I wish nothing but happiness for you, for her, for them and theirs. What I’m waiting for is someone to want to see me happy too. 😞
AnasAbdin

@theartofmadeline

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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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titsay

Love Begins
almost home
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oozey mess
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@twiztedresults
I wish nothing but happiness for you, for her, for them and theirs. What I’m waiting for is someone to want to see me happy too. 😞
I can’t keep doing this. Every day is a battle I’d like to lose.
The most I’ve counted imagining shooting myself in the head in one day is 72… then I lose count.
How does one person out of the thousands that I’ve met in my life change my head so drastically. My heart hurts I want him to feel the same pain he’s made me feel but I also just wish happiness for him. I wish I was the one who could make him happy 😞 I just want to be happy too. I hate that he’s the only one who has my entire life.
If I knew I’d miss you so much I wouldn’t have let you in. My bad.
I was asked by a friend last night if I was ok. I’m not. I spend my days faking smiles and laughs just wishing it would be the last time I have to pretend to be ok. I go for walks hoping I misstep and fall into traffic ending my misery once and for all. I’ve considered running and not looking back but you can’t run from your thoughts. I’m not ok and I’m not sure how much longer I can keep pretending to be.
Never. Enough. For. Anyone.
I realized just now in the moment at 7:15am on the eastern side the of the United States of America that I don’t wanna do this anymore. I don’t wanna fight, I don’t wanna cry. I don’t want to survive. I just wanna lay down and sleep and not wake up.
I’m not just sad. I’m tired. And not the kind of tired that a nap will fix. I’m the kind of tired that can’t escape my own head. It’s exhausting just to wake up. It’s even more exhausting going to bed. Im tired of the thoughts I have. Im tired of being alive, but I’m tired of wanting to die. Im tired of fake smiles but I’m tired of being sad. Im tired of pretending but I’m also tired showing people the real me. Im tired of disappointing but I’m too tired to make anyone proud. Im not just sad…
Depression is like being stuck between wanting to save yourself and wanting to end yourself.
-any
Had my first drink at 26
Lord knows I needed it.
Held onto my innocence til I was ten
Been reliving it ever since
Years and Years pass me by
I start to wonder “who the fuck is this guy?”
Bury that shit in the dark
Lock it away deep in my heart
This glass house I’ve built around me.
Walls so fragile
I can’t even scream out
I’m losing my mind.
I turn down the screams
By raising the bottle
I think I’m in control
While I’m spinning at full throttle
The bottle stops working
One turns to five
Everyone’s talking
How the hell am I even alive.
The scars on my arms
Are losing their charm
I’ll try it again
This time I’m going for the win
My head keeps pounding
I can’t keep this going
I’m losing control
What do I do?
Where do I go?
Who can I trust?
Can I even trust you?
It’s all too much
I hate this life I’m living
Goddamn it when will it end
I’m so tired of looking over my shoulder.
Why does history keep repeating?
Does this happen to anyone else?
One time, two times, fuck!
How bout five times?
I just want the abuse to end
I put down the bottle
I pick up the bubble
I’ve drowned out the pain
But even Jameson can’t win this game
I’ve hopped on this train
It’s leaving tonight.
A longer path
With zero percent light.
On top of the world
No more screaming
No more crying
I’ve silenced my war.
Awake for days
No food for weeks
Shadows follow
Everyone is talking
One gram turns to five
My heart rate is on the rise
No one hears my cries
How the fuck am I still alive?
The tourniquets tight
I hold my breath
Intruding my skin
Surely this is the end
One shot turns into five
The scars on my heart
Are tearing me apart
Why the fuck can I not just die?