Puisi and Else

All pictures and works are original -twixted-

[twxtd]

Anak gajah ditabrak Ibu gajah hanyut Ayah gajah bantu bongkar puing

[twxtd]

Have I Been Terrified For Knowing All Too Well?

You’re the night I sip through my cup The burnt smell that stuck on my shirt Cheesecake is how you steal a kiss on my cheek Velvet coffee is how you caress me to sleep Extraterrestrial piano sounds in the background Your black t-shirt is hanging on my brain One stare and I stopped counting my breath

The dog keeps barking as we walk pass through

[twxtd]

The Things I Write When You Work The Night Shifts

I am a liar to myself, a pretty good one I kinda want to drown, most of the times I need to sleep, only to wake up in the afternoon I pity myself, for too many times I am sinking in the voices, they hold me still I rejected the stare, “never deserve one” they said

I don’t deserve myself, or do i?

[twxtd]

Exercise 30 mins thrice a week, and positive journalling: I prefer to take the escalator

I feel like I’m missing out on life being sad These negative emotions sucking my wound I bleed grey sticky cloud all over Whenever I meet new people, or people in general I know and I can sense how they can sense my sickening light Happy girls are the prettiest, they said

Well I just needed to mute myself But please don’t make me hide While I keep on stumbling, stuttering Please don’t tell me the things that I’ve known I just needed to shrink the voices I know I’m not the easiest But please stay a while

[twxtd]

Sleeping Pills

Think i could burst my brain out To mend the rusty wires They have the power over me Mostly they wish to stay longer Mostly they tend to speak louder each time I rip my ears Help me get out of myself I wanna live somewhere outside mine The same pathetic loop  Nobody needs to know Know that everybody has their own

Put me down to sleep Meet me when I’m much better Please make me much better The time that slipped through my fingers I wanna keep everyone else, other than myself

[twxtd]

Not A Detour

It’s a thin ice Slippery ground I’d bend down to hold your feet But I keep forgetting, it’s what we do A part of me apologizing fluently (for the crack, the weight) Another part has been holding me grudges

But would you hold me, While I’m still trying to forgive myself?

[twxtd]

Tiny Bumps

I’m afraid that I’m being too loud Don’t know what it means to get better Don’t think I have a clue Don’t think you hold the key

I’ll let it open Let it stream down a bit Then I’ll sleep with a cold cheek After a good weeping

[twxtd]

Strawberry Picking

Endless list of what should have been Endless list of how should I be The bitter taste of an ink The constant pulling of my shoulders

Couple of faces White skimmed milk skin Stacks of quirks and rosy personalities My mirror never seemed to soften

Thought I already stand tall When i think I’ll just snap it out But the blurt out was quite a catch That I’m starting to scratch

One more conviction to bleed about

[twxtd]

Pulling My Weight

It is never been anyone’s problem Never been my weight Never been your bag

It is real, it is a thing But never been a strain

[twxtd]

Blue Is The Color of A Bruise and So Is Saturday Morning Sky

It’s a whole different galaxy Ocean of infinite newfound stars in her head All and all with soft colored magnolia heart And cosmic capacity of love

Tiny whack of sketchy bruises Compromising her zesty soul She’s painting her own mercy For her scared and scarred shadows

“Let me take you home” For home is the place within her all along And never the place she found along the way

[twxtd]

Same Steady Hum That I Missed

I was trying to catch my ride home When you slipped right into my bones It was a silent old trick Or the same steady hum that I missed Then again you whispered through my veins

While I’m still trying to blur your hues And the scent of our mundane mornings Your colours start dripping out of my eyes All along I've been scrunching this thick air in my throat

"I’ll gladly break my heart for you”

[twxtd]

Drive Me Home

Either or both: Running my hand through your hair The unapologetic tender gaze of yours

Either or both: Being our most vulnerable The resolving laughs after a fight

The ever was and ever will: Adoring each of our complexity Dreaming the hell of our hearts out

[twxtd]

Manusianya Kamu

Kamu menyusun embun sembari menggantungkan keruh Kamu tata rapi sejuk, sebelum menyusut kembali di langit abu Kamu bilang, kamu memampat di tengah sesak badai kepalamu Aku bilang, kamu memakai kilap dan gemuruhmu dengan cukup anggun

[twxtd]

7 Minutes To The Day

I used to write so much about maze, riddles, and labyrinth About the uncertainity, the cavalier memories The overused pain that I comfortably sprinkled around I’d danced with the worst shoes they gave

I used to be enchanted by the pitch black mind Never knowing what’s hidden beneath I thought loving someone Means to crack open their vault I thought it is always my job to love more, to fix what needs to be fixed

Being with you feels like stepping right into my old living room The familiarity in the light of your eyes The simple ease, knowing the whole universe is on our side You grabbed my hands and we fix what needs to be fixed

It is how you let me get through you Every fireworks, sunsets and thunderstorms that I treasure the most It is how you feel so real, so mortal, yet the love you pour tastes like reveries It is how you let me dive deeper into my worst pit To give the most tender caress to my own self

But I think you still are my favourite riddle after all The most comforting, ever-humble and gentle one

Happy birthday, Z

30/06/22 23:53

[twxtd]

Undang-undang Dasar

Kita akan selalu makan ketoprak Japar dengan telur dadar Sampai kamu bosan (mustahil) Dan aku letih merasa kasihan (karena kamu deserve sarapan yang beragam) Kita akan berulang kali menyanyikan lagu yang sama Lalu aku akan selalu memastikan kamu mematikan lampu sein Kemudian kamu akan selalu memastikan aku tepat waktu sampai di rumah 

Kita akan selalu memilih berdebat tentang siapa yang seharusnya lebih kerepotan Sibuk salah tingkah, sebab kita sama-sama pandai memuji (atau bersyukur) Kita akan selalu mengagumi makna tersirat dari tiap perbuatan Dan aku akan selalu mengagumi tiap lapisan yang memanusiakan adanya kamu

Dari sekian jawaban doa, kita adalah yang paling membahagiakan bagiku

[twxtd]

Abstrak

Memori retrospektif tentang lukamu, biar kuredupkan Kuganti dengan prospektif dari mimpi kita berdua Karena yang selalu jadi kriteria inklusi hati, ya nama kamu Purposive sampling rinduku, hanya khusus untuk kamu

Karena latar belakangnya kita saling sayang, Semoga rumusan masalah yang ada, selalu dibicarakan Karena kalau tentang kita, hasilnya selalu signifikan Hatiku dan kamu, kesimpulannya saling berhubungan

Aku harap selamanya,  Harapan H0 kita diterima

[twxtd]

Pada malam-malam Yang menyesapkan tulang rusukku Menelan permen karet di tenggorokanku Hati yang tenggelam, bertengadah mencari udara Adalah malam-malam yang kamu puja Dan kamu pun tidak perlu tahu tentang itu