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YOU ARE THE REASON
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@ugh-really-why
Saw a tiktok that said if you like pre-Endgame MCU but not post Endgame MCU it is bc you like the white make power fantasy not superhero movies. And maybe that’s true idk. What I do know is that Endgame ruined the mcu for me. To the point where I do NOT care to watch any more of it. And it’s not like I haven’t tried to watch it. But there is something that stops me, probably the fear of loving something so much just for it to be destroyed for a few bits of shitty fan pandering.
I halve so many feelings about Roswell NM and some are positive and some are negative and I’m only on episode 10 of season one…. Which took me two days and if you know me you know I am the worst about streaming shit but like Michael is such a mess and I love him soooo much and Liz and Max are disasters but trying sooo sooo hard and I just want to cry over Isobel… and Maria and Alex and ugh I just ugh am having sooo many emotions over these dumbass twenty somethings. Also ngl I love how they are my age or close to it when sooo many shows are teenagers or old people with families. But no these are a bunch of late twenty somethings with their lives half in order but everything is also kind of a mess and they are disasters and I love them sooo soo much.
Noah gives me such bad vibes and he’s not done anything but there is something about him that is boo hiss I don’t like you.
My brother keeps trying to talk to me about the MCU because I was OBSESSED until Endgame. Hell I’ve two blogs both filled with MCU shit. And I just honestly don’t care anymore because of the bullshit that was Endgame. I’m went from desperately wanting to watch Falcon and the Winter Soldier to having only finished two episodes (I think it could have been three)… I dreamed of a Black Widow movie… didn’t watch it. And I should be soooo excited for Shang-Chi because the trailer looks fun but I honestly don’t know because I’m not sure how much I care anymore.
And I really really hate what happened with canon because I actually liked it. Regardless of all the plot holes or inconsistencies or bits and pieces that are missing and obsession with a waste of space billionaire. I actually loved Marvel’s cinematic canon soo soo much. And that’s gone now and has been gone and I’m sad because of it.
The thing about Susan is that sometimes you have to grow up. Sometimes you have to lock away the dreams of childhood, the fanciful says of pretend, sometimes you have to let the magic go. Sometimes that’s the only way that you can continue to live.
She loses Narnia and it’s okay. Well it’s not okay but what other choice does she have. Her siblings don’t understand why she doesn’t pretend anymore, why she throws herself into fashion and boys and school and a job and life. They don’t get why she focuses on living in the moment instead of dreaming of what was. Losing Narnia hurt more than she could explain, it broke her to learn that she was no longer wanted, no longer enough. So she tries to do the impossible and forget. She lets go of everything and focuses on living in the moment, on building a life in the only place that she’s got left.
Losing her family breaks her. She’s furious for a long time, refuses to cry, refuses to speak of the brothers and sister that were everything to her. She paints on red lipstick each morning with swift strokes as a barrier against the world. Coats mascara on her lashes so that she won’t cry and goes out into the world. She works, goes to pubs, let’s people buy her drinks but she doesn’t smile, she doesn’t laugh. Laughter and smiles died on a train headed to the country side. She goes through the emotions, and hides her heart away from the world.
Years go by because time doesn’t stop and she continues to live, one day, one week, one month, one year at a time. She doesn’t smile anymore not the way she used too, her eyes are hard and there is a sharp and brittle edge to her. They used to call her gentle, tell stories of her kindness, her wisdom. She doesn’t feel wise anymore, doesn’t care to be kind. The years alone have worn her down.
I’m exhausted, can barely think or stay awake at 6pm... at 10pm when I actually want to sleep I’m wide awake... why oh why does this always happen?
I both want to go to the gym and very much do NOT want to go to the gym... so I think I’m going to get changed and go. Like I need to finish signing up and I also very much want to start the 12-3-30 challenge. (Basically for 30 days you do the treadmill at an incline of 12 and a speed of 3.0 and it’s supposed to be AMAZING for your body)... like I don’t really believe it but I want/need to start somewhere if I’m want the energy to tackle Japan
So I went to the gym and totally failed at doing the challenge... or just mostly failed. But I did incline of 12 at 2.2 for ten minutes. Which is so much better than what I’ve been doing. And honestly I’m so proud of myself for going because the only way to get anywhere is to treat each day as a new day to begin.
I both want to go to the gym and very much do NOT want to go to the gym... so I think I’m going to get changed and go. Like I need to finish signing up and I also very much want to start the 12-3-30 challenge. (Basically for 30 days you do the treadmill at an incline of 12 and a speed of 3.0 and it’s supposed to be AMAZING for your body)... like I don’t really believe it but I want/need to start somewhere if I’m want the energy to tackle Japan
I read a post today talking about how there is no more recognizable sign of life than a beating heart. And that is honestly such bullshit as anyone who’ve ever lost a loved one to brain damage knows. A heartbeat means fuck all of someone being alive. A heartbeat is freaking NOTHING.
I miss the days where people reblogged tumblr posts with their opinions and thoughts and random bits of info and comments and ficbits. I miss how interactive tumble used to feel. Now you write a post and it will get likes, a few reblogs but almost no interaction...
There is something stopping me from watching the three latest episodes of the Falcon and Winter Soldier. I’m not sure what it is and it’s kind of annoying because I want to watch them. I want to know what happens but at the same time I can’t/don’t. I think I’m gonna end up waiting for spoilers, finding out what they do with Sharon’s character and going from there. I need to know if they are gonna end up ruining another character that I adore. I need to know because I have no faith in Marvel anymore. I need to know so that I’m prepared. I’m also kind of sad that it doesn’t seem like she’s that big of a character which makes me sad after seeing clips that spoke of her importance from interviews.
I keep seeing people say that fandom’s bitch fits over the staron kiss is what caused Sharon to get written out of IW/EG and the Peggy storyline shoehorned in and I’m not sure where people are getting this information bc it’s sooo different from what was said right after EG came out but it kind of pisses me off to think about Steve’s character being given that treatment in his last movie bc people couldn’t handle him being in a relationship.
I was talking to my brother about fake Captain America and how much he needs to be punched in the face because he’s THE WORST. When I realized that he’s yet to do anything all that bad, but omg do I hate his character.
So I want to say major props to the actor because being able to portray someone with instant NO NO NO DO NOT WANT energy so quickly is impressive.
Every time I see an anti endgame Steve post talking about how Steve left Bucky or putting a lot of emphasis on Bucky being abandoned, all I can think of is the fact that Bucky left Steve first.
He left after TWS and would have stayed gone if Zeno hadn’t pretended to be him while attacking the mcu version of the UN. Then he decides that he would rather be frozen/living in Wakanda while Steve is on the run from everyone. After TFA, Bucky is over being around Steve.
And I get that he’s traumatized out the wazoo. I get that he’s not be pardoned for crimes hydra forced his body to commit. And we can see in TFATWS just how important Steve is/was to Bucky. He loved him, he respected him. He believed in him. And he despises the government and fake Captain America for trying to replace Steve with a knockoff.
None of those things change the fact that he abandoned Steve first or that viewers have to speculate of Steve and Bucky having any type of closeness in canon after TWS because the mcu did NOT show it. Hell I even hesitate to say that they implied it.
I have so many thoughts about Steve Rogers after watching The Falcon and The Winter Soldier... the main one being that he was such a piece of shit to Sam. Granted I already adored Sam’s character in every marvel movie he appeared in, but actually seeing things from his point of view just how good he is makes me angry that Steve didn’t mourn him.
In a way I understand it, it’s sooo much easier to focus on smaller things then the grief of losing someone important. He’s (steve) been mourning Peggy for years, it’s something he ca live with. It’s something he’s made into a huge missed opportunity in his head, he’s probably got her on some type of pedestal. I get all that.
But Sam deserved better. He deserved to matter to his best friend. He deserved more than the shield and a burden he NEVER wanted. He deserved to be trusted. He deserved to be missed.
Sam and Bucky have a great dynamic! Like the two of them play off of each other so incredibly well. I think in part it’s because Anthony Mackie is an amazing actor and has so much chemistry with other people. Like he’s sooo good at playing off other people.
I hate new Captain America. He needs to go NOW. No actually he needs to go yesterday. I’m still watching the episode but omg every time he’s on screen I want to punch him in the face.
Jimmy, Darcy, and Monica have a group chat. It’s incredibly random, has long conversations about nothing, is either filled with messages or days of radio silence.