she had never kept anyone by her side this long. no, things weren’t stable and she knew that but that didn’t stop her from wanting to be with the man. jade didn’t like the way his words made her feel. the more he spoke, the deeper her heart sank into her stomach and the more afraid she became. afraid that she would ultimately end up alone because they would be a repeat of this. they’d get tired of the secrets and the ups and downs, and ultimately just…give up.
jade’s eyes were practically pleading with him, “but we can change that, can’t we?” she asked, tilting her head to one side. “we could…be honest, open, whatever. we could fix this, us.” she wasn’t even sure if she were making sense at this point but what she did know is that she was going to do everything in her power to potentially stop this all from happening. “please, eli.” she breathed out, her arms snaking around his waist and holding him close to her smaller body.
would he want to try? would he really want to fix things? or had he been thinking about cutting her off for a while. all of these thoughts, concerns, worries filled her head and she was trying to cope with them as easily as she possibly could. one of her hands slid from his waist to caress his cheek, her dark eyes meeting his, “i need you, eli.”
――――――――――― ⌽ ―――――――――――
The pull Eli felt towards Jade was undeniable and part of him hated it because it had changed him some. Elliot had made it a habit of not needing anyone, it was safer that way, for everyone involved. If he didn’t get too attached then it was easier to leave when the secrets and evasiveness became an issue but that never stopped Eli from being in relationships or situationships. He wanted to love, deep down he knew there was more than enough of it still inside him that he could give it to someone selflessly but Eli had never allowed himself to get to the point he felt safe enough to give it.
Something was different about Jade, though, they were more alike than anyone else he’d ever found himself intimate with. What made him hate what they had the most was that he wanted nothing more than to be with her, to stay by her side, to do whatever he could to be near her. Eli was afraid to admit just how much Jade meant to him and instead of facing it the man opted to run, to break things off almost in a panic.
Her question was just as much of a plea as the look in her eyes and Eli almost gave into it immediately. Fuck. He cared about her far more than he had even admitted to himself. His face contorted into an expression of confusion, mostly due to the conflicting feelings battling within him. The desire to stay, currently, was stronger than his desire to flee, to run away and forget any of the vulnerability and openness that came with staying with Jade. But he wanted to, even though he knew where this could end and just how much it would hurt to lose this connection he had with her, Eli wanted to fucking stay.
So as her arms snaked around his waist the tall man stayed put, standing stiff for a moment before his muscles relaxed and his body leaned into her hold, his own hands eased slowly over her arms and then back to draw her just a little closer. Unable to really break away once that physical contact had been made, the electricity flowed through him from her and it set his every nerve on fire. “I’m scared Jade,” Eli breathed softly, the truth slipping from his lips far easier than he had ever expected it to. He was scared to lose her even though he had been the suggest leaving and breaking things off, Eli was scared to make this work because he really wanted it to work.
Scared that she wouldn’t like the truth, the vulnerability and the darkness that came with his secrets. His own family did many things to make sure his darkness stayed hidden, money and trauma at the expense of their son was nothing when it came to tarnishing their reputation. Eli kept it all a secret, his family included but the biggest thing he feared sharing with anyone was the abilities he spent most of his life concealing. “I’m scared you won’t like the darkest part of me.” More than anything, though, he was scared that she would be afraid of the darkest part of him
