Nobody needs you the way you know I do.
Killua couldn't think of anything he had done wrong, yet as he stared at himself in the mirror, it was evident that he had. Porcelain skin once untouched was now littered in swollen bruises, the usual pink hue replaced with a ghostly one. He looked wrong, Killua thought. Lifeless, was the word he commonly used to describe his appearance these days. Lifeless, cold, dead - the list went on.
Azure eyes momentarily peered blankly at the damage that had been done before searching for his makeup bag. This was common practise for the snowy haired boy, covering up the imperfections of his skin: whether it be spots, marks or injuries. As Killua reached for the foundation, he froze. What reason does he have for covering them up? He rarely leaves the house anymore, often lacking the motivation to even visit his own sister - so surely it doesn't matter? Minutes pass as he battles with his mind before it hits him: He didn't like seeing the damage that he had caused. He had bought him the selection of highly expensive makeup for a reason. That was that, he supposed, and so he would do what he usually did.
As Killua was about to finish with the coverage, a loud bang was heard on the bathroom door. Flinching, he turned to the direction of the noise.
Ah, so it was him. Killua presumed he would have left to cool off as per usual, but today must have been different. He contemplated opening the door, but he felt frozen in place. Looking down at his hands, he noticed how they shook as they held the makeup brush.
“Kil... I'm sorry," he spoke hoarsely. Had he been crying? He usually did after these... 'incidents' ...so Killua was not suprised.
“Gon..." he whispered softly. Killua glanced at the door handle, deciding that he'd unlock it. Gon sounded calmer now, so everything would be okay - surely.
Trembling fingers unlocked the door, slowly backing away. The door creeked open, and there stood Gon; his light.
It was true. Gon had always been Killua's light - and still was. From the day they had first met at the Hunter Exam, childish and naive, all the way to the war between the Chimera ants and mankind. Much had changed throughout the 11 years that they had been together, and yet they never parted. It was always Gon and Killua, and that's how they liked it. From strangers to friends, friends to lovers, they would always be together.
What hurt Killua the most though, was how much certain things has began to change. Or more specifically, how much Gon had began to change. Yes, Killua had always known Gon had a more of a 'darkside' to him - he had known before even Gon himself knew - but he didn't believe that it would impact him as much as it did. Sweet cuddles in their bed during the cold of winter soon turned to painful whimpers being coaxed from the albino boy as he was hit time and time again. There never seemed to be real reason for the punches or the slaps, it was just that Gon seemed to simply snap. His eyes would be blank, often reminding Killua of the look he had when facing Pitou.
Now, Killua was nowhere near weak; he was a Zoldyck for gods sake. Yet, he refused to defend himself. He was more than capable of stopping Gon's attacks, or even retaliating. But he couldn't bring himself to do it.
He would just have to endure it.
Time and time again, Killua would ponder over the dynamic of their relationship. The ravenette would snap, but he would be sincerly sorry afterwards. He'd treat Killua to his favourite chocolate - obviously chocorobos - and would cradle his head against his chest, whispering sweet nothings until the porcelain boy drifted to sleep. This is love, Killua often reasured himself, it has to be. All his life, he had been hit, punched, thrown around and tortured, yet those who did such things claimed to love him. To care for him. So was this love?
He had come to the conclusion that it was.
Killua was jolted out of his thoughts as he felt large, calloused hands gently caress his sides. "Killua, I mean it. I'm sorry," muttered Gon, "I don't know what happened. I just... snapped?"
Cerulean eyes looked up and met with amber ones, searching to see if he truly meant what he was saying.
"Gon, it's fine. I understand, really.." he spoke softly with a wavering smile, trying to keep strong for his love.
He could take it, really.
"If you're sure... But I still feel guilty. You don't deserve this..."
Killua looked at the expression on Gon's face - he looked distressed and vulnerable.
He didn't want Gon to feel bad. To be racked with guilt. It was fine. He had said so, hadn't he?
As an attempt to console him, Killua gently wrapped his arms around the taller's neck, head resting on his broad shoulder. "I told you it's fi-"
He was cut short as a kiss was pressed amongst his ivory curls.
He winced slightly as more and more kisses were given.
"Nobody needs you the way you know I do, my Killua."
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