[uhhesthetic]

i was making a fun poster for my 23rd birthday and pinterest didn’t provide me with anything that i was looking for. it got me thinking how nobody talks about turning 23 or being 23. why do we make a huge deal out of 17, 18, 20, 21, 22 and 25? we dont have songs or movies about turning 23 or even describes being 23. it is a huge deal. it makes you a three year old adult. you are not a silly little girl but you’re not a full grown adult either. 23 feels like standing right in the middle of a long bridge. a bridge where people do walk and run and enjoy sunsets at but it’s silent and lonely where you stand.

[uhhesthetic]

the loneliness that comes from the knowledge that there aren’t enough people who love you in the world — your family, your friends — it never goes away. it locks itself temporarily when you are surrounded by people who know you on the surface, who hug you when they see you and move on to hug the next person in the room, who ask you “how are you?” and starts talking without even waiting your answer, who you go dancing with or drinking with. but that loneliness unlocks when you are in your room in the dark, in the silence, in the night and hovers over you heavily forcing you to feel the pressure of being unloved. and no matter how much you love yourself, that pressure kills you.

[uhhesthetic]

breaking up with the love of your life (or so you thought) before your birthday is a painful feeling. my birthday is in a few weeks and like every other girl i had been excited about it for almost 3 months now. my now ex-boyfriend had planned to fly to my city to spend my birthday together with me eventhough he had to work that day. since my city is more of a small town (that is also very conservative) we dont really have any places we could go to or do things, so he had planned to take me to a cafe id been wanting to go for lunch, after church. he had asked me to brace myself for any and all surprises because the presents he had gotten for me were really going to excite me. the confidence was just his way of letting me know he knew me enough to make me feel special on my day and he definitely wanted to see me happy. however, right now as im writing this i am sad and i absolutely dont care about what he had gotten for me because obviously a) i would not be seeing them b) materialistic things do not matter when there isn’t any emotion behind it. i am thinking about how i wouldnt be able to feel his gentle kiss on my forehead, his cheesy solid kisses all over my face, his warmest hugs. im thinking of how sweaty his hand would get when when i hold them in public because he gets nervous in public. the way he ruffles my hair. the sweet nothings he would whisper to me. poof. gone. done.

[uhhesthetic]

simple things like eating lunch with some new people can broaden your views on life and make you contemplate stuff, it's moments like this i live for

[uhhesthetic]

do you have any Hogwarts aus? any ship is fine I just nEED some

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

im sorry i haven't read any hogwarts aus except for this, hope you like it :)