Emi/27/she/they MINORS DNI Just a grown adult woman who spends way too much time thinking about the rogues of Gotham. Inbox and submissions are open! Main blog where I meme: university-of-whales.tumblr.com If you like what I do here, consider sending a ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/pompouspuffeduppenguin
when you... when.. when me... and you.... when tit-....when uh when you and me you
I tried to read the comic at random because uh I couldn't find where to read it well, I didn't understand it, the story is very complex (a lie) but I couldn't stop seeing Ed's wonderful personality yes, the personality yes ajam
Edward Nygma appears in the game and his William Westmancott ultimate bespoke suit in basil green with matching hood and contrasting mauve silk shirt are so well complimented by the $400 Chanel leather gloves and custom Tiffany & Co. question mark brooch that the sheer power of his #look™️ will burn the eyes out of anyone foolish enough to gaze fully at it. Riddle him that, he is the true Fashion King of Gotham and Bruce Wayne is left weeping with despair…
One of the first comments he makes is about how Gothams current villains are all brutes in cheap costumes and, honestly, the King of Gotham Fashion is coming for those tacky hoes with his custom Charles Rennie Mackintosh inspired scythe-cane.
Telltale!Riddler x Female!Reader, word count: 2.3k
commission: edward being teased by a younger reader for being an old man, but it's fine because this old man fucks severely 💚
commission me here!
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minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: degradation, rough sex, forceful
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing there?”
Edward was sitting at his desk with the new computer you had installed. His back tensed up at your words, and you could tell without seeing that his face was contorted into one of absolute irritation and rage. And you were glad of it. Nothing pleased you more than riling him up. It was often the only fun you got to have. Unsurprising to anyone who you told, being the Riddler’s assistant didn’t actually lead to a lot of excitement or jolly good times. It was tough, rigorous, never-ending work. But you could suffer through it, if it meant spending time with Edward. As much as you teased him, you knew it was all down to your little crush. Like a child on the playground. Your playful bullying was an outlet for your true feelings, which you could never reveal to him. You needed to keep the upper-hand in this relationship. You knew it would be entirely too dangerous to let him know he had any kind of advantage on you, or at least more than the ones he already assumed he had.
“You know…”
Edward spoke through gritted teeth and raised his head, not turning to face you yet.
“… age is but a number, my dear. I think I can handle a computer, I’m intellectually more advanced than anyone, especially you.”
“Mhm… you know you’ve been clicking the wrong thing for five minutes now?”
“I… I’m not…”
With an irritated grumble, he shoved the mouse to the side and pushed the keyboard away. Turning in the chair, he got up and pushed past you out of the room.
“I can’t get anything done with you standing around here bothering me!”
Though it was clear he was leaving in an attempt to get away from you, you followed him anyway.
“Age is just a number, yes… but there’s plenty of things that being older hardly lends itself to, and you would know better than most. I mean you’re what? 65? 70?”
“I’m 60! As well you know! And besides, normal rules don’t apply to me.”
“Sure they do, Edward. You’re not a super-human. You’re just a little old man in his cute little green hoodie. Hell, you even use a cane!”
“Keep this up and I’ll be using it on you.”
You giggled as you skipped after him. It was so easy. He was almost too easy in fact. And maybe you should have felt bad about it, about getting him so exasperated and irritated. But you needed the release. It was frustrating to be cooped up with him berating you and being miserable all the time. You were owed the pleasure of bothering him.
“Mhm… grumpy old man. Keep it up, Edward. You’re hardly deflecting the stereotypes.”
“What other stereotypes do I fit into then?”
He stopped at the work bench that held his latest gadget in progress, standing to work on it as you continued your tirade of childish mockery.
“Hm… well, you’ve got that greying hair.”
“Exactly. Greying. Not quite fully grey yet, I’ll have you know.”
“Yeah. Wrinkles?”
“So few!”
“You’ve started forgetting things, getting slow in your old age.”
“I think that’s more because you’re constantly distracting me and throwing me off.”
“Oh sure, blame me!”
He was silent as you considered saying the one thing that had been playing on your mind since the beginning of the argument.
“I bet you’re getting a bit slow other places too… not quite the stamina you used to have…”
“I’m as agile as I ever was.”
“In what areas… because I’m thinking of one particular. Requires a bit more than agility… requires an ability to sustain something else…”
Edward turned to you with a questioning gaze.
“Do you mean…?”
“I mean sex, grampa.”
You winked with a mischievous smile as you said it, noticing his cheeks reddening slightly at the mention. But he turned away from you again, hiding any embarrassment he might have felt.
“Yes, well. You wouldn’t know anything about that anyway.”
“I guess I could find out, if I pester you long enough.”
“Don’t be so ridiculous. Besides, you’re aware of my comings and goings. It’s been quite some time since I’ve been with anyone, the results of any experimentation would be skewed by lack of sufficient data.”
“Is that because you literally can’t anymore?”
“I’m pretty sure I could get by, just the same as any other virile man.”
“Oh yeah, sure! And would you still need your cane while you were going at it? Or would you risk breaking a hip?”
“Very funny.”
“And when, just out of curiosity, was the last time you even had an erection?”
“I’m not going to dignify that with an answer.”
“Because you can’t remember? Is that because it was so long ago or because your memory is terrible now that you’re ancient?”
“I’m not going to tell you again to drop this.”
“Aw, did I hit a nerve? Is it difficult to talk about? I bet it is. I bet you can’t even get it up anymore.”
You turned from him, laughing, walking towards the other work bench, cleared apart from some papers and files.
“Such a shame, I wonder if you would have been any good, when you were young enough to actually make a dent in someone.”
As you craned your head to see if he was still listening, to gauge the effect your taunting was having on him, you were met with the sudden shock of his hand, palm against your neck, grip tight, as he lowered you down onto the workbench, swiping the papers to the floor before he forced you down onto it.
“Care to find out?”
“Really? You gonna give it to me good, old man?”
“Oh no. You don’t deserve anything good. You’re a very, very bad girl. And you’ll be treated as such for the duration. Now. Don’t mess around anymore. Take off your panties and pull your skirt up.”
“Yeah? You gonna make me?”
He tightened the grip, pinning you to the desk as you gasped and smiled, unable to hold back the excitement at feeling his body against yours.
“Respect your elders, my dear. Do as you are told.”
You still felt excited, tantalised by the demanding nature he had taken on. But there was an element of fear behind it. Something about the way he stared into you, eyes penetrating your soul, teeth gritted and brows furrowed into a scowl. There was nothing but cruelty in his face. So you did as you were told, sliding your panties down your thighs. He snatched them from you, holding them up and examining them.
“Quite flirtatious, aren’t they. Were you expecting something? Or are you just a run of the mill whore?”
You didn’t have an answer from him, so you remained silent.
“And damp! Already!”
Bringing them to his face he inhaled, taking in the scent of your arousal, before he tossed them aside.
“Well… next step, come on. Do not make me wait.”
Lifting your skirt up slowly, you revealed yourself to him as his mouth curled into a sly smile.
“Wonderful, you can actually do as you’re instructed. I truly thought you might be too pitifully stupid for that. Let’s see if you can keep up the good work. Turn around, and bend over.”
“Ok, Edward. You can stop joking now. You’ve had your fun, you got a good look at me. You can drop the dirty old man act.”
He stepped forward quickly, far quicker than you had seen him move before. With his hands gripping your arms he turned you around, slamming you down onto the surface and pinning you there under his weight, his strength surprising.
“Oh, I’ve not even begun to have my fill of you yet.”
“Edward, wait! P-please!”
“Too late for mercy and apologies now, dear. Perhaps, if you had extended that same gratitude to me, you wouldn’t be in this particular position right now. But, your punishment must suit the crime. So I am going to fuck you until you can see how effortlessly I can make you scream. I haven’t lost that touch yet.”
“I was joking, Edward!”
“I’m not.”
As you closed your eyes tight, trying to struggle out from under his body, you could hear him shuffling, not realising that he had undone his belt and pants until you felt the heat of his flushed cock pressing against your pussy.
“W-wait, I’m not- I’m a-”
Your words were cut short by your scream as he thrust himself into you with little care. Rough, painful, completely filling you with his impressive length and thickness. And the sound of your pain only seemed to further excite him as he began a brutal pace, slapping into you, pounding your body into the surface you were trapped against.
His soft grunting echoed around you as he exerted his entire energy in an effort to have you whimpering under him. The size, the pressure, the way his fingers dug into your skin, nails leaving tiny half-crescents as they indented and left marks. The stinging sensation made your eyes water as you gasped, trying to catch your breath, fighting for some respite between the punishing blows to your rear as he slammed himself hard into you.
“Edward… you’re being… too rough…”
He snarled, laughing deep and low as he continued his vicious movements.
“That’s the… ah… whole point, dear… you… hng… didn’t expect anything like this… ah… from an old man, did you?”
“I’m sorry… please… I take it back… just… just be gentle!”
“I’m sorry too… hah… you’d hardly learn… mph… your lesson if I… ah… stopped now…”
You clung to the edge of the surface, knuckles white as you tried to focus on something other than the embarrassment, the way you were being so humiliated under Edward’s irritatingly delicious fucking. He really did have control over you. Strength, power, and an impressive dick. And the talent to make you a quivering mess below him, unable to stop yourself from getting wetter and hotter as the looming threat of orgasm came closer and closer to you.
“You’re a silly little slut… do you know that?”
In a stupefied daze you nodded, acknowledging his degradation, almost willing for more to be dished out to you. You wanted to be punished, you wanted to be his slut, his whore. You would be anything he wanted right now.
“The youth of today… ah… they don’t know how… to respect… their elders…”
The skin of your ass cheek suddenly flashed hot as you heard the crack of his palm striking it.
“Back in my day… you would have learned to be respectful… to shut up… especially women… like you… keep your mouth closed… unless it’s to accept my cock…”
He punctuated the words with more spanking, and you could feel the area almost numbed from the stinging, silently hoping that he might have left a mark that could admire later. At the thought of it, you could feel your legs growing weak under you, trembling as you prepared for the inevitable, an orgasm, cumming over Edward’s dick as it slid in and out of you. Giving him what he had taken from you in his act of aggression.
“Already… heh… that close to finishing?”
You bit your lip in response as you tried to hold back the moans of pleasure.
“And you… wanted to mock me about… stamina?”
He laughed as he smacked at your ass and thighs, his own pace quickening.
“You’d think you… hadn’t done… this before…”
With your cheek pressed onto the table, eyes watering, tears streaming down your cheeks, you managed to catch his eye. As he realised that you hadn’t done this before, his mouth contorted into a smug grin.
“Are you kidding me? You talk a very big game, dear. You had the nerve. The audacity. To mock me.”
Every sentence ended with him slamming his body into you, burying his cock deeper and deeper, straining you, stretching you to your limit.
“And you’re nothing but an inexperienced little virgin.”
You could feel your cheeks redden, deeply regretting your cruel taunting, desperate to take it back. But then, had you never said anything, you wouldn’t be receiving the greatest punishment, and pain, you ever had to endure.
“Say it. Say you’re a virgin.”
“I’m a virgin.”
“And tell me you want me to fuck you hard, to ruin you, before anyone else has even had a chance.”
“I… Eddie, please…”
“Tell me that you’re mine now.”
“I’m yours.”
“And that you want me to fuck you.”
“I want you to fuck me.”
He laughed, grin spread ear to ear as he felt you clench around him, willing him to keep going, to fill your tight cunt. With his fingers digging deeper into your skin, he held you onto him, keeping you still as he enjoyed the feeling. He’d never been anyone’s first before. It was an experience he wanted to savour. His lips were wet with his owl drool as he salivated, making a mental note of how good you felt around him, committing the sensations to memory for the next time he had to take care of himself. The way your body accommodated him, the way it made room for his ample length. Like you were trying your hardest to be a very good girl, to take everything he was giving you.
“I want it, Eddie, please.”
The desire to please you was usurped by his strong need to see his punishment through.
“Oh… well in that case.”
He pulled himself out of you.
“We’ll prolong the experience. Get down on your knees. I’ll decide when little miss gets to have her orgasm.”
Joker: Why, because I'm his arch nemesis, that's why! His worst enemy! His most dearly detested!
Wonder Woman: You flatter yourself.
Superman: Some mom at a parent-teacher conference once told him that his daughter wouldn't be selectively mute if she wasn't vaccinated. He spends at least an hour each week ranting about that woman.
Wonder Woman: You can only dream of reaching that level of contempt.
Flash: Yeah, last week he spent twenty four minutes just talking about where exactly he was going shove her organic, vegan, sugar-free muffins if she tells him how to "fix" his children one more time.
Green Lantern: Not to mention what he was going to do if her unvaccinated children come anywhere near his immunocompromised son.
Superman: I don't think you come anywhere close to being his worst enemy.
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