been tossed my way and I’ve handled them the best I could but I feel it isn’t good enough. I’ve found myself not caring about what I’ve used to love and feel caged despite having free will as an adult.
I’ve found my mind making me think of horrible things I have had when I was younger. When I lived with my narcissistic mother. When I took care of my siblings and belittled every like I did not matter and even now, as a legal adult, they still view me and a child with no say in anything. My best friend of four years has left me for reasons I do not know. She told me that we wanted different things in life, as in paths. I wanted to at least see if she was okay but instead I was blocked on everything without so much as a chance to at least patch the relationship. We never had problems before and I wish we had a conversation.
My head hurts daily and I keep thinking of dark thoughts that if I say on here, will get this post taken down. I am still unsure on tumblrs policies.
I got off track there. But I want you all to know that you’re stronger than you think. So please hold on. Your light will come even if it seems far. You’ll find someone who cares and who helps you when needed. You’ll find a group of friends who will cherish you.
There is so much more beyond the screens and internet. You don’t know the faces of these people and they don’t know you. Seek friendships that are in person. That was my mistake. I relied heavily on those online because it felt better than the company of an actual person.
At the end of the day, the world keeps turning and it won’t stop. When you feel how I feel, it’s like you’re stranded and alone. But know you are not and what you’re doing now is good enough for yourself. I should’ve been telling myself that and I haven’t. I’m fighting the best I can against my own mind and sometimes it wins. I am thinking about seeking therapy if it is covered. I feel I was not strong enough to handle the weight of my world on my shoulders alone and instead I let everything get to me to the point I stopped trying at my job, college, and family relationships. I mentally checked out of everything and for the first time I’ve allowed myself to cry about everything I’ve been bottling up. No matter how hard I try and tell myself I’m worth living, I keep thinking the opposite. No matter how much I say I’m not alone, it feels like it. No matter who I try to tell I feel guilty for burdening them with my problems. No matter who I try to please, I disappoint someone I care about.
I love everyone who’s stayed with me but I think it’s in my best interest to mentally check out. I’ll post on other platforms and maybe on here but not as much. I can’t do this anymore.
I will try and stay strong and if I’m not, I’m so sorry.
