He made her cry...
SchnibbityMom Sherrie May 19, 2013 · Klamath Falls
He made her cry...again.
As a parent, you know you're not always going to make the best choices, but you hopefully try not to make the bad ones.She asked him to the Senior Banquet/Dinner. In the past, I'd have paid for him, then he usually (not always), would pay me back. But this time I demurred, when someone owes you thousands of dollars, you hesitate to put yourself on the hook for even a measly $15 more.
She decided if he asked to cover the cost, that she would and then he would (hopefully) pay her back. And yes, he asked her...she went and bought the tickets...she told him they were here...he had well over a month to send her the $$. He promised her he would.
One week went by, nothing. Two weeks went by, still nothing. She reminded him on a few of their frequent phone calls, (I've never denied him access, even driving both girls almost 100 miles to visit numerous times over the years, before they were able to drive)themselves. And whenever he called to talk to me about anything, when we were done, I'd always ask, "Do you want to talk to the girls?"
He comes into town & actually calls me, wants to come by to drop off a Mother's Day card for HIS Mom, (who I take care of). Because he is angry with me, he won't even come in the door, she over hears him calling me a bitch in conversation with his Mother. This is between he and I, they don't need to hear this crap. We have souvenirs that we purchased for him when we were on our vacation in March, plus, when he left so abruptly then, he left meds and cords & etc, that have been sitting here. Because he was mad, he wouldn't come get them, so they sat. He actually told me to send them to him. Um...no. The $15?? Not there again.
She needed info from the VA for college, since he's considered disabled, the VA will help with both girls college tuition. She's been talking to him almost daily about it, he has helped her with the info, she's again requested the money for the ticket. "I'll send it tomorrow, along with the paperwork you need."
Tomorrow comes and she calls me from school, in the middle of the day. Not usual. She got called to the office, there was something for her. Turns out, he dropped off the paperwork she needed, brought it 92 miles into town to give to her, driving his nice Corvette. (The same Corvette that he damaged 6 weeks ago, and within 2 days, took into the body shop to be repaired. Somehow he was able to cover the deductible--oh that's right, he didn't send our money this month again.) He has Dr's appointments in town, makes sense he'd drop it off, we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. The $15?? Not included.
She talks to him later that day and for the next several days on the VA info, she again requests the $15, "I'll send it tomorrow." "Mom, what should I do, he keeps telling me, and it never shows up?" I tell her it's best to just wait a bit longer, keep giving him the benefit of the doubt. Why? I don't know... I spent close to 30 years giving him that benefit. It's a hard habit to break. She knows that he & I are having issues, but I tell her that is between the two of us. It does not involve her and her sister.
She wants to ask someone else, I suggest she wait. Of course, that's what we've been doing all along, waiting. And waiting, and waiting some more.It's been over a month, she's finally decided she's going to tell him she's asking someone else, but she's worried he'll be angry with her. I tell her, "No, he won't get mad, he's a grownup, and you've given him more than enough opportunities to send you the $$."
This is what I tell her, but what I know in my heart is, he'll be pissed, he'll say something awful, he'll make her cry. I'm sure he has no idea how many times he's made her cry, she tries so hard, she just wants him to not be angry at her. I tell her sometimes people get angry, if he does, over something so minor as this, then he's the one with the problem.
She finally bites the bullet and tells me she's going to call him and tell him she's asked someone else. She's hesitant, she's nervous, but she calls.It's worse than I expected. I hear a suspicious sound and come around the corner and she's standing there crying. "He got mad." "What did he say?" I ask her. She tells him she sent in the military paperwork, they chat about other things, then she tells him because he never sent in the $$ for the ticket, she's giving it to someone else. "So, basically, you sold my ticket?" "Yes, it's been over a month, you could've brought the money in with the paperwork, but you didn't.""I was broke," he says, yet that didn't stop him from buying new computer software, hardware, or going to Madras for the weekend to race his car, or any of the other races that he will be going to throughout the summer."
So you're going to let your Mother run your life for you? I see, you've made your decision...goodbye." Of course, now it's my fault, even though I had nothing to do with her decision. She couldn't stop crying, I've gotten very good at being used as a kleenex. Sad to say, but true, and any words of solace & comfort sounded completely hollow.
At 18, she is more of an adult and more mature than he'll ever be. I've tried so hard over the years to maintain an even keel between him and I, strictly for the girls sake. After all of the detritus that came after he divorced his older girls mother, I never wanted him to have that type of strained, angry, drama filled, tumultuous relationship with his younger girls. He continues to make it harder and harder for me to do this.
These are beautiful, talented, smart, loving and engaging young ladies who want a stable father figure in their lives, I think they deserve that much.
But he made her cry...again.
UPDATE---Wednesday May 19th. 2021
Hard to believe it's been 8 years since I posted this. I've been mostly off FB lately, just haven't felt the need, except to post birthday wishes and like a few posts.
The fact that this has become a (once again) thing, only different circumstances, makes me angrier than ever. The kiddos are older and, yes, wiser. They talk to him on a fairly regular basis, he won't answer my calls or texts; as a matter of fact, the only time he has in the last 6 months was after his daughter (my step-daughter) Cathy was hit and killed on NYE, and then again when Mom died.
After Cathy died, he came up and stayed with us (which he does whenever he comes up), we went to the funeral together, I was there to support him however I could. He was devastated to lose the 2nd of his three older daughters and I was there for him. After Mom passed, he expressed his condolences, but never came up for the memorial, even though Mom always considered him a son, even after our divorce.
The fact that he owes literally thousands in alimony and I can't attach any of it because he's considered disabled, he's a veteran and he's on SS. I drove down to Lakeview twice in 2019 when he was lost in the Lake County desert and almost died and each time I stayed in a hotel and never asked him for a penny. And believe me when I say, it really isn't about the money. If he just followed through and kept his word, it would mean a world of difference. In trying to be a good human and help family, I think I've been more than gracious over the years.
But, this post, from 8 years ago, this...has me throwing up my hands in defeat. When I remember just this one incident of many and see how he's continued on with his selfish ways to this day, it used to make me cry. No more. I'm tired of his conceited, narcissistic, childish behavior.
I know I'm not perfect...far from it. But I just can't. Not anymore. I'm done.