I've added the venmo account my dad is sharing with me for the time being, to my art blog's pinned post so that anyone can support me if they like.
This is going to be both an advertisement and an open journaling post. I need it out, somewhere, for myself.
Over the past few weeks and months,
my cat Smokey's health began rapidly changing. She seems to have leveled out, but arthritis, low appetite, a fever, loss of weight and fatigue all began overnight or within a week. It destroyed me, I thought I had another decade with her in youthful health. I've had her for 5 years now, and hoped she was younger than a full adult based on how happy and playful she always was before this scare. My dad's cat is a bit better, she's got a skin problem we can't place or help with right now. We need to re-home them ASAP, which is proving difficult since this town is so small.
A mistake with paying for our airbnb place robbed us of our remaining savings last month, I don't know if we could even get it back at this point if it was even possible in the first place. My dad didn't know that up here he could've filed taxes for a rent reimbursement before tax season closed.
I still don't have an ID after 23 years, the only thing I wanted out of this year. My dad and I haven't decided if he should get his ID for up here yet or not, since he has a driver's license but visual impairments bad enough he may not be able to get another driver's license for a long while.
Getting our IDs will be difficult regardless, there's no in person place we can reach on foot to do it with (that we know of at this time.) The website page for the mail-in application has been down for weeks now, LIKE THREE DAYS AFTER WE STARTED LOOKING INTO GETTING OUR IDS AFTER A YEAR which still pisses me off- this has happened with so many important things SECONDS after we FINALLY THOUGHT WE COULD FUCKING RELY ON THEM.
For example one of the more professional survey sites that reward you with money, immediately stopped being a part-time job's worth of money as soon as my dad thought he could rely on it.
That's what happened. We don't have an explanation. The site asked if he'd be using it a lot, he said yes I'll work for 20 hours a week, and never got a survey again. life is a fucking nightmare recently.
Additionally, we have 2 u-haul bills to pay for every month ($79 + $89) (with late fees for this/last month.) We have two shitty prepaid phones that cost $40x2 a month- but my dad is swapping to a $10 a month text service. so $50 a month. My supplements I take for PMDD cost $20 or so a month, they keep me from wanting/attempting to kill myself. Our rent is paid by his survivor's benefits iirc, and he's applying for aid with groceries this week. Paying for the cats' food is currently fine, we got a shit-ton of canned food with a giftcard and a good deal.
I have $52 dollars in a website i can't currently cash out because i have no photo id to offer and no way to receive text verification.
We are disabled mentally ill survivors of emotional, mental, and financial abuse. My father died in 2023. It still hurts. I play at not caring I play at the bit of "good riddance" and I- I do feel that way, I know it's true, but, I lost my hope for a beautiful future when he died. I say "good riddance I always hated you anyway" through tears. I never stopped loving him. He managed to infect so much of our lives.
I try to tell myself that a lot of people have survived early twenties like this that were worse but, I don't really believe it.
All my dad and I need right now is something reliable for 10 dollars a day- not an hour- a day. surveys don't pay us for shit. i think im high supports autistic at this point, or at the very least not in any kind of shape to suddenly throw my isolated mentally ill ass into the deep end of some kind of service job- not that i could get it when i have no id. i've never even had a driver's permit.
So, that's where we're at. We're numb. if you like my art and you want to keep seeing it, consider donating to my dad's venmo. even a dollar would help. we've been living on 99c and under items.
I would personally also really enjoy if you looked through my catalogue of art to see if what i post is up your alley, and if it is consider following me here or on bluesky? my art is the only thing I can count on to make me feel better right now.
