Tay Tay All Day Day

[theonion]

[theonion]

Brightening the day of those least important to her, local man Amanda Langston told reporters Monday that she wasted her good mood on her coworkers. “I cannot believe I squandered this rush of happy feelings on my stupid colleagues,” said Langston, explaining that the period of unusually high spirits from 9 a.m. until noon spent interacting with her fellow employees would have been better utilized on a first date, at a family gathering, or with literally any other people on the planet. Full Story

[theonion]

Participating in the annual tradition one last time before leaving office, President Joe Biden reportedly told a pardoned Thanksgiving turkey “You’re the Bonnie to my Clyde” on Monday before running off with it and disappearing over the horizon. “It’s us against the world now, turkey,” said the commander-in-chief, grabbing the bird by the wing and laughing wildly as the two of them fled the White House grounds in a convertible, the turkey’s handlers in hot pursuit.

Full Story

[butternoodled]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Eldritch fucking horror to them

[theonion]

Phasing into our reality with instructions for the new cooking technique, J. Kenji López-Alt returned from the Beef Dimension with a previously unknown sear method that was beyond human comprehension, sources confirmed Tuesday. “I have glimpsed the cosmic dance of the meat and the stovetop and borne witness to beef’s true nature,” said the chef and bestselling author of The Food Lab, who reportedly caused those around him to grow concerned as he jabbered incoherently about mountains of non-Euclidean tri-tips that needed to be cooked on high for both an instant and a thousand eternities. Full Story

[bunniope]

i bet crossing spears with someone to block entry into a location feels so fucking good

[snoopywithmusic]

bro, does this party have perfectly ripe summer heirloom tomatoes or do we need to pregame?

[hidingoutbackstage]

Ngl I was not prepared for where this was going

[femmeharlequin-deactivated20240]

Me: oh okay she’s lipsynching her song

Me: Is that-

Me:

[luischocolatier]

[alexmurison]

Happy little puffin enjoy his bed of daisies. Pembrokeshire Coast National Park

[lantern-hill]

cats will be like oh you're walking somewhere? no WE'RE walking somewhere. and i will get there first. where is 'there' btw

[hotvampireadjacent]

Can you take my white ass to target

[lonestatus]

planting a kiss on your cheek and letting it grow and sprout into a beautiful kissflower. aaaand its draining your HP and transferring it to me. sorry :/

[design-is-fine]

Frederick Judd Waud, Rum Row, 1922. Via Art Gallery X

[greatwaytokillhim]

cereal tastes better at night because the veil is thin

[daily-spooky]

[dude-amigo]

[everythingfox]

Living the life he deserves