High-Status Characters: An Oral History of the UCB

Outtakes, extended cuts, and various ephemera from High-Status Characters, a new oral history of the Upright Citizens Brigade. BUY IT HERE: Amazon Barnes & Noble iTunes Kobo Google Play (coming soon)

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UCB Oral History Now Available for Kindle

For those who've been asking: High-Status Characters is finally on sale at the Kindle store. In coming days, it'll also be available via iBooks, Google Play, and Kobobooks.com. It's $1.99, or 199 ass pennies.

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The UCB Book is Free!

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to let you know that my Upright Citizens Brigade oral history, High-Status Characters, will be available FREE from today through Sunday at Barnesandnoble.com. All you need is a B&N account and the Nook app--also free--and you'll be reading it in no time.

High-Status Characters features interviews with nearly 80 UCB alumni and friends, including Amy Poehler, Matt Walsh, Matt Besser, Ian Roberts, Conan O'Brien, Aziz Ansari, Aubrey Plaza, Seth Meyers, and Ed Helms. I think you'll like it, but I'm admittedly kinda biased.

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Matt Besser, Amy Poehler, Ian Roberts, and Matt Walsh at this weekend's Del Close Marathon. Photo by Anna Silman.

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Never Before, Never Again: Behind-the-Scenes of Asssscat

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Anyone know where that early-'00s ASSSSCAT footage came from?

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IAN ROBERTS: We all met with the artistic director at Second City, and told him we were leaving for New York. He was like, “Yep, everybody thinks they’re gonna get a sketch show, and it never works out. You’re making a big mistake. You’ve got a future here.” And we said, “Well, we’re gonna roll the dice. See ya.”

AMY POEHLER: The four of us come from relatively blue-collar roots, and all of our parents were very supportive of our careers. We didn’t have parents that were like, “What are you doing? You’re wasting your life!” Most of our parents came to our shows and supported us. My dad used to have a UCB license plate.

- From High-Status Characters

(Above: The UCB Four--Matt Walsh, Matt Besser, Ian Roberts, and Amy Poehler--at the Toyota Comedy Festival in 1997, shortly after relocating to New York. Photo from Matt Besser's official website.)

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From the UCB's original website.

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Plug Life

A few recent (and very cool) mentions of High-Status Characters in the press:

- The A/V Club adds it to their "What are you reading this month?" list.

- A lengthy Q&A in The Huffington Post...

- ...and another one in Thin Reads.

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A cool find from the UCB's website: Video of a June 1999 "ASSSSCAT!" show starring the UCB Four--Amy Poehler, Matt Walsh, Matt Besser, and Ian Roberts--alongside such performers as Neil Flynn and Miriam Tolan. The monologue, delivered via video, is by Del Close, who'd died just a few months earlier. The clip's embedding doesn't seem to be working, but you can find the whole performance here.

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AMY POEHLER: When the UCB first started out in New York, we set short-term goals: “In three months, let’s check in and see where we’re at.” It wasn’t about being famous, it was, “Can we do good work, and still get paid for it?” And so we made a couple thousand dollars a week to write, produce, and star in the Comedy Central show, and we were psyched. Not at any moment did I think, “Oh my God, I’m being underpaid.” It was never about the money.

ANDY RICHTER: Amy became the real prize. In the comedy world, a woman that strong and funny is worth ten funny guys. At a certain point, there became a strong pull to get her away from the rest of the group.

AMY POEHLER: Some of us had opportunities to make money, and that would have meant splitting up the group. Every once in a while a sitcom would come up, and because I didn’t do pilot season, I didn’t torture myself by putting myself in the position to get things and then have to turn them down. There was money involved, and at the time, it was big money for me. But I always used to say this to people who were looking to start out: Sometimes people do too many things, get in too many groups, get in too many different shows. Just find the one thing and lean into it.

- From High-Status Characters

(Above: Amy Poehler as excitable cookie-dealer Cassie McMadison on Comedy Central's Upright Citizens Brigade show. Photos from the UCB's original website.)

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A 1999 Time Out New York piece on the then-new UCB theater. Note Ian Roberts' prescient kicker quote.

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In Need of a Suggestion

In 2000, Comedy Central's website aired a streaming performance of UCB's "ASSSCAT," featuring an improvised set by Amy Poehler, Matt Besser, Matt Walsh, and Ian Roberts. I've located the broadcast's original host site on Wayback.org, but the clip itself doesn't work. If anyone happens to know of an alternate method of locating or grabbing the footage--or, better yet, knows of another location where it might be found--I'd greatly appreciate the help: brianraftery at gmail dot com.

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The Original UCB Manifesto

From the UCB theater's original website:

I, _______________, do hereby swear to embrace chaos, to disrupt the sedentary status quo at all costs, to fight the manipulative regulation of government and social norm. I will engage the narrow-minded and expose them for their ignorance. My allegiance to the Upright Citizens Brigade will be first and foremost herewithin. I was so frightened I almost ran away I didn't know that I could do Anything I needed to And then a bolt of lightning Hit me on my head Then I began to see I just needed to believe in me Now I, I believe in me And I, I believe in something more Than you can understand Yes, I believe in me They said I didn't stand a chance i wouldn't win no way But I've got news for you There's nothing I can't do Ain't no pretending Ain't no make believe But I've got to be the one I gotta do what must be done Don't think I believe in me Yes, I believe in me - yeah I don't need no money I don't need no fame....No I just need to believe in me And I know most definitely Don't need to get wasted It only holds me down I just need a will of my own And the balls to stand alone Don't think Well do you really Yes, I believe in me Do you do you Yes, I believe in me I wanna rock 'n roll Yes, I believe in me! In these times of contention it's not my intention to make things plain I'm looking through mirrors to catch the reflection that can't be mine I'm losing control now I'll just have to slow down a thought or two I can't feel the future and I'm not even certain that there is a past I believe in the worker's revolution And I believe in the final solution I believe in I believe in I believe in the shape of things to come And I believe in I'm not the only one Yes I believe in I believe in When I poison my system I take thoughts and twist them into shapes I'm reaching my nadir and I haven't an idea of what to do I'm painting by numbers but can't find the colours that fill you in I'm not even knowing if I'm coming or going if to end or begin I believe in the immaculate conception And I believe in the resurrection And I believe in I believe in UCB. I believe in the elixir of youth And I believe in the absolute truth Yes I believe in I believe in There is no love in this world anymore There is no love in this world anymore I've fallen from favour while trying to savour experience I'm seeing things clearly but it has quite nearly blown my mind It's the aim of existence to offer resistance to the flow of time Everything is and that is why it is will be the line I believe in perpetual motion And I believe in perfect devotion I believe in I believe in I believe in the things I've never had I believe in my Mum and my Dad And I believe in I believe in There is no love in this world anymore There is no love in this world anymore I'm skippin' the pages of a book that takes ages for the foreword to end Triangular cover concealing another aspect from view My relative motion is just an illusion from stopping too fast The essence of being these feelings I'm feeling I just want them to last I believe in original sin And I believe what I believe in Yes I believe in I believe in I believe in the web of fate And I believe in I'm going to be late So I'll be leavin' What I believe in There is no love in this world anymore There is no love in this world anymore There is no love in this world anymore There is no love in this world anymore There is no love in this world anymore There is no love in this world anymore There is no love in this world anymore There is no love in this world anymore I got a new life you would hardly recognize me I'm so glad how can a person like me care for you why do I bother when you're not the one for me is enough enough I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign life is demanding without understanding I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign no one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong but where do you belong Under the pale moon for so many years I've wondered who you are how can a person like you bring me joy under the pale moon where I see a lot of stars is enough enough I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign life is demanding without understanding I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign no one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong but where do you belong I saw the sign and it opened up my mind and I am happy now living without you I've left you I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign no one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes I saw the sign I used to think that I could not go on And life was nothing but an awful song But now I know the meaning of true love I'm leaning on the everlasting arms Don't think If I can see it, then I can do it If I just believe it, there's nothing to it I believe I can fly I believe I can touch the sky I think about it every night and day Spread my wings and fly away I believe I can soar I see me running through that open door I believe I can fly I believe I can fly I believe I can fly See I was on the verge of breaking down Sometimes silence, it can seem so loud There are miracles in life I must achieve But first I know it starts inside of me Now I have a story that I'd like to tell About this guy - You all know me - had me scared as hell He comes to me at night after I crawl into bed He's burnt up like a weeny and his name is Fred He wears the same hat and sweater every single day And even if it's hot outside - he wears it anyway He's home when I'm awake but he shows up when I'm asleep I can't believe that there's a nightmare on my street It was a Saturday evening if I remember it right And we had just gotten back off tour last night So the gang and I thought that it would be groove If we summoned up the posse and bum-rushed the movie I got Angie Jeff got tine Ready Rock got some girl I'd never seen In my life That was all right though 'cause the lady was chill Then we dipped to the theater set to ill Buggin', cool, having' a ball And somethin' 'bout Elm Street was the movie we saw The way it started was decent, ya know Nothin' real fancy About this homeboy named Fred and this girl named Nancy But - word - when it was over I said yo', that was def And everything seemed all right when we left But when I got home and laid down to sleep That began the nightmare on my street! It was burning in my room like a oven My bed soaked with sweat And man I was bugging I checked the clock and it stopped at twelve-thirty It had melted it was so darn hot And I was thirsty. I wanted something cool to quench my thirst I thought to myself, yo, this heat is the worst! But when I got downstairs I noticed something was wrong I was home all alone but the TV was on I thought nothing of it as I grabbed the remote I pushed the power buttonand then I almost choked When I heard this awful voice Coming from behind It said, "You got my favorite letter but now you must die!" Ma, I didn't even wait to see who it was Broke inside my drawers and screamed, "So long, cous'!" Got halfway up the block I calmed down and stopped screaming Then thought, "Oh, I git it, I must be dreaming" I strolled back home with a grin on my grill I think that since this is a dream I might as well get ill I walked in the house, the Big Bad Fresh Prince But Freddy killed all that noise real quick! he grabbed me by my neck and said "Here's what we'll do We gotta lotta work here, me and you The souls of your friends you and I will claim You've got the body and I've got the brain" I said, "Yo Fred I think you got me all wrong I ain't' partners with nobody with nails that long Look, I'll be honest,man, this team won't work The girls won't be on you, Fred, your face is all burnt!" Fred got mad and his head started steaming But I thought, "What the hell, I'm only dreaming" I said, "Please leave, Fred, so I can get some sleep But give me a call and maybe we'll hang out next week" I patted him on the shoulder and said, "Thanks for stoppin' by" Then I opened up the door And said, "Take care, guy!" He got mad, threw back his arm, and slashed my shirt I laughed at first, then thought, "Hold up, that hurt" It wasn't a dream, man, this guy was for real I said, "Freddy, uh, pal, there's been an awful mistake here" No further words and then I darted upstairs Crashed through my door then jumped on my bed Pulled the covers up over my head And said, "Oh please do something with Fred" He jumped on my bed, went through the covers with his claws Tried to get me, but my alarm went off And then silence It was a whole new day I thought, "Huh, I wasn't scared of him anyway" Until I noticed those rips in my sheets And that was proof that there had been A nightmare on my street O man, I gotta call Jeff, I gotta call Jeff Come on, come on Come on Jeff, answer! Come on, man Hello Jeff, this is Prince, man Jeff, wake up, Jeff, wake up What do you want? Jeff, wake up, man, listen to me, Jeff It's three o'clock in the morning Jeff, Jeff, would you listen to me? What? Listen, whatever you do, don't fall asleep Maaan Jeff,listen to me, don't go to sleep, Jeff No, NO, I talk to you tomorrow, I'm gong to bed Jeff! Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhh! (Ha ha ha ha ha haaaa) Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Answer me, Jeff! I'm your UCB, now. Don't think.

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CHRIS GETHARD (host, “The Chris Gethard Show”): The day Diddy agreed to do the show was actually one of the most disastrous days of my entire life. I’d broken up with a girl a few months prior, and I’d decided to fly to Chicago to go win her back. But she called and said, “I just have this weird feeling you’re going to fly out here. Don’t come. I don’t want to see you.” So I didn’t get on this plane, and I went back to bed, depressed, and put the covers up over my head. All of a sudden, my phone started going fucking insane with messages: “Yo, bro. Diddy answered. Diddy’s on it.” I went on Twitter, and Diddy was like, “What is this ‘Chris Gethard Show’ everyone is talking about?” I sent him my number, and within minutes, my phone rang. At first, he’d thought the Twitter messages were a weird sexual thing, because my last name is spelled “Get-hard.” But I kept name-dropping Amy Poehler, because I knew she was probably the only person he really would have any context of. He was really laid back. When he ended the conversation, he just paused, then said, “Ask, and ye shall receive.”

- From High-Status Characters

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There was one show where there were three people in the audience, and nobody laughed. And my boyfriend was one of them.

- Ellie Kemper in High-Status Characters

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A flyer for "The Real Real World," most likely from 1999.

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AMY POEHLER:   When I auditioned for SNL, instead of doing characters, they wanted me to do an Update piece, because they had no idea what I actually looked or sounded like, after my many years of wigs and prosthesis on the Comedy Central show. On the UCB show, because I was young and naïve, I was like, “Another day where I wear this makeup all day long? Okay, I’ll do it for a week.” And now it’s like, “Fuck that.”

  - From High-Status Characters

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Listings from the Upright Citizens Brigade's June 2000 calendar. Notable shows include "Dratch & Fey" and "Cage Match," as well as performances from such teams as Mother and Neutrino.