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cherry valley forever

titsay

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#extradirty
Today's Document
DEAR READER
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Misplaced Lens Cap
Xuebing Du

JBB: An Artblog!
Game of Thrones Daily
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izzy's playlists!
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

pixel skylines
dirt enthusiast
Three Goblin Art
Sweet Seals For You, Always

seen from Australia
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seen from T1
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@txuki
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Jake Gyllenhaal as Elwood Dalton ↳ Road House (2024)
feeling a little discouraged but that’s okay! it’ll pass. i’m going to go play my video games for a bit!
LEVITICUS (2026) dir. Adrian Chiarella
JACOB ELORDI as HIG THE DOG STARS OFFICIAL TRAILER (2026)
suguru geto and zuko before a fight
We are actually, um... big fans. You've read the books?
due to personal reasons im going to sleep
Fish aren’t dumb for biting worms on a fishhook. If there was a jolly rancher in a gun barrel I would at least try to grab it out
you are allowed to be wrong you are allowed to mess up you are allowed to be embarrassing.
you are also allowed to do this.
color practice with da pitt women
one last point then i’m done wow sorry…
what makes it worse is that i didn’t just ask for time and leave it at that. i tried. i met you where you were. i invest time and effort into the things you like because i wanted so badly to have something we could share. anything i could, just for a chance at connection. i put in effort because i wanted even the smallest piece of something that felt mutual.
even when i bend toward someone, even when i make it easy, even when i step into their world just to feel close to them, it still somehow isn’t enough. there’s always an excuse. always a delay. always some reason it can’t happen.
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at some point i have to stop excusing it, calling it miscommunication and call it what it is: one person trying, and one person getting comfortable being chased.
because i did try. more than once. more than enough. i asked. i waited. i gave chances. i adjusted. i made the effort. i made room. i made excuses for them too, honestly. and somehow i’m still the one left sitting here with nothing but silence and half-assed reasons why they can’t give me even the smallest sliver of time.
there is something especially humiliating about pouring energy into someone who clearly enjoys being wanted more than they care about actually showing up. because that’s what it starts to feel like. not love. not friendship. not mutual care. just attention. just convenience. just knowing i’ll be there, no matter how little i get back.
i’m not going to keep breaking myself down into smaller and smaller pieces just to fit into someone else’s convenience. i’m not going to keep treating crumbs like they mean something just because i’m starving for connection.
all i’m asking for is a little bit of connection. a little bit of time. a small effort. a conversation. something. and somehow even that feels like too much to ask from the people who swear i matter sooo much to them.
it’s not that i’m demanding everything from someone. i’m asking for the bare minimum and still ending up disappointed. still ending up waiting. still ending up watching them give energy to other people while i get excuses, silence, delays, or half-assed responses hours later.
and what really gets to me is when someone acts like everyone else is so annoying, like no one understands them — but then when i need support, when i need an outlet, when i need a little bit of that same care back, suddenly there’s nothing there for me.
it starts to feel like i’m only wanted when i’m useful. when i’m listening. when i’m available. when i’m giving. but the second i need something in return, even something small, i’m left sitting there feeling stupid for asking. because it always goes the same way. but it’s okay. i’m done with that.
it honestly makes me feel so cornered. because it’s not like i have a dozen people i can turn to for the same kind of connection. not many people know me like that. not many people i can stand and interact/be collaborative with in that way. so every time this happens, it just sucks.
and what makes it even more bitter is knowing the double standard. because if i put this same energy into someone else, it would suddenly be a problem. suddenly that would matter.
so it’s not just the distance. it’s the hypocrisy. it’s being expected to stay in place while someone else does whatever they want and acts like i’m supposed to be fine with it.
it’s such a specific kind of hurt when someone still talks to you, still comes to you for certain things, but the moment it’s something that matters to you/the focus shifts away from them suddenly there’s silence.
and it’s not even about needing me needing or wanting constant attention. it’s about basic communication. just say no. just say you’re not in the mood. just say something. don’t leave me sitting here feeling stupid for trying while i can clearly see you have time and energy for other people when you claim not to. i hate that shit.
i think that’s the part that bothers me the most? not rejection, but feeling selectively ignored. feeling like i’m good enough for the convenient parts, but not important enough for the parts i actually ask for.
i give people so much and i don’t think it’s too much to ask for some support back.
it's kind of like we live in medieval times cause everything is mid and evil
when fiona apple asked “how can i ask anyone to love me when all i do is beg to be left alone”. well i have not found an answer but if anyone else has lmk