i was eaten once

[[This blog is not spoiler free! If you even know who Berik is you'll know he's a spoiler! Furthermore PLEASE read my About page and do not hesitate to ask me any questions you might have!]] Once upon a time there was a trio of titan shifters. And once upon a time, the oldest was eaten. But he survived and he's been trying to go home with them too. He joined the military in search of them and with a desire to finish the mission they started, and now here he is. It's just a matter of time.

[ueberlebte]

Reminder: I have moved!

[ueberlebte]

IVE MOVED!

Please send a fanmail if you would like the new URL.

[ueberlebte]

[[Asks and Submissions are Closed Until Further Notice.

Replies are now only enabled for people I follow]]

[ueberlebte]

[[There. There ya go. You have your reply. Now get off my blog. Get out of my life and just leave me the hell alone.

You've been the devil on my back since November and I want nothing more from you. I mean it when I say that if the mere concept of me is giving you panic attacks then you need to move on.

You were toxic to my health so I cut you out. I do not owe you anything for that. I did not own you a damn apology or anything, but I gave you an explanation but you pushed the matter.

Now leave me alone. Just go away. Just do not talk about me, and I won't ever talk about you. Just let bygones be bygones and accept that this is it. You're not getting anything more from me.

This harassment has gone on long enough. I never message you. I never talk to you. You just spontaneously message me with manipulative messages and I want nothing to do with you.

Just please stop. I've had enough.]]

[ueberlebte]

I'm not even asking you to be my friend all I've been asking for is an apology for giving me panic attacks while I was already in a dark place? You continually twist this to making it seem like I'm some fucking demon when both parties are in the wrong. At least I was TRYING to fix things and be a decent human being. But when I did that you ignored it. Completely. But you seem so eager to do this and point out my flaws while dismissing offers to be friendly and dismiss your own wrongs.

I dont owe you anything.I told you in November I wanted nothing to do with you and you kept showing up with some new method of guilting me into feeling bad that I cut you out of my life.I do not have to apologize for doing something for my own health. I unfollowed you and blocked you originally because your attitude was so ridiculously bad and you kept demanding explanations. I didnt have to give you an explanation but I did. I told you that I didn't like your OOC attitude and things you did and said made me uneasy. It should have ended there and you should have accepted that I did not want to talk to you and apologize for making me uneasy and move on. That's the grown up thing to do. But you pressed the matter. Youve pressed the matter for six months. You change what you want from me all the time. One minute you want to start over. The next you want apologies. Then you want to start over again. And it repeats. This is called manipulation and I owe you neither reconciliation nor an apology.If you are having panic attacks over someone who has done nothing to you except call you out on your bullshit when you pull this crap on me, and unfollowed you then you need to get off your damn high horse.If you want to make this easy on yourself so yourself a favor and forget about me. Pretend we never met. Pretend were strangers. Unless you message me, I dont even think about you. And that's how you should take things. We never met. We never will meet. And move on.The only time I ever come out and say anything about you is when you message me. You go out of your way to harass me and send me messages antagonizing me and telling me that you're warning all these people about how terrible I am and how I cause people panic attacks with no guilt involves. Well guess what sweetheart. I dont talk to you unless its here when you send me these messages. The only one causing your panic attacks is yourself. And what business is it of yours if your friends rp with me anyways? That's manipulative of your friends too isn't it? Policing who they talk to and all.Youve called me immature before but how on earth am I the one being immature when you're the one who sends me these messages with intent of antagonizing me? I dont go out of my way to send you shit like this.I've moved on and I cut my losses. I realized we would never get along and I left it at that. But you just can't let it go.Accept that you're just not going to please me and move on. There's more important things in life than seeking an apology from someone who doesn't owe you one.Ill even offer you this astonishing concept: how about you forget about me. You never say a word to me or about me ever again and I will do just the same.I simply do not care if you feel demonized by how I've spoken to you. Because let's face it. You've been harassing me to the point where you felt like a demon in my eyes. Yeah you know I may have said and sounded shitty in my retaliation against you and sure I've had my wrongs too.But how about you understand that from my point of view I simply do not owe you an apology. You've caused me enough grief that I feel as if you probably owe me one instead. A real one. Not a sob story one. But I dont care whether or not I get one because I realized at this point that I simply just want you gone from my life. You've got your own life and your own friends. Talk to them. Go outside sometime. Eat some goddamn ice cream by the gallon.There should be more to your life than trying to seek an apology from me.If anything im sorry that you can't see that and move on.

[ueberlebte]

[[I'm outtie.]]

[ueberlebte]

[[If you are a person who is toxic to my health and I cut my relationship with you -- respect that. I am always willing to give people extra chances but when you keep pushing me and manipulating me, you are only reminding me WHY I have cut the relationship off. 

I will not be made to feel guilty for telling someone that I don't want them in my life because they make me feel bad about myself.

I will not feel guilty for knowing when someone is bad for me.

I will not feel guilty for not opening up to that person.

And I will NOT feel guilty by having to share with everyone why I am not the bad guy.

I will NOT feel bad for telling someone that they have hurt me for the last time and I will NOT put up with their shit!

I am my own person and my life is about MY happiness and MY health! And that means my life does NOT need you!]]

[ueberlebte]

I hope you do of course realize I am going to warn people you're willing to give someone a panic attack and not feel any guilt/ make any attempt to repair things. I don't want friends of mine who have triggers to have to deal with that. I've tried to be civil and nice, but eventually you gotta give up. Your reaction is frankly, really immature. And you're the elder.

This is very much uncalled for.

I do not see how I need to be the one to repair something that I did not break.

Do I need to go back to the beginning to point out that you not only once, or twice but on multiple occasions made me incredibly uncomfortable by your attitude regarding me.

I've had your requests on skype sitting there for a while now for a reason: contemplation about whether or not I would like to allow someone who has caused me emotional distress in the past to be welcome into my life.

What you're doing here is actually considered blackmail. You are telling me that you're warning people that I give you panic attacks and trigger you when all I've done is told you before that I might be willing to talk to you again if you cleaned up your act when approaching people. In exchange for NOT befriending you.

This is not cleaning up your act.

This is manipulative and rather scary.

If you had NOT sent this message? I was going to give you a chance most likely. It's just been a matter of me looking at the request you sent most recently on Skype, wondering if my emotional state right now is strong enough to welcome someone back who made me uncomfortable in the past. And low and behold, you're giving me doubts now.

I do not see how I'm being immature by wanting to consider my own well being before yours. I don't see how I'm reacting in an immature way when I have not acted out of consideration for myself and you because let's face it, I didn't want to be rude about things.

And now that you've sent this to me in such hurtful manner of speaking, I've got no shame posting this publicly to point out that you've been doing this to me for months.

Furthermore, you were doing this to me while I was finishing college. The single most stressful semester of my life and you were clawing down my throat with passive aggressive messages asking me why I unfollowed you and why I wasn't RPing with you. And I explained to you bluntly: your attitude towards me as an RPer and a person was making me uneasy and I asked for you to stop contacting me.

And you continued with the harassment sending me message after message and then I finally had to block you to get you off my case. And only when I got tricked into following a new account of yours did you show up again. Let's put it this way, this relationship would not have been beneficial for either of us. I wanted nothing to do with you and you kept trying to claw your way back in. You say that you need stop now since you've gotten nothing, well you should have cut your losses back in November when I told you I did not want to talk to you.

And then you had to send me a REALLY nasty message on skype when I started my hiatus a while back calling me immature and suggesting I grow up. And I sent you a message calling you out on that, and from what other friends of mine have reported to me, you were blogging and complaining about me in such a way that did nothing but make you look like a child.

So we discussed matters over messages for a bit and I told you MAYBE I could let you back in after things cooled down for me. Maybe. That was the key word. We exchanged a few messages -- a few polite ones, I might add -- over Tumblr and I was pleased to see you were being civil, but let's face it. That didn't last.

You've turned this matter into a "How I have shamed you" situation when let me put this really bluntly: my life does not revolve around you or this RP account.

I've been sick for the past two months. I've been having migraines, seizures, and other various neurological problems that had been caused by me overworking and right now: my life is focusing on me and my friends who are closest to me. Which, let's face it. Only two of them are long-term RP friends. My life has been focused on what's going on with me and I've been using this RP account as a means of venting some of my writing needs lately. You notice that I've only been on about five times in the past two weeks? It's because other things are going on with me.

And you're still acting like you're the victim here because I've put myself first.

You have officially blown your last chance. I've only been talking to three people on Skype the last couple days and have you possibly considered that I just haven't wanted to talk to anyone else but these few people? What a concept. There are other people than you out there. If this is such a trouble for you why are you bothering messaging me about this? If you're so "triggered" by me and are having panic attacks because of me, then you should know that you need to cut the people out of your life that cause that sort of damage. Cut the triggers and panic attack bullshit. You're just butthurt that I don't want to be your friend and RP with you.

You say you've been civil. Well how the hell do you consider harassing someone for six months over not wanting to associate with you civil?

I'm finished with you. I'm so fucking finished with all the crap you've pulled on me.

The world does not revolve around you, especially not my world. Get over yourself and stop acting as if your word is law.

[magnxlia-blog]

Immediately elbows his side as he finishes laughing. "Keep quiet! I don’t want anyone finding me." and if that happened, he’d be the one to pay first.  She settles back down afterwards. One more sweet is taken from the bag, popped into her mouth, before the twine around the top of it is tied again. “‘Course I found ‘em. They were sitting on a unattended shelf.” but a meat ration ticket would have been difficult to get. She regards that with a smirk. "Really? Where’d you get that from?" 

[ueberlebte]

With an eyebrow raised Berik stops laughing, shrugging instead as a response. If she'd rather remain hidden, that's fine by him. "Ain't no point in callin' it hidin' if you're this easily found." He says rather matter of factly. 

"Sittin' on an unattended shelf, huh?" Berik says with a tone of snarkiness to his voice. "Gee that sure sounds like stealing to me. You sure it was just an unattended shelf, or are we talking something more along the lines of a grocers counter? Because either way -- sounds like stealin' t'me sweetheart." A shrug is offered to her as he idly slicks back his hair again. "Let's say I know a guy who knows a guy, and leave it at that."

Translation: he stole it.

[nurdenweisungenfolgend]

"I get it, I get it. You’re unhappy, Bert’s unhappy, Annie’s… somewhere, we’re all unhappy. Everyone has a mission and the only thing we can do about it is carry them out . It’s not my fault what happened to ‘ya, it’s just what happened. If I can have a little happiness while I’m here then I’m going to take what I can because once we leave I won’t ever be this carefree again. Not ever again. Pretendin’s the only thing keepin’ me together besides the two of you and once that’s gone I know I’ll slip and I don’t know if I can get back up again. Every time it happens it gets harder."

[ueberlebte]

"Then how about this, numbskull -- we get Annie and leave." Berik rolled his eyes and started to run his fingers through his hair, feeling as if he was becoming ragged. "We sure as hell won't get a heroes welcome goin' home but we won't get the failures shunning either. We got this far, and now we can't do anymore so let's just get out of here." His chest heaved and he found it hard to remain quiet and calm at the moment. "I can't understand how you can find happiness here knowin' that you're gonna either have to kill these kids, or utterly destroy any bonds you have with them. In a way Annie did the right thing but not trustin' anyone."

Berik began to fidget and wound up shoving his hands in his pockets to avoid doing something dumb with them instead. "You've been pretendin' too much. It's takin' away the Reiner we know, and it's startin' too feel like you'd rather spend your time pretendin' than lettin' the people that matter get back to their lives. "

[magnxlia-blog]

Isabel huffs, scoots away from him. She moves the bag to the side that he’s not on, just to make sure. "Good." 

And then there’s the question of where she got them. She shrugs, plays it off like it’s nothing. "I found ‘em." 

[ueberlebte]

Berik snorts, laughing to himself a bit too loudly for it to really be a private laugh. Yes, he's quite sure she found them.

He offers her a playful wink and chuckles. "Sure, ya found 'em. Just like I found an extra meat ration ticket."

[ueberlebte]

[[help im watching klk and gamagori with a ballgag is so important to me that i have the current episode paused and cant bring myself to unpause it because that man looks good with something shoved in his mouth.]]

[magnxlia-blog]

"Thief." she makes the comment without a second thought, scrunched up her face for a moment before taking another one out of the bag. 

"Fine. That’s all you get, though. No more." 

[ueberlebte]

"I don't want any more." Berik says with a grin as he slumps down next to her, with his entire body spreading out as he relaxes. "That was just enough to satisfy me."

"My question for you is -- where'd ya get them?"

[nurdenweisungenfolgend]

"No point in not enjoying it a little, is there? It’s been years, if I was dead serious all the time, I’d be dead." Slapping Berik on the back he continued. "Now I know you ain’t done as much, but you made sure we got here and without that we wouldn’ta gotten anything done. Now… I want to go home too, but we’re just not done yet…"

[ueberlebte]

"Reiner, I basically killed my father coming here." He said with a nearly defeated sigh. "Since I saw the bastard die, I ain't been able to enjoy any of the time we've been here. Only person who died 'cause of my titan and I'll be damned if I stick around to let more people die on my behalf. I sure as hell don't even wanna know what sorta hell Bertl's goin' through bein' how he is." It almost felt strange hearing how Reiner spoke about the matter. It didn't seem right for him to be so carefree about it. "It ain't seemin' like you feel much guilt about any'a this."

[ueberlebte]

He casually walks by. He casually sticks his hand in the bag. And he casually steals some. And he casually shoves them in his mouth.

[magnxlia-blog]

She looks up in time to see him shove what he stole in his mouth. Then she proceeds to kick him for it. Once in the shin, followed by a frown. 

"Those aren’t yours." 

[ueberlebte]

Berik stumbles slightly, hopping on one foot for a moment and grins as a response as he swallows his snack.

"Nah, those aren't mine. But the ones I took were mine."

[magnxlia-blog]

{ 花 } ▌;; — ≻   Finds the bag of sweets she stored the other day. Sits down and begins to eat them all. 

[ueberlebte]

He casually walks by. He casually sticks his hand in the bag. And he casually steals some. And he casually shoves them in his mouth.

[nurdenweisungenfolgend]

"No. I’m sayin’ I was bred for this mission an’ you’re the one taggin’ along, Mr. Volunteer. So my pride’s just fine whether we’re doin’ right or wrong. Which we’ve more than likely done some of both, but it’s all even in the end, right?” The cocky smirk slipped slightly at the mention of home and he distracted from it by ruffling the other’s hair. “Nah, we can’t go home yet… not just yet.”

[ueberlebte]

"You sound a little too excited about this whole ordeal, you know." He said, sounding a little bit uneasy by the way Reiner approached their scenario in such a light-hearted manner. "I'm gonna hafta disagree with you on the idea that it's even. 'Cause it sure as hell don't feel even. Especially on my part. Knowin' what the two of you did without me. It don't feel right." He swatted somewhat at Reiner's invasive hand and shrugged. "I think we gotta go soon. It doesn't feel right bein' here anymore."